About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

86 Comments

  1. DEG

    CRACKY!

    • rhywun

      FUCK TUNNELS!

    • Sean

      🤩👍

  2. Brochettaward

    Be the First you want to see in the mirror each morning.

    • Brochettaward

      I’m manifesting my inner First with aspirational Firsts.

      My psychiatrist is a fucking crackpot.

      • R.J.

        How’s the puppy?

      • Brochettaward

        He likes to look at me dead in the eyes as he pisses on the floor. Beady, black little eyes of hate.

        Luckily, all carpet has been removed.

      • R.J.

        Direct his hate. He will grow up to crush your enemies.

      • Brochettaward

        The little bastard is supposed to get to like 80-100 pounds.

      • slumbrew

        The rule of thumb is that a puppy needs to go out every age-in-months+1 hours.

        Don’t wait.

      • Aloysious

        Cujo, the second coming.

      • Brochettaward

        He will piss like 5 minutes after coming back inside. Even after peeing. He’s not dumb. He knows he’s supposed to go outside. He gets taken every hour or sooner. Little bastard just wants to cover the world in his piss.

      • Brochettaward

        His name is Butters, but he probably gets called Little Bastard more.

      • Fourscore

        Butters is marking his territory and you’re in it, much to Butters chagrin. You are now second, according to Butters and you’d better learn to like it.

      • Brochettaward

        His cries are really pup power chants. I know it.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I haven’t in a while, true, but I’ve pissed in sinks before. Comin’ inside, finding full occupancy and no other options?
        Done it before. Would again. (If the situation arose…)

        The apparently elusive (to some) Walk-n-Piss is convergent evolutionary skill. Bastard Butters got it. Your lackings are his strengths. That’s a shame.

      • Chafed

        I missed the news. What type of dog did you get?

      • Brochettaward

        He’s an American Bulldog. So I’m told by the pound/dog prison from which I helped him abscond.

      • CPRM

        He likes to look at me dead in the eyes as he pisses on the floor. Beady, black little eyes of hate.

        I think you’re supposed to rub your nose in it…or maybe his nose on you? Something like that. I don’t have pretend baby dog.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The breed sounds stubborn. How old, about? Any history on him?

      • Brochettaward

        He’s about 9 weeks now. Had him for like 2. So he’s a baby still.

        Otherwise, nothing is known.

      • CPRM

        A REAL Firster would know animal dominance comes from eye contact. Stare him in the eyes, if he tries to turn his head away force it back to your eyes until the tail goes between the legs. It really does work with dogs.

    • UnCivilServant

      A short, ten year deal that will be over before it turns a profit, meaning we’re just financing some future Ukrainian strongman by building his extractive industries

      • R C Dean

        The devil is in the details. A ten year deal can easily be written so that in 10 years the other guy can’t just keep everything and walk away, but is instead hostage to a renegotiation based on current circumstances. I mean, its possible Trump said “Hey, we’ll invest billions of dollars, and if you want to take all that in 10 years and give it to the Chinese, cool with us!”.

        But I kinda doubt it.

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t trust his interest in having the appearance of a win as a dealmaker.

    • Urthona

      Does this mean we kinda have to fight Russia now?

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about. I think the concept is “Hey, big US interests here! Don’t fuck with that, Vlad!” And the Russians will be all “Woah, we don’t want none of that!”

        Which strikes me as pretty iffy.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Sorta like the oil fields we protect and they constantly under threat of attack from not State actors but “terrorist”.

  3. Brochettaward

    Hollywood needs a hero. Not the hero they deserve, but the hero they need.

  4. Timeloose

    The Hat missing the inside jokes always get met to laugh. Great work CPRM. I like that Hunter looks like a younger and somehow more high Joe.

    +1 Cracky

    • rhywun

      I saw a new hat on TV today, at Donald’s cabinet meeting: Gulf of America Hat. Many siblings. I hope one of them shows up here someday.

      • R.J.

        OoOOOooo! A new hat!

      • Fourscore

        Gulf of America hat

        Demos will have one the says “Gulf in America”

        Trump will counter with “Golf in America” and the demo repartee will be “Goof in America”

        A lot of money making hats for the believers

      • Evan from Evansville

        This is the dawning of a new age!

        Oh, CPRM! So much fun fodder forthwith!

      • Timeloose

        It should be a hat with a choolo mustache and accent.

        “What’s up esse?”

  5. UnCivilServant

    Technical issue that is driving me batty.

    firefox has decided that all .zip files are MapTool campaign files and insists on saving them as .cmpgn files, which can be switched to their proper extension, but it’s really annoying since they are almost always just .zip . I can’t find where to tell it to knock that shit off and use the .zip extension that the file starts with.

    • Brochettaward

      I’ve never had that issue with Firefox. Are you sure it’s not some add-on you’ve put on?

      • UnCivilServant

        The registry update fixed it.

  6. Fourscore

    Out of curiosity I was wondering where those hats were made.

    I got out my “Viet Nam Vet” hat, looked inside. Yep, you guessed it. Made in China

    Today is the 50th anniversary of the Fall of Saigon. It was a sad day at the TwoScores until a few weeks later. Then hilarity ensued.

  7. Evan from Evansville

    Ha! The Sanders-talk got legit lol.

  8. Evan from Evansville

    Well, Dad took Bro and I to dinner and place bets on the Kentucky Derby and Indy’s OTB. Colin’s betting strategy was the antithesis of his own habits, but with Dad’s $20 and his first-bet $94 winnings, he had six bets on without watching any. Only the numbers and ‘success’ mattered.

    During dinner, Dad said it was interesting to see people mingle like they were downtown. He said he couldn’t imagine pro and anti-Trumpers getting together like that. He then said he wouldn’t allow a pro-Trumper inside his home.

    Well, politely, I added if he would refuse his son in his house. I reiterated I’d never voted for Trump, though I did prefer him to Harris, and that the divisiveness is coming from people like him, who admitted he doesn’t expose himself to places where folk *do* mingle.

    I noticed the conversation lessened after I broke my general rule of not talking politics, but I mentioned how I felt *my* voice was silenced because I purposefully kept it muted. Hrm.

    An hour+ later, when Muhammad Ali’s underappreciated (by many) force against Vietnam came into the conversation, I fully-quoted his “no Viet Kong ever called me a nigger” comment. I purposefully did that one, noting the comparative pall in my family’s demeanor. I especially noticed Colin’s silence. I’m sure I merely reinforced the stereotypes he believes I embody.

    I shouldn’t have poked that nest, but I did, and really in a fairly ‘productive’ manner. It wasn’t even a nudge! Still, I’m trying to, simply, teach myself to be more assertive. Saying what I desire or what I want to express, is a big chunk of it. Such strange creatures, we all are.

    Alarm in 5hrs, brewing dreams of a peaceful Walmart-morn. ‘Twill be curious. (Shockingly chill, I reckon.)

    • rhywun

      Sorry. My family was never so stridently political. We didn’t much talk politics as a rule but there was never any feeling we couldn’t. Mom was middle of the road, bros leaned more conservative/libertarianish over the years, especially after marriage and producing offspring – go figure. Notably, none of them are devoted lefties. Thank God.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        My mother and son are hard left, my wife is center-ish left, my brother is hard right. Dad was generic right. Politics gets talked so-so often.

        It does leave me in the middle, a lot.

    • Ted S.

      And note the presumption that of course you can go on lefty tirades and everybody will indulge you, while any differing opinion is just horrifying.

      It’s the same dynamic we saw with the covid lockdowns. Pro-lockdown people were deemed to have such good intentions that how dare you even suggest they look at the negative consequences of lockdowns. On the other hand, the people hit by those negative consequences and trying to stave them off were portrayed as wanting to kill granny and being incapable of having good intentions.

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    I have a crazy kitten, his name is Snow, third kitten this year, hope he doesn’t eaten

  10. Gustave Lytton

    Wife has Amuck! on. Outstanding cheesy dubbed Italian sex/thriller. Also, Barbara Bouchet.

  11. Yusef drives a Kia

    I live in San diego, when the shit goes down it wont be a nice place. Should webail to our house in OKC now, or wait?
    That is the question really

    • R C Dean

      What shit going down, specifically, are you worried about?

  12. Evan from Evansville

    Up and at ’em, glibronis. I hope I get over-sized duty (teehee!) so I can take a slower path ’round and ’round.

    Kick ass and take names.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, EfE, Ted’S., Suthen, and Roat!

      • Gender Traitor

        Pretty well, but my allergies are acting up. At the moment, Claritin has my nose stuffy instead of runny, so I hope that gets me through my first day back to work. Worst of all is when all this congestion sets me coughing uncontrollably. Last night I one of those scary coughing fits where I couldn’t stop and suddenly my throat closed up. I had to struggle to suck in air. It subsided quickly enough, but it sure is frightening when it feels as if I can’t breathe. 🤧😳

        Are you feeling better?

      • UnCivilServant

        😟

        You okay? Got a plan for what to do if it comes back?

        My symptoms have subsided substantially, but not quite done.

      • Gender Traitor

        From the cursory research I’ve done, this sort of spasm doesn’t last long enough to really keep you from breathing. I think the main thing is to keep my cough under control with cough syrup, lozenges, and lots of liquids. And to try to clear up my head!

        Glad you’re closer to being symptom-free!

    • Ted S.

      Go for it, Sean!

    • Suthenboy

      journalism is in such a sad state. Hint: You are doing a story on a hobby horse derby. You dont need 1000000 words and no photos. Want people to stay on the story? All you have to write is “Can you believe it? This is actually a thing.” Then you put three dozen large color photos of cute girls running around with hobby horses looking ridiculous. It is very simple.

      • Suthenboy

        Ok, I looked up photos. It appears to be mostly a kid thing and the adults doing it are appropriately silly.
        I vaguely remember seeing something about that years ago and it was different. Germany I think? There were a bunch of young women competing in a more formal setting and they were very serious about it. It was one of those things where it is impossible to stifle laughter.

      • Sean

        It’s bar to bar. Implied to be adults. 🤷🏼

        And yes, the videos that made the rounds last year or so were indeed amusing.

      • Suthenboy

        So you are saying there may be alcohol involved with adults skipping around with hobby horses?
        If it were local I would be tempted to attend myself.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Its silliness wrapped in seriousness.

    • Rat on a train

      I’m waiting for hobby horse rodeo.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Where are the pics of college girls acting the fool running around with a big stick nestled in their nether regions? I feel gypped.

      • Gender Traitor

        Young ladies are supposed to ride sidesaddlestick.

      • UnCivilServant

        So few college girls are ladies. They’ve abandoned that quality long ago.

  13. Evan from Evansville

    After a mornin’ grocery pick, I’m off to dispensing orders to delivery drivers or the customers themselves.

    My least favorite. For drivers, ya gotta organize the ~3 orders into backseat, truck and front. Everything gets scanned repeatedly.

    With customers, its more chill cuz they’re humans to interact with, but I’m still playing Tetris with their groceries in their own car. Usually w them just sitting in the front seat, silently. And they’re hungry!!

    By far my least phase of the food factory I’m a part of. I *do* get to close the day on oversized shit!

    Vocational rehab appt went well. My tests still need processing, but I’ve been matched with a”Life Coach” (fucking fuck fuck) who has more experience getting folk like me more Real Work, w an idea of what I’m good at and growth, rather than most in the program who kinda need ‘subsistence’ gigs.

    Good idea for s program, perhaps especially w convicts. No idea if this one is well run. I do trust Indiana over, say, Illinois.

    Should be curious. Aight. Tetris time.

    • UnCivilServant

      Just avoid getting a complete row, or all the groceries will disappear.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Perfect cover for 2026 mid-terms. Trump convicted felon also all his governing moves are illegal

    • Suthenboy

      I am not following the reasoning. Trump ordered the cessation of non-statutory funding. Is the judge claiming it is statutory? This allocation by congress specifies how and where the money is spent? The executive has or does not have discretion?
      The whole thing looks a bit foggy.

      • Ownbestenemy

        It is. The way omnibus bills are written (and continuing resolutions for this matter) it can be specific to a program or more of helicopter monies.

        Even then, most bills give discretion to agency heads on allocation of funds.

        I can see if Trump directed the funds elsewhere but if merely “dont spend it” is what was done, what was violated?

        Many sub-agencies, programs, etc go defunct in FedGov cause of lack of funding or reallocation of funding…yet here we have a judge claim it must be spent.

      • Suthenboy

        I guess my take is (naturally) that the judge is substituting his own judgement for that of the executive branch dept head, i.e. he is way out of his lane. Unless the allocation specifies X$ must be spent on RFE infrastructure maintenance, licensing etc. then the department head can spend the money on party hats or not spend at all if they so choose.

        Trump could kill two birds here theoretically. 1. Get rid of some squandering and 2. Force congress’ hand to do their fucking job and stop abdicating their responsibilities. If congress itself had to account for every penny instead of sweeping general commands for obscene amounts they would not be able to get around to so many pennies.

    • rhywun

      Maybe it applies to just current funds and hopefully not future funds?

  14. Ownbestenemy

    Morning GT…how was your weather last night? We had a great lightshow here in NKY

    • Gender Traitor

      Don’t remember any last night, but we had a couple of doozies down at our favorite OH state park (near Oxford) on Tuesday, I believe.

  15. Tres Cool

    Girls on hobby-horse?

    Just waiting until they hit something.