A Modest Proposal

by | Jul 29, 2025 | Death Penalty, I Am Lame | 171 comments

I’m going to skip right over the argument about whether we should impose the death penalty*, and go to the bit about how we should carry it out.

First, let’s clear the field and dismiss some of the weaker contenders:

Hanging is not necessarily reliable, requires a fairly particular setup to do right (certain length of drop varying by weight, mechanical platform, etc.).   Given that it needs an elevated apparatus, it is well-suited for execution-as-public-spectacle (more on this below).  

Firing squads are just dumb when there are alternatives to hand.  They are field expedient to be used, mainly by the military, during war, when time is of the essence and the resources to impose it (guns, ammo, and men in the business of shooting people) can found readily to hand.

The electric chair is just weird.  It is an artifact of the time when electricity was the new hotness, (it was invented during the spate of death by electrocution that followed the introduction of electricity).  While originally adopted as a more humane alternative to hanging, it is not as humane (in the sense of, not inflicting undue suffering) as other alternatives.

Moving on to some stronger contenders, either of which could be the second best alternative:

The gas chamber is interesting, especially if used with colorless, odorless gasses like nitrogen, CO, or CO2 that pretty painlessly (as far as I know) cause anoxia (not to be confused with the cyanide method; why that was ever used, I have no idea).  It does require a fairly complicated apparatus though, and gassing people to death does have a certain unfortunate association, IYKWIM.   

Lethal injection could also be a runner-up, when its not designed and carried out by morons (as it is today).  It is easily done, requiring nothing more complicated than what can be found in any blood donation center or even doctor’s office.  There is no end of drugs that can be easily administered as a painless lethal overdose; the current cocktail is the product of people who don’t want the death penalty carried out at all and sabotage doing so however they can.  

So that brings me to my modest proposal:

Bring back the guillotine.  It is a pretty simple mechanism, utterly reliable, and quite humane.  It causes instant loss of blood pressure to the brain, so consciousness is snuffed out very quickly, almost certainly before any pain can register (the stories of severed heads blinking or moving their mouths, when true, reflect autonomous movement, not the deceased looking around or trying to talk).  

The guillotine was, of course, invented by the French as part of their revolution, in part in order to democratize execution by beheading (previously reserved for the nobility) and in part to move past the rather bizarre ancien regime role of the executioner (which was a seriously weird thing).  It isn’t named after its inventor, but rather after the politician who made it the official mode of execution.  It was used right up through WWII (the Nazis made enthusiastic use of it), with the last execution by guillotine carried out by the French as late as 1977.

So, why the guillotine rather than gas or lethal injection?  Let us posit that they are equally effective and humane.  

Gas and lethal injection are both sort of sanitized, clean ways to kill people.  I’m not so sure that the state ending someone’s life in cold blood should be so clinical.  There should be a certain . . . reality . . . to it, that a beheading brings in spades.  There is also the public to consider (including not just the law-abiding majority, but also the sorts who commit major crimes).  A beheading pays service to execution-as-revenge (let’s not kid ourselves), and also, I think, will be more effective as a deterrent (as much as that is possible).  In other words, it’s the intangibles that give the guillotine the, umm, edge.  It better serves a variety of purposes beyond merely causing death.  

I note that those purposes might also be better served by not conducting executions out of sight, as is the current practice.  Execution-as-public-spectacle has a long history, of course.  While I don’t want to create a party atmosphere around them, as has been traditional, I’m not sure what the middle ground should be between a packed stadium (and it would be packed) and in the dead of night behind prison walls.  

*I think it has a role, and in fact I think it should be imposed more often, for a wider variety of crimes, and should be carried out more quickly.  

About The Author

R C Dean

R C Dean

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171 Comments

  1. Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    [beheading] is NOT something I want to witness.

  2. DEG

    While I don’t want to create a party atmosphere around them, as has been traditional

    I have a vague memory that German use of the guillotine (Fallbeil auf Deutsch) was a solemn affair where the executioner and his assistants would wear top hat, white gloves, and formal clothes.

  3. Chipping Pioneer

    This is my favourite painting.

  4. Chipping Pioneer

    Obvs, woodchipper, feet first. To send a message.

  5. Mojeaux

    I’ve seen this argued quite a bit in the last few years, and even scientific/medical white papers arguing for it. Swift, painless, and a grand spectacle.

    • Chafed

      I first read that as pantsless. I have no idea why.

      • Mojeaux

        🥴

  6. UnCivilServant

    The gas chamber is interesting, especially if used with colorless, odorless gasses like nitrogen, CO, or CO2 that pretty painlessly (as far as I know) cause anoxia

    You don’t want to use CO2. The “I’m suffocating” response is triggered by high CO2 levels, not low O2. Nitrogen is your best bet in terms of not triggering a biological response. There’s just so much around normally that the body ignores it. CO will reliably kill, but it turns the body funny colors.

    • UnCivilServant

      In fact, if you use Nitrogen, you don’t even need sophisticated hardware. Just a box that closes and can be ventilated afterwards. Any minor leakage won’t cause problems like cyanide leaks would.

      • Fourscore

        Can it be recaptured, to be reused as injected fertilizer for corn?

      • UnCivilServant

        Atmospheric Nitrogen isn’t in a good form to be used as fertilizer without fixation.

      • Tres Cool

        Hello, ammonia. To a lesser degree urea.

  7. Derpetologist

    Johann Reichhart approves

    Fallschwertmaschine = fall-sword-machine

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johann_Reichhart

    counterpoint

    ***
    Study after study shows that the death penalty does not deter crime, puts innocent people to death, is racially biased, and is cruel and inhumane. It is state-sanctioned homicide,…
    ***

    https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/evidence-does-not-support-the-use-of-the-death-penalty/

    Like Lafayette, I will support the death penalty when evidence of the infallibility of human judgement is shown to me.

    Gandalf said that many are dead that deserve life and vice versa. Can you give it to them? If not, then don’t be so quick to condemn.

    • rhywun

      racially biased

      Probably sexist too. 🙄

    • Grumbletarian

      Like Lafayette, I will support the death penalty when evidence of the infallibility of human judgement is shown to me.

      You’ll never get fully there, but we can hedge our bets. I would like to see any prosecutor who wants the defendant to be considered for the death penalty to be required to meet a higher threshold of proof in court beyond the normal “beyond a reasonable doubt.” If the prosecutor cannot convict at that standard, the defendant goes free. If the prosecution decides not to risk it, they can try the defendant under the regular standard of proof, but the death penalty is not an option even if the defendant is convicted. And this decision must be made prior to the start of the trial and cannot be changed at any point thereafter.

      • UnCivilServant

        “Beyond an Unreasonable Doubt” is an impossible standard, just say you want to ban it.

      • rhywun

        If the prosecutor cannot convict at that standard, the defendant goes free.

        Hell no.

        Yeah, you just ensured that no prosecutor will attempt it.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Or that it will be used to set the undeserving free.

      • Tres Cool

        Or a case where the prosecution, on the side of the police, deliberately overcharges. Knowing they wont get a conviction.

    • R C Dean

      See, I knew this was going to turn into a “should we do it”, not “If we do, how should we” argument.

      • rhywun

        lol Know your audience.

      • Chafed

        Well… yeah. We can’t help ourselves.

      • Brochettaward

        I find that more obnoxious than anything I’ve ever done. I get it it’s a hot button topic, but you clearly stated that this had little to do with if we should and everything to do with the mechanics of doing it.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      The death penalty can deter crime; however, you would have to move from mass incarceration to mass execution and we’re not doing that. Nor would I advocate for that.

  8. UnCivilServant

    I’m not a fan of the guillotine because I think of the mess to clean up afterwards. Poor janitor.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      Can’t be worse than cleaning up on the dementia ward of a nursing home
      Speaking from experience 😭

    • Not Adahn

      Just put it into one of the GATTACA showers.

    • The Last American Hero

      Janitor is the guy who’s appointment is next on the calendar. Or the serial killer that avoided the death penalty by revealing where his bodies were buried and giving the families “closure”.

    • Chafed

      It’s the corruption part that does it for me.

  9. Sean

    Helicopter rides gets no love.

      • Sean

        I was unaware there’s a budget constraint.

      • UnCivilServant

        How many of people who deserve it are worth the luxury treatment?

  10. Fourscore

    Condemned parties go to Cincinnati and walk certain streets.

    Sort of “Running the Gauntlet”.

    • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

      In crimes involving murder, the question of not wanting to cause undue suffering to the convict (because we’re better than that) doesn’t address the undue suffering the convict inflicted. But then I’m kind of a retribution guy. Do unto them what they did to others.

  11. Derpetologist

    I’ll add that I think Singapore style corporal punishment probably works better than fines or prison.

    Corporal punishment has a long history of use in the US. Wikipedia says:

    American colonies judicially punished in a variety of forms, including whipping, stocks, the pillory and the ducking stool.[13] In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, whipping posts were considered indispensable in American and English towns.[14] Starting in 1776, Gen. George Washington strongly advocated and utilized JCP in the Continental Army, with due process protection, obtaining in 1776 authority from the Continental Congress to impose 100 lashes, more than the previous limit of 39.[15]In his 1778 Bill for Proportioning Crimes and Punishments, Thomas Jefferson provided up to 15 lashes for witchcraft, at the jury’s discretion; castration for men guilty of rape, polygamy or sodomy, and a minimum half-inch hole bored in the nose cartilage of women convicted of those sex crimes.[16] In 1781, Washington requested legal authority from the Continental Congress to impose up to 500 lashes, as there was still a punishment gap between 100 lashes and the death penalty.[17]The Founders believed whipping and other forms of corporal punishment effectively promoted pro-social and discouraged anti-social behavior.

    Thomas Jefferson wanted punishment for witchcraft? So much for Mr. Enlightened.

    I think for minor crimes, convicted people should be given a choice between corporal punishment, public humiliation, fine, work, or jail time. Mandatory minimum sentencing laws should be repealed as well.

    • rhywun

      Feh, I don’t trust wikipedia any further on such things than I could throw it.

  12. Derpetologist

    Hooray for executing 14-year-olds!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iL1f-jV32A

    ***
    George Junius Stinney Jr. (October 21, 1929 – June 16, 1944) was an African American boy who was wrongfully executed at the age of 14 after being convicted, during an unfair trial, for the murders of two white girls
    ***

    And the mentally disabled!

    ***
    Joseph Arridy (/ˈærɪdi/; April 29, 1915 – January 6, 1939)[1][2] was an American man who was falsely convicted and wrongfully executed for the 1936 rape and murder of Dorothy Drain, a 15-year-old girl in Pueblo, Colorado. He was manipulated by the police to make a false confession due to his mental incapacities. Arridy was mentally disabled and was 23 years old when he was executed on January 6, 1939, after Governor Teller Ammons refused to grant him clemency.
    ***

    ***
    On December 25, 1938, Arridy received a battery-powered toy train by Warden Best as a Christmas present.[74] Arridy quickly became particularly fond of the toy and he would often roll it between the metal bars to other cells for fellow inmates to catch and push back. In an exclusive press interview that same month, Arridy was asked if he wanted to be released, to which he said “No, I want to live with Warden Best” and “I want to get a life sentence and stay here with Warden Best. At the home the kids used to beat me… I never get in trouble here”.[2] The warden said that Arridy was “the happiest prisoner on death row”.[62] Before Arridy’s execution, he said, “He probably didn’t even know he was about to die, all he did was happily sit and play with a toy train I had given him.”[1] At Arridy’s request, Best gave meal privileges that allowed him to have ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner on the day of his execution.[75]
    ***

    Aww, isn’t that just adorable?

    • Threedoor

      It’s almost
      Like film and DNA technology exists now.

    • Not Adahn

      Counterpoint:

      If we can euthanize animals because they can’t control themselves, why should humans who can’t control themselves be allowed to continue to potentially harm others? Other than a religious belief that “humans are special” I mean.

  13. rhywun
    • Chafed

      That’s a random link I can love.

      • rhywun

        Howard Stern used to make fun of the Kirkian sabotage before he disappeared up his own asshole.

      • Chafed

        I used to love his show. I remember Shatner coming on for around an hour trying to promote Priceline. Somehow the jokes centered on a light bulb being shoved up someone’s ass. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I resent what Stern has become.

  14. Derpetologist

    I spent a few years living in a country where suspected criminals are often killed by angry mobs. I personally intervened to stop that from happening once. Hence my passion on this issue.

    • UnCivilServant

      Question – would the official system fairly punish actual criminals?

      I ask because it sounds like a useless or factional justice system in effect.

      • Derpetologist

        Corruption is rife, the prisons are hellholes, and so the criminals are exceptionally bold and vicious. In turn, ordinary people get extremely angry about crime, especially theft. And then there are the witchcraft crimes.

        visual aid

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gNIVB-SyBs

      • Derpetologist

        vigilante justice is common

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sungusungu

        ***
        Sungusungu (sometimes Sungu Sungu or Busalaman) are Tanzanian justice organizations established originally by the Sukuma and Nyamwezi ethnic groups in 1981 to protect cattle from theft and other property. These organizations operate at the community level and enforce a variety of different rules. The group was deputized by the Tanzanian government in 1989. In some regions “they ended up being more influential than the Tanzanian Police Force.”[1] Human rights groups have criticized the organizations for being vigilantes who have murdered people without trials.[2]
        ***

      • Derpetologist

        Even so, crime is low and happens almost exclusively in empty places or at night. Anywhere there are a lot of people around is free of crime.

  15. R.J.

    How about:
    1. Robotic firing squad ( No shooter’s guilt)
    2. Sitting on a box of dynamite

    • UnCivilServant

      1. I don’t want to normalize robots killing humans.
      2. Won’t somebody think of the janitors?

      • UnCivilServant

        YouTube wants me to sign in. That is against policy.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        “ I don’t want to normalize robots killing humans.”

        My wife and I watched the terminator two weekends ago (and T2 last weekend), it was her first time watching them. she had literally no idea what it was about (no idea how a 3X year old has never heard of sky net or the war of the machines but she managed it)

        After the watching she was ready to order a shit ton of guns and supplies

      • Derpetologist

        Oh, UCS. I read that in the voice of HAL.

        You do realize they require sign-in for content they want to suppress, right? It’s slow-motion censorship.

      • UnCivilServant

        It also requires creating an account.

        I won’t do that, Derpy.

      • DrOtto

        I thought that was the opening scene of “Prime Cut” for a moment.

    • Chafed

      2. is very Wile E. Coyote

  16. Sensei

    Good news!

    Homple on July 29, 2025 at 08:02 PM [+][Mute][Nuke]
    William Briggs, statistician, invented a game. Go to Google Scholar, search X “climate change”, where x can be any odd thing you can think of.
    I typed ‘ tarantulas “climate change” ‘ and this was the first of several scholarly articles to show up:
    “From past to a precarious future: climate change threatens protected Mexican tarantulas”

    28 Hastings Env’t L. J. 213 (2022)Violations of the Eighth Amendment: How Climate Change Is Creating Cruel and Unusual Punishment

    • R.J.

      Last time I was at Eisenhower State Park it was a tarantula orgy.
      They aren’t giant tarantulas but they do average about 4” around so not small either. The parking lot was gooey with them.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        RJ, I did see your message and sent an email

  17. rhywun

    I’m not as convinced that firing squad is “dumb”. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    But… I alternate fairly often between being dead-set against capital punishment and wishing there were more of them, so I’m not going to claim any sort of wisdom on this issue.

    • UnCivilServant

      My problem is not with the penalty, but the process. I want extensive checks to ensure the guilt of the accused, but I also don’t want it to take decades on end.

      • rhywun

        I’ve heard all of the arguments for and against and some of them are very appealing but none of them are 100% convincing to me. Why I waffle.

    • Sean

      I think Jabba had it pretty well sorted out. 2 solid options, both of which align with UCS’s clean up concerns.

      • Derpetologist

        OK, I laughed.

        Amusing that option 2 sounds like a squeak toy.

    • rhywun

      At the end of the day it, like abortion, is an issue that doesn’t make it into my top 10 list of things I care deeply enough about to develop a firm argument one way or the other.

      • Evan from Evansville

        This is a tremendously humble thought, one I wished resonated more.
        (It doesn’t, for People being People reasons.)

        Rand’s “The Virtue of Selfishness” is wonderful, the only thing I’ve knowingly read and liked by her. (I haven’t read her novels.) One phrase I steal is when she explains why “Love everyone” is a meaningless expression.
        This organism only has so many fucks to give, and I prioritize shit that actually matters far more than a philo-political discussion on how other folk die.

        Now, I love *having* that conversation, but I’m not casting my ballot on it.

      • rhywun

        She could have been less abrasive by simply arguing about human nature.

        Human nature is selfish. And it does not suffer fools who claim “compassion” for strangers. Yeah there are some extraordinary few who have it but it’s rare.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      I am against how it is currently used, but not against in principle.

      Remember that kid who shot up an African American church? Yeah, the little fucker was unrepentant, caught in the act, and is a prime example of someone who should be put to death. A higher standard should be sought, but that won’t absolve him if it isn’t found. Also, it should be fast tracked through the system, and if need be SCOTUS should clear it’s docket for the trial.

      • Grumbletarian

        Yes, for guys like him with irrefutable evidence and no indications of remorse, I’d have no problem pulling the lever that dropped him into the piranha tank.

  18. Derpetologist

    Why not bring back man cages?

    Cruel and unusual punishment is bad? Well, that’s no fun.

    ***
    The January 1921 issue of The National Geographic Magazine contains two photographs of gibbet cages, referenced as “man-cages,” in use in Afghanistan. Commentary included with the photograph indicates that the gibbet was a practice still in active use. Persons sentenced to death were placed alive in the cage and remained there until some undefined time weeks or months after their deaths.
    ***

    Hey, I just got a great idea. Maybe instead of killing people, we could like just chop the hands off of thieves or something.

    • R.J.

      I thought a big burned on letter like a “ T” for thieves would be good. Like they used to use for pirates.

    • Chafed

      How very Saudi of you.

  19. Ted S.

    Stay safe if you’re on the Pacific coast.

    • rhywun

      Quoi?

      Oh something tumbly? I see an alert for Hawaii.

      • rhywun

        the quake was upgraded to an 8.7

        Holy crap. 😨

      • Gender Traitor

        Apparently upgraded again to 8.8.

      • Chafed

        I’m sure tomorrow’s news will feature surfers who ignored the warning.

      • dbleagle

        I am writing the from the late “great” state of Hawaii. Remember us at the dawn and how we once lived. Farewell to life.

        Naaaaaagh.

        We will be fine. The most recent NOAA messages (#5) is calling for 3ft in Guam and the NMI with minor beach and harbor flooding. They haven’t issued a projected amplitude for Hawaii yet but the mid ocean buoys are showing a dropping amplitude. The expected first pulse is 1917hrs HST. My guess is it will be under 3ft for most places in Hawaii. I probably won’t even have to go adjust the mooring lines on the boat.

        The west coast is showing a prediction less than a foot for most locations. A couple of ports in OR show 1-2 feet. Cali is the same except for Crescent City (2.6-4.8ft) and Port San Luis (2.0-3.7ft.)

      • Gender Traitor

        Thanks for checking in, and relieved to hear that signs point to much-less-than-catastrophic effects.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Love that clip. My favorite, however, is when they follow a persistence hunter. Dude finds a herd and chases them for ~six hours. Yep. Those men? —> That’s why they get fed the lion’s share.

      I’dda been really good at it, were I raised in that environment, I’mma say.

  20. Derpetologist

    The purpose of punishment is deterrence, not revenge, though I understand that impulse well.

    The root of the problem is what causes people to become criminals.

    • Evan from Evansville

      What “causes” people to ‘become’ criminals?

      It’s just People being people. ‘Opportunity’ is by far the biggest “cause.” Even then, we have to figure what = immoral and crime-worthy, and no one agrees on that, especially us, and ‘we’ are constantly looking for ways to erase crimes already in the books.

      • rhywun

        ‘Opportunity’ is by far the biggest “cause.”

        Not sure I agree.

        For whatever reason, some cultures/times/places are far “safer” than others. Opportunity having nothing to do with it.

        Me? I think it’s a sort of cultural osmosis for lack of a better term. Requiring a baseline of rule of law and… ugh… “social cohesion” for lack of another better term.

        I can come up with no better explanations for why crime was so minimal in certain times and places like late 20th century versions of Canada or Germany.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I was being overly broad. ‘Opportunity’ being the biggest cause was meant to cover the vast majority of crimes, especially theft, and for example: There has to be something ‘there’ to steal. In First-Degree Murder, I presume folk have (some sense of) a reason to go for it, and in crimes of passion, the current perilous or enraging moment has to consist of ‘something.’

        The thought really reflects on the nature of people, where you and I again intertwine. The cultural atmosphere, mood or vibe, is IMO absolutely based on the high/low trust balance the society and culture lie in. It takes a lot of time to develop that trust in systems, for them to verily show the populace that The System Works.

        The US is at a massive disadvantage with its massive population and the cultural differences within it.

        Thinking of my interactions at work, I still don’t know the African language spoken by the backroom crew, and I work with a majority of Spanish-only -speaking folk. An interesting thought from His Trumpness in Chief concerned English as a Native Language. He argued illegals ‘don’t exist’ in Iowa cuz they have a language requirement at the DMV. No idea if that’s actually true, but it seems a light-hearted, ‘graceful’ way of softly imposing certain work requirements to address a larger issue. Hrm.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      No, the point of the sentence is lots of things: rehabilitation, punishment, and a sense of justice for the community. All of those things must be taken into consideration, or the whole thing is pointless from both sides.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        That is part of the calculus. If society feels that the crime committed, such as shooting up a church or summer camp, is not worthy of rehabilitation, then death is the result. Different societies will react differently. Sweden, for instance, will feel that such a person is redeemable, while others will not. High trust communities will tend toward rehabilitation, low trust ones will gravitate towards execution.

    • (((Jarflax

      That is a very progressive idea, but not based in history or reality. Deterrence is a purpose, but so is judicial punishment as a substitute for private revenge, and we ignore the latter at our peril.

    • Not Adahn

      Revenge is a basic human impulse.

      Pretending we can New Soviet Man our way out of that is silly. Doubly silly to expect the new serfs to be satisfied with a government that denies their basic impulses.

  21. Evan from Evansville

    The Executioner was a crazy niche. I’ve read they were frequently semi-ostracized by the community, but it was a family business, with sons frequently following fathers.

    I agree, the public spectacle is important. For all the goofiness, there’s a sense of ‘closure’ with it. It’s the cathartic release, perhaps ‘needed’ by the viewers. I also agree modern techniques are all silly attempts to shield the Executioner from really knowing it was *their* finger that done did cause death.

    I’m not sure how true it is, but I heard in a firing squad, x-1 shooters had actual ammunition, giving the act a semblance of “Well, it wasn’t *ME* who killed ’em!” That’s the simple and obvious difficulty with the execution of the execution. Someone has to be The Person Responsible. Executioners were pretty well-payed, IIRC.

    The last English hangman: “Albert Pierrepoint (30 March 1905 – 10 July 1992) was an English hangman who executed between 435 and 600 people in a 25-year career that ended in 1956. His father Henry and uncle Thomas were official hangmen before him.”

    • Tres Cool

      “Son, if you see me, you’ve likely done something to cause our meeting.”

  22. Tres Cool

    The bureau of prisons cant keep contraband out of their own facilities.
    What makes you think they can’t fuck up an execution?

  23. Timeloose

    A high dose of sedative in the last meal followed by a OD level of a fentanyl patches on the pillows in the last meal cell. Alternatively a human cannon ball into a wood chipper.

  24. Derpetologist

    From a purely anatomical standpoint, the best way to kill a large mammal is to stun with a captive bolt pistol then cut the throat to drain the blood. This is what slaughterhouses do.

    I like to a Temple Grandin video above showing the process. Her contribution was to design the lead up in such a way that the animal did not panic from seeing the one just ahead be killed.

    The best analog with condemned prisoners is to let their execution date be a surprise, as in Japan, the only other multiparty democracy that still has the death penalty.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG1vNoErfQw

    • rhywun

      the only other multiparty democracy that still has the death penalty

      I wonder how long that lasts with the rising crime rates in many of those other democracies.

      • rhywun

        No and I’m glad I haven’t because there is so much there that is why everything sucks so much.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Ha! Great minds thinkin’ alike, perhaps. (Similarly-minded, rather.)

      I’ve (poorly) butchered cows, horses and goats, but I’ve never come close to slaughtering anything. Perhaps casual roadkill a few times is the biggest haul. ‘Had’ to stop recently for a family of hating hate birds as they meandered across the road. I waited, and then I even gave ’em a polite honk to warn the honking honkers.

      Eventually, I just hit the gas. I didn’t see a fluff of red plumage in my wake, regrettably.

  25. KSuellington

    Pay-per-view

    I agree with the guillotine as the method, it should be messy, painless, and intimidating. I also agree with Derp on that corporal punishment should be an alternative to prison/jail in some cases.

    • Mojeaux

      Agree on messy and intimidating (although I said “grand spectacle”). I also agree with Derpy on corporal punishment.

  26. Evan from Evansville

    *If* we have the death penalty, I think its execution should be self-evident. Inmate is put in a chair. Chair is conveyor-pulled to a spot with a robot that piston-bolts cattle+ to death.

    Quick bolt in between the spine and skull, pretty mess-free, and the conveyor further conveys the deceased to a pit. *shrug*

    (But think of the machine cleaners!!)

  27. Brochettaward

    I’m going to stay on topic and just say…

    First.

    Also, fuck the activists who are trying to ban access to the chemicals for painless executions. I don’t support the death penalty, but that’s not the point. They are going to kill the sons-a-bitches anyway. It’s the most hamfisted way of going about opposing the death penalty possible.

    • Chafed

      This is true.

  28. Chipping Pioneer

    From the previous thread re. Katy Perry…

    If you take away Sydney Sweeney’s boobs, she’s a 4. Maybe a 3.

    • slumbrew

      I was watching the (free) first episode of The White Lotus and was stuck by how much hotter Alexandra DAaddario is than Sweeney (they lampshade it). But Sweeney is the “It Girl”.

      Sweeney looks get-able. Cute, sometimes hot, great rack, but gettable.

      • Fourscore

        So if Sweeney is a 4 and gettable is she…fourgettable?

        I didn’t know who she was until today.

        Nat King Cole would have known, however.

      • rhywun

        Most famous for being a white supremacist, I’ve heard.

      • Brochettaward

        I have to agree. I try not to be ridiculous here as she is an easy Would with the capital W. But she is not like one of the hottest women on the planet hot.

      • Evan from Evansville

        #MeToo, combined with something I imagine is fuck-off frustrating, and all the mix in-between:

        It kinda must suck being hot, and I kinda assume Sweeney is the It Girl cuz she puts out for the right folk. That’s a really nasty thought. I’m quite positive incredibly talented actresses (particularly) were pushed into sexual favors to put them over the literal casting couch to get the part.

        That’s rough. Men, as well, are viewed from afar and judged on their handsome or handiness, but it doesn’t compare to the visual immediacy of female talent. Tough to add brains when women are inherently valued for … just existing, frankly. (You’ve already got our attention.) Hedy Lemarr’s don’t come overnight.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Are those numbers the metric conversion?

    • Threedoor

      Yeah. She’s not even barista hot.

  29. Threedoor

    Yes.
    Yes.
    And yes.

  30. Raven Nation

    Dbleagle – you around?

    What’s the word in Honolulu?

    • dbleagle

      See above. Traffic is fucked up as everybody is released to go home. I left work just as the first announcement hit and got home no problem.

      We will be fine (see above) for this tsunami. On a geologic scale we will absolutely be hammered repeatedly. On the Big Island there is a house sized chunk of limestone in the middle of a lava field ~1/2 mile inland. Now that was a tsunami. Where I live on Oahu was under a volcano until 1.8my ago. Then most of the volcano fell off in one grand event. The debris made a fan under the ocean 120 miles long and 20 miles wide. The resulting tsunami devastated the entire pacific basin. THAT was a REAL tsunami. 100K ago a smaller volcanic collapse left debris and sealife remnants 100ft up on the south side of the island of Molokai. The next REAL collapse will probably be spawned on Oahu. Scientists are monitoring and hoping for weeks to days warning because the tsunami will cross the entire state in mere minutes and race to Japan and the Americas in hours.

      The harbor in Hilo is cone shaped and goes from deep to shallow in under two miles. It opens facing Chile and off facing parts of Alaska. Major earthquakes in both places caused deadly tsunamis in Hilo in the lives of some Glibs, including myself for Alaska.

      Farther afield the entire Pacific needs to keep an eye on the Juan de Fuca plate. The next major event there will cause issues. The last rupture was ~9pm local time 26Jan1700 when ~1000km of fault moved an average of 20m. The resulting tsunami was still up to 5m high when it struck Japan- “the Orphan Tsunami.” The native tribes of the PNW also have stories of the event.

      • dbleagle

        Next Hawaii event will likely be from Maui.

        My kingdom for an edit button! Shakes fist at the tsunami siren blaring away.

      • Raven Nation

        Glad to hear it

      • dbleagle

        Message #6 released. It doesn’t list any expected heights for Hawaii, so that is a good sign. The tsunami pulses were1ft as they passed Midway and 0.7ft as they passed Wake.

        Either that of the DOGE gutted NOAA is lying and I will die in less than 2 minutes when the first pulse should hit Oahu.

        Either way I have a glass of Hine Rare cognac in my hand.

  31. Derpetologist

    “There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time.”
    ― David M. Eagleman

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damnatio_memoriae

    ***
    Herostratus (Ancient Greek: Ἡρόστρατος) was a Greek arsonist, accused of seeking notoriety by destroying the second Temple of Artemis in Ephesus (on the outskirts of present-day Selçuk), one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. The arson prompted his execution and the creation of a damnatio memoriae law forbidding anyone to mention his name, orally or in writing. The law was ineffective, as evidenced by surviving accounts of his crime. Thus, Herostratus’ name has become an eponym for both an arsonist and someone who commits a criminal act solely to become famous, while the term herostratic fame came to refer to a notorious type of fame.
    ***

    See also Streisand Effect

  32. Evan from Evansville

    Not sure this went through:

    Today’s my youngest nephew’s fifth birthday and we had some fun. I explained the rules to him on our Walmart scavenger hunt. He had $20 and it was his choice on how he wanted to spend it. First, however, he had to play my little quest and find goods in different parts of the store. A pineapple, cheese (of any sort), toothpaste, and a fishing rod. (That was my curveball. I had already used bicycles, so I s’pose it made sense.)

    He found ’em all and we had a fun journey through the aisles. He never had any idea of going for food, which I kinda expected. I also showed Dad my work-bay and was able to show him a bit of how grocery factory-work works.

    Ez ended up buying a HotWheels track with a couple loops and a “car launcher” that lets kids drag race. (This will never really be used.) I subtly leaned into him *not* getting it, as he has dozens of cars and related track-ery, But it was his choice. One of his older brothers helped construct it and they had a fun Moment together. (We did a more-improvised version of this before and he picked out a Bluey watch. He still wears it, greatly thrilling me with his random moments of announcing the time. (I’m less thrilled it beeps and squeaks without cause. I persevere.))

    There’s lovely serendipity with my being around for this nephew, while I was abroad or otherwise away when his older brothers were his age and younger. He’s *by far* the most ‘like’ me.

    He’s retardedly cute, him and his observations. He actively saps your intelligence, flaring all cuddly signals as you sink into delightful idiocy. I strongly encourage this development.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      My wife is making us a cheesecake today to celebrate our 14 year anniversary

      • UnCivilServant

        Is this Anniversary (Actual) or Anniversary (Observed)?

      • Sean

        <–

        🙂

      • Trials and Trippelations

        Actual. 14 years of marriage

      • Trials and Trippelations

        Thanks

    • rhywun

      I wonder why you never hear a peep from the true-Scotsmen left when their leaders fund billionaire sports fat-cats.

  33. Chipping Pioneer

    Scientists warn climate change could cause more frequent and severe tsunamis.

  34. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey, ChipP, Roat, Ted’S., and Sean!

      • UnCivilServant

        Morning.

        Sorry I’m late. I had a bout of insomnia early in the night, then got into a deep sleep early in the morning and woke up ~4 minutes after I’d normally leave the house. So I had to skip commenting on Glibs until I got to the office.

      • Gender Traitor

        Glad you made it safely and on time!

      • UnCivilServant

        How are things with you and yours?

        🐱‍👤 ears still as they have been?

      • Gender Traitor

        Doing OK, though Ninja Cat hasn’t paid any attention to me this morning. He may have finally decided that we’ve abused him enough with those ear drops that he doesn’t love me anymore. 😔🐱‍👤

  35. Ownbestenemy

    Finally getting ready to head back to, in the words of my sister “the deep South”. For a smart woman, she sure has dated retarded takes.

    Ive seen more peckerwoods and ‘white power’ people in the Inland Empire than I have seen in Kentucky.

    • Gender Traitor

      Have a safe trip, OBE!

    • Rat on a train

      The Perris of the West …

    • Grosspatzer

      Ive seen more peckerwoods and ‘white power’ people in the Inland Empire than I have seen in Kentucky.

      Come to southern New Jersey (away from the beaches). You’d swear you were in the deep South of legend.

    • R.J.

      It’s funny about that. As I have stated here, I think I met a handful of white power types in the deep south my whole life. The north seems to be where they all went.

  36. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie!

  37. Common Tater

    GM 🙂

    • Ted S.

      Stellantis

    • R.J.

      AMC!

    • Beau Knott

      Studebaker!

  38. Common Tater

    Sydney Sweeny’s initials are SS.

  39. Not Adahn

    Inert gas asphyxiation does seem like the most humane method yet discovered. You might be able to make the case for anesthetic + arterial cannulation.

  40. Gustave Lytton

    Good morning Glibbernam. Dog had to go out early. Of course she’s out cold now and I can’t get back to sleep.

  41. Common Tater

    “Using food stamps can help slow down brain decline as you age: study

    The study, out of the University of Georgia, tracked 1,100 people 50 and older who were enrolled in SNAP in 2010 and 1,200 older adults who were eligible for SNAP but did not participate.

    Researchers interviewed participants every two years between 2010 and 2020 to assess their memory and ability to plan and carry out tasks.

    They determined that SNAP participants had a 0.10% slower decline in overall cognitive function, affording them two to three additional years of good brain health in the 10-year study period

    “For someone starting at a healthy cognitive score, this slower decline could delay reaching the threshold for mild cognitive impairment by nearly a decade,” said Linlin Da, lead study author and a Ph.D. candidate in health services research at UGA.”

    https://nypost.com/2025/07/30/health/food-stamps-can-help-slow-brain-decline-as-you-age-study/

    SCIENCE!!!!

    • rhywun

      OFFS 🙄

    • Not Adahn

      So what you’re saying is, the SNAP application process is an effective early screening tool for ‘tardation?

    • Trials and Trippelations

      I am sure all that soda (#1 food item purchased with SNAP) was the key to preventing cognitive decline

  42. R.J.

    It’s only Wednesday. Long week.