The Bovine Classic bills itself as “America’s 4th-Hardest Cow-Themed Gravel Ride … in a California Wine Region … Not Called Napa or Sonoma.” I’m not sure that’s true, but I decided to check it out to see for myself. The entry fee was steeper than I would normally pay, but since my sister lives in the host town of Atascadero, the lodging was free, which made the overall cost more acceptable.
Atascadero is from the Spanish word meaning mud hole or mire. Thankfully they kept the Spanish name rather than translating it to English, because it sounds much better in Spanish. The town was founded in 1913 as a planned, utopian community in 1913. It’s also home of the state mental hospital for the criminally insane. Probably just a coincidence.
The morning started off clear and a little chilly, but not so cold that I needed to cover up my sexy, hairy legs with leg warmers as I set out from my sister’s to ride a couple miles to the start. At the start we lined up according to the distance we were doing with the riders of the longest course at the front. There were three choices: The Big Bovine at 85 miles, the Feisty Bovine at 71 miles, and the Happy Bovine at 45 miles. I was doing the Feisty Bovine, so I was in the middle of the pack. As this wasn’t a race, there was little dick measuring at the start. Maybe I should rephrase that. There wasn’t much dick measuring. Or maybe I’ve become inured to it.
The ride made its way east out of town on the main highway alongside Stadium Park, so named for the amphitheater that provided entertainment for utopia. The park is also home of one of the monoliths that popped up a few years ago. After crossing the Salinas River we turned left onto some quieter country roads.
A vintage police car led the way to the first large climb of the day with sirens blaring. The group started to spread out on the climb as the lighter, faster riders moved ahead, and the heavy slow pokes like me fell back. At the steepest part of the climb I stood on the pedals and suddenly my heart rate shot up to 185 bpm. Hopefully this was just a measurement error, but not wanting to go into the red, or the black in this case, I sat back down and took my time up the remainder of the hill letting my heart rate settle to a more reasonable 170 bpm.
Over the top the downhill was steep, washboarded and loose making it a bit hairy to navigate. Go slow and feel every bump and maybe lock up your wheels. Go fast and you might end up in the barbed wire fence at the turn at the bottom of the hill. I chose to err on the slower side of things, and despite getting sideways a couple times, I made it down safely.
The next several miles were through the rolling countryside as we headed back west. We turned back onto some gravel where we encountered an interesting sight. Animals in groups of 2 and 3. Zaftig women in tight pants and sweatshirts carrying massive coffee mugs chest high as if to say, “My jugs are down here.” Not quite as exotic as the fat people display at the San Diego Zoo, but fascinating nonetheless.
After passing through the town of Templeton we started the second major climb on the day up Kiler Canyon Road about 1000 feet of elevation gain. This was one of two timed segments on this course, so people who wanted to win a prize could race ahead. I just wanted to get to the top without killing myself. Much of the road was rutted and rocky from recent rains. It was best to leave space to the rider ahead in case of slips, spills or swerves. The road was effectively a single track in many places making passing a challenge. I felt pretty good about getting to the top, but when I told my sister that we went up Kiler Canyon she said, “I remember that road. My husband and I rode mountain bikes up that when I was about six months pregnant.” She’s a little competitive.
After a few miles of winding downhill we pulled into the next rest stop at the MAHA Villa Creek Winery. I thought MAHA was rather interesting branding given that this is Coastal California and not MAGA country like Chicago, but as a post on their Instagram explains, the name comes from an inscription that was on a water tank on the property when they bought it decades ago, and they don’t really know what it meant.
Before we left the aid station I tried to lead the other riders in a land acknowledgement to recognize my great grandfather as the steward of the land on Villa Creek as a dairy farmer for time immemorial, or maybe a century and a half ago, but they all rightfully looked at me like I was a crazy lunatic. Nonetheless we were indeed passing close to the Roberto Family’s ancestral land, which according to a contemporaneous article in the local paper, my great grandfather had to give up due to heart disease, which I think was a euphemism for alcoholism.
After the MAHA winery we continued downhill onto some beautiful tree-lined roads before turning off into the vineyards at the Denner Winery. Exiting the front of the winery we were back onto pavement heading down to Highway 46 where we did a few miles of less than pleasant riding on the shoulder. We turned off onto York Mountain Road, which was quieter but included a steep climb. We rejoined Highway 46 in the opposite direction before turning off onto some more gravel.
After a steep and unexpected climb which showed up as a shade of red I’ve never seen before on my bike computer, we were treated to some rolling roads along the ridgeline. After a steep downhill and a crossing of a rocky, dry creek bed, we joined what I suspect was the old toll road between the coast and Paso Robles as there was an old wooden tollbooth and a gate at the side of the road. At the junction with the paved road was the next rest stop where I filled myself with M&Ms, pickles, pickle juice and pastries. Endurance cycling does not facilitate a healthy diet while riding.
After a long downhill we began the biggest climb of the day up on the second timed segment, Santa Rita Road, about 6 miles and 1300 feet of climbing. The first two thirds were at a pretty gentle 2-3% and the last third kicked up to about 7%. Though it was dirt, the road was mostly in good condition and the grade was pretty steady and not steep. It was just long. On these long climbs I play mental games with myself to keep motivated. I count down the remaining climb 50 meters at a time, 350, 300, 250 and so on. At 40 meters to go I consider myself to be at the top. Why 40? I don’t know. I just know I can always climb another 40 meters. Why do I use the metric system on my bike computer? Because distances are bigger numbers which makes them sound more impressive.
At the top there was another rest stop where I filled up with water and electrolytes and began the long, long descent into Templeton, where we began the last leg of the ride back to Atascadero. We turned onto the white gravel road where I previously spotted the Coffee Mug Women, but they were long gone. Apparently they are most active at dawn. The road was reminiscent of the Strade Bianchi, the white roads in Italy which I hope to ride next year as part of the Tuscany Trail in order to bring you more content.
Fatigue was setting in as we exited the last of the gravel back onto pavement. I probably should have been eating more so my body would have enough calories to burn, but I find that hard to do without stomach discomfort. As we crossed the Salinas River I knew the end was near. After crossing the finish line and leaning my bike against the fence I grabbed my drink ticket and made a beeline for the beer stand for a Firestone Pivo to begin my recovery.
All in all it was a well run event on some nice roads. If I do the event again it will be the longer distance to see some of the roads I missed. However, the event is pretty pricey, so instead I might just bring my bike with me next time I visit my sister now that I know there are some cool roads to ride for free.
Is it really a monolith if it’s made of metal?
No, I think it’s more a Monochrome.
It’s art. Don’t ask too many questions.
If the art told me it *identified* as a monolith, I rather think I’d listen. Much hell to pay, if I ignored such, methinks. Even if immobile, word would get ’round.
Atascadero is from the Spanish word meaning mud hole or mire. Thankfully they kept the Spanish name rather than translating it to English, because it sounds much better in Spanish.
It sounds artisanal and fancy like.
“You changed it To ‘Latrine’?”
“Yeah – it used to be ‘Shithouse’.”
LOL!
Zaftig women in tight pants and sweatshirts carrying massive coffee mugs chest high as if to say, “My jugs are down here.”
Pics or it didn’t happen.
After crossing the finish line and leaning my bike against the fence I grabbed my drink ticket and made a beeline for the beer stand for a Firestone Pivo to begin my recovery.
I like Firestone’s anniversary beers. I haven’t had their Pivo, but I’ll guess it is a good take on a Pilsner.
It is, I’ve had it.
I know that Left Hand Brewing still sponsors riders for the BikeMS rides. I rode with them the year I did the Buckeye Breakaway, and they did quite a bit of stuff for the riders. When I was with them, Nuun and Justin’s Peanut Butter were both sponsors, so there was free Nuun and snack nut butter packs for us, on top of the beer that was provided for each team ride (and the after-ride party).
пиво пожалуйста
That looks like a great way to spend a day…for you.
Thanks for these, great looking countryside.
Why does it have to be run by Nazis?
That’s my joke about NJ. It thinks it is CA, but lacks all the scenic diversity and weather that it has.
Why not just live in CA?
I’m currently on hour number 4 in the great state of NJ for jury duty.
Why does it have to be run by Nazis?
It wasn’t always like that.
Pepperidge Farm remembers.
“I probably should have been eating more so my body would have enough calories to burn, but I find that hard to do without stomach discomfort.”
I find that I can’t eat a damn thing while in vigorous exercise mode, even long endurance events. It’s not discomfort, I just have no appetite at all and am focused on the task at hand.
This is a common issue with everyone who does endurance sports. I see it myself when I’m out backpacking – I have to force myself to eat even when I’m not hungry, just to get enough calories in to function.
That’s one reason that endurance racers exist on diets that would cause most of us to blow up like a balloon long-term. Watching The Barkley Marathon, I was always shocked watching these elite athletes hoovering down donuts, Pringles, and McDonalds double cheeseburgers like they were on sale.
Solution…
https://tacobell50k.com/
The rules are hilarious.
B.P.:
There are plenty of Beer Miles to participate in. In Ohio, there’s also the Tour De Donut:
(emphasis added).
The big thing now is eating a lot of carbs during these types of events. The fastest guys in big races eat up to 200g of carbs an hour. I currently get about 35g/hour and feel like I’d be crapping my pants if I got much more.
That said, there’s also a Taco Bell Century that I’ve considered doing just for the stupidity of it. https://www.grizzlycycles661.com/blogs/blog/the-taco-bell-century-a-delicious-ride-through-the/
We all know about the Marathon du Medoc, right?
It’s a 26-mile foot race through the Bordeaux wine country, with mandatory costumes, gourmet snacks including oysters, steak, cheese, pastries, and ice cream, and no fewer than 23 wine tastings during the run.
I normally run only if I’m being pursued, but the Marathon du Medoc looks like an absolutely great time.
I have the same issue when I’m working in the yard, garage, or doing manual labor. Not hungry or thinking about eating, but once I stop working, get some liquids in me, I become an asshole till I eat.
Does the road after the Taco Bell 50K look like a honey dipper truck had a slow leak for 50 miles?
Same with Sumo. Those guys have to force fees to stay at those weights. Aside from the health benefits of losing weight, just not eating that volume slims retirees down.
That’s a common problem, especially after 5 p.m. and with certain kinds of liquids. 🥴
That is a huge issue with Mrs. TOK when she does her longer races. When we did the 24 hour workout event at our gym, it was difficult to eat too. You worked out for 10 or 15 minutes and had 45 minutes to rest, but didn’t want to eat anything heavy because you had another workout coming. Even during hockey weekends, I have a hard time figuring out what to eat when I have 2 or 4 hours between games. I’ve taken to much lighter meals in those situations.
the white roads in Italy which I hope to ride next year as part of the Tuscany Trail in order to bring you more content.
The nobility of your sacrifice is truly inspiring.
I’m aiming for that coveted Glibertarians sponsorship.
I can offer $0.00 to this cause.
I would give $0.02, but they discontinued the penny, so I rounded to the nearest dollar.
I appreciate the thought.
Will you accept non-US currency?
“America’s 4th-Hardest Cow-Themed Gravel Ride”
Do bulls with chainsaws strapped on their horns chase you on the hardest?
No, the hardest has a route littered with cow pies, every fourth one contains a land mine. If any mine goes off, mutant steers with miniguns are unleashed on the course, having been informed that the bicyclists were the ones to castrate them.
” mud hole or mire” is a mouthfull for town name and it would be pronounce muhore or something y smug residents.
i wonder what year the town was founded…
The town? 1913
Hope you make it to Tuscany, that would be memorable.
i’ve seen it. it’s rubbish.
how was the wine?
The wine is good. We got a membership at one of the wineries. My wife gets an industry discount so the deal was too good to pass up. We visited another winery that’s modeled after a Greek village. Apparently it’s quite the Instagram spot. The views are good, the wine is ok. https://www.sirenaresorts.com/
does the lycra ever get washed or it is good luck to keep all the past sweat?
If you don’t wash your cycling kit, it will eventually stand on its own.
Like a good pair of Levi’s?
I soak them to make tea as a practical joke on my house guests. It has the creaminess of Chamois Butt’r, the saltiness of sweat, and just a hint of fecal matter. It’s the next hipster fad. Dank. Very dank.
Huh… I never figured you for a cartoon.
“Town of Quagmire” has a nice ring to it.
Giggity
Bottlenecked
Two new data centers in Silicon Valley have been built but can’t begin processing information: The equipment that would supply them with electricity isn’t available.
It’s just one example of a crisis facing the U.S. power grid that can’t be solved simply by building more power lines, approving new power generation, or changing out grid software. The equipment needed to keep the grid running—transformers that regulate voltage, circuit breakers that protect against faults, high-voltage cables that carry power across regions, and steel poles that hold the network together—is hard to make, and materials are limited. Supply-chain bottlenecks are taking years to clear, delaying projects, inflating costs, and threatening reliability.
Meanwhile, U.S. electricity demand is surging from several sources—electrification of home and business appliances and equipment, increased domestic manufacturing, and growth in AI data centers. Without the right equipment, these efforts may take years longer and cost vast sums more than planners expect.
Considering the source, I’m going with “needs more better industrial policy”.
The Ministry of Plenty will know how to properly allocate those precious resources.
Silicon Valley, you say? Not mentioned in the article is regulation. I know from personal experience that Big AI is looking to locate data centers in backwaters, presumably due to cheap land and little regulation.
Apparently we are firing up a retired nuclear reactor to supply juice to google.
Virginia is not a backwater. It is already the home of the internet. Data centers are spreading out from NoVA like franchises for the latest retail fad. Counties like them because they offer high revenue for low services.
Yeah NoVA seems like an odd place for that to develop but my company is moving all our data there too.
We have lots of fiber in place already.
America has a can’t-do spirit!
I see this warning given when there is talk about a Carrington event. “transformers that regulate voltage, circuit breakers that protect against faults, high-voltage cables that carry power across regions, and steel poles that hold the network together—is hard to make, and materials are limited.”
Hard to make; no but you need to expand the manufacturing capacity to meet the demand
Materials are limited; possibly, but that is because there was a set demand.
an old wooden tollbooth and a gate
Not one crack about “anybody got any dimes”?
I am disappoint.
Not mentioned in the article is regulation. I know from personal experience that Big AI is looking to locate data centers in backwaters, presumably due to cheap land and little regulation.
What we really need is a huge influx of (dot) Indians in those madras skirts and flip flops to get this stuff built in a timely manner.
Well, a fed judge panel blocked the Texas redistricting.
Off to SCOTUS it goes.
But not the California redistricting?
Elephants filed a lawsuit against that in California. That panel hasn’t had time to reject it yet.
I haven’t looked at any of these lawsuits, but one thing to keep in mind is that Texas is subject to the VRA. California is not. I have a vague memory that the VRA has some effect on redistricting.
Yep, VRA:
A coalition of civil rights groups representing Black and Hispanic voters argued the map reduced the influence of minority voters, making it a racial gerrymander that violates the federal Voting Rights Act and the U.S. Constitution.
They sought an order blocking Texas from using the map while their case proceeded, which would force the state to use the map drawn by the GOP-controlled Legislature in 2021 for next year’s elections.
The panel of judges granted the critics’ request, signaling that they think those critics have a substantial chance of winning their case at trial. One judge was appointed by Trump, another by Republican President Ronald Reagan, and one by Democratic President Barack Obama.
I said a week or so ago to expect any GOP led redistricting to be shut down in courts while Dems go unscathed.
Get ready for Speaker Jeffries and impeachment.
Ooooooh, burn alert from your sis: ‘“I remember that road. My husband and I rode mountain bikes up that when I was about six months pregnant.”’
‘Not like you, a bickering NOT-preggers, I handled it with *grace* and *aplomb.* Think about *THAT,* li’l bro,’ she likely added, boring holes into you with her condescending eyes.
Hard to make; no but you need to expand the manufacturing capacity to meet the demand
Maybe I’m being naive, but that increased demand sounds like an attractive business opportunity for somebody. I wonder what’s holding them back.
It’s a free market failure, we need more taxes and regulations!
There is a substantial capital investment needed to expand the industry. Unfortunately there is also a lot of uncertainty.
Persistent Uncertainties
“The behemoth task of modernizing and expanding the interconnected power system ultimately hinges on two things: investment and people. Despite unprecedented federal support through the IIJA and IRA, the U.S. still lacks a coherent financing model for long-term grid infrastructure. Transmission, dispatchable generation, and fuel supply all rely on state-level rate cases—a process increasingly mismatched with the speed of electrification and market volatility. As Deloitte noted in its 2025 industry outlook, delays in cost recovery are already inflating electricity prices, and some utilities are piloting large-load tariffs to shift grid upgrade costs onto data centers and industrial users. The bigger question is looming: Who pays for the grid of the future—and will regulators adapt in time?”
https://www.powermag.com/out-of-sync-the-infrastructure-misalignment-undermining-the-u-s-grid/
Glock V switches out.
That was fast even by my standards…
It’s almost as if it’s more difficult to stop after just one shot.
These are fun rides. I do hope you get to venture further in Tuscany.
Not sure I get metric looking like ‘more distance.’ Just more meters? Well, then add in feet! I suppose kilometers gets you to that “1 *point* something” quicker, I s’pose that’s something. The most rewarding is to count by the vanquished you leave behind. Fellow bikers, spectators, deceased and conquered alike.
The House has passed legislation to release all of the Epstein files in a 427-1 vote.
There are possible ways to redact information.
I saw some chatter that the Senate is going to try to amend it, but no details on what they might be planning.
Congress voted to release the Epstein files. It was almost unanimous.
https://pjmedia.com/matt-margolis/2025/11/18/the-house-votes-on-the-epstein-files-transparency-act-n4946145
One judge was appointed by Trump, another by Republican President Ronald Reagan, and one by Democratic President Barack Obama.
WTF? Been there for ~40 years? Was he in his twenties?
“Judge Curmudgeon, presiding”
“You know, Danny, I’ve sent boys younger than you to the gas chamber. I didn’t want to do it – I felt I owed it to them.”