More than anything, I was astounded that my hands did not shake. I was sober. Not that I particularly wanted to be, but there was someone out there who had killed my predecessor over a pretty rock. I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable while looking for that same rock. Especially since turning it over would reveal his murderer. I had no qualifications to conduct a criminal investigation. I made crops grow, livestock fecund, and women fertile – at extortionate rates. I should have moved back east where people still hired Priests of Craddix. But I was Atlorian born and raised. No matter how little work my inheritance gets me.
“I swear every time I come here, the distance to that door is different,” I said.
“Only thing that’s different is how sober you are,” Midon said. “I’m glad to see you are taking my advice. I’ve seen too many men on my table before their time because of bad habits.”
“You called me back to the temple for a reason, and it wasn’t to lecture me on my health,” I said.
“Yes,” Midon said. “I was sure of Wilcox’s cause of death, but I did my due diligence looking for anything which might be informative. Something did not look right about what came from his stomach, so I performed some rites of divination.”
“Are these rites tests that anyone can perform?”
“Of all people to besmirch the gifts of the gods…”
“I understand that some gifts come from the divine, but just as many come from the learning of men. I wished to know which this was.”
“Does it matter?”
“It depends what you found,” I said, wishing Midon’s face was visible so I could read his expression. “I assume he ate something unusual.”
“Not ate, drank.”
“What is it?”
“Tincture of Somnifer,” Midon said. “Enough to kill the man had it gotten into his system. Instead he’d been stabbed first. As it was, he was likely sluggish and staggering, looking to all the world like a drunk.”
“Fantastic,” I said morosely. I could have one murderer who got impatient, or a murderer and an attempted murderer. My mind couldn’t help but go to the stupefied clients at the House of Nanjala. But she wasn’t the only supplier of that soporific in a port like Jinwick.
“I would be wary about your typical habits if I were you. Jaundice aside, it would be an easy way to get to you.”
“Thank you Midon,” I said. “I mean it.”
“Are you feeling all right?”
“I can count on the fingers of a leper’s hand the number of people who give a damn if I lived or died.”
“Well, if you died, I’d have to be acting church judge,” Midon said. “None of the senior priests want the job, and they figure my work is close enough anyway.”
It took me a moment to register the hint of levity in his tone.
“We can’t have that, can we? You might see daylight.”
Midon laughed.
“Anything else about our late magistrate before I go?”
“Not at the moment. He is prepared for whenever you find out where he is to be buried.”
“Well, I have to go speak to less jovial company.”
“Who?”
“Ardo. I need to know who Wilcox had been talking to.”
“The Captain of the Guard won’t have spent all of his time with the Magistrate.”
“Still, I have little to go on.” Reluctantly, I took the stairs up to ground level. Even sober, the bright tropical sunlight hurt as I left the temple. The temple precinct was adjacent to but outside the citadel, wrapped in its own shorter wall. The carefully tended grounds bore plants exotic to Atlorian eyes, with overblown flowers and strange fruits. The garden and orchard would not feed even a fraction of the priests on the island, but that was what the mainland plantations and fishing boats were for. The Abbot’s Gate between the temple precinct and the citadel closed only during the night time hours, and only as a matter of habit. The West Gate, actually on the northwest face of the citadel, separated the two districts from the middle class Upton Street. Most importantly of all in the minds of the inhabitants of the plateau, the North Gate separated Upton Street, and by extension the citadel and temple district, from the long road to the docks and the reprobates who dwelled within. The Temple Gate went between the temple precinct and Upton Street. It was small, inconspicuous, and heavily used by the pious middle class shop keepers, artisans, and professionals.
I headed for the Abbot’s Gate. At this time of day, Ardo would be dealing with reports. He wouldn’t be particularly happy but might welcome a diversion from the tedium. The Garrison House was just past Abbot’s Gate, tucked away just out of sight of the plaza in front of the Governor’s Palace. If the guards on watch knew who I was, they didn’t show it and eyed me with suspicion. After all, how could they be sure this disheveled man claiming to be Acting Magistrate Browne was who he claimed to be?
“Just take me to Captain Ardo,” I eventually snapped, “or you’re impeding a murder investigation.”
“As you wish, yer ‘oliness.” One of the red and beige striped soldiers eventually escorted me through the dimly lit passages and up a long stair to where an obscene amount of light fell upon a desk laden with ledgers and loose leaves of paper. Ardo looked up and dismissed the guard with a glance and a tip of his head. Rising from his seat, Ardo picked up a decanter and glass from a sideboard before even asking.
“Brandy?”
“No, thank you,” I said.
Ardo coughed back a laugh. “Ach, did Jasper Browne just turn down a drink?”
“I am looking into the murder of my predecessor, and having my wits fogged by spirits will not help in that regards,” I said.
“Well, I’m going to have one anyway.” Ardo poured a splash and sat back down. While he had not expressly invited me to sit, I took a chair opposite. I did not comment on the lack of his affected lower class accent.
“Of the people who interacted most with the late Magistrate, you are at the top of the list.”
“Hazard of the job.”
“I’m trying to find out who he talked to in the last few days before he was stabbed.”
“You do have his records. Every criminal he crossed would be in there.”
“But that’s not everybody he talked to,” I said. “Not all of a man’s business is official.”
“I weren’t friends with the magistrate,” Ardo said, starting to put on his persona again.
“Then who was?”
“Folks back home in Atlor…”
“And?” I asked. “You sound like someone else has come to mind.”
“Nothin’ much. Just some of his buddies from when he was a mercenary came through town. Of course they went to see him. You don’t forget the men you went to war with.”
“I’m afraid I’ve never been to war,” I said.
“And why not? There’s plenty of them to join.”
“I was a sickly child, and never particularly fit enough to take up blade or bow.”
“Hrm,” Ardo mused. “That would explain how that washer woman laid you out in a single punch.”
“Quite,” I said. “You know anyone else Wilcox was acquainted with?”
“He was sweet on that Todde girl. But I gather you’ve met her already.”
“Yes,” I said. I didn’t like the look in Ardo’s expression. He wanted to know what I’d already turned up. He knew something I didn’t. “I can interview her at my leisure. Was there anyone else I can speak with about Wilcox’s movements?”
“Maybe his housekeeper,” Ardo said. “But she’s a Valayan, and not particularly bright.”
“Speak to her much?”
“Curfew problems. Keeps having to get escorted through the West Gate after sundown. Always loses track of time, she says. As if there weren’t clocks on the palace and the temple each.”
“Can she read them? Clocks aren’t as common in Valay as Atlor.”
Ardo snorted. “Sun’s the same as everywhere. Get back in yer district before it goes down isn’t that ‘ard to grasp, now is it?”
“I suppose not,” I agreed. “Thank you Ardo. You’ve been a help.”
“Just a help?”
I gave a shrug and rose from my seat. Ardo knew something, and it wasn’t about the housekeeper or whoever she was spending time with in Upton Street. He just had no interest in sharing it with me.
“Impatient murderer.” ADHD murderer?
There I was, in the old thread, talking to Tulpa UnCivil about how 686 revolvers are like messy goldfish in a bowl. Then I discovered there was a new thread.
Why are you keeping your orange carp in bowls?
Yes, my father had a 625, same frame but in 45acp, and keeping stainless clean is tedious.
I, on the other hand, have a Colt Officer’s Model Match, blued, and it is always pretty.
Such a charming turn of phrase! 😄
Sometimes I stumble onto cleverness.
Four, no check that, just three now.
I don’t think I get the chance to go into the lore of Craddix beyond the handful of hints.
Reprobates?
My people.
Why do you have to keep going back to probate?
Repetition is a legitimate way to learn, sir!
Where’s the manager.
I’m still guessing that Ardo did it.
Thanks Mr. Servant. I’m enjoying this.
Also, hoping for a nasty monster.
🙂👍
I’m not going to spoil it. But I love seeing what conclusions readers draw from the information available.
thank you for the story Unciv.
Will the Priests of Craddix make these Slutty Sunday After Dark ladies fertile? I suppose we’ll have to wait until the next installment…
https://archive.is/iN6J1
NSFW.
The Priests of Craddix sounds like an unreleased Rush track from the mid-seventies.
I was already singing it before I read your comment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_6dkzL4VS4&list=RDm_6dkzL4VS4&start_radio=1
👍
I was already changing the channel to avoid Geddy’s vocals
1. Ah, back when Rush was libertarian.
2. MikeS hardest hit.
One and done. Though I must say 3 is ready for the Goldfinger reboot.
Thanks UCS! I’m back from very much a mixed Thanksgiving thanks to the obligatory family feuding.
OT – YOASOBI「アイドル」from『劇場版YOASOBI 5th ANNIVERSARY DOME LIVE 2024 “超現実”』
YOASOBI is the recent hotness in J-Pop and for whatever the hell reason got invited to Sleepy Joes’s last state dinner. I’d love to know what staffer decided that. I don’t mind them, but that’s not the reason I’m posting it. It’s the stadium – Tokyo Dome. It’s fucking huge AND it’s covered. According to Wiki the only MLB stadium that is bigger is Dodger Stadium with 56k seating compared to the 55k of the Tokyo Dome. But Dodger Stadium isn’t covered.
Wasent the King dome 60,000?
I can’t even imagine that. Globe Life Field (Texas Rangers) is about 40,000 abd that feels like the whole world is in there.
Wiki says:
Capacity: Baseball: 59,166; Football: 66,000; Basketball: 40,000
I… don’t get it.
How is that in any way popular? It’s awful.
Part of that particular piece is her trying to sound like a J-Pop idol on purpose.
YOASOBI – Racing Into The Night Lyrics (JPN_ROM_ENG)
This one is about a lover’s suicide that usually gets buried by YouTube’s algorithm in the US because of the content, but not in Japan. The idea is this contrasted against the pop beat. Although the Autotune turned to 11 isn’t really my thing. But that’s the new hotness across the world and not just Japan.
Not my bag.
But I haven’t liked anything popular in decades so there is that.
Except maybe that Week’nd song that was everywhere a few years ago. That had a nice beat and I could dance to it.
I find the abrupt shift in time and place between installments somewhat disconcerting. But in part it is because of the fogging of memory between posts. It helps to the have the previous installment up to refer to.
My confusion regarding the post display was because of the assumption that it would follow the pattern of other serials on the site, same picture every episode.
Browne is obviously not enjoying sobriety. But it’s better than the alternative.
“But she’s a Valayan”
Might her name be Agnes or Agatha?
Thanks for the story.
In my writing I tend to use chapter transitions to move to a new location. It’s a habit of long practice. Though a two week gap does give the reader time to lose their place.
Yeah – give me the F150 Platinum and 84 month financing. I just priced one out with 4WD and it’s $93k before tax and dealer bullshit. Meanwhile they will advertise the fleet version 2WD version and “starting at $39k”
American Consumers Have Had It With High Car Prices
Fuck the manufacturers for putting out stupid low “base” number vehicles and not making those models and only the highest trims. And fuck the dealers for gouging on those same loaded vehicles. They both reap what they sow.
100%. I know the industry is heavily regulated and some companies have to build models they don’t want due to CAFE standards. But, they need to stop doing what you described. If you say you make it, then it needs to be available for sale in reasonable quantities.
Trucks in general have gotten stupid expensive. I paid what I felt like was a fortune for a new Tundra in 2012 (about $50k). When I went to look at trucks for my most recent car purchase, the same basic truck was over 50% more, at just over $75k.
It’s fucking crazy.
That was early 2023.
Wife and I had the same discussion today. You can’t get a basic truck any more.
My hypothesis is the market has switched to selling to city people who want to own a truck but still want the experience of driving a higher-end car.
I don’t need all the electronics and video displays. In fact, I don’t want them.
Automatic, PS, PB, AC, 4W. Anything beyond that is luxury add ons that I can do without. PWs/PSeat are fine but I can live with the old style.
I don’t want my truck to talk to me.
I’ll keep my ’04, it runs good and has an instrument panel that I can understand
Went from a 2002 to 2024. $25k vs $50k, in line with inflation rate over the same time even going from 1/2t to 3/4. The premium features of my old truck are now standard on a lower trim level.
$93k for a halfton gas burner?!
I should have kept my Raptor with the dying engine.
And the pickup beds have gone to crap. The metal is too thin and too hard. There is plastic. Period. There should be no plastic on the bed, no plastic bed caps, no tailgate cap made of plastic, no plastic as a structural part (looking at you Toyota).
My friend showed me his new truck. Massaging seats, 10 cameras (iirc), speakers in the tailgate…
😳
Nobody likes a braggert, UCS!
Speaking of livestock, ever heard the legend of Wild Bill Hiccup, the famous bald headed rancher that bred bald headed cows? One day he mistook a bull for a cow and got gored to death.
Started a 4-6pm nap plan this afternoon, and I just woke up about 20min ago. I probably should be getting *back* to sleep asap. Still tired and work in 6hrs.
Speaking of, Derp’s first Wally shift of his own begins about now, the overnight into Mon morning. (I’m not sure if today’s first day of orientation or first day of an actual shift.) Church kept the folk away this morning, that was nice. Compared to Fri and Sat, downright serene. Then afternoon rush was a flood, but not much for me. Holiday Savings are over! Well, save for “Cyber Monday.”
It’ll be more relaxed than today was, but whatevs. My weekend soon arrives, and I should go on a Michigan run before the cold + holidays kick up (again).
Have a good shift, Derpster.
I actually don’t think I like MacGuffins.
How about MacGyver?
😬 I, uh, have never seen an episode. 😬
But I know enough to have duct tape and WD40 in my EDC.
😲
In thinking of puns I had the idea for an Egg MacGuffin… Now I want to use one in a story.
Should be pretty easy. Sometimes, a man just wants a solid breakfast.
“Why is it in a block of ice?”
My internet cut out for a few minutes exactly at midnight, and my first reaction was to go “But I paid my bill” since my brain insisted they must have cut me off specifically.
Heh that sounded as if one of my kids said that. Which usually the response is “no, I went in and blacklisted your devices cause your downloading
pirated gamesviruses.*you’re – I was more concerned with getting the tags done properly than to proofread
I figured a virus caused the misspelling.
Let my Friday begin. Damn robot floor cleaners.
Hope the roads treat you well. And the day, but natch.
Happy national pie day!
🥧🇺🇸👍
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knU9gRUWCno
🎶🎶
I thought that was on March 14.
Don’t be irrational.
Good morning, Sean, EfE, Ted’S., and U!
Morning, GT.
I’ve decided to make today a remote day. My excuse was that I didn’t have my parking tag in the rental when I was at the store getting breakfast.
Oh, yeah – it’s so hard to remember to grab all those necessary things out of the car when you have to leave it for service, especially when you didn’t expect to have to leave it. (I usually forget the garage door opener, which I just use to get myself in the house since the car doesn’t fit in the garage.)
The twist is, I have the tag in my house.
I just forgot to take it when I left for work.
😁👍
Sorry ladies, but I’m sick and tired of the idea that men’s mental health means how can these damaged men treat women better.
“Men’s mental health crises – women hardest hit.” 🙄
I’m curious to know what prompted this. (I certainly believe many women have this attitude.)
What prompted my rant today? Or the attitude about men’s mental health in general?
I’m a bit behind on my podcast listening, and one of the items today was a Radio Australia piece for International Men’s Day on men’s mental health, and it didn’t take them more than a few seconds to talk about domestic violence and go anti-stoic about the “stereotype” that men are expected to have things together.
How can we have healthier men came across as very much making men subordinate to women.
This is of course a constant drumbeat from the chattering classes, and the idea that this drumbeat might be harming boys is never considered.
My curiosity was about what prompted your rant. I’m actually surprised to know that there is an International Men’s Day…but not surprised that some have the attitude “How can we improved men’s mental health for the sake of women?”
It’s back to school for the family. I look forward to a quiet day with the cats.