Judge Part 6 – Whaling Hare

by | Dec 14, 2025 | Fiction, Literature | 162 comments

Dead fish, human excrement, and cheap alcohol were the chief aromas of the docks when the sun was up. Same when it was down, but the warmth augmented the fetid bouquet. Timber, lath, and cheap plaster were the primary building blocks with which the structures on the Atlorian side were made. Some were rooved in wooden shingles, others thatched with dried tropical fronds. Many of those rooves leaked come rainy season. All were built on stilts, as was the boardwalk linking them. The shelf of land that served as their foundation was inundated with the tide, but fell off not far past the boardwalk, giving the ships deep water to approach the quays. The Outer Reef shielded the waters around the island of Jinwick proper, keeping most of the unpleasantness of the open seas at bay. Only a couple of squat lighthouses sat on that reef. The rest was simply unusable for construction.

A forest of masts and yardarms dripping with myriad ropes obstructed my view of the reef and the sea beyond. Jinwick was Atlor’s gateway to the east, and merchantmen seeking the Palm Coast or even the Byzeri ports resupplied here for both legs of their journey. The sailors did what sailors everywhere do – get drunk, find the nearest brothel or gambling house, and lose all of their pay in one way or another. This made the neighborhood perpetually disreputable, no matter how much money flowed through it. It was also depressingly familiar, as I had wasted many of my own nights along it.

The sign of the Whaling Hare was one I had passed under before, but only in a state of inebriation. It was faded and peeling, with a rabbit in a rowboat hoisting a harpoon. Most of the clientele was illiterate, so the image was more important than the neat lettering underneath. A curtain made from strings of clamshells hanging from the lintel filtered some of the sun’s rays when the door was left open to admit customers and the breeze. The rattle also announced any new arrivals.

“Yer ‘ere awful early,” the shaven-headed barkeep said.

“I’m afraid I’m here in my official capacity rather than as a customer,” I said.

“Wot, you got a job?”

“I am Acting Magistrate and I have questions for Shelia Long as a witness to a crime.”

“‘Ole lot of things go down don’t nobody care about uptown. Wot makes ‘er special?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard the previous magistrate was murdered.”

“Oh. Yea, that’d get dem all riled up.”

“This is where Shelia said I could find her to ask my follow-up questions.”

“Yer still a bit early. She works when dere’s customers to serve.”

I glanced about the shaded room. A few persistent drunks huddled in their preferred corners, but the crowds had not yet come in. I was saved from protracted contemplation by the clatter of shells. I turned and got my first good look at Shelia Long. A sober look with her face free from obscuring ashes. Recognition clicked in the back of my brain, and I straightened up.

“Do you dance here too?” I asked.

The subtle widening of her eyes told me she knew exactly what I meant. Without a word, she bolted, crashing through the shell curtain and darting down the boardwalk. I chided myself the moment of startled delay before I went after her. Looking right and left, I saw her running off to my left, north, and towards where the docks dead-ended at rocky seas. I ran after her, lest she evade my sight and find a bolt hole to disappear into. There were no guards to call on the docks at this time of day, and the sailors might choose the wrong side by assumption, so I kept my mouth shut until the need for more air forced it open. Legs more accustomed to bar stools and divans than motion burned under me as I tried to close the distance.

With a look back, Shelia saw me on her heels and veered immediately between two houses. Hurrying to close the gap, I reached the spot and… nothing. Just two walls, the cliff face, and the seaweed.

The seaweed.

I hopped down onto the rocky shelf under the docks and looked about. Shelia was running back south under the boardwalk, splashing through tide pools and clamoring over seaweed-slicked rocks. I scrambled after her, the slick, uneven ground depriving both of us of speed. The skirts of her homespun dress looked to be another impediment as Shelia hiked them up to improve her footing. She was going to have to resurface somewhere soon, as the boardwalk and ground met not far from the Unfortunate Intersection. The span leading up to that would get too short to move through.

Barnacle encrusted pilings tore at my tunic as I stumbled along, bouncing off them as though in my typical drunken stupor. Only I didn’t have the pain-deadening salve of being drunk to shrug off the bite of the razor-sharp shells. Blood ran down my sleeve more copiously than I cared to look at. I bit back a profanity as the pain throbbed.

Realizing the ground was rising to meet the roof, Shelia took a sharp turn to cross over to the scree between the buildings and the cliff. I matched the move without waiting for the spot she took it so I could keep her in view. The wall of stench hammered my nostrils as I realized the scree was slick not only with wet plant life but waste tossed from the backs of the shops and houses lining the boardwalk. Sea life, kitchen scraps, and nightsoil mixed on small, shattered stones that shifted underfoot. I was pinwheeling like some buffooning jester as I tried to keep up with Shelia’s flight.

My dignity quite discarded, I stumbled up after the dancing girl turned tavern wench as she returned to the common street. A plank of wood, more like an oversized shingle, caught me full in the face and split. Reeling, I remained upright, even as the world twirled about me in confusion.

“Stop! Thief!” I shouted, knowing we were close enough for Ardo’s guards at the Unfortunate Intersection to hear. Assuming they were still at their posts. Good arm raised to fend off further blows, I stumbled and staggered out into the street. Blood ran from my arm and nose, staining my tunic beyond all salvation.

‘Now you ain’t going to get that much blood out of a tunic no matter how hard you scrub. Once it sets, it ain’t coming out,’ the washerwoman’s harsh voice came back to mind. This must have been what Wilcox had looked like that night, stumbling and bleeding towards the road up the plateau. Only for me, the guards were there. And I didn’t have a knife in my guts or poison in my stomach. As my eyes blinked back to some semblance of focus, I saw Shelia, firmly held by a strapping lad in red and beige. The other guard gently lowered my wrist and looked to see where I was bleeding from.

“Magistrate Browne?”

“Hold the woman for questioning,” I said.

“She weren’t the one who hit you,” the guard said. “The man with the eyepatch did that.”

“Where is he?”

“Donno, gone.”

I looked about the crowd that was beginning to assemble and tried not to curse. With so many unfamiliar people passing through the docks, blending in was trivial.

“Still, hold the girl. She’s involved and I need to question her.”

“Yer gonna need someone to look at that gash in yer arm, and your nose ain’t lookin’ to pretty neither.”

I clasped my good hand over the wound on my bicep and drew in a deep breath. “I’m not ignoring that, but we can do more than one thing at a time.”

About The Author

UnCivilServant

UnCivilServant

A premature curmudgeon and IT drone at a government agency with a well known dislike of many things popular among the Commentariat. Also fails at shilling Books

162 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    Obligatory action scene.

    • Sean

      No explosions.

      • Chafed

        John Wick didn’t have any explosions. Still had plenty of action scenes.

  2. Aloysious

    I like a good fetid bouquet.

  3. Aloysious

    Had to look up ‘rooved’.

    An archaic term, which I like. I learned something.

    • Gender Traitor

      I looked up “nightsoil,” which was exactly what I suspected it was. The euphemism du jour!

      • Aloysious

        That one I actually knew, having looked up Going Farmers or Nightmen.

        It was a shitty way to make a living.

      • Aloysious

        “Gong Farmer”

        Dammit

      • UnCivilServant

        And here I was thinking I was the only one who knew of that profession. Someone has to dig it out.

        Beware the fumes, they are literally lethal at times.

      • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

        It was a common fertilizer (if not the only) in the rice paddies of China (and likely much of the Far East). One uses what one has available to help feed your family and grow enough for the landlord’s rent. They may still be using it now, chemical fertilizer might be too expensive.

      • dbleagle

        The ROK used nightsoil until recently and probably still does away from the major cities.

        The Germans, Bavarians at least, use bovine and pork night soil to fertilize still. We called it, “the sweet smell of Bavarian success.”

      • Aloysious

        dbleagle:. There are still farmers around here, Idaho, that use a liquid cow poop to fertilize the fields.

        Getting stuck behind a honey wagon on a back road builds character.

      • rhywun

        Same.

        I like olde picturesque lingo.

      • Fourscore

        One of my chores, in my rural youth, was to clean the barn. Not much in the summer, the cows stayed outside except at milking time (another of my chores), winter we made a pile outside the barn, hauled it to the garden in the spring. Not only a fertilizer but added tilth as a soil amendment.

      • Threedoor

        Where are you at Aloysious?

        I’m in the Lewiston area.

      • Aloysious

        Three door: Nampa, a suburb of the People’s Republic of Boise.

        I exaggerate, but not by much.

      • Threedoor

        Yeah. It’s pretty bad. I was a precinct committeeman and did one state convention for the R party.

        We all came down and those new to it were pretty shocked at how far left the R party was in your parts.

    • UnCivilServant

      By habit I use rooves and rooved over roofed and roofs.

      I have no idea why.

      • rhywun

        I can’t find “rooves” in the dictionary.

        Old English hrōf, of Germanic origin; related to Old Norse hróf ‘boat shed’, Dutch roef ‘deckhouse’. English alone has the general sense ‘covering of a house’; other Germanic languages use forms related to thatch.

        Dach in German. Huh!

      • rhywun

        British English

        🤨

        To be fair, my dictionary is “Oxford American”.

  4. Aloysious

    Man with eye patch.

    A new player? The mystery deepens.

    • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

      Sounds like someone else is investigating the murder.

  5. Gender Traitor

    I was pinwheeling like some buffooning jester…

    Great visual. 😄

    • UnCivilServant

      Jasper is not the most physical of my protagonists.

  6. Brochettaward

    Brown shooter is 24 year old from Wisconsin. Supposedly is in the military, recently commissioned as an officer with a focus on cyber warfare. Has a business degree from the University of Wisconsin. May have an apartment in DC and registered to vote there, as well.

    Weird shit. He just throw a dart at a board and land on Brown, decide to drive all the way there and shoot some people?

    • Brochettaward

      Also, most mass shooters carrying out “random” acts of violence don’t have getaway plans. They turn the gun on themselves or die in the attempt. Another odd wrinkle to all this.

    • Raven Nation

      In the Australian shooting, there is already some political hack declaring that “Australians want leadership when it comes to gun control.” Despite this being almost a textbook case of “only criminals will own guns.”

      Gun experts: what would be an “automatic shotgun” – the apparent weapons of choice. Shotgun seems odd since they started shooting from a pedestrian bridge.

      • DEG

        I saw some videos from different angles of the shooting.

        One of the videos showed the pedestrian bridge shooter using a straight pull rifle. I’d guess, based on what I saw and some analysis of the video, it is a Strasser.

        I think he switched to a shotgun later. In one longer video, it looks like he switches weapons. The report is different, there’s a bigger cloud of smoke, and I did not notice him working a bolt.

      • Raven Nation

        That makes more sense.

      • rhywun

        NYPost is going, as usual, with “crazed” gunmen.

        !@#$% I hate that shit.

        They are not “crazed”. They are evil.

      • Threedoor

        Crazed?
        No
        Evil?
        No.
        Faithful?
        Yes.

  7. Evan from Evansville

    This is a fun one. Well-descripted and fun chase scene. “The Unfortunate Intersection” also draws a solid, internal chuckle.

    “The sailors did what sailors everywhere do – get drunk, find the nearest brothel or gambling house, and lose all of their pay in one way or another.” –> I wonder if there’s legit mathematical work on the correlation between Profligacy and Distance from Occupational Death. Hard to account for variables like age and singledom, with dangerous lives (in general) tending to be among the young and childless, regardless of career.

    That link is obviously ‘there.’ (I’m gonna die anyway, might as well get laid ‘n have fun. *shrug*’) I’d just like to know more about how it plays out economically.

  8. Tres Cool

    Lake effect snow. Driving to the office on I-71 north, just shy of the exit for 271. I go to move from the center lane to the right at maybe 30-35 mph.
    Tracker John started to slide, I corrected, slid the other way, and I spun out, ending up in the left side emergency lane facing south. There was considerable traffic, so its a small miracle I didnt hit anyone. No damage except maybe my underwear.

    Hopefully tomorrow Ill be an episode of r/idiotsincars

    • Sean

      Yikes.

      This morning:

      Me – “7 inches of unplowed snow?”
      Jeep – “No problem.”

      Only got to play in my HOA though, the roads were already cleared.

      • Tres Cool

        I just put new tires (and brakes and front struts and a battery) on the Jeep.
        During yesterdays snow event it was fine. Tracker Testarossa however….I knew a year ago these tires suck in the snow. Its my own fault.

    • DrOtto

      My wife pulled something like that while driving in a rare TX snowstorm. I was in the passenger seat and woke up seeing cars coming towards us as my wife screamed while we slid backwards into the center grass median. I drove the remainder of that trip. Even though there was snow on the roads, skid marks were also involved.

      • Tres Cool

        Hopefully tomorrow Im an episode of r/idiotsincars
        There was enough traffic Im sure someone had a dashcam

    • rhywun

      My town has the usual dusting only, despite what sounds like everyone else getting hammered. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

      (I am about 100 mi. east of Glibs Gulch.)

      • Tres Cool

        I have a weeklong project in Auburn coming up soon.

        Meetup?

      • rhywun

        If it’s after Xmas maybe. And if you feel like driving down to Ithaca. :/

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        We got a dusting last night, but about 5” a couple nights ago.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Yep, had a similar thing happen on I80, just west of Donner. Ended up in the middle, facing traffic, and I don’t know how I managed to get the lung fish (Datsun diesel) moving after that. No damage, just like you.

      Lucky, we are.

    • Chafed

      I’m glad you are in one piece.

    • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

      I’ve done several 360s, most of them in snow or on ice. Luckily always in light to no traffic, so never any damage or injury. But it was always ‘oh well, I’m going to go for a spin, guess I’m going to find out where I end.’

  9. rhywun

    I didn’t have the pain-deadening salve of being drunk

    I hate when that happens.

    /working on it

  10. Brochettaward

    On the Syria attack. Not that I’m going to pat myself on the back, but a report confirms that the shooter was a recent recruit to “security forces.”

    Inside job.

    • dbleagle

      Worse than that. He was already suspected of ties to ISIS, so they moved him to guarding stuff so they could try to develop his ties. Dumb fucks didn’t arrest and disarm him. So, he left his guard post, with an issued firearm, and stormed the meeting.

      Regional media says the Syrian government has already arrested five others with suspected ties to the attack.

      Usual caveats about the first 24-48 hours.

  11. Sensei

    Robot Vacuum Roomba Maker Files for Bankruptcy After 35 Years

    …Shenzhen PICEA acquired a major portion of its debt from US investor Carlyle Group Inc., and iRobot said it was in talks to secure new capital and address the outstanding debt… A hoped-for by acquisition by Amazon.com in 2023 collapsed over regulatory concerns.

    Better Chinese ownership than Bezos, right FedGov? FTC for the win again!

    • Ted S.

      Where are we going to get our “cats riding Roomba” videos from?

      • Sean

        Ted, asking the important questions.

      • Fourscore

        Maybe there’s some sort of machine that a person could tell that would make those crazy videos. Put a cute gal riding a Zamboni size vacuum cleaner.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Well shoot. Missus wants an auto vacuum for the dog hair.

      • rhywun

        Those things have always seemed the height of silly to me.

        Is it really that hard to sweep once in a while?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Carpets and dog hair adds up, even weekly.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Missus loved our Shark push vac (and it does do a pretty good job). Think we’ve found our next one.

    • R.J.

      I hate them. Wretched overhyped technology.

    • UnCivilServant

      Why is China buying the original when they already have all the knockoff makers?

      • dbleagle

        Probably to skin the corpse and place the brand name on their knockoffs. You know, shitification.

      • Plinker762

        As 2E said, they want the brand name to fool consumers that don’t know they’re buying CCP crap.

      • rhywun

        fool consumers that don’t know they’re buying CCP crap

        See also: buying anything in the last forty years or so.

      • Chafed

        There’s also all the data those things send back to its mothers hip.

      • Threedoor

        Lidar scans of more homes.

  12. Gender Traitor

    Whew! I’ve convinced both my sisters to skip the whole gift exchange thing for Christmas and just get together for dinner out the weekend afterward. 😅 And it was in a text conversation, so it’s in writing, dammit!

    • Chafed

      👍 👍

  13. Brochettaward

    I was arguing about whether the term genocide actually applies to what’s happening in Gaza so i went down a rabbit hole.

    I’m not getting into that, but just want to provide Exhibit 15928 as to why Wikipedia is bullshit.

    The IDF accused Hamas of military operations inside hospitals, including alleged attacks on IDF soldiers, weapon storage, fighters taking shelter, providing support for Hamas tunnels, human shielding, and holding hostages[55] Many of these claims, however, have been debunked under scrutiny from journalists

    That’s the claim. They cite three links of this “debunking. One such example is from the Washington Post on the attack on Al-Shifa Hospital.

    But the evidence presented by the Israeli government falls short of showing that Hamas had been using the hospital as a command and control center, according to a Washington Post analysis of open-source visuals, satellite imagery and all of the publicly released IDF materials. That raises critical questions, legal and humanitarian experts say, about whether the civilian harm caused by Israel’s military operations against the hospital — encircling, besieging and ultimately raiding the facility and the tunnel beneath it — were proportionate to the assessed threat.

    The article cannot argue that Al-Shifa was not used as a base of operations. It simply tries to argue, based on the half-assed opinion of The Washington Post of what a bad guys headquarters should look like no doubt, that it wasn’t the main command center.

    Sentences later they relay this quote:

    Andrew Cayley, leading the International Criminal Court investigation in Palestine said that Israeli claims about Hamas use of hospitals in Gaza used to justify Israeli attacks on them are “grossly exaggerated”.[11][12]

    So, was it debunked or exaggerated?

    Sentences later they admit:

    On the same day, Israel bombed the Gaza European Hospital, killing Hamas leader Muhammed Sinwar and his companions who were holding a meeting in a bunker. Sources from Gaza-based factions reported that “the location did in fact contain a tunnel system”

    You know, that’s a hospital funded by grants from the EU.

    Nowhere on the page as far as I can tell does it highlight the documents released by Israel where these assholes specifically outline their plan to use hospitals as bases of military operations and their close proximity to NGO’s such as the Red Cross and Doctor’s Without Borders personnel and their undeniable knowledge of the Hamas’s presence. The Washington Post glosses over and insinuates that weapons found al Shifa could not be “verified.” As if they should have had a reporter from the Post embedded with them as they took the hospital. And because they didn’t have a firefight to take the tunnels, it means they just probably weren’t in use any longer. That’s a far cry from debunking Israel claims (which the US under Biden backed up with its own intelligence assessments). Then you have information from a number of defectors and prisoners. Or the fact that an attack on another hospital took out Hamas leadership in similar underground tunnels. You know, shit like that.

    If you read the page on genocide in Gaza, it uses the page on attacks on hospitals to bolster one of its key pieces of evidence against Israel that Israel is systematically attempting to prevent Palestinian births by attacking these hospitals.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Wikipedia was shit 20 years ago when I told my students that it’s not a valid source for academic work. I’m sure it’s fully entrenched in all of the leftist shibboleths by now. I’ll use it for basic factual info like when a band premiered its first album, or the birth date of someone or another. But that place is filled with leftist nonsense outside of the most basic facts.

    • rhywun

      I was picking up some milk and pop Friday after work and passed the public library. It was getting dark so I could see inside the meeting room where there’s always a bunch of busy-bodies talking busy-body stuff. This time it was “FREE GAZA” and “STOP GENOCIDE”. Now I know where the two-minutes hate goes when it’s too cold outside.

      Wikipedia was shit 20 years ago

      Yeah, I won’t touch it for anything I know will be political.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Don’t you just love how our hard earned tax dollars go to support leftist causes? Something tells me a “vigil for Charlie Kirk” would have been denied.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      legal and humanitarian experts say blah blah blah “proportionate”

      Do these experts have any published guidelines about what is and isn’t “proportionate”, or do they just kind of wing it based which party is the designated “oppressor”?

    • Chafed

      There has been a public spat about the biased editing at Wikipedia. It went to shit and won’t fix its own problems.

    • Bobbo

      Why should I care?
      Its not our fight

  14. Derpetologist

    It’s easy to find evidence of Israelis Behaving Badly, enough so that we should stop giving them money for their forever war.

    There was a Hamas big wig nicknamed The Guest (al-deif) because he moved around all the time and rarely slept twice in the same house/building. Surely there were others like that.

    Israel cannot fight Hamas, Hezbollah, Houthis, and Iran simultaneously or indefinitely. It’s death by a thousand cuts. Or a whack-a-mole jihad if you prefer.

  15. Tres Cool

    RE: roomba

    Ages ago I was sitting in the waiting room for my physical, reading TOS and someone commented on a roomba.
    Im paraphrasing but I remember someone commenting “our roomba never hits the docking station- like a drunken, teenaged, runaway, trying to find her way home”

    I giggled like the drooling moron I am.

  16. Brochettaward

    I stopped playing with the dog.

    He decided to come up by my face, curl up into a ball and proceed to lick my ear for 5 minutes.

    • Brochettaward

      I guess it’s better than when he bites it.

    • rhywun

      He luuuvvs you awwww

    • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

      Maybe he thinks your ear is sick and that’s his way of trying to ‘cure’ it.

  17. Ownbestenemy

    Birthday dinner was good and place is decent we ate at. However, if I order steak au poivre and taste no hint whatsoever of any pepper then uh…what did you make me

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Best steak au poive I ever had was in Quebec City at a joint called L’entrecote Saint-Jean.

      Actually, now that I look at the menu, it wasn’t au poive. It was their house specialty, Steak and Fries. It was fire though.

      https://www.entrecotesaintjean.com/en/

  18. SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

    To get back to the story, not only does it look like there’s another oar in the water but I strongly suspect Shelia was simply running from the ‘law’ for a different crime. The chase scene reminds me of a time our pitty slipped her leash and I had to go charging through the briars and over deadfalls trying to catch something hot on a scent with more speed than myself. Years later I still have lingering scars.

    • Threedoor

      It was obviously a drummer.

      • Threedoor

        The usual suspects will say it was MaGA.

      • creech

        MAGA? Maybe he had info that was about to lead to the arrest of one Hillary Clinton?

    • slumbrew

      Holy shit.

    • Bobbo

      Someone went to 11,
      Damn

    • Derpetologist

      Since it was only two of them, does it count as a genocide?

      Sorry, couldn’t think of a more polite way to phrase that.

    • kinnath

      That’s what happens when you try to reboot a cherished IP.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Archie better have an airtight alibi.

    • Brochettaward

      I know you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but…

      Home surrounded by gates and hedges.

      Lectures everyone else about compassion while his own son was homeless for years.

      • Threedoor

        Stabbing.
        Of old people.

        In the semi civilized west of not that long ago that was personal.

        Now.
        Who knows.

        You break into a house of a 78 year old guy it’s pretty easy to subdue him. Or if you have half a brain you wait until you know he’s going to go to some Hollywood event.

        Could still be personal.

      • Brochettaward

        AND…

        They’re saying the son was the murderer.

      • slumbrew

        Just read that. Damn.

      • rhywun

        They’re saying the son was the murderer.

        Huh. Somehow I am not surprised. This shit doesn’t happen randomly in that neighborhood.

      • Threedoor

        When the first bit I read on Fox said the one son was a drug addict and a bum I went there right off.

      • Brochettaward

        Yea. That home looks very secure. Far more secure than, say, our border.

        The stabbing element of it, as well.

        Seems like a personal thing and someone who had access.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I dont believe in coincidences…but one of the streaming services was heavily suggesting his movies on Saturday night. How crazy

      • Bobbo

        Yep

    • Mojeaux

      I’m invoking the 48-hour rule for myself.

      It’s possible the parents were assholes.

      It’s possible the kid was an asshole.

      I’m long past the point where I look at the parents automatically with regard to whatever their kid did.

      • Threedoor

        I thought everyone knew that Reiner was an asshole?

      • Mojeaux

        I mean, yeah, to US he is. We don’t know what he was like as a parent.

      • Brochettaward

        I took a cheap shot at him on the kid thing, admittedly. If someone is addicted it can get messy.

        The story is that they supposedly gave him an ultimatum to go to rehab or get out. He was Only catch to that is that he was a teenager at the time according to the story linked by the Post. His last stint in rehab was when he was 19. In the interview he claims he went to his first rehab at 15. He claimed he spent years homeless.

  19. Brochettaward

    It will never cease to amuse me that the NYT’s didn’t just get the two worst atrocities of the 20th century wrong, but the actively pushed propaganda to discount both (Stalin’s purges and the Holocaust, respectively).

    • Derpetologist

      Probably the Cultural Revolution too.

      Oh well. At least it will increasingly become AI slop.

  20. Ownbestenemy

    And now Brown ‘person of interest’ is released.

  21. Brochettaward

    Fun fact: The Steelers are the only team that celebrates the Super Bowl in week 18 of the regular season. They are a non-championship observing team under Mike Tomlin.

    • Brochettaward

      Never Had A Losing Season is like Kwanzaa. For football.

      Mike Tomlin is like the visionary Maulana Ron Karenga.

  22. Derpetologist

    random thought

    Here in TN, we have something I like to call socialism with redneck characteristics. It goes like this: everybody pays an extra dollar for electricity each month to cover all the folks who can’t pay their power bills. It’s voluntary, but I suspect almost no one refuses to do so. This is what makes high trust societies possible. We also have this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi0QEgdO9SQ

    • Mojeaux

      I thought you were in FL?

      • Derpetologist

        I moved to TN in October after my magical mystery tour (psychotic break? bad acid trip?) and 17 days in another psych ward. Among other things, it makes it way easier to meet with my elderly parents.

        The mystical experience was cool, but it came at a high price.

      • Brochettaward

        What happened with Walmart?

      • Derpetologist

        Fired after a week for working too slow. No biggie. I’m signing up for the local welding school. Fortunately, my savings are ample.

        My record for fastest firing was night stocking job I had in a Chicago liquor store. There was a bar in the back. He drank with me and the cashier after the first night shift.

        I’m in no danger of being homeless or hungry, but the hobo life is looking better all the time.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqowmHgxVJQ

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrhAC0dFis0

    • Threedoor

      My power bill in TN never got an extra cent added to it willingly.

  23. Mojeaux

    Okay, well, in other tragic news, Mahomes has a torn ACL and even if he didn’t, there is no more football until next year.

    • Brochettaward

      As a Steelers fan, I must object. Never Had A Losing Season has not been achieved yet. The NFL season truly ends week 18. Everything played after that is akin to apostasy.

      • Mojeaux

        I shouldn’t be opening my fat mouth. I haven’t watched one game this season.

  24. Brochettaward

    Blame the feds, not Somalis, for the fraud

    I can blame both, actually. Yea, only a small number of conspirators were charged (if we are calling 76 a small number, I guess when compared to the total pop sure). But how many Somalis were complicit and receiving kickbacks while labeling their kids as autistic to the feds? In the final year of that scam, just one defendant took $14 million for treatments. I’m going to guess it was based on how many kids she claimed to be treating for autism. Kickbacks to parents were in the range of 500-1500. 14 million divided by 1500 is over 9000 autism diagnoses. I mean, this may not have been exactly how it worked, but you are talking about one treatment provider still labeling thousands of children as autistic to collect those funds. Each child has two parents (maybe some were claiming multiple children, but doesn’t change the basic math here).

    That’s a lot of people in a relatively small community who took part in this fraud directly. And she was just ONE of the people in that community claiming to offer treatments to autistic children.

    Reason cites a figure 1196 who were complicit in defrauding the money for autists program. The total number of Somalis they admit to participating in this was 1653 or 1.5% of the Somali population of Minnesota (how many of those are even adults who could have participated?). I don’t know if that 1196 number is supposed to include all the parents involved or not. I don’t think we have any number on that based on my basic research. If not, we are talking about thousands more added on to this number of 1653 and a far higher percentage.

    Cannon says that states “shift about one-sixth of the cost of the Medicaid program” to the federal government by gaming the amount of matching funds that D.C. provides to states, resulting in about $159 billion of “perfectly legal” fraud each year. He adds that fraud enforcement with Medicaid is notoriously lax at the state and federal levels because, with the dollar-for-dollar matching system, the incentive to fight fraud is cut in half since “half of the savings go to another level of government, not their own.” (In the case of FCNP funding, there is next to no incentive for states to investigate fraud because every dollar comes from the federal government.) Consequently, Cannon characterizes Medicaid as “socialism on stupidity on stilts,” and a “bonanza for fraud.”

    I’m fairly certain Reason ran a number of stories “debunking” Trump’s claim that money was going to illegals despite anyone with common sense realizing that it’s bullshit. These programs are administered at the state level and they are incentivized through politics and basic math to allow fraud. Money is also fungible so when you have states like California bragging about their program offering healthcare for illegals… I’m going to wager they’ve attacked his attempts to get information from the states that would help combat fraud as well, though I don’t follow closely enough to confirm that.

    • Brochettaward

      A whopping 81% of Somali households get some form of welfare from the government. That’s the highest of any ethnic group I’m aware of. How much fraud would we discover if we looked into that?

      This shit is quite clearly systematic in their community and the culture they have brought over here.

      I commented a few weeks back on the supposed defense of Somalis based on how much they pay in taxes (which didn’t even factor in how much they receive in benefits). It was $15 million. Putting the fraud at a conservative $1 billion, it would take 15 years to pay it back. If as high as $3 billion, 45 years.

      Reason doesn’t even try to grapple with the actual concerns of libertarians on this subject. I don’t know who they think they’re preaching to, but the long debate over borders among libertarians is how you can have that with a generous welfare state. They don’t even try to grapple with that.

      • Brochettaward

        Final post. Even the population numbers they cite (105k) are the high end of estimates. They go as low as ~80k. Half of that roughly is adults (a little over half, in fact). Since kids presumably can’t participate in welfare fraud, those percentages go far higher. Even higher when we talk about the parents participating. And even higher still when we consider the number of Somalis who knew and just shrugged at it.

        And oh yea, it’s happening in other states with Somali populations, too. What a coinkidink.

      • Derpetologist

        It’s even worse on closer inspection:

        ***
        In the early 2000s, the Islamic Courts Union (ICU) emerged as a major political and military force, becoming the de facto government over much of southern Somalia by mid-2006 after defeating a CIA-backed coalition of Somali warlords.[28] The United States backed a full scale Ethiopian invasion of Somalia aimed at regime change against the ICU, seeking to install the weak Ethiopian backed Transitional Federal Government. American combat aircraft, special operations forces and intelligence assets were covertly deployed in support of Ethiopian troops advancing on Mogadishu in late 2006.[29][30][31]
        ***

        ***
        The United States was extremely concerned about what was happening in Ethiopia — even more concerned than it was about Somalia — so it suspended its economic aid. Ethiopia had been a close US ally under its feudal leader Haile Selassie. The Soviet Union then became the main source of Ethiopia’s military and economic assistance.

        Meanwhile, Somalia’s relationship with the Eastern Bloc began to fray. The United States came in, hoping to use Somalia as a bulwark against the even more radical, Marxist Ethiopian government. The Soviet Union tried to have it both ways, being involved with Somalia and with Ethiopia at the same time.
        ***

        One big, long, dumb clusterfuck.

        https://jacobin.com/2022/11/somalia-cold-war-war-on-terror-us-intervention-destabilization

      • Gustave Lytton

        It’s almost as if there’s a difference in cultures and people from a third world shithole have a shithole culture that they brought with them. And as if the ongoing problems back home aren’t just bad luck.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        You’re forgetting about the magic soil here Gustave. As soon as other cultures set foot here they crave hot dogs, apple pie, and baseball.

      • UnCivilServant

        Then they can go home, play the game there, and buy our exported foodstuffs to serve at the events.

    • Brochettaward

      My math is wonky on the above when it comes to the parents. The $14 million wouldn’t have all gone to them and that’s just not the right way to determine the number. Don’t know what I was thinking there.

      But those people will almost certainly not be charged. It’s too many cases.

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s 9° outside 🥶😨

    • Ted S.

      Some of us are not Tulpas.

      • Rat on a train

        All are Tulpa. Some are more Tulpa than others.

      • Ted S.

        The rest of you are Tulpas. I’m the One True Libertarian™.

      • UnCivilServant

        You poor, unfortunate soul.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, U, Ted’S., and EfE!

      It’s a whopping 3 degrees here in SW OH (“feels like -7.”) I’m just hoping my car starts and its windows aren’t coated with rock-hard frost.

      • UnCivilServant

        Morning.

        I got my trash to the curb and made it to the office, where the indoor humidity is 16%, and I have to take precautions to prevent cracked and bleeding skin.

        😥

      • Gender Traitor

        Ugh! Would you be allowed to run one of those little tabletop humidifiers, if even that would do any good in a cube?

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t believe so. With all of the electrical on my desk, I think a pot of water would be rated a hazard.

        Besides, it probably wouldn’t make a dent in the humidity.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “Excessive consumption may have a laxitive effect.”
      Ah, the joys of sugar alcohols: hard pass.

      • UnCivilServant

        Maltitol – the worst of the lot.

        😣

      • Rat on a train

        at least go with erythritol

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        In my minds eye their product development team is a band of merry pranksters who enjoy poop jokes.

  25. Evan from Evansville

    Beginning outdoor duty til 9. In and out, but pretty consistent yesterday. Hope for better today. Warmer, certainly.

    Be well, all.

    • Evan from Evansville

      *warmer

      Well, yes. Technically. As we all know ..

    • Gender Traitor

      Hope you’re well bundled up and NOT busy! Be careful out there!

  26. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

  27. EvilSheldon

    Good morning one and all! It’s fucking 16°F out there – why is the universe not shut down completely?

    More importantly, why am I awake?

    • UnCivilServant

      You are awake because you’re not dead and you need to get on with your Monday.

      The universe is not shut down because it is an uncaring bitch which will go on with or without you. So get up.

      • R.J.

        Staaaahp.

    • Not Adahn

      Wait, you have two digits in your temperature? Oh yeah, you’re from a southern state.

      • R.J.

        Look at me, late to the party.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Right after the drugs fell out of his ass.

      • Not Adahn

        NPRs reporting of it is… weird. They are only reporting is as they “died.”

      • UnCivilServant

        Really?

        Even Twitchy (that paragon of journalism) is saying “Stabbed

  28. R C Dean

    I have a question (well, really, two questions):

    Who were the victims in the Brown University shooting?

    Why aren’t there any media reports about them?