How to Think Like a Roman Emperor
If you have anger issues, this one is a great tool (h/t mindyourbusiness)
This week’s book:
Discourses and Selected Writings
Disclaimer: I’m not your Supervisor. These are my opinions after reading through these books a few times.
Epictetus was born a slave around 50 ad. His owner was Epaphroditus, a rich freedman who was once a slave of Nero. Though he was a slave Epictetus was sent to study philosophy under Musonius Rufus.
Epictetus was lame and there are some stories it was caused by his master and others that it was caused by disease.
He was a freedman when all philosophers were banished from Rome in 89 by the Emperor Domitian. He then started his school in Greece, and had many students. He did not leave any writings from his lessons, but one of his students, Flavius Arrian, took notes and wrote the Discourses.
Epictetus did not marry, had no children, and lived to be around 80-85. In retirement, he adopted a child that would have been abandoned and raised him with a woman.
He died sometime around AD 135.
He is my favorite Stoic teacher. I love his bare bones and very straight forward approach.
Following is a paragraph-by-paragraph discussion of one of his lessons. Epictetus’s text appears italicized in bold, my replies are in normal text.
Against the Contentious and Brutal
The good and excellent man neither contends with anyone, nor, as far as he has the power, does he allow others to contend. We have an example before us of this also, as well as of everything else, in the life of Socrates, who did not merely himself avoid contention upon every occasion, but tried to prevent others as well from contending. See in Xenophon’s Symposium how many contentions he has resolved, and again how patient he was with Thrasymachus, Polus, and Callicles,[1] and habitually so with his wife, and also with his son when the latter tried to confute him with sophistical arguments.[2]
This is something I have become better at as I have gotten older. Arguing with others is generally a waste of time. It is easy to get sucked into arguments online whether as a participant or just an observer. I don’t mind discussing things and my favorite strategy is to just ask questions and let the other person explain how their ideas would really work. I don’t engage in this often, but when it works it is amazing.
For Socrates bore very firmly in mind that no one is master over another’s governing principle. He willed, accordingly, nothing but what was his own. 5And what is that? [Not to try to make other people act[3]] in accordance with nature, for that does not belong to one; but, while they are attending to their own business as they think best, himself none the less to be and to remain in a state of harmony with nature, attending only to his own business, to the end that they also may be in harmony with nature. For this is the object which the good and excellent man has ever before him. To become praetor? No; but if this be given him, to maintain his own governing principle in these circumstances. To marry? No; but if marriage be given him, to maintain himself as one who in these circumstances is in harmony with nature. But if he wills that his son or his wife make no mistake, he wills that what is not his own should cease to be not his own. And to be getting an education means this: To be learning what is your own, and what is not your own.
I am having a hard time remembering that things outside of my control should not upset me. My father in law died this weekend, but what is bothering me is the fact my wife is dealing with it by herself. There is sibling arguments and she has wound up wearing herself out doing too much work cleaning the house and feeling in the middle of the arguments. She has been so busy and tired I haven’t talked to her in a few days. Today she was finally able to talk to me for almost an hour today. I know it’s bad because she said her brother and sister were “pissing her off”. For her this is extremely strong language. All I can do is to listen to her and let her vent. She did say she felt better after talking to me, so that helps me feel a little useful.
Where, then, is there any longer room for contention, if a man is in such a state? Why, he is not filled with wonder at anything that happens, is he? Does anything seem strange to him? Does he not expect worse and harsher treatment from the wicked than actually befalls him? Does he not count it as gain whenever they fail to go to the limit? “So-and-so reviled you.” I am greatly obliged to him for not striking me. “Yes, but he struck you too.” I am greatly obliged to him for not wounding me. “Yes, but he wounded you too,” I am greatly obliged to him for not killing me.
I try to remember this advice. Things that do not actually harm me are only as big as I let them be. If I let them control my reactions, then I make them harm me. Sitting around feeling upset because of what my wife is dealing with does not help me or her. It would have been easy to tell my wife that her sister was being mean and her brother was overreacting, but that would accomplish nothing.
My father in law died this weekend, but what is bothering me is the fact my wife is dealing with it by herself.
Sorry.
Sorry Ron.
“She did say she felt better after talking to me…”
You’re a good man, Ron. Sometimes that’s all people need, to know that someone else cares.
So, so true.
My condolences to you and your family Ron.
I’m assuming she’s thinking “mukatsuku”. A common translation is “pissed off” in English. But my Japanese friends rarely use this word and when they do it conveys strong dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Much more than when we say we are pissed a cashier gave us the wrong change and we didn’t notice. It’s one where culturally I think the English is different compared Japanese.
No, she means it in the American sense.
Condolences on your FIL.
With regard to your wife, I don’t know how her relationship is with her siblings, but when my mom was in the hospital and both my brothers came to town, we had a blowup that lasted about 3 days, mostly directed at me. We never do this.
BUT we also a presented a united front against Cunty Aunts and Mom’s asshole PCP, and we did it without even thinking about it. Where one fell down, another picked up. Cool-headed Bro #1 did his thing when necessary. Hot-headed Bro #2 did his thing when necessary. I made sure they got deployed at the appropriate times.
When it all shook out, we came to the conclusion that I was just collateral damage because I was there and safe and I probably deserved whatever.
Anyway, if she and her siblings are usually on good terms, this conflict is stress-induced and will settle after everything’s over with. A death and planning a funeral is EXTREMELY stressful, and then there will be the estate to settle. This is normal.
Hiwever, if she’s in the middle of the others’ infighting, she needs to step back and let them at it. She’s not responsible for their feelings or grudges.
My husband couldn’t do anything for me, either, except let me vent without speaking or offering advice, running errands, being Boy Friday. That was IMMENSELY helpful. Don’t try to make her rest. She’s running around doing stuff because it takes her mind off the more unpleasant things.
Step back, be available, run little errands, hug her a lot, play with her hair if she likes that. I swear, I would’ve killed for my husband to say, “Sit,” and then comb out and play with my hair.
Thanks, it doesn’t sound too serious, but my wife never uses that kind of language, so it might be worse than she lets on.
On the bright side, she’s coming home Monday night.
On the down side, I have to clean the house this weekend.
#ows654 🔎 5/5 (00:44)
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🔥 streak: 2
onewordsearch.com
#stack269 5/5
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puzzlist.com/stackdown
Unbiased and strictly factual
The Trump administration has been highly critical of tech companies’ efforts to police what people are allowed to post on their platforms and of the broader field of trust and safety, the tech industry’s term for teams that focus on preventing abuse, fraud, illegal content, and other harmful behavior online.
More Trumpista retribution against those who would protect us from hate speech and lies.
“I’m alarmed that trust and safety work is being conflated with ‘censorship’,” said Alice Goguen Hunsberger
And I’m alarmed that censorship is being conflated with trust and safety work.
First Amendment experts criticized the memo’s guidance as itself a potential violation of free speech rights.
“People who study misinformation and work on content-moderation teams aren’t engaged in ‘censorship’— they’re engaged in activities that the First Amendment was designed to protect. This policy is incoherent and unconstitutional,” said Carrie DeCell, senior staff attorney and legislative advisor at the Knight First Amendment Institute at Columbia University, in a statement.
Wow talk about missing the plot.
Apparently you need to be very stoic about the World Cup draw as all of the DRAMA is bring relentlessly drawn out with endless attention whoring.
Yeah, I opened the live-ticker on the German site kicker, and it’s been close to 90 minutes from the start of the ceremony to Brazil being the first non-host team to be placed in the draw.
My condolences to you and your family as well. It’s never an easy thing.
Swalwell has competition for being a Chinese lackey!