The Building of a LazyPutrid – Part I

by | Dec 9, 2025 | Choose Your Own Adventure, I Am Lame, LifeSkills | 71 comments

Or Susan, if you prefer.

It will be Round. And in the House. Hopefully not Taped though.

So there I was, on the east coast visiting a friend. He has lots of wood (heh-heh), some extracted from trees I helped fell and cut up. Since I had a vehicle and was driving home, I could return with some raw wood (heh-heh) to fashion into something useful. I selected some hickory; the wood was too dense and hard for him (heh-heh) – so he was willing to part with it. It made a lovely, sturdy book shelf (of which I have no pictures at the moment). As I was packing the wood (heh-heh) he asked if I wanted some red oak that had been lying around for a long time. There was a reason it had been lying around. Twisted, warped, bug hole infested, punky in places. “How about some of that cherry? Or maybe some nice maple or white oak?” … That was unsuccessful. So I end up grabbing his crappy wood (heh-heh) too. Now you might say, “Be happy with the wood you have, you get what you pay for (so says Winston’s mom)”. Well, I must say I paid a hefty price for said wood – given that I stayed up with him and his wife until 1AM drinking whiskey and talking about “LAAANDDD!!!” even though I was hitting the road at 5AM. So driving with a severe headache and the potential for collecting DUIs across at least 4 states before I sobered up somewhere in Tennessee. But let’s hop up onto the wood (heh-heh – that’s the last one, promise).

So what am I going to do with this crappy wood? It’s not really good for anything large, maybe firewood? Anyway, it laid there on the garage floor for a couple of years until someone mentioned that a Lazy Putrid might be useful for the center of the rather large island that now occupies my kitchen. Hmmm – I could take the narrow pieces, maybe cut some narrower and sort of force/plane the warp out of narrower pieces. Let’s give it a shot.

So off to grab the narrowest pieces of crap wood and joint the edges, the process of trying to make one edge ‘flat’. Then referencing off the newly flat edges, joint a face flat and perpendicular to the newly created flat edge. This is possible even with my very small and crappy jointer since all the wood is narrow enough to pass through. With one edge and face flat and perpendicular to each other, can run through the table saw to create a parallel edge and then the planner to create (somewhat) parallel faces. Now I have a couple of relatively flat, straight, and narrow pieces of wood.

Now I want to glue these pieces up so I have a single ‘plank’ of wood large enough to extract a round (and round) disk from. Given what will come, doing biscuit joinery on the edge is not really an option, so I elect to edge glue the pieces together, provided that I’ve jointed/sawed the edges well enough to join mostly seamlessly. Gluing edge grain like this should be quite strong anyway. So apply a bunch of glue and a shit ton of clamps and wait.


So that gives me a jagged, irregular somewhat rectangularish piece of wood. Deformed, much like Hitler’s penis. Or Harvey Weinstein’s. I suppose I could make a square Lazy Putrid – be much easier and would live up to the moniker. But I kind of want a The Circle one. Since the width of my newly manufactured board perpendicular to the grain is shortest, just that the center on that dimension and take distance to the edge as the maximum radius. I just made a marking stick with a hole for a pencil just inside the maximum radius and tacking the other end at the center line. There is some freedom to move the center parallel to the grain as that’s the long direction, but the wood is relatively crappy in all directions. It does become rapidly apparent that I should have either discarded or at least moved the center slat to an edge, as it is the worst piece – I don’t mind knots so much, but flaky/punky wood will never finish up properly. But given what I’ve created so far, I have minimal choice. So I just mark out a circle so that a particularly bad knot doesn’t fall on the edge of the cut out section. I then rough cut with a jig saw, leaving maybe 1/8 of an inch outside the mark. The final circle (in stone) is refined on the table saw with a sanding disk; just have to be careful to ‘creep’ up to the line and keep the piece rotating. It turned out pretty gud.

However, now if I want a lip to prevent things from flying off the Lazy Putrid when I spin it madly, I need to carve/route out the center part of the disk so I have a narrow (~1/8 inch) lip (~1/4 inch) around the edge – i.e. a very shallow flat bottomed bowl. But how could you make such a circle? Insanity I tell ya. I suppose I could build a circle cutting jig, but I’d need it to be adjustable and rigid enough to hold the depth (DON’T LINK IT AGAIN! YOU PROMISED!). Thought about it for about a day than said f-it and bought a $50 circular router jig. This lets me cut a circle from ~1.5 inch to 52 inches in diameter. Neat! So only the initial cut of the outer lip needs to be carefully set up and once you have correct radius and depth set, cut that. Now just make the radius smaller by the width of your router bit and repeat. And re-repeat. and re-re-repeat until you have the minimum circle possible with the jig left. Now chisel, plane, and sand that last bit down to the correct level.

Turned out nicer than I expected. Now I need to figure out the finish and the Lazy Putrid mounting base spinning thingy
But that will be for another entry.

About The Author

PutridMeat

PutridMeat

Blah blah, blah-blah blah. Blah? B-b-b-b-b-lah! Blah blah blah blah. BLAH!

71 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    IT’S RAINING FIRSTS

    HALLELUJAH

    IT’S RAINING FIRSTS

    (In ode to RJ and any SF Glibs and their potential meet up)

    • Brochettaward

      Also…

      …Wood.

      • Ted S.

        Natalie Wood and Bro wouldn’t.

      • Evan from Evansville

        How much wood would you wood, would wood be wood to would? Or wouldn’t?

  2. DEG

    It’s not really good for anything large, maybe firewood?

    I would have used it as firewood.

    The work looks good.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ya. Woodworkers here on this site are amazing

    • PutridMeat

      turned out better than I expected actually. I was fully prepared to smash it up and burn it – and sit next the fire inhaling the wood glue fumes – but at each stage it showed promise, so I just kept going. Happy with the final result (submitted as part II).

      • Bobbo

        That should turn out nice, you have come full circle, Ill stick a round for part 2

  3. ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

    heh heh, you said Bug Hole.

    heh heh.

    (nice work.)

  4. Fourscore

    You see things I don’t see and then you make them happen. I would never have thought of something like that, let alone figure out how to do it.

    I saw firewood from the get go. I guess the scraps aren’t scraps, they’re a project that hasn’t been thought about yet.

    I used to be good at firewood though and making use of my talents as we speak. Old people like it warm.

    If you need firewood bring a trailer (when the snow is gone). Thanks PM

    • Ted S.

      I guess the scraps aren’t scraps, they’re a project that hasn’t been thought about yet.

      They’re crap that accumulates until you need to move house.

      • Threedoor

        Move house.

        Home is where you park it.

  5. Threedoor

    Very nice.

    My warning for the day, if you have an iOS devise.

    DO NOT update to ios26.1. What a mess.

    They add steps to change between open webpages and make the keyboard even worse if that’s possible.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      They wanted race essentialism.

      They are getting race essentialism.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Who’s the guy with the face tat wearing the Burger King crown? I don’t remember that one.

    • Threedoor

      Waffle House gal is married to a black dude.

      But she’s white so that makes her a racist.

      • Brochettaward

        You know, I just want the real story of how The King got his crown.

  6. kinnath

    Nice work.

    • Threedoor

      Has been since the 90s.

    • rhywun

      It’s that $pecial.

      Utopia incoming.

      • rhywun

        “Isn’t”

    • dbleagle

      Prisoners become habituated to following their jailers demands. I guess it can pass down to new generations.

      As bad as Oz is, most Americans aren’t much better. I still get nauseous thinking about how so many Americans bowed and scraped during the VID years. And I still get furious realizing that most of my countrymen proved they would have happily helped the Stasi, KGB, or Gestapo by informing an neighbors, friends, and family.

      • dbleagle

        an = on

      • rhywun

        I firmly believe the US is only about five minutes behind the worst excesses of the rest of the western – and especially Anglo – world. I keep hearing “we have safeguards constitution 2nd amendment blah blah blah” but none of that seems to be stopping the inevitable.

      • PutridMeat

        happily helped the Stasi, KGB, or Gestapo by informing an neighbors, friends, and family.

        One of the most pervasive domestic spy agencies, the Stasi didn’t even have to have that big of a payroll. The East German citizens were all too happy to volunteer. One of our great conceits is that we are somehow different, there’s something magic in the dirt that will prevent that from happening here. It’s not inevitable, but we may have been complacent for too long and may not have a core of citizenry that understands/defends the systems that protected us for so long.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        My Slovak friends like to talk about how after the Iron Curtain fell, all the Communists “turned their costs inside out and became democrats.” I have little doubt that a significant percentage of Americans would do the same in the other direction.

      • R.J.

        They already have.

      • Threedoor

        Well over 90% bent to Covid garbage.

      • DEG

        I firmly believe the US is only about five minutes behind the worst excesses of the rest of the western – and especially Anglo – world. I keep hearing “we have safeguards constitution 2nd amendment blah blah blah” but none of that seems to be stopping the inevitable.

        The guns don’t matter.

        Culture and a drive to do something are what matters.

        I’ve posted before during the Rona Panic: Australia, at the time, had more guns in private hands during the Rona Panic than before whatever their at-the-time latest round of gun control was. I don’t know the current situation, but I’ve interacted with Aussies on gun collectors’ boards who own guns and go shooting. Aussies have guns.

        The Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto did more with less.

        It’s not guns. It’s culture and drive.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Everyone believes in the righteousness of their own beliefs.

  7. Evan from Evansville

    That looks really nice. The wood also has a fun #2-lookin’ birthmark. Could be the seat next to the dealer.

  8. Brochettaward

    I don’t know who is going to make Fuentes look stupid, but what I do know is that it won’t be anyone on the left. They are so intellectually bankrupt at this point and devoid of the ability to debate that it’s not even remotely realistic to think that will happen.

    The best these fucking clowns can do is go, “Lol incel mom’s basement!!1121” The guy is fairly wealthy particularly for his age, he has notoriety bordering on fame, he’s witty and I think objectively humorous and not in a lolcow sort of way. He actually engages in a bit of self-depreciating humor at that from what I’ve seen. The notion that he can’t get laid even if people want to try and stick to the narrative that his followers can’t is just fucking stupid. It doesn’t matter if he says things like, “Your body, my choice,” or demands the repeal of the 19th amendment. There are no shortage of females who would agree with him regardless of what the left would call them, and then there’s even more women who would sell their souls to get a piece of the money and attention he’s getting.

    But it’s what the Reddit crowd considers not just to be a sick burn at this point, but an actual persuasive argument. In reality, it’s a bunch of clownish proggie guys telling on themselves and desperately hoping that some female will at least give them sloppy seconds one day.

    • Brochettaward

      I know some of you around here are like who the fuck cares about Fuentes, but I’ve been saying for months now his movement is growing. He’s objectively fucking everywhere on the internet right now. The days of being able to ban him are gone. He’s positioning himself as the head of the young gen z right wing in the aftermath of Kirk’s death. He’s not just not going away, he’s going to build momentum.

      Pierce Morgan did a better job of beclowning himself than he did Fuentes. Yea, normies are going to be put off by Fuentes and he knows it. The older boomers of both parties are going to grimace at his racial politics. But the young (mostly white) men who have grown up being demonized? He’s looking like there answer at this point. They’ve grown up indoctrinated with racial politics and identity groups all of whom were allowed to have voices and leaders but them.

      He’s the biggest story in media right now for my money.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Fuentes knows his audience and plays to them like all decent showmen do. Morgan’s the same and his audience, who must consist of people who love fat bloviating loudmouthed flopsweating shitheads, like to consume what he’s cooking. He’s basically 2010 Bill O’Reilly with more centrist but less fleshed out positions.

        Oh, and stay away from Reddit. It’s not really representative of the world at large and it’ll rot your brain.

    • R C Dean

      I’m seeing reports that a lot of his social media traffic is fake and gamed, so he may not be quite as popular as someone wants you to believe.

      Or the reports could be fake and gamed. Who the fuck knows any more?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I trust the little autist Data Republican when she digs shit up – mainly cause she lays it all out for anyone to draw their own conclusions and it indeed looks like he engaged a click farm to boost his popularity.

      • rhywun

        I saw that too.

        The guy is certainly good at drawing attention to his weird personality cult.

    • Not Adahn

      OTOH, I’m sad for you because the internet where you hang out seems like a terrible place, but OTOH you do provide a window into a wider world than my internet (where Brandon Herrera, Ian McCollum and Lucas freaking Botkin are two or more orders of magnitude more important the Nick Fuentes.)

    • Ted S.

      We’re supposed to have snow showers. Right now, though, it’s thin clouds and windy, but no snow.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, U, Ted’S., and homey!

  9. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    /hopes to get back to civilization today

    • Ted S.

      You’re leaving Dayton?

      • Gender Traitor

        🤨

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Doot Doot (6 7)? Way safer than eating Tidepods yet somehow stupider.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So not from the menu…why is it so hard for jounalist to get shit correct?

      • R C Dean

        Because they’re mostly not very bright?

      • Rat on a train

        But they paid for a journalism degree …

      • Ted S.

        From Columbia?

      • Common Tater

        It’s not their job?

  10. DEG

    Mornin’ all. Downright balmy here in southern NH. 24 degrees Fahrenheit.

    The roof on the house of my neighbor across the street: It isn’t finished. I wonder if the roofers will be back to finish before the snow comes in.

    • Ted S.

      The Mexicans didn’t freeze to death?

  11. Sean

    Some waster of oxygen sideswiped my gf’s brand new ride.

    • Common Tater

      Is she OK?

      • Sean

        It was parked. She’s fine physically. Super pissed though.

      • Common Tater

        That’s good, and if it was parked their is no argument it was her fault.

    • slumbrew

      Oof, that sucks.

      That’s, what, less than two weeks old?

      • slumbrew

        Im assuming she’s ok at least.

  12. Common Tater

    GM 🙂

    • Ownbestenemy

      Morning tuber

    • R.J.

      Morning. It’s time to go to San Francisco. I shall take pictures of poo and write a post about it.

      • Common Tater

        I heard SF isn’t as bad as it was, but LA and San Diego are worse.

      • Rat on a train

        They should have a “Walk of Poo Fame” to stir up tourism.

      • R.J.

        I heard the same. Hopefully it’s a good trip. I have friends I have not seen in 15 years out there.

  13. Not Adahn

    I guess I didn’t realize hickory is undesirable. It was big where/when I grew up (NW OK).