A while back my wife says, “make me a coffee table.”
The plot on which Schloss Grummun sits is long and skinny, the road frontage narrow compared to the depth that runs up the hill. There is a creek that runs parallel to the road, and cuts off the front three or so acres from the rest of the plot. The lane up to the house crosses this creek, hence we have a bridge. For reasons I won’t go into, the bridge is 40′ long and 12′ wide, and we use 3″ white oak planks for bridge decking. While white oak is naturally rot resistant, it’s not invulnerable, so we have to replace the deck periodically. While the planks that come off are in pretty rough shape, it’s a lot of wood to just set on fire, so I put it aside and try to find a use for it.
Note we did not exactly buy select-and-better white oak in the first place, so even before it got screwed to a bridge, left out in the weather and driven over by cars, trucks and tractors for seven or eight years, this wood had plenty of defects. That is, knots, splits, bark inclusions, etc. However, there is a fine line between “defect” and “character”, and as long as you like “rustic”, defects can even be turned into virtues. Although, to be fair, on the other side of that line is “firewood.”
Since it was driven over by cars, etc., for years, there is a lot of grit that is driven into the surface. Worse, if the plank was cut from near the center of the tree, they frequently develop a long split that runs the length of the plank. and this split accumulates more grit and debris, up to and including chunks of limestone from the lane.
First step is to powerwash the planks on all sides, to remove at much surface grit as possible. Those deep splits will have to be cut out with a circular saw before the wood gets anywhere near a tool with expensive blades or knives.
The planks are nominally 3″ thick, and depending on the plank maybe 2″ of that is salvageable, where the definition of “salvageable” depends a lot on your tolerance for “character.”
The design for the table was based on a picture my wife found on some random furniture website, so I had a general look to shoot for, but actual dimensions were kind of made up, and in some cases depended on the available material.
All of those holes, open knots, etc., get filled with epoxy. The hole is covered with aluminum HVAC tape on the top, and epoxy is poured from the bottom, so if the epoxy sinks a bit as it flows into the little cracks, the epoxy will still end up flush with the top surface.
The reference picture called for angled and tapered legs.
Not shown: the time spent with chisels to get those joints looking halfway decent.
A pic I forgot to add to the article:
https://www.glibertarians.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/jigs.png
Cutting the tapers on the various pieces in a repeatable way required making some jigs.
Left to right, the jig for cutting the taper at the ends of the long frame pieces; the jig for cutting the “saddle” in the ends of the legs, and the jig for cutting the tapers on the legs.
Failure is inevitible.
And we failed to find what you’re looking for.
…
will probably work in a few days
Uffda.
First off, you go on and on about white oak. Bragging about how it don’t rot.
Now you want me to click a link to “jigs.png”?
Nope, I’m on enough lists already. Don’t need to be on (another) white supremacist list.
OT No way.. DPRK lied.
https://x.com/shinobu_books/status/2016641382853857714?s=20
Sensei:
Well those kidnapees will be cramping up due to a lack of bananas in NoKor
That was hilarious.
I loved the ending.
Monkey. Never. Cramp.
Bananas and rice?
Lovely
Thanks.
Thought the same!
Really nice.
Like your writing, too.
Thanks
intentionally missing the point
By the way, I envy your wood pile.
The Wednesday That Never Was- Twilight Zone or Ray Bradbury?
Wednesday Addams,
Why not both?
A while back my wife says, “make me a coffee table.” – making stuff is for the poors. also coffee tables should not be new at least 500 years old.
While white oak is naturally rot resistant – have you considered mahogany?
Diana Ross did.
Can’t get real mahogany anymore. Pesky Hondurans don’t cut the stuff. You can get some stuff from Asia that is “mahogany-adjacent.”
I knew where Ted was going to go to with this.
I had materials to make another, so I’m halfway into that. I’ll be sure to put it in storage for five centuries before I try to sell it.
Pie:
Not all of us are immortal blood suckers. We don’t have 500 years to wait for a table.
well it certainly has character 🙂 and I say that in a looks good way
that rug does not look like Persian silk… but it does tie everything together
A silk rug on the floor?! 🙀
Pretty sure that rug is from Persia, but more from the petrochemical side of their economy.
Came out real nice, did your wife like it?
Yup, project was well received.
*wiggles eyebrows*
Nope – BTU the boards
Is your pet elephant going to do headstands on that coffee table?
Funny, on this piece the angled legs give me a little concern about what kind of load it will bear. I don’t know if that is a realistic concern or not.
I’ve never done anything with angled legs or joints of any kind.
Fortunately, I’m a huge fan of mission style. So, if I make something, it’s all right angles.
Agreed, generally prefer square joints, Mission and related styles. But the reference photo my wife gave me had angled legs, soooo… whadyagonna do?
The Mk. II table I’m working on now will have straight legs.
Sometimes when I see the skillz other Glibs have, I sort of wish the site would go down more often. I’m so envious of people who can cut things and make things.
If road side sobriety tests included one where you had to use a circular saw to make a straight cut, I’d be unable to drive anywhere. Any attempt would end up with me being jailed under suspicion of being wasted when they observed me make a weaving cut. Even if the test only required a 4″ cut.
All the Altar Kid had a unit in the 4th grade on simple machines. The highlight of the unit was a project where they (and their parents) had to come up with some Rube Goldberg invention using simple machines.
Because it involved tools, Mrs. Holiness insisted that it was definitely a Father/Kid project and my responsibility.
All the projects ended up looking like Homer’s Wonder Bat. I could visualize what the contraption should look like, but somewhere between my brain and hands everything would go wonky. The contraptions all looked like they were constructed by a kid.
Mrs. Holiness once said that it was lucky this was done during 4th grade because she didn’t think I could do 5th grade work.
Harsh, but fair.
Once we had to make a decorated cake for my son in the Cub Scouts.
I think most of the other parents bought kits and they all looked really nice.
My son and I made a snowman and there was no doubt that we didn’t cheat.
I definitely looked like it was made by a man with almost no baking experience and an enthusiastic 3rd grader.
You should see the masterpieces Sloopy churns out for his kids. They’ll help you feel better about your cake making skills.
How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.
the skillz other Glibs have
+1 amongst the envious
Yeah, I had to make a napkin holder during woodshop in Junior High, that thing was barely capable of holding napkins.
I like it! I’m a fan of ‘character’ to the point of actually seeking it out. Can make the work harder of course, but I usually like the end result.
Assume you cut the big boards down with a band saw? I don’t have one, and it makes working with larger rough cuts and huge pain.
What epoxy to you use? I can never properly fill voids – the old sawdust and glue trick never works out for me.
Have you tried New Sawdust instead?
/snark
New Sawdust? I prefer the classic Ziggy Sawdust.
侘び寂び
So…. I don’t have a bandsaw, more’s the pity. Don’t have space in the shop for one, either. Once I get a plank (~7″ x 2.5″) flat and square on three sides (one face and both edges) I rip as deep as my table saw will cut (~3″ or so) on both edges, leaving a section about 1″ wide in the middle. Then I cut out that 1″ with a
power hatchetsawzall. It’s a pain in the ass to clean up afterwards, and sometimes the sawzall drifts out of the slot and starts cutting into bits that I want to keep, so I lose material. Suboptimal, but it’s what I got.For epoxy, I’m using the Deep Pour formula from “Let’s Resin” (find it on Amazon). It mixes up pretty thin and has a super long open time. So I can mix some, pour it into holes/cracks, come back after 30 or 60 minutes and top up the places where the resin has sunk because it seeped into little cracks. The downside is it takes a good 48 hours to cure to the point where you can clean up excess or sand it, etc.
As for sawdust and glue, seems to me that you need superfine sawsust, like wood flour, to make that work well. I don’t have a way to separate sawdust that fine. I actually tried to conceal some dodgy joinery on that table with sawdust and glue, and it looks like hell. Happily you don’t see it unless you’re under the table.
Considering how much the Glibs drink, don’t be surprised when some of them are under the table.
superfine sawsust
Yes, I usually try to use the sawdust from the palm sander. It’s very fine, but it never matches the color of the wood, even when I empty the dust ‘bag’ before doing any sanding on the piece I want to use it for. So I’ve been looking to get a nice clear epoxy – properly polished, it seems it would better retain the look of the ‘character’ marks I’m trying to preserve in the finished product. I’ll give “Let’s Resin” stuff a try.
Thanks for sharing – I’m inspired to start a project this weekend!
Very nice. I’m envious of your talent.
does calling it talent diminish the learning curve?
I guess I could have called it skillz. I’m envious of those too.
the long members are tapered
Are the short members choads?
However, there is a fine line between “defect” and “character”, and as long as you like “rustic”, defects can even be turned into virtues. Although, to be fair, on the other side of that line is “firewood.”
I like how you put this.
The hole is covered with aluminum HVAC tape on the top, and epoxy is poured from the bottom, so if the epoxy sinks a bit as it flows into the little cracks, the epoxy will still end up flush with the top surface.
It took me a minute to realize that you had the top of the table upside down.
The finished product looks good.
Thanks. The pictures don’t entirely do it justice, you have to move around it to see the flake and curl show up on the various pieces as the light changes.
A very nice job, making those cuts must have been a bitch, with a sawzall no less
Manliness is the disease
These problems aren’t the result of lower testosterone levels — stigma associated with seeking help is often to blame. Many men are burdened by what the American Heart Association calls “misguided masculinity” — the notion that a man’s vulnerability can be seen or perceived as a sign of weakness.
From an early age, boys are socialized to “tough it out” if they get hurt — a lesson that can translate into adult behaviors of ignoring pain, suppressing emotion and avoiding doctors to receive the help they need.
To improve men’s health, we need to normalize mental health care for men and embed it in our schools, workplaces and communities. An investment in mental health programs would have a much bigger impact on men’s health than a wave of testosterone prescriptions.
More testosterone is the last thing America needs. We should be forcing men to be more like women. It would make the world a better place.
Allow me to summarize MOAR PUBLIC HEALTH SPENDING.
Now you’re cooking with gas.
rhywun:
Sorry, but gas cooking has been banned.
Men are just defective women, it is known.
And they wonder why young men turn to people like Andrew Tate….
Test
did not work
Your test failed.
My comments are being eaten.
and digested and pushed out for all to see.
Like a civet eating coffee beans?
I can see your testes, R.J.
Special thanks to WebDom, Tonio and all the PTB. There was an odd disturbance in the First yesterday. First there was no Bro, for I am not him. Then it came for posts and replies, and I may have been tangentially related to some of them and got my knickers bunched. Then I re-realized I don’t give a shit about New York and their silly little round balls with no seams on ’em that just go bounce-bounce.
Then came up balls WITH stitches, but the wrong sort. I was trying to submit a HoF thought about Belichick and MLBs equivalent “character clause,” which I ‘get’ but don’t love. However, froths into spite when Curt Schilling isn’t in cuz of Wrong Thoughts (and some statistical lack of Big Numbers).
No matter! (“In fact, in a bit you won’t even *be* matter.”) <– Men in Black, only the first one, is another example of a spectacular film that knows exactly what it is and pulls it off perfectly. Fantastic flick, and damn. Vince D'onofrio shoulda got more love for that performance. Fucking nails it.
Eternal thanks again for our little Bubble of Sanity and the work that goes into keeping it spriteful and buoyant.
Funny, on this piece the angled legs give me a little concern about what kind of load it will bear. I don’t know if that is a realistic concern or not.
It looks pretty stout to me.
Men need to understand that stoicism isn’t a strategy when it comes to medical care. But this can’t happen unless we address the feelings of shame many men inherently feel when it comes to seeking medical attention.
Rather than focus on testosterone, we need federally funded programs that promote preventative screenings and encourage men to talk openly about stress, trauma and mental health — and the importance of receiving treatment.
Of course we do.
Self-ownership is a lie. Cast off your false front of cold individualist self-sufficiency and welcome the warm embrace of collectivism.
That’s very pro-looking work, Grumman. Nicely done.
The key to solving the men’s health crisis in America won’t come in a vial. It will take courage and resolve by those leading U.S. health policy to focus on the urgent work that must be done to tackle the real issues at stake.
Lyndon Haviland, DrPH, MPH, is a distinguished scholar at the CUNY School of Public Health and Health Policy.
Let’s be honest. What America really needs is a MAGA-ectomy.
(My character is distinctly salvageable.)
Your table, looks really damn good. I have put together IKEA furniture, but I found my favorite couch ever on the streets in Korea. Some idiot had it out for garbage(?) to pick up, and I saw it near my apartment building after a ~.75 mile walk home from a big nightlife area, evening home to many expats and alcoholics. (That Venn was consistently overlapping, over there.)
It was a bitch to drunkenly get it in the building and up the elevator to the 3rd floor myself, but I got it done. I know myself well enough to not attempt to build anything from scratch. Hats off to Grummun and those who can! Very, very well done, sir.
@grummun
Refer to my avatar.
Pink Floyd has a song about this. Two, depending on how you count them.
I appreciate that Grummun has built a table out of repurposed ROADZ.
Without government who will build the tables?
SQL developers?
And who paid for those ROADZ?!
As it turns out, I did.
Did you build the bridge, or just replace the deck every 7-8 years?
We paid an ethically challenged fellow from Nelsonville, OH to pour the concrete piers and set the structural steel. On that project, he did a great job, considering what he charged. He scrounged all the steel used, who knows from where, but we got some 24″ I-beams that will hold up a concrete truck and deflect about 1/4″. The original deck, we cut the planks on my brother-in-law’s bandsaw sawmill, and the contractor “installed” it. He did not cover himself in glory, there.
The next two decks, I’ve paid someone else to mill the logs. I found someplace to sell me proper bridge hardware, and I swapped the decks myself. Lots of galvanized lag screws. Protip: impact drivers are the shiznit.
Thanks all for the kind words. I am fairly proud of this piece.
Many, many people attempted or did flee Nazi Germany throughout its existence. Despite the supposed fascism of MAGA that the left and many mainstream outlets now label as fact, I do not see any BIPOC’s or trannies (are trannies part of the BIPOC acronym? I can’t keep track anymore) or immigrants doing the same. Our most notable political exile seems to be Rosie O’Donnell. Based on the videos of ICE apprehensions the latinx are fighting like hell to stay.
Just a thought I had that I hadn’t quite seem articulated of late.
One or two were in the news recently for seeking asylum in the Netherlands only to find out they weren’t having it.
Communist Romania had to fight off Americans who were clamoring to move here.
Zamfir had a lot of groupies, it is known.
What don’t you understand about the hellscape that is modern America because of Trump and how immigrants are drawn to it like moths to a flame?
My middle kid was thinking of moving to Ireland. She did some research and found how many hoops you have to jump through. It’s not an easy process. She’s not overtly political so I didn’t call attention to the fact that open-borders people have no clue how the entire rest of the world works.
EU-born grandparent.
Very nice work! I should have made an article or two about it, but I gave my niece and her husband a housewarming gift by building them custom shelving and dressers for the walk-in closet in the master bedroom. (I’m not calling it a primary bedroom, damnit.)
Definitely fun, although it took way longer than I wanted.
I recently put a technical document through the company’s formal release cycle. One of the people processing the document pushed by on my use of “systems in a master/slave configuration”. I did not change it. I was actually surprised that I wasn’t forced to.
Next time use ‘dom/sub configuration.’
Yeah, I have seen dealers say the “primary” cylinder of a clutch system has been changed on a clutch or brake system and I always ask what part that is. They never seem to know, is the funniest part. I have also discussed failing slave cylinders with black customers, you know who gives a shit? No one but AWFLs. The only person who questioned why “I” was racializing her coolant was a white woman. I showed her the container that said “Asian coolant” to shut her up.
On topic for today’s site fun, I refuse to rename our DNS ‘hidden masters’ or ‘internal slaves’.
I haven’t really gotten any pushback, as of yet – I don’t think the Indians GAF.
I like it.
I got quiet aside from my boss about “blacklisting” software repos.
The site just showed up for me. Thanks to WebDom for doing whatever it is IT people do.
whatever it is IT people do – nothing it is all chatGPT
Many years ago, an acquaintance of the girlfriend asked what I did. When I said “Telecom, primarily in call center support”, her response was, “Oh! Like a secretary!”
No. Not like that at all.
Just what an insecure male secretary with a fancy title would say.
(I’m not calling it a primary bedroom, damnit.)
Something something consenting adults.
Yet another interview on noon local news with a “abolish ICE” protestor. Just once I’d like the newshound to ask “Are you against the deportation of criminal immigrant non-citizens?”. Maybe they do and the editor cuts it?
Depends, are they voting the right way?
Seeing some lefty Asian broad on the Derpbook rant in video form about how white people who point out black crimes on Asians are trying to distract from the real issue that most anti-Asian hate comes from white people. Which I’m fairly certain would be incredibly easy to debunk and which any Asians who actually live in black neighborhoods would just respond with a what the fuck.
Apparently there was some crazy white guy who shot up an Asian nail salon or something (I can’t be bothered to look into this) and that’s her prime example to show that most of the anti-Asian violence (a drop in the bucket at any time I’d imagine) is coming from the wytes.
Yeah, that’s industrial-strength derp. Ask some Asians in New York City about who has been randomly assaulted and by whom…
They’ll cite some study that claims that 75% of crimes against Asians are white men.*
*Based on a selective study of news stories in which the race of the perpetrator was actually identified.
On another note, I have a strong hunch that the number of violent crimes committed by black Americans is actually much higher than even the memes say. The FBI stats are highly flawed because some *cough* jurisdictions conveniently fail to identify the race of the criminals in many instances.
My favorite claim is that white men commit more violent crimes against women and children. DV, rape, molestation etc. Which isn’t actually true when we look at the dreaded per capita statistics (blacks are way over represented in all those figures to the point where I won’t even tolerate it as *technically* true) but is even far, far more nonsensical when we actually stop and think about which communities are most likely to have violence against women going unreported. Not that it doesn’t or can’t happen in white communities, but the reality of those crimes is that most of them are committed by people you know and even family. The black girl living in the ghetto with no stable family structure in place and an even shittier school system than the rest of us are blessed with isn’t going to have anywhere near the resources or help available to her.
Black women time and time again claim to have been victimized at far higher rates than any other group. This is often cited by feminists and lefties in general to show white supremacies, but they are strangely silent on who is actually doing the victimizing. You’d think most of these girls and women were still living on plantations or something and being attacked by white men as they tell the story.
And when we look back further and have racial data on just random rapes and sexual violence committed against strangers, well…we see a pretty strong correlation there with a certain group of men compared to the rest.
Final fun fact – blacks actually commit mass shootings at a slightly higher rate than white and Asian males despite the stereotypes. And all studies on the matter I’m familiar with go out of their way to exclude “gang” violence. So what do you think those numbers ACTUALLY look like?
I know it’s sort of a side tangent, but this stuff baffles me. There’s like no category of crime beyond white collar shit that blacks aren’t far more likely to commit (and I’m going on stereotypes there, as well – could even be wrong on that).
They massage those numbers to hell, many blue cities and states under report black perps just like the news media, and black victims are far less likely to report in general and the numbers STILL are what they are. Even when we normalize for ‘class’ or wealth, black people with money remain far more likely than white counterparts in the same income bracket to commit crimes.
I wouldn’t rant about this so much if it wasn’t for the ever pervasive bullshit that gets spewed on social media. White men do this…white men do that…well, yea, some white dudes do some of those things. But there’s one group the people ranting about don’t only not want to touch, they run active cover for them.
They refuse to acknowledge the problem with one group to such an extent in causing these problems that you could be misled to believe that the left doesn’t *actually* care about those problems at all unless they are a cudgel with which to push their bullshit.
But that’s crazy talk, I know.
*scrolls past another 10 posts from lefties who suddenly developed an interest in Epstein in the last year after saying it was bogus nonsense for the last like 10 years*
Utter nonsense. Crazy I am to even ponder that idea.
This reminds me of a story during the plandemic, some Texas residents were assaulted in Wash D.C. by a roving gang of yoots for being gay and holding hands while walking. They were surprised because they claimed while they never felt unsafe in Texas, but they just knew Texans were naturally more bigoted than the enlightened minorities in D.C.
That’s purty. I enjoy this type of article, we have some very talented people around here.
It’s like a dadgum Greek tragedy
Tesla’s Q4 2025 earnings call made one thing painfully clear: the company is no longer interested in being an automaker.
In a single call, Tesla announced it’s killing the Model S and Model X, has no plans for new mass-market models, and is pivoting entirely to “transportation as a service.” The company that revolutionized the auto industry is walking away from it, not because it failed, but because Elon Musk got bored and found new toys.
——-
That leaves Tesla with exactly two successful vehicle models. Two. And there are both in decline.
And instead of building on that success, expanding into new segments, addressing affordability, competing with the flood of new EVs from legacy automakers and Chinese competitors, Tesla is walking away.
——-
Tesla could have continued to invest in electric vehicles, leverage its expertise in batteries and power electronics, to accelerate EV adoption and stationary energy storage deployment, and could have licensed “Tesla AI’s” technology to integrate it into its vehicles.
Instead, Tesla is letting a highly successful automaker wither so it can chase autonomous robots and robotaxis that may or may not work, may or may not get regulatory approval, and may or may not find a market.
This is a company that delivered 1.6 million vehicles last year. That has a global Supercharger network. That has brand recognition any automaker would kill for (up until last year). And it’s being sacrificed on the altar of Musk’s next obsession.
Electrek should branch out into management consultancy.
Take somebody else’s news story or an EV related press release. Barely change it, add some obvious opinion or analysis at the bottom. Collect ad revenue.
Just a grifter who knows when to move on to the next con.
Very nice table, Grummun. Thanks for writing it up
Tesla’s automotive revenue declined 10% in 2025. Deliveries fell 9%. The company lost its crown as the world’s largest EV maker to BYD.
The response to these problems? Not to fix them by giving more love to its EV programs, but to abandon the business entirely.
Instead of killing Model S and Model X, Tesla could have brought the good things it did with the Cybertruck, such as drive-by-wire and its 800V powertrain, to its programs, but it didn’t bother.
Trump pulled the rug out from under them, intentionally or not. Without
Papal dispensationsemissions credits to sell, Tesla’s revenue stream is going to take a massive hit.I cleared DNS for Windows and Brave. Let’s see if I can stay on the site.
It’ll depend on your upstream DNS providers.
It appears to be an issue where I cleared DNS in Brave, but not windows so it kept trying to bring up some ghost with Swissy’s earlier post. With both cleared I can now post and refresh. So far. I hope this helps anyone else having issues.
Towering midget
“We rate GM Overweight for its best-in-class execution amongst North America–based auto OEMs, consistent management team and strategy, and strong product portfolio allowing for above-industry pricing and margin,” JPMorgan analyst Ryan Brinkman wrote in a Tuesday investor note.
——-
More broadly, the automaker’s EV retreat, including $7.9 billion in write-downs last year, means it’s going to continue to sell more profitable traditional vehicles with internal combustion engines.
And GM can now produce as many gas-guzzling vehicles as the company would like without federal penalties, which were eliminated by the Trump administration. It will also save billions of dollars on purchasing credits to offset such penalties.
I wonder how they’re doing on recalls and warranties.
Coffee table music…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oqXVx3sBOk&list=RD6oqXVx3sBOk&start_radio=1