R.J. Goes Outside / Emergency Post

by | Feb 3, 2026 | Family, Open Post, Penises, Satire, Social Justice | 35 comments

An ongoing series where my family forces me to leave the house.

The Tianyu Light Festival

The humans that call themselves my family kept telling me about some light show we had to see this holiday season, finally I ran out of excuses and I had to go. It was sponsored by https://tianyuculture.us/, which may be a commie plot. I do enjoy blinky lights and so I went, after I grabbed my special glasses to prevent collectivist hypnotism. Here are some selected pictures, which I was forced to take as I walked this Bataan Death March of Fun. Overall it was very enjoyable, even if everything was made by commies in China. I hope you enjoy this. It you don’t, well you should submit some articles.

The theme was “Magic Ocean” and it was absolutely beautiful, I will give it that. I recommend visiting. This is a chain of entertainment venues with is branching out across the US…
“Look Mavis! It’s a Shahk! Stick yah head in deah and I’ll take a pitchah!””
Soulless, previously unknown to me modern holiday music blared as I took this photo of one of the many incredible environments. Celebrating the holidays without celebrating the reason. Very Communist.
This is my favorite redundant sign from the past 23 places I have been forced to visit. No smoking! And ESPECIALLY not you, you damn dirty hippies!

The Chinese won me over with their displays of lights and the live kung fu theater show at the end of the blinky lights. Overall it was an excellent effort to win over gullible Americans to the wily ways of the commie Chinese. Beware! These shows are popping up in every town.. There may soon be one near YOU!

About The Author

R.J.

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. I am a Tulpa with extra cheese and sour cream.

35 Comments

  1. DEG

    The humans that call themselves my family

    ‘Fess up.

    Your cat wrote this.

    • R.J.

      That would explain the typos.

    • Rat on a train

      There would be more profanity if a cat wrote it.

    • R.J.

      I really did not do it justice. I had a lot more pictures but my daughter was in them.

  2. Sensei

    Your basic dope smoker doesn’t think he is “smoking”.

    • Bobbo

      I always keep vape pens with me, thc and nicotine

      • R.J.

        Those frowning inscrutable guards everywhere would have chased you down!
        That did stand out to me, every security guard was Chinese. And frowning.

      • rhywun

        Maybe these things are cover for the “police stations” they’re putting up in every town for the diaspora to report back their findings.

      • Evan from Evansville

        *fist-bump to Bobbo*

        Front left pocket. (only nicotine at the police station)

      • Bobbo

        Im fine with no smoking signs, not my circus, and I avoid such places anyway, looks cool though

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        @Rhy

        That those place actually exist is a really bad sign. One would hope that we’re keeping some form of tabs. But it says a lot that China has such a huge presence that exists as a spy apparatus. I mean, we definitely have spies there too, but what we don’t have is hundreds of thousands of “students” and “workers” who actively take part in a coordinated, however loosely, spy ring.

      • rhywun

        “students”

        I currently live in a major college town and at least half the students are Chinese. My apartment building is mostly grad students and about 80% Chinese. And money is apparently no object cuz the place empties out during the summer and winter holidays.

  3. Trials and Trippelations

    Better than the local Christmas light thingy here

    • R.J.

      It was just up the road from you. I should have emailed. My apologies, it was a very busy holiday season.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        We’ll keep an eye out next year. December was pretty crazy for us too

  4. Evan from Evansville

    It does look very pretty. (The no-smoking sign kinda spoils the vibe.) I’d like to sneak the 5yo into the shark’s mouth. The Chinese’d love me.

    • Evan from Evansville

      The Chinese, and just Asia in general, do very well with visual spectacle. The cultural, political and physical conformity standards are, uh.. yeah. They tend to be good at that shit.

      I’ve never taken a shit in China. (Ha, who was that? “I took a shit in ____ once.” May have been SF, but “Sandi” is coming to mind. Huh.

      • Bobbo

        Sandi ego?

  5. Aloysious

    I wondered why you filed this under penises, and then I saw some of the displays. I get it now.

    NSFW light show, yet neat-o. Did you get any commie food?

    Since you are a green alien, I am pleased that you didn’t get mobbed by rogue ICE agents and deported to California.

    • R.J.

      I randomly pick topics when I do these.

    • R.J.

      “Did I get any Commie food”
      I swore off commies. Trying to lose weight.

  6. The Hyperbole

    In defense of the “redundant” sign- many DFHs do believe that their shit doesn’t stink. Truth is most of us normies don’t really mind cigarette smoke we just hate you pot heads so much we thought we could rid ourselves of you fucks by banning “smoking”. Our mistake was thinking that you maroons would understand that “smoking” meant marijuanga as well as tobaccy.

    • rhywun

      There is also the fact that pot is currently much more fashionable than tobacco.

    • Threedoor

      This is true.
      Tax cattle both of them.

    • R.J.

      I sense some hostility on your part.

      What is your opinion on smoking yak hair stuffed in a toilet paper tube? I am trying to start that as a trend.

      • rhywun

        Yakety yak…

  7. Threedoor

    Spokane did a Chinese lantern show for a couple years and then it died. No moving stuff but silly jujitsu with fake swords and plate spinning acrobatic show that was really cool.

    • Threedoor

      Also don’t blame me.
      I’ve written two. One is pretty lame though.

      Have another three I need to sort and probably turn into four or five.

      • R.J.

        This is excellent news!

  8. Brochettaward

    Real First Ass Niggas Going Hard As Fuck don’t leave the house.

    Too busy Firstin’.

    Firstin’ aint easy. Have to keep your Firstin’ hands tight.

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