Genre – Action
Movie Total Runtime – 1 Hours 55 Minute
Spoilers – Yes
I was spared watching Prometheus just now by the acquisition of Quigley Down Under. I’m not sure if I mentioned this procedural detail, but when I acquire a new piece, rather than add to the end of the queue, I reroll the unreviewed items so that the new stuff gets mixed in fairly. This has brough another Bond Film to the fore. I added these to the list based on the simple criteria of “Can I identify the plot or name the villain?”. Shockingly, there were more where the answer was “no”.
We’re back in the Connery Era, the second installment he was in, with only Doctor No under his belt. Open night time, Bond in tux is being followed by blond guy through a posh garden. No context given for the cat and mouse between assassins until blond guy gets a garrote around Bond’s neck and flood lights come on, and the currently unnamed villain states how long the encounter took. There is a Mission Impossible style mask pull revealing the dead guy was not Bond but some random dude. Roll opening credits – projected on the skin of a belly dancer. I doubt they’d try something like that these days. They don’t make them like they used to.
Return from credits to Venice at a chess match. Some big official one in a fancy pallazzo. Once of the players gets a message that they are required at once. Chessman is brought to Klebb and Blofeld, who I realize I know more from cultural osmosis than having watched the movies. I expect there will be more Bond movies showing up on this series as I find more that I didn’t see. Well, Chessman’s actual name is said, but it’s not so easy to remember, so I’ll keep using the nickname. Chessman is a strategist who has set up a Soviet Cryptographic MacGuffin that sounds more arrogant than practical, since it relies on having the British and Soviets do all the work for them.
Anyway, Klebb goes to the posh place from the beginning to meet Blond Guy and villain. Klebb’s only test of Blond Guy’s fitness is to punch him in the stomach with brass knuckles and assess how little he flinches. Off to Byzantium with Klebb and Blond Guy, where Soviet Girl is leaving the Embassy, following instructions on a note from Klebb. We’ve spent all the movie with the SPECTRE team so far, not counting predictable plot beats of Soviet Girl’s inevitable defection (I don’t have to have seen the movie to guess that one). Lets see when Bond actual shows up. Eighteen minutes in.
Q shows up to discuss gadgets. Surprisingly it seems quite realistic. Briefcase with hidden spare ammo, cash, and a throwing knife. Completely real AR-7, which gets misidentified as a sniper rifle. An AR-7 is a survival rifle. It packs up into its stock and fires varmint rounds. the one I’ve shot was .22LR, Q says this one is .25 caliber. Not unreasonable for the form factor, but not a variant I’ve been able to find. Even the tear gas trap isn’t unreasonable. What is this? Real technology?
Bond is off to Byzantium where multiple seemingly identical Turks are roaming around through no fault of the plot. Bulgarians follow Bond on his way to the local contact. The only development is when Blond Guy replaces the Bulgarians. Too many interchangable Turks to really tell what’s going on. Bond does find the local listening devices in the hotel room and asks for a different room. Blond Guy is polite enough to drop off the dead Bulgarians at the Soviet embassy, trying to inflame tensions. In retaliation, the Sovets bomb local contact’s office.
After exposition, local contact drops Bond off with some Gypsies. I somehow doubt the depictions are accurate. They bring back the belly dancer from the opening credits to meet the fanservice quota as the Bulgarians set up to raid the camp. Can’t have the action scene interrupt the ritual cat fight too soon. That fight is unresolved as the gunplay starts up. Given the casting, the only distinction between Gyspy and Bulgarian is clothing. We know none of these characters except local contact, Blond Guy, and Bond, so it’s all action fodder while Blond Guy picks off Bulgarians who threaten to take Bond out before the plan proceeds far enough for SPECTRE’s purposes.
So, Chessman, what purpose does the escalation of hositilities serve in this plan? The cleanest approach would be to have complacency among the Soviets so Soviet Girl can walk the MacGuffin out to take it to the meeting with Bond, then spring the ambush. Riling everybody up only makes the extraction of the MacGuffin more difficult as the Soviets are more likely to restrict the movements of its personnel to avoid presenting targets for counterattack. In fact, the whole plan seems poorly thought out. The moment the Soviets know the cryptographic MacGuffin is compromised, its utility drops significantly as real communications will shift to channels thought secure, and the amount of fake information on the compromised channel will increase.
Back to the movie. Bond recovers the AR-7, and yep, it’s exactly like those I’ve used, even in assembly. Local contact assassinates Soviet lead assassin with the rifle. Bond returns to the hotel to find Soviet Girl in the room. In a bit of trivia, this scene was apparently used to screen test both prospective Bonds and Bond Girls in future installments.
The first information Bond seeks from Soviet Girl is a plan of the embassy. Which implies he’s going to break in to remove the MacGuffin. Still going to tip off that it’s been compromised. How does one keep such a theft secret? I know more about compromising cryptography than hiding larceny, so I’ll just contemplate for a bit. I’m rambling to avoid my annoyance at the defilement of the Hagia Sophia by the Turks.
Interchangeable Turk tries to intercept the dead drop of the embassy plans, but Blond Guy clobbers him to ensure the hand off. From later dialog, this blow was fatal. Local contact once again warns that the whole scheme is clearly a trap. They still arrange to exfiltrate the MacGuffin. The plan used starts with local contact bombing the embassy from a tunnel, while Bond uses the confusion to move deeper inside. They grab the MacGuffin and exit through the bomb hole into the tunnels, catching a train out of Byzantium. Klebb, Blond Guy, and Soviet Security are on board as well. Cue contrived romance.
Local contact neutralizes Soviet Security non-lethally. Blond Guy neutralizes local contact lethally as well as Soviet Security, staging it like a mutual fatality. The train misses the drop off where they were meant to switch to automobile. Bond interrogates Soviet Girl, but gets no useful answers. They end up in Belgrade for a brief call for assistance getting across the Yugoslav border, though details are not provided. I do note a bit of subtle visual cues. Across the vast majority of the runtime, only Soviet Girl and Blond Guy are blond, making both easy to spot among the dark haired background characters, immediately avoiding the interchangable Turk problem without having to remember their faces. This would not be an asset in an actual espionage situation, but you do want the audience to know the bad guy hasn’t been misplaced. Being visually distinctive, he can stand in the background, say nothing, and still be seen.
Blond guy replaces the actual contact and positions himself to seize the MacGuffin, but Bond is suspicious. I don’t know if the following scene where Blond Guy orders red wine with fish is meant as a tip off or not. Blond Guy drugs Soviet Girl’s wine and she is incapacitated. Blond Guy clobbers Bond and disarms him. And the dialog does call back to the red wine. Not that any wine pairs with fish. Water is a much better choice. Blond Guy accidentally reveals he’s SPECTRE by his ignorance of SMERSH. Rather than just finish the job, Blond Guy goes and talks, spilling more information he really shouldn’t blab. Tropes are tropes.
Bond ambushes Blond Guy with the tear gas trap and the fight scene begins. With the smoke you almost can’t see the stunt doubles. To give credit where credit is due, it is a fairly brutal and believable close quarters brawl that ends with Blond Guy stabbed and garrotted. The train stops for SPECTRE’s planned emergency disembarcation, leaving Bond and Soviet Girl on foot, Soviet Girl still groggy. Bond knocks out the waiting goon and ties him up, driving off in SPECTRE’s flower truck only for helicopter goons to find them and begin throwing grenades, apparently wrecking the engine. The action sequence of the helicopter recklessly buzzing Bond over the Croatian hills is pretty famous. He does take out the grenadier as they are about to resume bombing.
Wipe cut and miraculously the flower truck is operational again and free from the soot and char marks from the previous grenade attacks. They continue to bring captured flower truck goon on a speed boat, dumping him into the water, albeit after untying him.
Blofeld has Chessman executed for the failure of the plan, and Klebb is sent to recapture the MacGuffin. Cue boat chase. The stunts and fire a technically well executed, but I’ve been jaded by decades of advances in effects, so it seems slightly underwhelming. Klebb catches up in the Venice hotel room where she tries to reclaim the MacGuffin and deal with Bond. Soviet Girl’s inevitable defection spoils the effort and Klebb is shot.
Roll credits.
To be honest, for so many culturally significant elements being unleashed, the movie was sort of underwhelming. The no-stakes action scenes included to fill a quota didn’t include anything resembling tension. The whole Gypsy-Bulgar war didn’t advance the plot and could have been cut without harming the end product. The action climax doesn’t hold up well after all these years in that once Blond Guy is dead, there’s no tension remaining. Nameless goons are never a threat, and Klebb looks shy of five foot, so her ineffectual flailing on the other end of a chair looks kinda pathetic despite the venomous boot spike.
Now I have to audit the rest of the Bond films to see which ones I haven’t seen. I think I’ll be invoking Rule C a lot – If I only have vague memories of having seen it, it’s fair game.
Fuck you, Eugene Stoner. I hate your designs.
For context – a spring that is too long and uncompressable for its role pinged across the room, never to be seen again. I blame him for the choice of spring in the design.
Like the Oh Jesus clips on carburetor linkages.
Did it go down the intake or out into the void?
No one knows.
“whats a carburetor?”
“whats a distributor”
“whats a timing light”
“what are points/dwell?”
/kids today
https://www.brownells.com/tools-cleaning/gun-tools/rifle-tools/ar-15-pivot-pin-tool-pro/
🙁 A $35 tool needed once.
This bugger?
https://www.midwayusa.com/product/101670232?srsltid=AfmBOorHdVjxMMnQTWWF0E3aKuk8srCqbHME_jojruOwXfCm1goBOMQi&pid=105047
This one has one end that the coils are already compressed on. If you cut down similar do the other end. Spring steel is bitch to work. Dremel and cutoff wheel. Be careful you don’t heat it too much and screw the temper as well.
Reminds me of my watchmaking days. Dropped parts and springs were a hazard of the hobby.
That’s the spring, but you managed to find the most expensive version I’ve seen.
Depending on how stiff it is might also ease assembly.
Those coils are tight. Not much compression until it binds.
Might be worth the three bucks just to see if there is a difference versus the cheap ones.
That’s not an operator level mtc item.
I am not an operator. This is for plinking.
When assessing the real-world plausibility of Bond gadgets and weapons, one should keep in mind that Bond’s creator was also responsible for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
The films are infamous for magic technology, so I took notice when it was real.
Sorry, I’m distracted.
I don’t think I’ll ever see that spring again.
Don’t lose hope. Earlier today I found a tiny diamond earring I’d lost in a very cluttered room. The age of miracles has not passed.
She gone!
GT – The spring costs less than $1. I can get a replacement tomorrow after work.
I’m debating trimming the spring a few milimeters to make the installation easier. It’s only a detent spring for the pivot pin, so being weaker than spec shouldn’t cause any issues.
It’s only a X, so being weaker than spec shouldn’t cause any issues.
You said the magic incantation of doom. The gun, the house it is in, you, your neighbors, and random people everywhere are now in danger. The Malign Mechanical Gods do not like logic in general and this sort of logic draws their ire.
As designed it is one of those parts where the installation causes the reaction of “This is pnysically impossible.”
Of all the Bond movies, this one was closest to the book (IMO).
If I recall, the Turk/Bulgar skirmish was part of a sub-plot in the book. Probably kept in the movie for more shoot-’em ups and sexy ladies. How else could they squeeze in the catfight?
Well, yeah it helps meet those quotas, but has no impact on the main plot.
I forget, did the Romani chieftain award Bond the battling girls for the night in the movie or just in the book?
I don’t recall, but I don’t think so.
Loved the movie for all the steam engine/railroad scenes. And Soviet Girl is a solid would.
I’m not sure why Facebook has decided that TOS should feature heavily in my feed these last 2 days, but I can assure you I have no intention of reading the screeds from those with the “vapor of the day” in every fucking article.
They’re so fucking tedious in all the wrong ways.
My liking for libertarianism has an inverse relationship with how much TOS I have seen recently. I’m always pro liberty, but my pro libertarianism is apparently dependent on not hearing libertarians express their opinions. Today’s crop of wailing and moaning about how horrible it is that we killed one of the most evil people on that planet has me feeling almost MAGA.
Some people deserve to die.
I suspect they number in the hundreds of millions but I’d rather not start that battle.
Threedoor, sounds like you’re as bloodthirsty as I am regarding those I consider the enemies of civilization.
I am.
I fully admit to despising the death cult of Islam.
I dont want to start anything but I will gladly supply the death that they crave when they make the first strike.
I would rather change hearts and minds. Is that likely? Sadly I don’t think so.
*tap tap tap*
“What the ICE Crackdown and China’s One-Child Policy Have in Common”
JFC. /taps the fuck out
Lol
Ah…so it was an editorial decision to make it ‘edgy’ for the algorithms…
Just when you think the articles at Reason are batshit crazy they outdo themselves.
Note: I’ve never been a member, I go there more for the comments. This particular article, though, was ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ loopy.
I have visited that site maybe three times in the last decade and never for more than a couple minutes.
Does the right number include this winner?
TW: lots of “sources say” but this guy sure seems to have figured a way to game the system.
25-30 years ago I subscribed to Reason and Liberty. I was alone in libertarian wilderness, as far as I knew. I walked or slunked away and found whatever I could wherever I could. I read Glibs for quite a while after the move before I jumped in. I rarely check in anymore.
25-30 years ago I subscribed to Reason and Liberty.
#metoo. I think I subscribed to both Liberty and reason 27 years ago. I kept my Liberty subscription going until they went on-line only. I dropped reason around the time this site started up.
Unfortunately, Liberty’s website died after Stephen Cox died. I’m happy I downloaded all of the PDFs of back issues when I did.
I was alone in libertarian wilderness
I never felt that because I was was, in the final days of my living in PA and the early days of living in NH, involved in local LP stuff. When I got away from politics, for reasons, I didn’t really think much about libertarianism except when I was reading reason or Liberty. Then when I got back into politics, there was the FSP and other groups.
Ayatollah Khamenei was a politician. Whatever else the circumstances, a dead politician is never something to feel bad about.
https://reason.com/2026/02/26/this-new-jersey-immigrant-backed-trump-for-over-10-years-then-ice-detained-him/
You said you were going after the worst of the worst, but instead you ruined our life.”
Deport ALL illegals. Glossing over how a supposed legal immigrant ends up with immigration court appearances. Real question is why wasn’t he flagged before now.
Yep.
That kind of sob story could have come straight from The Guardian.
Blond Guy = Mike Pence.
“Red wine with fish. Well, that should have told me something.”
I always found that a delightfully old-fashioned plot point.
Unmentioned: Blond Guy was played by a young, buff Robert Shaw – Quint, from Jaws.
I never got serving wine with fish.
You serve fish with Vodka.
De gustibus, but most (?) wine wants to be consumed with food.
Wine exists to be distilled into more drinkable alcohols.
Pinot noir pairs very nicely with smoked salmon.
By the way, Unciv, nice rant as usual. I like your attention to details. I agree the Gypsy-Bulgar conflict seemed dropped into the story for no other reason than padding. The same might be true for its presence in the Fleming novel.
It helps if you view the earlier Bond movies as live action comic books. I have no opinion on the later ones as I never saw any.
I strive to entertain.
Local news had a report about local people protesting the attack on Iran.
No Iranian flags seen, but multiple protesters were waving Palestinian flags.
I’ve seen reports that some protest organizations were mobilizing ten minutes before the announcement, so grassroots these people are.
Thanks for the review, UCS. FRWL is a fun flick.
I had to bop over to TOS to see what all the hullabaloo is about. I’ve come to the inescapable conclusion that KMW is actually Grace Randolph.
White House update.
I admit I’m torn on attacking Iran, but also I can’t stand listening to OMB talk. Not as awful as Obama or Biden, but still.
There’s something… about those… pauses, and odd emphesis… that gets… on the nerves, on the nerves.
Spent the day helping my old bird hunting partner sight in his new deer rifle, as he wants to try that out in the coming year. Got that dialed in while also shooting my thumper, a single shot .44 mag rifle. After that, hit the handgun range. On which I was quickly reminded why I dislike the 1911, the grip safety is just a stupid concept. But, shot the Hi-Power after not pulling out of the safe for a while. Love that thing.
A good day.
You are an odd duck. I have never noticed the grip safety on the 1911. Never once got in the way when I wanted it to go Bang.
I’m even an odder duck.
I have never fired a 911.
I’d rather shoot Bambi than Thumper.
Bambi’s a bigger target.
Protip- in the SW Cleveland area, a pizza place called Zeppe’s has a damn good calzone.
So on the road to visit friends. No access to the news for 50+ hours.
Anything interesting happen while I was gone?
No, not really.