How to Think Like a Roman Emperor
If you have anger issues, this one is a great tool (h/t mindyourbusiness)
This week’s book:
Discourses and Selected Writings
Disclaimer: I’m not your Supervisor. These are my opinions after reading through these books a few times.
Epictetus was born a slave around 50 ad. His owner was Epaphroditus, a rich freedman who was once a slave of Nero. Though he was a slave Epictetus was sent to study philosophy under Musonius Rufus.
Epictetus was lame and there are some stories it was caused by his master and others that it was caused by disease.
He was a freedman when all philosophers were banished from Rome in 89 by the Emperor Domitian. He then started his school in Greece, and had many students. He did not leave any writings from his lessons, but one of his students, Flavius Arrian, took notes and wrote the Discourses.
Epictetus did not marry, had no children, and lived to be around 80-85. In retirement, he adopted a child that would have been abandoned and raised him with a woman.
He died sometime around AD 135.
He is my favorite Stoic teacher. I love his bare bones and very straight forward approach.
Following is a paragraph-by-paragraph discussion of one of his lessons. Epictetus’s text appears in bold, my replies are in normal text.
To those who fear want Part I
Aren’t you ashamed to be more cowardly and ignoble than a runaway slave? How do they, when they run off, leave their masters? in what estates or slaves do they put their confidence? Don’t they steal just a little bit to last them for the first few days, and then afterwards drift along over land or sea, contriving one scheme after another to keep themselves fed? And what runaway slave ever died of hunger? But you tremble, and lie awake at night, for fear the necessities of life will fail you. Wretch, are you so blind, and do you so fail to see the road to which lack of the necessities of life leads? Where, indeed, does it lead? Where also fever, or a stone that drops on your head, lead,—to death. Have you not, then, often said this same thing yourself to your companions, read much of the same sort, and written much? How many times have you boasted that, as far as death at least was concerned, you are in a fairly good state?—Yes, but my family too will starve.—What then? Their starvation does not lead to some other end than yours, does it? Have they not also much the same descent thereto, and the same world below?
In my current mostly prosperous state, it is easy to take for granted that I will never face true hardship or starvation. None of the fears he mentions here seem scary to me. The one thing that terrifies me is my wife dying before me. I have tried to think about it logically, but that is one event that the possibility of happening fills me with dread.
5Are you not willing, then, to look with courage sufficient to face every necessity and want, at that place to which the wealthiest needs must go, and those who have held the highest offices, and very kings and tyrants? Only you will descend hungry, if it so happen, and they bursting with indigestion and drunkenness. Did you ever easily find a beggar who was not an old man? Wasn’t he extremely old? But though they are cold night and day, and lie forlorn on the ground, and have to eat only what is absolutely necessary, they approach a state where it is almost impossible for them to die;[1] yet you who are physically perfect, and have hands and feet, are you so alarmed about starving? Can’t you draw water, or write, or escort boys to and from school, or be another’s doorkeeper?—But it is disgraceful to come to such a necessity.—Learn, therefore, first of all, what the disgraceful things are, and after you have done that, come into our presence and call yourself a philosopher. But as the case stands now, do not even allow anyone else to call you one!
Looking at normal life and being worried about being poor and starving is not a good way to spend time. If I was in that situation, I think I would be too busy trying to survive and improve my situation to be worried, and all I would do by worrying now would cost myself peace and losing sleep.
Is anything disgraceful to you which is not your own doing, for which you are not responsible, which has befallen you accidentally, as a headache or a fever? If your parents were poor, or if they were rich but left others as their heirs, and if they give you no help though they are living, is all this disgraceful to you? Is that what you learned at the feet of the philosophers? Have you never heard that the disgraceful thing is censurable, and the censurable is that which deserves censure? And whom do you censure for what is not his own doing, which he didn’t produce himself?
While I grew up fairly poor, this never bothered me or 3 of my brothers. 1 brother always hung out with the “rich” kids in school and was embarrassed by the cars our parents drove and the clothes my mom would buy him. I can’t say I never wished we were better off, but since I had been bullied and outcast since second grade, by the time I started high school, I had no desire to hang out with the cool kids.
10Well, did you produce this situation? did you make your father what he is? Or is it in your power to reform him? Is that vouchsafed you? What follows? Ought you to wish for what is not given you, or to be ashamed when you fail to get it? And did you really, while studying philosophy, acquire the habit of looking to other persons, and of hoping for nothing yourself from yourself?
While my father has turned out to be a disappointment, I do not blame myself for his failings. All my brothers abnd I could do was to learn how not to be and while we all have little things that remind us of him, we have all been successful at being better fathers and husbands then he ever was.
Very well then, lament and groan, and eat in fear of not having food to-morrow; tremble about your paltry slaves, for fear they will steal something, or run away, or die! Live in this spirit and never cease to live so, you who in name only have approached philosophy, and, as far as in you lay, have discredited its principles by showing them to be useless and good for nothing to those who receive them! But you never desired stability, serenity, peace of mind; you never cultivated anybody’s acquaintance for that purpose, but many persons’ acquaintance for the sake of syllogisms; you never thoroughly tested for yourself any one of these external impressions, asking the questions: “Am I able to bear it, or am I not? What may I expect next?” but just as though everything about you were in an excellent and safe condition, you have been devoting your attention to the last of all topics, that which deals with immutability, in order that you may have immutable—what? your cowardice, your ignoble character, your admiration of the rich, your ineffectual desire, your aversion that fails of its mark![2] These are the things about whose security you have been anxious!
I always try to remember that my nice house and lifestyle is not guaranteed. I could lose my job or have a health setback tomorrow. I believe I am capable of dealing with adversity without too much griping. If something happened to one of my kids or my wife, that would be a struggle, but I think I have the basic understanding to handle it eventually. I hope to god I do not have to put this to the test anytime soon, but as my wife and I age, death will come for one of us.
While my father has turned out to be a disappointment, I do not blame myself for his failings. All my brothers abnd I could do was to learn how not to be and while we all have little things that remind us of him, we have all been successful at being better fathers and husbands then he ever was.
This is the way to go.
Sometimes the best revenge is living well.
It doesn’t feel like it. My spiteful streak is unsatisfied.
Though I recognize it is unhealthy to let that part of me control my actions and keep it in check in terms of my actions. (I do let it control some comments made on this site as an outlet, however).
UCS:
It’s not going to give the satisfaction of knowing you hurt someone who hurt you, but I find that I don’t like my thought process when I start going for vengeance. Living well is a much healthier way for me to get past it… not that I always follow that as strictly as I would like.
What Neph says.
I think Nephi is right.
If I’m in the right, I’ll likely win in the end without additional effort. If lose in the end, maybe I was wrong and should learn something.
Violence and other forms of retaliation can’t be measured out by the teaspoon, so every act of vengeance is a gamble, and escalation is the most likely outcome.
That said, having succeeded in some minor acts of justified revenge over the years, I can attest that it feels pretty good. It’d be an awful thing to be addicted to.
To avoid or manage one’s flaws, one must be aware of them.
The thoughts will enter my head, dance around fantasy scenarios, and steadily get shooed out again as I calm myself back down.
As I said, I’m not going to let them control my actions.
I need to work on being stoic at … work.
The medium of communication is a major factor in how well I’m able to keep calm. In order of preference:
– face to face
– one on one video call
– one on one phone call
– group video meeting
– email
– chat
Despite, or maybe because of, WfH for several years, most people did not learn how to choose medium and audience correctly.
“most people did not learn how to choose medium and audience correctly”
When posting anywhere replying to someone I always try to act as if I am speaking face to face with them. It cuts down on flame wars and keeps the door open for future civil interactions. I experience enough petulant fits of rage as it is.
Yes, I try to short-circuit this by getting up and going to talk with people or video calling them if remote. Some people seem surprised or even off-put by this.
WordPress is making me less stoic by the minute.
Do not Call me. Especially without having arranged a time first.
Is there some reason you’re allergic to having a paper trail for future reference?
Noted. I’ll come by your desk.
I see, you want to avoid FOILable records, is that it? I’m going to report you to the compliance office for investigation.
Yeah, I’m firmly in the “this could have been an email” camp. Having a record makes it less likely anyone will say something stupid. If it’s an urgent situation, use whatever method is most expeditious.
They’re going to ask you for evidence.
Correct. It makes it more likely someone will write something stupid.
Even so, people think more carefully about what they write than what they say. I prefer emails and especially text messages for that reason. It forces people to make their point in as few words as possible.
I see you’ve never received an email from my boss.
Agree with GT. Many people are incapable of organizing their thoughts, whether verbally or in writing.
Oh, my boss’s thoughts are very well organized. They’re just very… thorough.
@GT: Yes, this is another challenge: people who are incapable of communicating at the appropriate level (level of detail, level in the organization, etc.)
people who are incapable of communicating at the appropriate level (level of detail, level in the organization, etc.)
Someone DOES read my articles! (wipes away a single tear of joy).
story time
At my first engineering job, I ordered a part and waited the expected month or so for it to arrive. When it didn’t, and I found out the coworkers I asked to make the order screwed up, I went to my boss to complain. He said I should have followed up sooner. My response was something like “when you order a pizza, do you call back every 5 minutes until it shows up?”
That was not the answer he wanted to hear, I guess.
These days when I order a pizza, I’ve got real-time tracking of the delivery driver.
Random video calls would not be appreciated by me. I’m not even a fan of random phone calls. Now, I’ve got no problems scheduling meetings/calls for a time, and will frequently suggest working sessions to get everyone together.
In the IT world, I know that I much prefer text communication, between accents, incorrect terms (/ = slash; \ = backslash; ~ = tilde; # = pound sign), and simple transcription errors makes getting details a lot more difficult over audio.
I’m not doing it randomly. If we’re messaging or emailing back and forth and it’s getting heated, I’m calling you to short-circuit the escalation.
If it’s getting heated, the worst thing to do is make it verbal.
Step away from the keyboard and breathe.
The best thing to do is to humanize them. Go talk to them face-to-face rather than texting at their online avatar.
Have you met humans? They’re far more aggravating than a name on an email form.
Have you considered the possibility that you’re the problem?
Chipping Pioneer:
That makes more sense. But I would hope for at least a, “Hey, let me call you to discuss” instead of my phone/Teams starting to ring. But that’s my preference, and I know people have different ones.
On the flip side, I really hate getting pulled onto calls where the issue isn’t on our side, and we’re just sitting on a call to “show support”.
@Nephilium: Yes, agreed.
I take it you’ve never worked with someone who’ll agree to one thing verbally, then later go “we never agreed to that”.
Can I call you?
Send me an email, I’ll get back to you.
I’ll just stop by your desk.
Is that a threat? I’ll inform security not to let you in the building.
I’d like to speak to your manager.
I’m with UCS on this one. People forget and people lie. Hence the advantage of having things in writing.
Most meetings are a waste of time, and the odds that it is a waste of time increases in proportion to the number of participants.
@Derpetologist: YES! I’m regularly in meetings with 20+ people and it’s almost always a shitshow.
I get the same thing sometimes, why would I email you when you are a 2 minute walk away?
Problem is that I’m not very social, so when I show up they know I am there to get something.
Their red Swingline stapler?
Well, they don’t bind up as much.
This week I was stoic enough to finally realize something a less stubborn person would have admitted at least a year-and-a-half ago. I need a new car.
I have a car with a manual transmission, which I prefer. But over the last 2 years I have gone from a 15 minute commute 2-days a week to a 45-miute commute 4 days a week through many stops, lights, and turns. My old injury to my left ankle flared up during that time and has cut into my ability to exercise, hike, and enjoy the outdoors.
Time for a new commuter car with an automatic. Someday I still want a fun car like a Miata with a manual – but not for my daily commute.
UNCLEAN!!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT TAKING PUBLIC TRANSIT??!!!?!!!1!!
A silly but fun suggestion. Yes, it is automatic.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/306248363683
Good thing it’s got roll bars.
That sucks.
I hope to keep my Saab and Ram (both manuals) forever, luckily my bad ankle is the on right.
There was a meme I saw a while back, “I remember when I had a left and right [shoulder/knee/etc] instead of a bad one and a good one.”
I’ll help.
I notice they don’t sell them here any more.
The new ones are all automatic, the older ones are mostly manual.
If you wanted a brand new car with a manual, they still sell the GLI. The 2025 has been getting great reviews on youtube.
Time for a Tesla.
A thought, however the closest dealer is over a hundred miles away.
You should be able to get back on a single charge.
Mrs. Time had her Achilles tendon surgery Tuesday. She is wearing Das Boot on her left foot and we have all std trans cars. We will be seeing if she can clutch with the boot off for her commute this weekend.
By the way, there are cops everywhere I looked today. I almost ran two dipshit state police down on the entrance ramp to the express way, they were out of their cars in a gauntlet on each side of the ramp “inspecting” the inspection stickers. They had a chase vehicle ready to pursue for such a gross violation of the law.
“I got an Idea to make some moola this Good Friday!! Let’s impede traffic and make a roadblock that is not a roadblock and put our lives and the lives of the people we are supposed to be protecting in jeopardy for some lucre.”
Assholes!
Hope it goes well. Frustrating having limitations.
Dammit – I go looking for cars and Honda teases me.
https://www.caranddriver.com/news/a63434257/honda-prelude-future-cars/
I had an ’88 Prelude Si that I loved. Now I might be waiting for a few months.
That’s a girls car.
You shut your dirty mouth!
Had a Marine buddy who was a Mustang guy and made fun of my Prelude. Then he road in it and was like “hey this is nice, and smooth, and quick…”
This Good Friday I am smoking ribs, using pieces of the True Cross.
They better be beef ribs. Otherwise you are going to have to go purify in the river outside of town for a few days.
A fishing trip is in order.
Ha!
I miss beef ribs.
There was a restaurant somewhere outside of 29 Palms called the barnhouse that had all you could eat beef ribs.
Back then, I could eat a lot.
ron73440:
Mabel’s BBQ (Michael Symon’s BBQ restaurant) has on the menu:
One date night, I splurged for it. It was massive, and food for at least two meals.
One of you who visited got the giant beef rib at Hard Eight BBQ. I can’t remember who. It was a stunning sight. Looked like a Brontosaurus rib right out of the Flintstones.
I should grill more. But I’m terrible at timing when I want to cook and when I actually get hungry. The food comes off nice smelling and looking great and I’m not hungry. When I finally get hungry the food is cold.
Never leave anyone behind.
Dumbasses. He is dragging the other one off to eat him.