The Hat and The Hair Animated: Rerun ep 57

by | May 14, 2025 | Hat and Hair | 80 comments

This episode has already been rerun several times as the Halloween Special, yes it is the epic 9 minute and 49 second episode where The Hat spouts his own rendition of Edgar Allen Poe’s ‘The Raven’. Doing dramatic readings of poems and plays was a task often given to me in my academic days, because as you all know I lovely voice that is a mash-up of Tom Waits and Mel Blanc. I had in fact, I believe, been tasked with reading ‘The Raven’ to the class once. I don’t remember what set the reaction in my brain, but somehow mention of the breech of the doors at Mar-A-Lago zapped some neuron in my brain that led me to go all Weird Al on the poem. I think it turned out glorious, maybe my 2nd favorite episode after Trump stopping the meetings with Kim Jong Un because he couldn’t eat a Big Mac.

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CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

80 Comments

  1. rhywun

    Nine minutes of this for the 3rd or 4th time is better than watching Toronto shit all over the ice, I guess.

    • Grummun

      The spanking has been comprehensive.

  2. R C Dean

    I was making sweet, sweet love to the dedthred.

    As far as birthright citizenship goes, I gather the record on the actual Constitutional amendment is painfully thin. One of the more interesting approaches I have run across is the distinction between legal jurisdiction (which we instinctively default to), meaning β€œmust comply with the laws of”, and political jurisdiction, meaning more or less β€œare subject to”. This would mean, for example, that anyone born here of foreign parents who was for that reason a citizen of the parent’s home country would not be a US citizen.

    So you can come here, squirt out your kid, and guess what? If they are a citizen of whatever shithole you came from because their mother is, they ain’t a US citizen. Like I said, an interesting perspective.

    • Suthenboy

      That’s just crazy talk. In other words the explicit stating of what most people instinctively sense ‘something is wrong here’.

      – legal jurisdiction (which we instinctively default to), meaning β€œmust comply with the laws of” – By this reasoning my presence in any country other than the US would make me a citizen of that country

      vs.

      “…political jurisdiction, meaning more or less β€œare subject to”, “born here of foreign parents who was for that reason a citizen of the parent’s home country” – parents whose loyalty and culture are foreign.

      • Fourscore

        A Glib lurker, known as Zep/my bee partner/ Kurt had parents living in International Falls when he was conceived. His mother didn’t like the local doctors and went across the border to deliver L’il Zep. He had Canadian and American citizenship. At 16 he had to choose and US was what his decision was.

      • Suthenboy

        That is a best case scenario. Yeah, we want that guy.
        The Eritrean who thinks female circumcision is just spiffy, not so much.

      • creech

        “my presence in any country other than the US would make me a citizen of that country”
        Only if you were also born in that country. (Per 14th amendment – rules may vary in other countries though I doubt it.)

      • slumbrew

        The rules very much vary in other countries. Canada and the United States are the only first world nations with unrestricted birthright citizenship.

    • rhywun

      This would mean, for example, that anyone born here of foreign parents who was for that reason a citizen of the parent’s home country would not be a US citizen.

      That is how contemporaries explained it IIRC.

      Anyway, I have two rules:

      No multiple citizenships. Sovereignty means nothing if you owe allegiance to multiple countries.

      No handouts. I welcome anyone who can support themselves.

      • rhywun

        Yeah I don’t care about job skills.

        Who measures the skills that “no other American has”? It’s ridiculous.

        Sink or swim, that’s all the matters.

      • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        No multiple citizenships.

        Nah. I like the idea of having dual citizenship. If the U.S. gets too shitty, I want another place to go.

        This idea of “allegiance” goes both ways, hmmm.

      • rhywun

        Then renounce your US citizenship. It’s bullshit, for example, that people can vote in two countries.

  3. Derpetologist

    I swam a mile today and feel great about it. Just got back from eating a champion’s meal: $5 KFC 2 pieces, biscuit, mashed taters.

    There’s a logging truck company desperate for CDL drivers. Getting a CDL could keep me busy until my welding class starts in mid-August. Gives me plenty of options too. The welding pickings here are slim. Might have to move to Jacksonville or Tampa to pursue that.

    • Suthenboy

      They have a few boats in Florida is what I have heard. Learn aluminum welding.

    • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      Getting a CDL

      Good idea.

      logging company

      RUN! Run away! Logging up here is one of the most cutthroat businesses there is. Not sure how it is down South.

      Welding is also a worthwhile skill. Underwater welding is where the money is at (not without some personal risk).

      • SarumanTheGreat

        Underwater welding and cutting is what my late brother did for a number of years, disassembling old ships. Made great money (pissed it all away as usual). But it is dangerous. He got badly burned at least once.

        Derp: I would stick with the welding. I wouldn’t spread yourself thin trying to get a CDL as well. The random drug tests can be a killer.

      • rhywun

        The random drug tests can be a killer.

        lol I remember those days.

        Long, long ago.

    • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      HVAC is also a worthwhile trade. Recession-proof in both cold and warm climates. Ask Yusef.

      You need some trouble-shooting skills (which I suspect you have).

      /advice from the guy waiting 2 days (and counting…) for someone to fix the AC.
      /my balls are sweaty.

      • rhywun

        I used to think insurance was recession-proof until I got shitcanned in 2018.

      • Akira

        The couple next door who own a plumbing business seem to do alright, too.

  4. Ownbestenemy

    Im on a team to clean up and unfuck maintenance records.

    I cannot wait to hear the petulant petty tyrants of the multitude of maintenance shops claim we are trying to micromanage.

  5. rhywun

    lol “The Leafs suck waaaahhhh.”

    *ahem* It’s not like you’re the Sabres.

    • slumbrew

      The beef with the Leafs is that they keep making the post season and then choking.

      The Sabres have just been bad for a while (2010?! Ouch).

      • Urthona

        Did they choke or did amazing Florida just get their mojo back?

      • rhywun

        Vegas out.

        *happy dance*

    • slumbrew

      I saw that a day or two ago. Just wild.

    • rhywun

      yikes head for ze hills

      • slumbrew

        You can see the high tension tower on the hill collapse. Maybe avoid the hills…

      • rhywun

        I stole that from Howard Stern when he used to be funny.

        Not meant literally in this case. 😨

    • SarumanTheGreat

      I’ve seen pics of fault scarps after the quakes. But that is scary cool. Reminds me of the tales about the New Madrid quakes, where the original town, originally on a bluff, ended up at the level of the Mississippi. Abandoned shortly afterwards.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Slip strikes are no joke

      • dbleagle

        Less tsunami prone but rapid sideways movements not great for structures.

        The other half of the rock formation that makes up Pinnacles NM (near Salinas and Monterey) is 200 miles south near Lancaster. Such is a hint of the movement of strike slips. Alaska is basically chunks of California stuck together where the Pacific plate makes a big left turn.

  6. dbleagle

    I might lose my Glibs monocle for this but here goes.

    Mahalo CPRM. I enjoy this episode every time I watch it.

    That’s right. I admit it. I watched the content. Hell, I have been known to actually read the articles. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

    • Evan from Evansville

      ++++ Baker’s dozens!

    • CPRM

      The Studio C one seems to be live, so I can forgive some variance, but the meter gets too far out of whack too quickly.

  7. Evan from Evansville

    Wakey-bakey, Glibberonis. Kick ass and don’t do nuttin’ I wouldn’t.

    • The Hyperbole

      You and Sean keep wanting me to kick ass, it just ain’t gonna happen I’m too old and too beaten down to exert that kinda effort.

      • Ted S.

        I’m sure there are lots of people here who would be happy to kick your ass for you. :-p

      • Evan from Evansville

        I understand. Do rest, and I’ll do the shit in your stead, on your behalf.

        I’m on break from hauling cow shit and brown mulch. So far? 960 pounds of it and more to come!

        All that shit’s on your hands. πŸ™‚

        Doc appt alright after work about my hip procedure a few weeks ago. It feels like shit, but it’ll do.

        I’m kinda runnin’ myself into the ground, (aren’t we all?) but I play hard. And am gonna as long as I kick.

        Do well, folk, even (especially!) if that means gettin’ rest.

        The moon was fucking gorgeous out there. Luna watches over us. She’s pleased with our shenanigans.

  8. UnCivilServant

    Morning, Glibs.

    Is there any goo reason why this FedEx track would go “California – Oklahoma – New Mexico – Arizona” when it’s supposed to be coming to New York?

  9. Sean

    Morning you weirdos.

    It’s foggy and rainy out. Go back to bed.

    (Stares at The Hyperbole)

    πŸ›οΈπŸ₯±

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCOrtJMQmVs

    I’m not sure that it gets anymore 80s than that. 🎢🎢

    • UnCivilServant

      Foggy and rainy are two of the best weathers.

      • Sean

        Not for driving. Maybe for sleeping.

      • UnCivilServant

        Why would I want to miss the most calming and happy weather by sleeping through it?

        Drive safe.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Anything by Whitesnake and post 1980 but pre Hagar Van Halen. That song’s more β€˜80s malaise era which I guess actually qualifies as β€˜80s. Nevermind then.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, Efe, Teh Hype, Ted’S., U, Stinky, Roat, and Sensei!

      • Gender Traitor

        So far, so good! I have another PT appointment this morning. I think I can safely report that my knee is MUCH better, and I think my hips (the original problem) are also getting better! Only one more appointment scheduled after today.

        How are you?

      • Sensei

        On the train.

        Morning!

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m grumpy, but I guess I’m otherwise all right. All my problems are with my Stuff rather than my person.

      • Rat on a train

        Welcome aboard, Sensei.

    • Rat on a train

      Cars are subsidized by about a gazillion dollars a year in the US alone according to my models.

    • WTF

      The engineers already make an average of $135K a year, so they are striking because they want $175K. They say they just want what’s fair.

    • Sensei

      Fortunately my employer is understanding. This is much more of an issue for working class commuters.

      • Ted S.

        Fuck the working class, of course.

      • Ted S.

        I mean that in the sense that GovSec doesn’t give a shit about the working class.

  10. UnCivilServant

    Unrelated to anything I’ve complained about this morning – My fifth radish has sprouted. It’s one of the 60 day cultivars, so the late germination isn’t a shock. Sadly, I don’t think the 6th is going to. I think it was planted too shaoow, because the open and partially sprouted seed is laying atop the soil and hasn’t responded in a while. five out of six seeds isn’t terrible for someone who has no clue.

      • UnCivilServant

        My pepper plants are much smaller, the bigger of which has four of the adult shaped leaves, but both appear to have survived transplantation to bigger pots and have started growing new leaves. I was worried about the small one, because it had sprouted directly next to the big one and had to be transplanted early when the big one was getting upgraded. I gave it its own pot and it seems to have survived

      • UnCivilServant

        Wait, some of those in the back aren’t peppers…

    • slumbrew

      “See, the FBI is critical! Critical! You can’t cut our budget or fire any of us!”

  11. slumbrew

    Dog at 6:20 – “Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP!l

    Dog at 6:40, on porch, looking at the rain – “Nevermind, I’ll hold it indefinitely”

    :-/

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, you’re supposed to be awake.

    • Ted S.

      πŸ˜‚

  12. UnCivilServant

    “This feels like a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist.” – James May.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Clarkson’s by far the best, but I love May’s character. Fantastic. Also a very ‘you’ dude, UCS.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      I liked his Lego wall.

      • rhywun

        That Toy Stories show was so good.