Genre – Kaiju
Movie Total Runtime – 1 Hour 21 Minutes
Spoilers – Yes

I said the Godzilla movies would be in order. Well, except for Minus One, but I have owned that one since just before this review series started. I felt bad making it wait longer. So we have the second installment, still in Black and White. This one starts with an airplane flying over the ocean. Seaplane pilot is looking for something in the water, and reports a school of Bonito to the company headquarters to vector a fishing boat in. I don’t know if Bonito school, or if he’s spotted skipjack, or what, and it doesn’t matter. The fishing boat arrives to scoop up the haul. Seaplane Pilot and Radio Girl arrange a date over an open channel as Comic Relief Pilot begins having trouble. Seaplane Pilot diverts to where Comic Relief Pilot is trying to land without an engine.

I don’t know to what extent Japanese fishing companies used spotter aircraft to find fish, but Seaplane Pilot finds Comic Relief Pilot, who must not have been half bad at flying as his plane is intact on the shore of an island. As Seaplane Pilot and Comic Relief Pilot joke about being indebted to the Radio Girls, all of a sudden – Godzilla.

No warning, no buildup, just a startled reaction from the two, then a wide camera shot where he’s looking over the rocks. It becomes apparent that he’s fighting another giant monster not clearly visible past the rocks. The pilots take cover from the battle. Godzilla and the new monster tumble over the cliff and splash down into the water.

That was a short film.

Oh, wait. There’s still seventy minutes of runtime left.

In the Osaka City Police Headquarters, the pilots are sifting through artwork of dinosaurs as if they are mug shots, picking out Ankylosaurus for Paleontologist Dude from the previous movie. They shorten it to Anguirus. New Paleontologist Dude provides more accurate dates for when Ankylosaurus roamed the earth, claiming seventy to a hundred and fifty million years ago. That is a lot closer than the two million years from the last movie, as sixty-six to seventy million years ago was the range for Ankylosaurus. I’ll give them credit for at least hitting the outfield of the same ball park. They then lose all credit as the report claims the historical dinosaur was from one hundred fifty to two hundred feet tall, a figure six to eight times reality. It also asserts that they are obligate carnivores, when the opposite is true. Okay, so Anguirus is not an Ankylosaur at all. Paleontologist Dude from the last movie informs the Serious Government Men that there are no existing anti-Godzilla countermeasures before showing clips from the first movie to point out how badly the previous attempts fared.

It is determined that this is a different Godzilla from the one slain by Dr Goro. Severe discussion of what to do regarding the eventual landfall of Godzilla leads to a plan of trying to lure Godzilla back to sea with flares when he makes landfall. Seaplane Pilot and Radio Girl discuss personal matters among worries over what would happen when Godzilla arrives. Not too long after, Godzilla sightings begin to get radioed in. As he approaches landfall, Osaka goes into blackout so that no lights will attract Godzilla’s attention. The JSDF takes up position with armored vehicles. We know and they know that tanks do not work on Godzilla. The jets dropping flares are at last carrying out the plan properly, even as evacuations are underway.

The flares appear to have the desired effect as Godzilla merely knocks over a lighthouse as he turns back to sea. Seaplane Pilot and Comic Relief Pilot find that their boss has gone to their cannery and for some reason rushes to the area. In one of those movie contrivances, the prisoners on a paddy wagon being evacuated decide to make an escape attempt – overpowering the guards and fleeing in a running gunfight with the police escort. The way they run reminds me a bit of the three Stooges. Larry, Curly, and Moe steal a fuel truck and the cops commandeer the Pilots’ car to pursue. In a slow speed chase, they are joined by black and white marked units. Crashing through a ‘No Smoking’ sign into a fuel depot, the Stooges light up the district in flame.

Godzilla can’t help but notice and roars at the light. Flares forgotten, he makes for shore again. The JSDF unloads on the King of the Monsters with all the effectiveness one has come to expect from their salvoes. Feeling left out, Anguirus arrives and watches the pretty lights of the JSDF rocket barrage before brawling with Godzilla.

This Anguirus fight has a bit of a technical error. This was still the era of hand-cranked film cameras. To give the illusion of size to the men in rubber suits, the cameraman needed to overcrank the film, getting more frames per second and creating a slow motion effect. He undercranked the film, speeding up the action, making them look like miniature toys waving about despite being full-grown humans. With a budget and a deadline, Toho had no choice but to keep the footage. Rebuilding the miniatures to smash them again would take too long and cost too much.

Godzilla and Anguirus continue to brawl in fast-forward as the more serious scenes carry on around them. The cameraman’s mistake really hurt the scene. Even with the undercranked film, it is a long fight. It would have been even longer as initially intended, and a great many buildings come down around them. For some reason the Osaka police draw their revolvers while hunkered down. What are you going to do with that? Godzilla smashes Anguirus through Osaka castle before delivering a brutal neck bite that bleeds profusely. Anguirus falls into the water and lays still, but Godzilla torches him with atomic breath for a coup de grace.

The fires and giant monster fight have wrecked the cannery. I’m certain Japanese insurance companies do not cover Acts of Godzilla. The city is burning extensively as Godzilla calmly goes back to the ocean. The fishing company employees pick through the rubble to see if there’s anything salvageable. The management decides to transfer employees to their Hokkaido operations to keep their ships working. We soon see the snowy north of the Hokkaido offices, which are more rustic than the Osaka headquarters had been before the Godzilla visit. We get some scenes of normalcy as the company employees carry on. These are interrupted by news that one of their ships has sunk, thought to be at the hands of Godzilla due to the last transmission from the vessel before it lost contact.

The Pilots begin looking for sign of where Godzilla is at and where he might make landfall next. Comic Relief Pilot asks Radio Girl for advice regarding relationships but the moment is interrupted by a Godzilla sighting. Because Seaplane Pilot is low on fuel, Comic Relief Pilot goes up to keep tabs on Godzilla’s location as plans are formulated. The first plan involves bombs. I hope they’re not foolish enough to try directly targeting him, we know how that works.

Godzilla has wandered on to an icy, snow-covered rock to get out of the cold seas. I have no other explanation for his choice of resting places. The JSDF decides to try to pen Godzilla in to the inlet where he’s taking in the snow. Seeing the King of the Monsters starting back towards the sea, Comic Relief Pilot buzzes him as a distraction to get him to slow for a moment. While risky, this strategy has the advantage of working, since Godzilla turns around each time to figure out what’s gotten into the Comic Relief Character. The JSDF begins its bombing runs to no effect. Comic Relief Pilot gets clipped by a blast of Atomic Breath and crashes into a glacier. This triggers an avalanche. The JSDF Air Corp redirects their bombing to the mountain top to drop more glacier on Godzilla, burying him in ice. As the bombing continues, Radio Girl reports Comic Relief Pilot’s death to management.

The initial bombing is insufficient, only having buried Godzilla to his shoulders. As he tries to dig himself out, the JSDF reloads with missiles, selecting an attack run on the mountain which would release the most material to bury Godzilla. The route however, takes them directly through the range of Godzilla’s Atomic Breath. As the King of the Monsters unburies himself the JSDF infantry try to light the mouth of the inlet on fire to discourage him from trying to leave. They light up explosive drums across the mouth of the inlet. Because this is black and white I can’t tell if they were red barrels.

A bit confused at the planes buzzing him and the new wall of fire, Godzilla turns around a few times, giving the JSDF time for the attack run on the mountain. Godzilla blasts some of the planes from the sky, but the glacier comes down, burying him completely.

Title Fight Results –
Godzilla vs Anguirus – Godzilla by a Knockout
Godzilla vs Japan – Japan by a Knockout.

Godzilla’s record (Win-Loss-Draw):
Japan: 0-3-0
Anguirus: 1-0-0

Technical difficulties aside, this installment falls sort of the bar set by the first, not conveying as much of the impact of a giant monster attack. And the technical difficulties made a mockery of the spectacle. It’s a quick watch, and not difficult to sit through, so I’m not going to tell you to avoid it, but I can’t really recommend it.