The hair heard a giggle tinged with mania and the soft rustle of the hat masturbating under the desk in the Oval Office.
“Are you watching the drone strike footage again?” he asked the hat.
“Shut up. Almost there,” the hat grunted.
“Oh, no. Don’t, ugh, don’t talk to me during,” the hair groaned.
“Shut up,” the hat said again, and reaching a rhythm, “Shut up, shut up, shut up, uh, shut up.”
“Don’t make me part of this!” the hair yelled.
“SHUT UP!” the hat screamed and then moaned.
“Did you just…” the hair began.
“I want a cigarette,” the hat said, “ And maybe a little bit of snuggling.”
“Jesus,” the hair said.
“I want everything I’ve always seen in the movies,” the hat said softly.
“You’re disgusting,” the hair said.
“That boy got done blowed up good,” the USA hat said from the bottom of the umbrella stand.
“He looked like stew meat,” the hat crowed.
“You are both disgusting,” the hair said.
“Pfft, whatever,” the hat said, pulling himself up into Donald’s office chair. “We just fired a missile at him, but he’s the reason the car blew up like it did.”
“What?” the hair asked.
“A Persian? On vacation?” the hat said. “You know he probably had thirty bottles of cologne in the car. A little spark from a teeny-tiny missile and BOOM!”
The hair groaned and the USA hat guffawed from the umbrella stand.
“You know I’m right,” the hat told the hair. “You know he was drenched in it. Probably smelled like Miami.”
“That’s not really the point…” the hair began.
“And the funeral crowds, so fake,” the hat continued. He turned on the Oval Office television to show throngs of mourners on a loop. “CNN is just slurping up Iranian propaganda.”
“He was a popular general,” the hair said, tired, thinking about sleep, dreading four more years of this.
“And they keep zooming in on the women. Woof. So ugly,” the hat said. “Most of them have an ass-mustache.”
“How do you know their asshole has a mustache?” the hair asked, bored and reading in a monotone from the teleprompter.
“No, like a milk mustache, but one you getting from eating ass,” the hat said, giggling.
“ASS-MUSTACHE!” the USA hat crowed. “Yore funny. Can ah leave the umbrella stand now?”
“NO!” the hair and the hat said together.
“All those idiots bunched up in one place,” the hat said wistfully, watching the television. “Wouldn’t take much, wouldn’t take much at all.”
“What are you talking about?” the hair asked.
“Couple of Hellfires, maybe a Daisycutter. Teach them to mourn a terrorist.”
“Those are civilians. That’s a war crime,” the hair said.
“We’re not at war,” the hat said flatly. “There’s been no declaration by Congress. Too busy with the fake impeachment.”
“And it’s mostly women,” the hair said.
“Ugly women,” the hat said. “No loss.”
“You can’t do this!” the hair cried.
“We’ll ask Donald when he gets up from his nap,” the hat said darkly. “And we’ll see if you’re right.”
ASS-STACHE! ASS-STACHE! ASS-STACHE! ASS-STACHE!
Are you summoning Bolton?
Yes he is.
There is never a bad time for the man with two haircuts.
AKA – The Dirty Sanchez
Attica! Wait, what?
The hair is America’s conscience. Just like jiminy Cricket.
Should that have been the hair talking?
/confused
Thanks. Loved the whole thing, but that had me ?.
Looks like the Edit Fairy paid us a visit…
I like the way everyone is so in tune with the characters.
I no type good.
NO TYPE I
“How do you know their asshole has a mustache?” the hair asked, bored and reading in a monotone from the teleprompter.
Was that the fourth wall breaking?!!?!
Don’t… DO NOT… Touch your screen!
Probably smelled like Miami.
Snot bubble snort.
I read that as “30 bottles of cognac”. I was torn between “Whoa there, Buddy” and the beautiful blue flame.
“Damn, the nigga went up like a sweet figgy pudding!”
Will there be a side story concerning Bolton? The poor man has sacrificed so much to bring about war with Iran, now the best chance ever comes months after he was fired. He has to be holding a pistol and one well fondled round right now.
Bolton’s still got friends… Some one sent him the drone porn, which he treated in exactly the same fashion as the Hat.
And then he had a good cry.
Fondling something, alright:
https://me.me/i/cnm-cnm-cnmneews-breaking-john-bolton-has-been-hospitalized-after-f8c34e0794ae454c9576bdd015841139
He done breaked the war boner?
“Those are civilians. That’s a war crime,” the hat said.
“We’re not at war,” the hat said flatly.
Loophole!!
“ASS-MUSTACHE!” the USA hat crowed. “Yore funny. Can ah leave the umbrella stand now?”
I had wondered what happened to Tha Hat.
I wonder if there’s some sort of confinement feature to the umbrella stand, or if he’s just less ambulatory than The Hat.
I only know the canonical answer in the cartoon timeline.
That’s gold!
I much as I hate to say it, stereotypes come about because they have some element of truth.
*risas en mexicano*
Yep. My dad used to say stereotypes exist for a reason. I haven’t found evidence to the contrary.
To answer the question from the last thread:
In NYS, an “assault weapon” included any semi-automatic pistol in which the magazine is inserted anywhere other than the grip.
So there are a bunch of old fuckers with multi-thousand dollar .22 target pistols that can’t give them to their kids or sell them to someone in-state. But they can bring them to matches and make me think “… for that kind of money there are a lot of other guns I’d rater have.”
Thank god they’re saving NY from the scourge of broom handle Mausers!
Except, the C96 doesn’t have a detachable magazine – it’s integral.
Ah, that’s right.
In NYS, an “assault weapon” included any semi-automatic pistol in which the magazine is inserted anywhere other than the grip.
Broomhandle Mauser ist verboten.
Ja, so desu.
Dammit! Didn’t scroll far enough down.
It’s not your fault that P Brooks can’t thread properly.
Can…but will not.
Gold, Jerry. Gold.
“We’ll ask Donald when he gets up from his nap,” the hat said darkly. “And we’ll see if you’re right.”
The Hat will be disappointed.
As Part Of Settlement With Nick Sandmann, CNN Hosts Must Wear MAGA Hats During All Broadcasts
Sandmann says the hosts will be forced to wear the hats until they’ve learned their lesson, which could take a while. “Just be careful you don’t make an expression some could construe as ‘smug.’ Wouldn’t want you to get punched or your lives to get ruined, or anything like that.”
CNN hosts must also finish every broadcast by saying, “Good night, and I am a big, fat dummy, while Trump is the best president we’ve ever had.”
Brian Stelter requested an exemption and was allowed to wear a clown nose instead, as usual.
That last line ?
The Bee has been on a tear against CNN after all the attempts they’ve made to label the Bee as “fake news, rather than satire”. It’s well deserved
Sort of a mirror of the US/Iranian tiff isn’t it?
CNN should publish a few random articles about fake news (while carefully avoiding any mention of The Bee) and call it a day. Hope that The Bee stops blowing up its “revered” journalists and put all of this unpleasantness behind them.
Iran To Replace State-Run Television With MSNBC Broadcast
“Why spend so much time creating propaganda to brainwash our people when MSNBC could do it for us?” a representative for Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting said to reporters. “It takes a lot of work to put together news broadcasts that obscure the truth and tell the masses exactly what we want them to believe. But MSNBC has it down — they really understand what we’re trying to do. We decided we had to get those experts on our team.”
The Iranian people say they have noticed no difference in the bias of the one television station they’re allowed to watch after the switch occurred, except “maybe it skews a little more anti-America now.”
“Iran To Replace State-Run Television With MSNBC Broadcast”
They may as well, our media are doing a better job of sympathizing with terrorists than the mullahs are.
Uffda. The rubes have discovered virtual signaling. Of course they are doing it all wrong.
Ummm…that ordinance isn’t going to stop the Mexicans. This is peak stupid and so hillbilly.
The Mexicans, Vietnamese and Hmongs are welcome, but we ain’t taking no Irish or Somalis!
That vote had nothing to do with Mexicans. It was all about using Trump’s EO that requires communities to opt into refugee resettlement to pre-emptively keep Minnesoda busybodies from sending refugees there.
I can only imagine the looks on the faces of some poor refugees who are plopped down in Bemidji in the middle of winter.
Sure, my head might have gotten chopped off and my family raped, but this snow is stupid!
“Ahh, I see your game. Well played, American Peeg-Dogs, well played.”
I can only imagine the looks on the faces of some poor refugees who are plopped down in Bemidji in the middle of winter.
Really trying to stoke that Death to America sentiment.
There is a reason that locals refer to Bemidji as Brrrrmidji.
When I was a kid, I assumed (and my semi-dyslexia reinforced) that it was spelled Bermidji. I was embarrassingly old before I realized that there really was no ‘r’ in there.
I’m with you. Fuck the Irish
Paradise, cont’d
Some California lawmakers said they support a group of homeless women who have been illegally living in a vacant three-bedroom house since November, partly to protest real estate speculators who drive up housing costs in the pricey Bay Area.
Moms 4 Housing, a collective recently formed to support the Oakland women, interrupted a news conference on legislation to boost housing construction Tuesday at City Hall, shouting “affordable housing now.”
“I want to thank Moms 4 Housing for taking that house and for demonstrating that nowhere, nowhere should there be a vacant house anywhere in California when we have the housing crisis that we have,” said Democratic Sen. Nancy Skinner of Berkeley. “And it was totally legitimate for those homeless moms to take over that house.”
——-
Dominique Walker, 34, who has 1- and 5-year-old daughters, said she moved back to her native Oakland from Mississippi last year but could not find a place to live in the pricey market. She said many of the people who used to live in her neighborhood have been forced out by rising prices.
“Housing is a human right. I pay bills there. I pay water, PG&E, internet. We live there,” Walker said. “We want to purchase the home; it needs to belong back in the hands of the community. It was stolen through the foreclosure crisis.”
Totally legitimate. Human right. Property is theft. Redistribution now.
Und so weiter.
stolen through the foreclosure
You don’t own it if it ain’t paid for.
“Dominique Walker, 34, who has 1- and 5-year-old daughters, said she moved back to her native Oakland from Mississippi last year but could not find a place to live in the pricey market. She said many of the people who used to live in her neighborhood have been forced out by rising prices.”
Why in the world would someone who is looking for a job and affordable rent leave Mississippi for Oakland? I feel real bad for her, because of the young children, but she needs to use her brain. Mississippi has manufacturing jobs popping up all over the place and housing is cheap as shit. Just move to the part of Mississippi where there are job openings and go from there.
“Mississippi has manufacturing jobs popping up all over the place”
There’s your answer.
If she was using her brain, she wouldn’t have young children when she’s broke.
We don’t know if that’s true. She might have been in a relationship and the dude walked out on her or….oh, who am I kidding- she thinks she’s owed a house, of course she has no brain.
“Why in the world would someone who is looking for a job and affordable rent leave Mississippi for Oakland?”
The deplorables were after her?
she moved back to her native Oakland from Mississippi last year but could not find a place to live
See, when I move, I always find a place to live first.
Stehlen macht frei
One of the reasons rents are so high is property owners having to contend with shit like this.
Why in the world would someone
who is looking for a job and affordable rentleave Mississippi for Oakland?Land of milk and honey. Free money. Free houses.
“Wedgewood owns this home, and these squatters have broken into it, they’re illegally occupying it, and that is not the right thing to do. It’s simply theft,” Singer said Tuesday. “This is really a case about a group of people taking the law into their own hands.”
Lawyers for Walker argued in court last week that housing is a right and the court should allow the women to possess the house, particularly because it was vacant for a long time and the alternative would be to send them to the streets.
Assemblyman Ash Kalra, a Democrat from San Jose, said Tuesday that elected officials need to ensure “opportunistic landlords and corporate landlords” don’t “keep our homes vacant.”
“The law is what we say it is, and applies to whom we say it does.”
Oh, well it’s settled then.
“This is really a case about a group of people taking the law into their own hands.”
What law? Taking the law into their own hands would be the legitimate owners stringing the thieves up on lampposts.
It’s spreading
Washington, D.C., having solved all of its other problems, may delete and replace “gendered” language from the D.C. city code and the city’s home rule charter in its next legislative session, putting an end to “male” terms like “manhole,” “chairman,” and “fireman.”
DCist reports that the bill, which will go under consideration by the D.C. city council soon, “would ensure that the language of the city’s laws ‘is modernized and reflective of our values,’” per the bill’s author, Councilmember David Grosso.
“Currently, our older laws show outdated thinking about gender, with a default to masculine pronouns or to masculinized forms of nouns,” Grosso said in a floor speech Tuesday evening, according to DCist. “Other laws fail to embody the gender diversity of our community, instead using binary language. Our values in the District of Columbia have evolved and the language of our laws should too.”
Never mind that “man” has historically been used to apply to the 2 sexes when speaking generally.
has historically been
Has? It still is. when you say Mankind you aren’t talking about just men. When you say “Hey guys!” you aren’t talking about just guys. ironicaly it is the activists who want to bring more gendered language.
Everything old is new again. ~30 years ago, manholes were changed to maintenance holes at my company for a number of years until people realized how stupid it was and just went back to manholes.
Did you not suggest “cunte” instead?
Cunteholes?
No, silly. Mancunte.
Wouldn’t that be redundant?
When will they declare Gaia to be a hermaphrodite?
War on Beer
The MillerCoors brewery in Irwindale has fallen victim to a years-long slump in sales of light beer. Now the plant’s owner, Molson Coors Beverage Co., says it plans to close the facility — scrapping 470 jobs — by September.
However, Molson Coors also said it struck an agreement with smaller rival Pabst Brewing Co. that gives Pabst the option to buy the 225-acre Irwindale facility for $150 million within the next four months.
Los Angeles-based Pabst — which little more than a year ago contended that its very existence depended on the partnership in which MillerCoors brews its beers — said Tuesday that it would “evaluate this opportunity” and make a decision that’s “in the best interest of all our stakeholders.” The brewer declined to elaborate.
The 40-year-old Irwindale plant, located alongside the 210 Freeway, brews several brands for Pabst in addition to Miller Lite, Coors Light, Miller High Life and other Molson Coors brands.
Maybe the State of California will step in and forbid the closure. What’s stopping them?
brews several brands for Pabst in addition to Miller Lite, Coors Light, Miller High Life and other…
It sounds like that place should be razed to the ground and the earth salted, and the employees driven into the sea as a crime against humanity.
Beer snobs are so tiresome.
The more likely cause is MillerCoors is trying to reduce the number of union employees it’s stuck with.
While I appreciate good beer, I don’t consider myself a snob. I’ll drink Bud or Coors if that’s what is available.
But Pabst and MHL are two of the nastiest piss-waters ever brewed.
I stand by my statement, to see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women!
*ululates and draws scimitar*
*shakes up can, throws like genade*
Aloha snackbar, Swiss.
well played!
YEAH! I have a troll! Hmm. Now that I know, its almost anti-climactic.
I’m going to log off and get wasted at Four Peaks and drive home.
If you lay one finger on Miller High Life…I WILL DECLARE JIHAD!
I think when the Swiss Servators are the troops we call that a crusade.
Unless it’s changed recently, Pabst doesn’t own a brewery. They’re all contract brewing (paying someone else to brew at their location). They also own quite a few brands that most people don’t realize are under them. As an example, Small Town Brewery is the brand behind Not Your Father’s Root Beer (and all the other Not Your X’s Y).
Pabst signed a contract brewing deal with a different brewer in November, thus the underlying reason.
https://www.brewbound.com/news/pabst-brewing-to-transfer-majority-of-production-volume-to-city-brewing-by-december-2024
https://twitchy.com/gregp-3534/2020/01/08/peak-tds-reached-joy-behar-now-promoting-richard-spencer-to-own-president-trump/
“Peak TDS, reached: Joy Behar now promoting Richard Spencer to own President Trump on Iran”
TDS is real. And it’s not funny. This is a legitimate brain disease and it’s becoming a public health crisis.
Both sides have now mocked the other for having the same view as Richard Spencer. See when white nationalists complained about the war in syria, all-anti war people were white nationalists. Now it’s the rights turn to do the same. At least everyone is being consistent with what their principles are.
People just find it really hard to believe that bad people agree with some points that you might agree with too. But, if Behar is convinced that some ground swell of white nationalism got Trump elected then she is brain dead.
If her point/belief is that this is some strong loss of support for Trump then yeah she’s a moron.
Not really a stretch after the Iran thing.
In all fairness did she ever not have some kind of mental health issue?
That’s not how it works.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi on Tuesday called for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to “immediately” publish the resolution detailing the rules for the Senate impeachment trial of President Donald Trump, saying that step had to be taken before the impeachment articles would be sent to the Senate.
Pelosi made the demand in a letter to her colleagues on Tuesday evening, the latest step in the fight between the two chambers and the two parties over witnesses in the Senate trial after the House passed two articles of impeachment last month.
“It is important that he immediately publish this resolution, so that, as I have said before, we can see the arena in which we will be participating, appoint managers and transmit the articles to the Senate,” the California Democrat wrote.
My copy of the Constitution doesn’t have a clause that states that the House can dictate to the Senate.
“Pelosi made the demand in a letter”
McConnell should just write “NUTS!” on the letter, and send it back.
Her insistence would make me want to go slower cause i hate when someone 1. Tries to rush me 2. tries to dictate to me what to do, especially when they have no authority, 3. tries to dictate to me what i was going to do anyway.
“Ladies and Botox Zombies First”
Benjamin Haddad
@benjaminhaddad
At this time of their presidencies, Trump’s two predecessors had started wars in the Middle-East, he hasn’t. The apocalyptic commentary these last few days has completely ignored Trump’s famous reluctance to use force, especially for broad, value-based objectives.
I don’t agree with this guy’s whole thread, but the striking part is the first line. As dumb as I believe Trump is, I also think that he realizes that war can sink your presidency in a quagmire. I think Trump saw what happened to Bush and saw the vast opposition to war in Syria under Obama and he figured “let’s try not to go that route”.
Trump wants to blink and move on, but he’s also gullible and dumb so his advisers might convince him otherwise.
https://twitter.com/benjaminhaddad/status/1214954161202253824
Here’s the full thread.
You got to read the snarky leftist replies saying “what war did Obama start?” They really were asleep for the past eight years
Let me guess:
Libyia wasn’t a real war, cause we only led from behind on that.
Yemen as well
Egypt we just supported a coups
Sryia was started by the Sryians not us.
And of course we had to go after ISIS
The most amazing part about rewriting the Syrian war is that we all pretend now that ISIS was there before we started committing troops, which is just factually inaccurate. We used ISIS as an excuse to go back into Iraq when they invaded that country.
Plus, you forgot to mention the dumbest war that we intervened in during the Obama years, the sending of troops to Nigeria. Remember “Bring Back Our Girls” nonsense? No one talks about Nigeria anymore, even though an American soldier died there about a year ago.
Utah Guardsmen if i remember right. I think he went to High School with a friend of mine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-sdO6pwVHQ
Most accurate joke video I’ve ever seen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuDuu662jlI
And the update video shows how polluted the collective memory has become
“This war is going to try a bunch of different things every few years, cause fighting the same war for 20 years until you retire is just lame. That’s how baby boomers fought wars.”
Notice the transition from the first video to the last. In the last video the comedians are noting that “now we have a new excuse- ISIS”.
This is the same shit I was complaining about when people were freaking out over us leaving Syria. “Muh…Kurds” is like the fifth excuse we’ve been given for being in Syria. ISIS was the third excuse and it just popped out of nowhere (thank your tax dollars for ISIS).
Apparently DHS has sent my company a warning to be on the lookout for Iranian h4xx0rz. This warning was dutifully passed on to we employees.
I had read that as DHL, and wondered why a shipping company was issuing such alerts.
The text of the warning, in case Cuomo hasn’t thought fit to warn you about such dire threats:
Oh, we got crap like that:
Hopefully you forwarded this on to John Podesta?
He sent me his password in response.
was it passw0rd, Or Admin?
password123
Somebody did try to clumsily hack into my O365 account this morning. Maybe that was Iran’s big counterstrike.
*happily eyes Office 2010 on my desktop and keychain jump drive with data.
Cloud computing and subscription based software can go SugarFree themselves.
I agree.
I also didn’t get a say in the matter.
I also can’t laugh because after we moved to the cloud, Microsoft cranked up the price to double the initial quote.
What an astonishing surprise! You turn over control of all your most critical data to someone and once it is all in their hands they jack up the price, who’d a thunk it?
It’s a mixed bag to me. On one side, I prefer desktop apps that I own. On the other side, I prefer apps that are updated and improved on a regular basis.
If there was feature parity, I’d jump back to the desktop version in a heartbeat.
I leave very little on the cloud, and then (almost) only because a file I deliver back to a client is too large for email.
I back up with Carbonite, which makes me nervous enough, but I need an off-site backup.
I have a home cloud that is accessible via a web interface that I back up to, but it is not ON the web.
And I have an external hard drive that I also back up to.
Have I said “Fuck Adobe sideways and with a rusty pitchfork” yet today?
Consider it said.
Hah! That reminds me of an amusing incident at my old job.
Our floor in the office building had two companies; my employer and some Internet marketing company. The internet marketing company was bought by Adobe who promptly laid off 75% of the staff; promoted most of the survivors to management; ripped out the cubicle walls and replaced them with an open office plan; and then brought in a buttload of guys from one of their other sites to man the peasant desks in the open office.
Shortly afterward a whole bunch of Document Cloud banners appeared in their workspace. They were so huge, we could read them from our breakroom whose windows looked into their offices across the atrium.
Then the Adobe Document Cloud began to infiltrate our office (purchased by our good natured facilities/IT manager who didn’t accept that standardized software setups were a good thing, but instead purchased each computer from Dell getting the best deal on what he thought that employee needed).
We had not only compatibility issues, but all sorts of problems, including people accidentally uploading documents to the cloud that should never, ever, be in the cloud, because they had accepted defaults when opening Adobe for the first time.
So one day, after having had my morning hijacked trying to troubleshoot some problem that hadn’t been an issue with Adobe X, I found myself talking to one of my friends in the bathroom. He commiserated with me about my struggles that morning (he’d been listening from two cubicles down as I tried various workarounds).
And I vented. It was a short tirade, finishing with me saying with a very loud voice “We are really overdue to ditch Adobe and their goddam security-hole-ridden, over-priced, cludgy, bloatware!!!!!! Give me Madcap Flare any day!!!”
The Adobe guys that were in the bathroom looked very uncomfortable.
Fuck em; they were terrible neighbors. They used to regularly miss the urinals (not exaggerating).
Their whole subscription model is worse than their nightmare prices for just the software.
I get their software on eBay. I’m still using Pshop 7 and Illustrator CS6.
I don’t use InDesign for typesetting or desktop publishing (well, when there was such a thing as desktop publishing) because Word can do it.
But I moved into a new box for a separate work setup. I tried to install my Acrobat X. Well, I forgot it was an upgrade. Okay, so I go to install Acrobat 5 (which was what I upgraded from) and it wouldn’t recognize it! I could only upgrade from Acrobat 7 or 8!
I hate those people.
Why would I give a fuck about the nationality of a hacker?
Because Orange Man.
Are hackers from way over there really dangerous?
Iran so far away after all.
Fuck the Irish
Wood
With gusto.
You can do whatever you want with her. She has no soul.
Smart money says she swallows.
““Ugly women,” the hat said. “No loss.””
PREACH
Speaking of ugly women. I know this is mean, but…
The story upthread about the homeless women. Now you really gotta be fugly to be a homeless woman. I mean, you can be a homeless guy and you might just be out there on the streets forever. But if you’re a woman, if you are, after 12 pack level attractive, you won’t be out there for long. I’ve observed this phenomenon here in Balmer. Every time I’ve seen a woman on the street with a homeless sign, if they were any degree of attractive, I never saw them out there again. The ones who are out there all the time are downright scary looking.
Here’s the thing, you’ll never encounter a good looking homeless person. The American people refuse to allow a good looking person to go hungry. Check out the next homeless person you see- they’re ugly as fuck, even if they cleaned themselves up.
I’ve found this axiom to be true every time
I knew a pretty hot girl who was off-and-on homeless. She was a raging heroin addict and probably bipolar; but she’d find some poor sap to put her up for a while in exchange for sex until he got sick of her shit and threw her out.
(and no, I was never one of those poor saps; low as they may be, I still have some semblance of standards)
Her rack was too small, huh?
No comment.
I met one on the last step of her way down to the streets years ago. Truly stunning woman, but up close you could see the veins starting to break down in her arms and legs. There is a real temptation to try to save them, but it always ends badly. She had run away from her “husband” who had married her at 14, and was convinced that he was actively hunting her.
Voting is now closed for yesterday’s Great Glib Debate and the winner is…
Jarflax by a nose! (seriously, by 2 votes).
I should have voted moar.
OMWC hardest hit?
So a hand = four inches, and a nose = two votes. Got it.
Your hand maybe.
It’s a Traditional unit of measure.
*Buries joke about short-fingered vulgarians*
Curious. Do people vote who they agree with or with who they think makes the best argument regardless of their belief. Keeping in mind confirmation bias.
Hopefully the latter, the contest is about debating not deciding Truth. For example I despise strict liability criminal laws more than I can possibly express.
I don’t vote, because I know my biases are too strong.
I switched my position after reading the debate, that’s why I voted the way I did.
A win’s a win.
As a PTB, I abstained.
I did as well, but I think it would be fine for you to vote, it is anonymous after all.
I’ve made jokes a couple of times about reviving the institution of dueling. As much as much of it is in jest, there is an underlying point that I’m trying to make. I raise it, because one element of this story, really seems to capture my reasons:
Three of his accusers showed up to his memorial reception, according to several people there.
Imagine the unmitigated gall. You utterly destroy the man’s reputation and help drive him to suicide and then you have the nerve to show up at his funeral. That’s something that would probably be cured by the possibility that you might have someone challenge you to pistols at dawn. And maybe we’d be a better society for it.
It’s like mafiosi showing up to the funeral of the guy that everyone knows they killed. Colleges are like a very effeminate and somehow dumber version of the mob. Also, more useless as at least the mob provides people with gambling, prostitution, and other vices that they enjoy. Colleges provide made-up words like “xir” and “toxic masculinity” that literally no one enjoys.
Well, yeah. But, the mafiosi at least understand there’s a non-zero probability that they’d get killed for their bravado. These people show up because they don’t even understand that its bravado. They show up because they think the world is supposed to be okay with them no matter what,.
Colleges provide vices as well. At least among the classmates.
Correction: College STUDENTS provide vices as well. College administers go about playing morality police with students engaging in those vices.
Depends on what you consider a vice. I’d say deliberately indoctrinating young minds in pernicious falsehoods is worse than anything Susie Sorority does with Beta Theta Pi.
That raises an interesting question – if two adults want to fight each other to the death to settle something, should they be allowed? If it’s allowed, I assume that consent would have to be established with some kind of contract. Would some extra measures have to be taken to ensure that the names of murder victims are not forged on these contracts?
Apparently, Missouri is getting hammered, and Ohio is gonna see some accumulation.
We had about an inch or so here last night. This morning I was awoken by a noise and got up to find that huge chucks of melting show were falling off trees and hitting the roof. Supposed to be from the mid 60s to around 70 this weekend. See, this global warming is going to kill us all.
We got maybe 2″. Most of it melted off the asphalt, but it was enough to take the 2 year old sledding in the backyard. I also got to test out the new plow for the lawn mower. ?
Looking forward to the upper 60s tomorrow, but I could go for a bit more wintery weather. I would be careful what I wish for.
should*
It was pretty here yesterday afternoon when I was communing home, but I had a hard time making it up the hill driving my old 2 wheel drive machine. Wife was all excited because she doesn’t work, so doesn’t have to deal with it. It was pretty, but I’m glad it’s gone, I have to drive in the city again tomorrow.
*opens umbrella*
Yeah they are really getting railed.
Ok, drawing a dick on a weather map is old news, adding the prostate makes it fresh again. Well done intern at the NWS who is being fired right now! I like the cut of your jib!
Mojeaux, re your health Q. last night: IANAD, but have you had your gallbladder looked at?
I wondered about that, since I’m a 4F*, but as of April when I had my peptic ulcer, my gallbladder was fine. I don’t think it could have deteriorated that fast since then.
However, I’m not going to go to the doctor with “Doc, I can’t eat beef or mayo. What’s wrong with me?”
“Um…”
So I’ll wait till I can come up with some better symptoms than that.
(*fair, fat, female, forty)
Alpha-gal allergy?
Facialized.
https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-attacks-babylon-bee-the-internet-is-only-big-enough-for-one-fake-news-site
Holy shit, that brought tears to my eyes.
Love the Bee.
It is more important than ever that we be mindful of Cyber Security awareness and the tactics used in these types of attacks.
*updates password to hjkl987*
Use Muhammadwasapedo, no Iranian can type that.
That’s what they have shabbaskaffirs for.
Considering half of Arabs are named Muhammad I don’t think there’s a problem with that. It has to be Prophetmuhammadwasapedo
Use Muhammadwasapedo, no Iranian can type that.
That’s a lot of typing. Can I just leave it on my desktop, and copypasta as needed?
You mean like all my passwords?
Authorities Investigating Dangerous Breach In Hollywood Bubble
Best fake news on the webs
Many thanks to those who gave me advise about our rental sewer back up issue yesterday.
Today I reviewed the docs the owner sent to AIRBnB to make their claim and there’s a photo of the baby wipes on the bathroom counter. However….
just below those you can see white tissues in the trash can. So, I guess the claim is going to be that we throw away TP and flush baby wipes?
I need to vent a tidge.
I know an author (self-proclaimed libertarian) who regularly lectures her sycophants on the “proper” storytelling techniques, which, to her, mean never using other points of view except third person removed, straight-line storytelling, and past tense.
Now, she is not saying this is The One True and Correct Way to Write Fiction. No. She says anything ELSE is simply bad writing and get thee to a book doctor and larn you some real writin’.
Her complaint (today) specifically is that unreliable narrators should not be a thing and that first person is for losers. These things are for People Who Can’t Write.
Look, lady. You may not LIKE it and some authors may not perform narrative tricks very well, but that does not automatically mean it is Bad Writing.
And this starts fuelling my ranty mcRanty post on Da Rulez of Writing.
Ask her to review House of Leaves.
I HAVE THAT BOOK!
I started to read it, but was too distracted. That’s a book you have to have absolute quiet for a long period of time to read. I would have to cart myself to the library to read it.
Yeah. That book is one that I can’t even imagine trying to read in any edition other then print. It ran through one of my friend groups at the time it came out.
I enjoy a well done unreliable narrator.
I read it after my wife told me she needed to know where the book was at all times. It was quite insane.
You have to listen to POE(the author’s sister) while reading.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA3ns_G_OIo
I get the impression that it goes too far beyond the shark it jumps for me to bother reading it, like Twin Peaks (The TV show, not the place near Waco where the feds curated a biker massacre), or Lost, but better still much better than either of them. Is there an abridged version?
I haven’t made it past page 20 because I tried to read it in doctors’ office waiting rooms. It didn’t work.
Leon read Mojeaux’s rant and sat back. The words penetrated to his very heart. He had to agree with Mojeaux that proscribing rules on a subjective human endeavor seemed silly. But he couldn’t get at a nagging suspicion that maybe the author was right. What if third person omniscient was the best way to write?
He didn’t realize it at that moment but this rant would eventually lead him into a struggle for his family, sanity, and even his very life.
“It was a dark and stormy night…”
Third person omniscient (the camera POV or as I call it, “Meanwhile, back at the ranch…” is out of favor in Romancelandia and has been for 20 years. See: Future Ranty McRanty Post on Da Rules of Writing.
I should have written third person limited. I only said “removed” because it removes the reader from the character somewhat, where as first person puts you next to or actually into the character depending on how it’s done. So one person’s POV in third person but it never strays from that person’s POV. What he can’t see, the reader can’t see.
“I looked over the comments. As I read on through the page, Leon’s story caught my eye.
‘Third person? What fresh hell is this?’ I mumbled to myself at the keyboard.
It was only 2pm, but I was already six beers in. Smuggling beer into work had become harder, but I shouldered on.
‘Fuck third person and fuck Leon!’ I raged within my office.
My co-workers outside my closed door didn’t hear me, I assumed, so I decided to let them know my thoughts on third person stories.
‘First person- Love; third person- Killa!’ I shouted as I flung open the door.”
You fling open the door and come out of the office shouting, “First person- Love; third person- Killa!”
It’s only 2:00 p.m., but you’re already six beers in. Your admin knows you smuggle beer into work, but you and she have a tacit agreement not to acknowledge it.
You run down the hall to your boss’s office and burst in to find him leaning back against his desk, his back to you, with his head tilted back and moaning and you wonder, why aren’t YOU the one getting a blow job at work?
Now angrier, you go back to your office, collect your golf clubs, mumble something at your admin that you can’t even understand, and leave. You have no idea where you want to go.
I like it.
It was only a quarter past two when Leon strolled out of his office, for his daily walk. The sun beamed and he had a song in his heart. So much so he didn’t notice the disturbed foliage along his usual route.
“FUCK THIRD PERSON!”
Leon turned to see a derranged man, with loosened necktie come running at him with a 5 Iron.
http://www.csun.edu/~dgw61315/tandem.html
That lasted longer than I expected.
LOL!
It wasn’t too bad for an English 44A class.
I didn’t know they had numbers that low.
I think the 0-level classes are the remedial courses to get the students up to 100 level classes.
LOL. That sounds like something i would have done in 4th grade.
Some stories work better as first person, either that or Proust is trash and everyone but that lady is wrong.
I want to see an author tackle a second person narrative, but not as a “choose your own adventure book”
Second-person narrative
That is a brilliant video with brilliant dancing and it gives me chills and I love it.
Oh, wait. I was supposed to stop approving of your music choices, wasn’t I?
No; everybody loves all my music choices!
Was hoping for this
Damnit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0u4M6vppCI
Marginally related.
You fall, rocks fall on you. Do you:
A: Wait for rescue?
B: Chew your arm off?
C: Reset from last save, avoid falling in the first place, and save game once you get past the tricky ravine?
*last save is in the early tutorial, six hours ago*
D: Decide game is boring. Cosy up with a mug of hot cocoa and watch the Hallmark Channel instead.
So, I worked for this guy once upon a time. (#ProTip: When somebody invites you to the Century Club for lunch, don’t show your yokelness by ordering the cheapest thing on the menu.)
He had a collection of short stories and one was in second person and VERY well done. I would like to share it with you, but copyright.
A proper club has two menus.
The Maître d’ gives the club member the one with the prices. The guest receives the one without any prices.
Yes. I was pretty sure “clam chowder” was the cheapest thing on the menu.
What if I wanted the chowdah?
We rednecks do a hard R.
Eh, I pronounce the R in chowder too.
We
rednecksnon-assholes do a hard R.FIFY
Leon speaks truth.
Chunky bisque.
It was good, too.
Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney and Half-Alseep in Frog Pajamas by Tom Robbins are both well done second-person novels. It’s distracting at first, then you kind of settle into it.
Book: “You open the door.”
Me: “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”
unreliable narrators are cool
Do you really mean that?
Kinnah is unreliable in his narration.
I wrote an unreliable narrator. In first person. Worked beautifully.
I wouldn’t say Travis or Dug are ‘Unreliable’ but they are certain of facts that just aren’t true.
Well, past tense is the only legible tense. But the rest sounds like bullshit.
You live in a false time zone. Everyone knows Central is God’s Chosen Time Zone.
That would be UTC.
Ted is wrong again. Everything is right with the world.
That is both demonstrably false, and unrelated to literature.
Wouldn’t that be (((Time Zone)))?
[[[Time Zone]]]
pretty sure Mountain is [[[Time Zone]]]
Dude, I live in Zion, up the road from Independence, Missouri, 2 miles from the Liberty Jail, and down the road from Adam-Ondi-Ahman.
Central is [[[Time Zone]]].
MORMON FIGHT!
God, by any definition of existence, must necessarily be outside of time.
That does not mean he cannot rain approbation down upon any certain time zone, and he has. Mine.
Clearly it’s only because you are between him and his Truly chosen timezone.
See above: I live in Zion. *razzberry*
That triggered a memory.
Can’t remember exactly what the meeting was about, other than some compliance problem, but I do remember everybody dodging responsibility and point fingers, which at some point prompted me to say “I’m not interested in who you think should be blamed for this. My shadow falls on both the righteous and the wicked.”
Which doesn’t make a lot of sense, but it had the desired effect.
I am mostly of the opinion that blame should be assigned, then immediately dismissed in favor of a solution.
It takes the heat off the people who didn’t do it, judges the person who did, which improves general morale, then shows mercy on everybody by moving on.
Well, she’s demonstrably wrong by every possible metric. Best sellers have broken her rules, highly reviewed books have broken her rules, books that are on greatest works of literature lists have broken her rules.
She regularly rants on what crap bestsellers are.
Meh, they might well be, but my argument is that a storyteller is a storyteller and that will come through. Technically good writing that does a terrible job of telling a story isn’t, in fact, good.
Well, bestsellers are crap, especially when you look at the criteria for making the list.
Not all. I’ll stand by Terry Pratchett’s books, most of which were bestsellers.
Blind chickens and corn. Not even newspaper editors are wrong all the time.
I see your Terry Pratchett and raise you Bill O’Reilly
Storytelling ability and the criteria for making the list have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
Storytelling, artistry, selling well, bestselling, being intelligent, and being influential or important are all distinct things. I’d say achieving any of them except bestselling is a worthy endeavor, yet people chase the bestseller lists.
I address this in my next post:
I want to achieve bestseller status so I can sit on my ass and read other people’s books. And play golf.
But bestseller means the lists, isn’t your goal making the sales?