white and black Sheriff vehicle

 

My second speeding ticket. Approximately summer 2005.

It was somewhere in Illinois on a two lane highway. I had just spent the weekend boozing it up with a friend from college in his hometown. I was driving along in my 91 bright red Trans Am. I had the t-tops off, music blaring, and the dog in the back seat. I knew I was cop bait material in that car, I mean I was an out of state 22 year old in a red sports car.  I wasn’t really speeding. If I remember correctly, I was going about 60ish in a 55. It was Sunday afternoon with plenty of light still on the horizon.

Like mine exactly, but not mine

As I rolled into a small town (if you could even call it that), I saw the speed limit do its typical drop from 55 to 35. I tapped the brake pedal to turn off the cruise control and coast to a lower speed through town. As the needle descended on my dash, I saw the cop with his radar gun out, pointed right at me. I looked down, I was still at 45 right as I was passing the “Speed Limit 35” sign. I saw the cop lower his gun with an unmistaken look of “I’ve got ya!”

 

 

I pulled over in a vacant lot of a closed gas station before he even had his lights on. As I sat there watching him walk towards me, I was hoping that I would get off with a warning, I mean really, 45 in a 35, and I was still slowing. Clearly I wasn’t looking to fly through this little town, even if it affected no one.

My hopes for a warning were dashed quickly when the officer arrived at my side. I had been expecting the “do you know how fast you were going” or “did you see the speed limit sign” typical type of questioning. That’s not what I got. The officer arrived at my side, mirrored sunglasses lowered, and said, “son, we don’t tolerate speeding in my town.” I’m afraid I couldn’t help myself, but the next words out of my mouth were some of the best I’ve ever spoken, even if involuntary. “Well, apparently you tolerate assholes!”

Clearly there was no more chance for a warning.

The officer went back to his car in a huff with my license. He promptly returned with my $220 ticket. Then the asshole did one more thing. He tried to play nice and warned me deer circled the town at dusk, which had befallen us rather quickly and told me to be careful. I kept my tongue shut that time. But, it enraged me nonetheless.

That was my second and last ticket, over 15 years ago now. I’ve never actually gotten a ticket when I probably deserved one, always warnings. And I’ve never gotten one in my home state, always when out on the road.

 

 

*Note, there is no story on my first speeding ticket, I went over a hill at 75 in a 60 and got popped, rather uneventful.