Swiss said the site needed some more content this week. So here I am! Now…..what…to…talk about? I could talk about…cats? I’m allergic. Um, pineapple on pizza? I don’t care, do what you want. Just list off my current physical ailments? No, that article would be too long. Well, since I’m doing these Doxxing articles and sharing some of my short film projects with you all, how about I go one step farther and talk about the time I ran for State Assembly here, in this state where I live.
It all began in 2012, my oldest sister was renting a room out to this French woman, who just happened to be my age and my type. Except she was a vegetarian, so when I offered my meat she…wait, I mean that happened, but that isn’t…So it was 2012 and some asshat named Ron Johnson was running for the senate…in this state, where I live. Johnson was running against this dipshit named Tammy Baldwin. I determined both of them were useless pieces of garbage so,
trying to impress this French lady because I’m a man of upstanding character, I wanted to run for Senate (Now they are both my Senators, ain’t bipartisanship grand?)
There was only one problem. I was only 29 at the time and my birthday wasn’t close enough to get The Biden Loophole. So I couldn’t run for Senate. But I really wanted to
impress this gal give the voters a choice to elect someone who believed in freedom. So I contemplated this for some time. Eventually I decided that I would run for State Assembly. Even though I had no particular beef with my Assemblyman I decided to do it to impress a cute girl because the people deserved it!
Again…there was a problem. By the time I decided to run for Assembly the petition time to get on the ballot had expired. So if I was going to run, it would be as a write-in candidate. But how does one go about such a thing? The first thing I did was try to contact the state Libertarian Party. They never responded. Then I looked into it myself. Basically their are 2 ways to run as write-in candidate.
- You just…run. People write your name on the ballot.
- You submit all the same paperwork as a regular candidate, minus the ballot access signatures.
If you choose 1, good luck with the different precincts actually bothering to tally it correctly and coordinate with other precincts to compare what qualifies as a vote for you. If you choose option 2 at least they know to be on the look-out for votes for you, but then the write-in has to be spelled the exact same as the name submitted. So a vote for a theoretical person named, say, randomly, Jon must be spelled that way. If it is spelled John it counts as ‘scatter’, meaning they couldn’t determine who it was for.
So bad choice A or bad choice B? I chose B. I submitted all the required financial and legal documents. I was an official Write-In candidate. What do you do after that? I tried going to my local highschool and getting the teacher of the senior civics class to invite me and my opponents in for a Q and A. Not interested. I tried again to contact the state Libertarian Party. Still no response. I’m not social enough for shaking babies and kissing hands. But one thing I do know is video production, so I made a campaign ad.
Like I said, I didn’t really have anything against my (R) State Assembly Representative, and I didn’t know anything about the Democratic contender. Also, I’m not the kind of person to talk shit about others. But you know what I’m good at, snark. (make sure the volume is up, the whispers are the best part)
When I worked in radio and the still incumbent came in for an interview I told him off air I had run against him, he had no recollection. But he did note that he was highschool friends with my uncle. Make of that what you will.