A Glibertarians Exclusive – The River II

by | Jan 16, 2023 | Fiction | 82 comments

A Glibertarians Exclusive – The River II

Monday:  Two days until impact

“Sure is a good old hot day,” Ty Hoobler observed.  “Ain’t it?”

James Davidson grunted in the affirmative.

“Y’all ain’t used that fishing rod much,” Ty pointed out.

Ty and James were once more ensconced in their lawn chairs on the sand bar overlooking the Conecuh River.  They once more had a bottle of whiskey, this time Jack Daniels.  “No sense drinkin’ cheap whiskey today,” James had pointed out, “when this here’s the last Saturday ever.”

James looked down at the fishing rod and tackle box laying in the sand next to his chair.  “Thought about it,” he shrugged, “but just don’t see the point, you know?  Botherin’ the fish and all.  It’s their last few days too, after all.”

“S’pose it is.”  Ty took another small drink of bourbon.  He extracted his phone from a shirt pocket and looked at it for a moment.  “Guess there’s bad things goin’ on in the cities.  Even up to Birmingham.  People just gone nuts.  Looting, burning and the like.”

“Idiots,” James snorted.  “What good’s all that gonna do?  Stealin’ televisions and all that.  In two days y’all jus’ gonna get wiped out.”

“Some folks,” Ty observed, “jus’ gotta be stupid.  City folks, mostly.  Hell, you was up in Birmingham your own self for what, a year?”

“Yup.  Janitor at the University up there.  Guess cleanin’ toilets is in m’ nature.”  Halfway down the bourbon bottle, James was beginning to slur his speech.  “Had me a girl, too.  Thought a couple times about goin’ back.  Reckon she’s got a new fella, though.”

“Ever thought about goin’ back?”

“What?  Now?  Not hardly.”

“No, stupid,” Ty reached over and punched his friend’s shoulder.  “Before all this.  Getcha a better job.  Find a new gal.  Sure ain’t many unattached gals ‘round here.”

James frowned.  “Oh, hell, I thought about it.  My gal Sally, well, she was somethin’ else.  If I coulda patched things up with her, well, then I’d be jus’ a-flyin’ back up to Birmingham.”

“Maybe you oughtta call her.”

“Why?”  James took another hit off the bourbon bottle.  “Even if she don’ have a new fella now, what for?  Things are goin’ straight to hell up in the city.  I got no hankerin’ to go up there now.”

“Maybe you should call her, ask her if she wants to come down here.”

“Didn’ think of that,” James admitted.


“So what?”

“Call her, stupid!”

“Can’t,” James said.  He took another hit of bourbon and handed Ty the bottle.  “Phone’s dead.  I haven’t charged it since… well, not since we got the news.  Of the meteor and all.  Jus’ don’ see the point.”

“Ain’t there nobody you’d want to talk to?”

“Who?  Sally, she dumped me, remember?  My folks are dead.  My sister, she moved out to Californey, decided she had got too high-falutin’ for the likes of her old dumbass redneck Alabama brother, she ain’t returned my calls in two years.”

“Well,” Ty replied.  “That sucks.”  He took a good pull off the bourbon bottle.  “Sorry about that, buddy.  I… well, I knew all that, but hearin’ you say it…”

“Is what it is,” James grumped.

“I reckon.”  Ty looked thoughtful.  “Look here.  Mama’s cookin’ up a big spread tomorrow for dinner.  Figures no use leavin’ anything in the freezer, nor the pantry.  Why’nt you come on over, eat with me and the family?  Mama’d be glad to have you.”

“Might could,” James allowed.  “Yeah, I jus’ might well could.  Long as she don’ pester me not comin’ to church these last few years.”

“She will,” Ty predicted.  “But don’ let that bother ya.  She reckons us all to be sinners, anyway.  If’n you ain’t come to Jesus yet with all this goin’ on, don’t figger she’s gonna spend too much time lecturin’ ya.”

James nodded.  He took the bourbon bottle back, took another hit.  His lips were tingling, his head fuzzy.  Probably have a hangover in th’ morning, he told himself.  He had suffered a hangover every morning since the word of the World-Killer had hit the news, so that was nothing new.

Damn it all, why’d Sally have to go and dump me?  She was just the sweetest thing.  Sure, I drink some, but it ain’t like I was ever a mean drunk or nothin’.  I always treated her good.  Never missed a day’s work.  Had a decent place to live.  Was savin’ money.  A couple more years and I’d-a been able to buy a house up there.  We coulda… Well, we coulda…

He frowned again and took another hit of bourbon.

Don’t matter now anyways.

A sudden swirl in the brown water of the river swept up in front of the two friends.

“See that?” Ty asked.

James grunted in agreement.  “Catfish, I reckon.  Big ‘un.”

“Fishing or not, I like seein’ ‘em.”

“Me too, buddy.  Me too.”

Well, James thought, Could be worse ways to meet the end of the world.  I’ll settle for my lawn chair, my old buddy, a bottle of good hooch and a good old river to watch.

He took another hit from the bourbon bottle, handed it to Ty, and relaxed.

Ty took another drink.  “Yep,” he observed.  “Sure is a good old hot day.”  He picked up a pebble and shied it into the river.  “Ain’t it?”


Wish I was back in the city

Instead of this old bank of sand

With the sun beating down over the chimney tops

And the one I love so close at hand

If I had wings and I could fly

I know where I would go

But right now I’ll just sit here so contentedly

And watch the river flow

About The Author



Semi-notorious local political gadfly and general pain in the ass. I’m firmly convinced that the Earth and all its inhabitants were placed here for my personal amusement and entertainment, and I comport myself accordingly. Vote Animal/STEVE SMITH 2024!


  1. Sean

    I’m calling it now, they’re totally gonna fuck.

    • WTF

      Legit LOL

    • Trigger Hippie

      The catfish?

      • WTF

        Hey, it’s not Wednesday, you know!

      • tripacer

        I’ll wait until CATFISH SMITH shows up.

      • WTF

        SEA SMITH’S cousin, RIVER SMITH!

      • SDF-7


      • juris imprudent


      • Gustave Lytton


    • Ted S.

      As opposed to partially fucking?

      • Sean

        “Just the tip?”

  2. Tundra

    We coulda… Well, we coulda…

    I suspect that however you spent your life, there will be this moment at the end.

    Great chapter, Animal!

    • WTF

      Yeah, I suspect you’ll have more regret for the things you didn’t do rather than for the things you did.

      • Animal

        I’ve always striven to make sure that all my sins are sins of commission rather than sins of omission.

      • Fourscore

        Thanks Animal,

        The meteor hit last week…

      • slumbrew

        Sorry for your loss, Fourscore

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I’ve never taken female hormones and cut my junk off.

  3. Brochettaward

    I’m raising the Firsting factor around here exponentially. This is a First multiplied by the power of another First.

  4. Tundra

    In honor of MLK’s dick statue:

    • Tundra

      Contemporary Public Art Isn’t Just Bad; It’s Obscene

      What will future generations say about us when they see our great works of art? These giant hunks of metal can’t be burned or deleted; like Serge said, ugliness lasts.

      Dynamite the concrete. Melt the bronze. Smelt the iron. It’s been done before. We need to shut down political pubic art until we can figure out what the hell is going on.

      If we don’t, we are going to get 50-foot tall bronze neo-vaginas dilating themselves in Times Square.

      You have been warned.

      • WTF

        Yup. Modern Art is shit. It is a symptom of a dying culture.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Contemporary public art is almost without exception art that rejects meaning and emotion—brutally. “You will gaze upon me and you will feel nothing. You will feel nothing and you will be happy,” the vapid grotesquerie screams at you.

        I think his take is 100% correct, it’s ugly and vapid on purpose.

      • WTF

        It’s in a similar vein as requiring people to go along with outrageous lies like transgenderism, it’s demoralizing and it therefore makes the public easier to manipulate and control.

      • Tres Cool

        You just need the proper art critic.

      • The Other Kevin

        Missed it by that much! But I like your style.

      • Ted S.

        I was thinking this.

      • The Other Kevin

        As a person who paints at times, I agree totally. I have long since given up on the “mainstream” art scene.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Yep, and dipshit like mandatory 10% for arts, as part of any public project. So end up with installations on the roof a federal courthouse where no one can see it or big metal scraps alongside new bridges or interchanges.

  5. juris imprudent

    RCD mentioned Hunter’s alleged rent payments in Delaware. Apparently that boy is a high falutin’ bi-coastal! Wonder if he actually makes payments or just runs up bills, like the declassé nobility of years past?

    • WTF

      I assume those “rent payments” were just a way to funnel the Big Guy some of his 10%.

      • Tundra

        So clumsy, though. When you are 400% higher than market, the graft is pretty obvious.

      • WTF

        They don’t care, it’s not like they ever had to worry about what they were doing.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Similar to how Biden got great real estate deals with friends or donors.

      • SDF-7

        I really do think of him as the Fredo of the Biden crime family.

    • Tres Cool

      “Secret Service paying over $30K per month for Malibu mansion to protect Hunter Biden”

      Someone remind me again where they were when Paul Pelosi got….hammered ?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        That’s Capitol Police not Secret Service.

      • Tres Cool

        At least as effective. Demonstrated by the events of January 6th.
        May as well set everyone up with guards from the DOC- they’re good about losing evidence, too.

        And the 3rd in line to succession (thank G_d we dont have a monarchy) not have SS ?

    • Tundra

      “You started this conversation by saying you were ‘running to be a bridge.’ You used the word unity. How is that being a bridge? How is that being a unifier for the 4th Congressional District of Virginia, that most likely has LGBTQ people in that district?” Capehart asked in an interview on his “The Sunday Show.”


    • Brochettaward

      How is that being a unifier for the 4th Congressional District of Virginia, that most likely has LGBTQ people in that district?”

      I would have told them I did a survey and that there were in fact no gay people in this district.

      • Brochettaward

        “Bring you sick, disease, gay, homosexual, lesbian, transvestite, bipolar, alcoholic, drug addiction friends and love ones!!!!!!!!!!” Benjamin had written in the 2011 post, inviting followers to a spiritual event event at his church.

        Also, I am far more appalled at the complete abuse of the English language than any of the content of the post. Black Christian aint all that big into embracing homosexuality as healthy and natural. Film at 11. In 2011, the Black Jesus still wasn’t publicly on board with gay marriage.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    So clumsy, though. When you are 400% higher than market, the graft is pretty obvious.

    It’s not as if anybody is going to audit him.

    • R C Dean

      I saw that the highest rent in Wilmington, for a big house, was $6K a month. So he was paying at least 10X market value for Joe’s place. Which is nice, I’m sure, but Wilmington isn’t exactly a luxe zip code.

      If I was a Repub in the House, I’d file articles of impeachment for tax fraud, since Joe didn’t declare this on his taxes.

      • juris imprudent

        And as everyone can see from Trump’s now public returns, there is no fraud there!

    • Gustave Lytton

      What a fucking dipshit. He can join the rest of the dumbasses tearing down statues. Peas from the same pod.

    • Brochettaward

      There is a legit argument to be made that MLK was the guy with the right message. The right guy to deliver it. But that doesn’t make him a good human being.

      A lot of people who did great shit in history were kind of monsters whether it was personally or even directly in doing what they accomplished that makes them remembered.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I was just having a conversation with someone in my office about what a bad idea it is to rename MLK Day to Civil Rights Day. You’re absolutely right that out of all the major civil rights figures, he was probably the guy with the best message and the best to deliver it. The progressive myth making around him has been incredibly effective and useful. As much as a scum bag as he may have been in his personal life, he’s a downright saint compared to many of the other figures from that time. Taking the focus off of MLK and the myth they’ve successfully built around him to focus on the many other violent communists from the movement is incredibly foolish, especially in the era of social media.

    • R C Dean

      I’ve never had anything like that happen with my ProMags. I wonder how old those things are. And I’ve heard (for what it’s worth) that the metal lips on Lancers are prone to deformation over time. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if that was an old problem that’s been solved.

    • Sean

      imagine injecting two poisons and they cancel each other out

      • juris imprudent

        Dune did it.

  7. Tundra


    Can you imagine being one of his handlers?

    • Sean

      I can only hope they have a high suicide rate.

    • Brochettaward

      Just imagine for a moment a world where Biden had a R after his name and how much he would be ruthlessly mocked for his dementia and constant fuck-ups. Every late night show, every talking head on CNN and MSNBC, every modern day “comedian.”

      They need to just hide him in his basement. Just bring down the occasional document/executive order for him to sign and be done with him.

      • Brochettaward

        Could have gone with Bush The Lesser, even. Guy almost choked on a pretzel and they laughed and laughed.

        I did, too, but I’m not a sanctimonious cunt. Unless it’s about Firsting, and no one can be too sanctimonious about something of such importance.

    • Brochettaward

      for chemistry students at East Carolina University, a rural serving university in North Carolina.

      Quoted because the topic of discussion this morning was how deep the rot was across high education. This shit is in the South, it’s in small schools and big alike. It’s worse in the big schools out West and in the NE. How much students are actually taking in from this nonsense is worth debate.

      But even in rural bumfuck schools of no real note, students have to, at some point, utter the right words for some dipshit Marxist professor in order to get a passing grade in a mandatory course that has no real relevance to their field or how the actual world functions. It is purely political.

      • Brochettaward

        It seems like education at all levels has been replaced by an obsession about what people want to identify as, there race, or who they want to fuck. All shit that you tried to keep out of the classroom as distractions like 20 years ago.

      • The Other Kevin

        In the classroom. Do try to keep up.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This article presents an argument on the importance of teaching science with a feminist framework and defines it by acknowledging that all knowledge is historically situated and is influenced by social power and politics. This article presents a pedagogical model for implementing a special topic class on science and feminism for chemistry students at East Carolina University, a rural serving university in North Carolina. We provide the context of developing this class, a curricular model that is presently used (including reading lists, assignments, and student learning outcomes), and qualitative data analysis from online student surveys. The student survey data analysis shows curiosity about the applicability of feminism in science and the development of critical race and gender consciousness and their interaction with science. We present this work as an example of a transformative pedagogical model to dismantle White supremacy in Chemistry.

      Your politics determines whether an anvil falling on your head is racist or not.

    • robc

      I said it recently, but bears repeating. Back in the mid 90s, when I first read Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead, I didnt get the latter. For the 20 years or so, it was clear that Atlas Shrugged was the one predicting the future.

      I was wrong.

      The Fountainhead was dead on, and I just didn’t get it.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, it’s probably time to dig that one out again.

        Malice pretty consistently recommends it over AS, too.

  8. R C Dean

    “They once more had a bottle of whiskey, this time Jack Daniels. “No sense drinkin’ cheap whiskey today”

    I chuckled. If Jack isn’t the cheapest booze I buy, its gotta be close.

    • juris imprudent

      A perfectly Glib comment.

    • Ted S.

      Aren’t there a lot of vodkas cheaper than Jack Daniels?

      Or do you not drink vodka?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Old Forester is cheaper than Jack, and I’d rather sip that than most bourbons.

  9. Tundra

    Shacknasty Jim is the coolest name ever.

    I didn’t know anything about the Modocs. Here’s some more.

    During the Modoc War, the Modoc had no more than 53 warriors engaged in the fighting. Including the four Modoc executed at Fort Klamath, Captain Jack’s band suffered the loss of seventeen warriors killed.

    They ran up a 400K tab with 53 dudes. Not too shabby.

    • Gender Traitor

      (Pssssst – second link is the same as the first.)

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Lots of caves and other hiding places up in the lava beds in Modoc County which allowed them to hide out for a long time.

      • Tundra

        Yeah, I’ve been reading about them. Fascinating stories!