EXT. METRO CITY DOCK-DAY

PEERLESS PALADIN and MARGO METTLESOME each hold a hand of JEFFEY JOHNSON as they approach the gangway of a large Red Cross ship. Porters in American Navy uniforms scurry about carrying various cargo onboard. ORBIT BOY keeps being smashed against the cargo being carried onboard, breaking several crates. The porters with the broken crates glare at him as they try to pick up the spilled cargo. Splinters of wood start to orbit around Orbit Boy

ORBIT BOY SHRUGS. Splinters of crates still orbit Orbit Boy. One importantly reads ‘EXPLOSIVES’ .

      NARRATOR
We now join precious girl reporter, Margo Mettlesome, Jeffey Johnson, the retarded copy boy, and everyday normal newspaper man Peerless Paladin, who is secretly Gravity Man, as they board a Red Cross cargo ship bound for the front lines of The War. Let’s join in.

      MARGO
We’ll give those dirty Japs the what-for! We’ll show them!

ORBIT BOY glares at MARGO. Splinters of crates still orbit Orbit Boy. One importantly reads ‘EXPLOSIVES’ .

      JEFFEY
Dirty Japs!

      PEERLESS
Why yes, I think those Japs don’t know what they are in for.

ORBIT BOY glares at PEERLESS. Splinters of crates still orbit Orbit Boy. One importantly reads ‘EXPLOSIVES’ .

      MARGO
Peerless! Don’t use such bigoted language in front of the boy! The little retard might pick up on it!

      JEFFEY
Dirty Japs!

      MARGO
See what you’ve gone and done!

      PEERLESS
But Margo, you just said…

After a large crate marked ‘EXPLOSIVES’ is pulled into his orbit and hits him on the head PEERLESS notices several boxes carried onboard by the porters are marked ‘EXPLOSIVES’. The exit trajectory of the crate that hit him in the head is launched out over the bay and explodes.

      PEERLESS
There is something queer about this cargo.

      MARGO
There’s something queer about you! Now, let’s get a move on before the ship leaves without us.

MARGO, JEFFEY and PEERLESS finally board the ship.

CUT TO the ship disembarking.

EXT. SHIP DECK-DAY

CAPTAIN SPALDING is on the deck of the ship with MARGO, PEERLESS and JEFFIE; introducing them to the crew. The five man crew consists of FIRST OFFICER FIFE (who has a peg-leg) and four other crew members (they don’t matter to the story, make them look piratey). Due to PEERLESS being onboard, the ship is constantly bombarded by waves that hit only him in accordance with ORBIT BOY’S orbit. This will continue throughout the episode, even if I forget to mention it again. Splinters of crates still orbit Orbit Boy. One importantly reads ‘EXPLOSIVES’ .

      CAPTAIN SPALDING
…And finally here we have First Officer Fife, a veteran of the 8 seas.

      MARGO
I thought there were only 7 seas, Captain Spalding?

      CAPTAIN SPALDING
And that’s exactly what those dirty Japs want ya ta think! Crafty buggers, they are!

ORBIT BOY glares at CAPTAIN SPALDING. Splinters of crates still orbit Orbit Boy. One importantly reads ‘EXPLOSIVES’ .

      JEFFEY
Dirty Japs!

MARGO elbows PEERLESS. It takes her a second to pull her arm away.

      PEERLESS
Well, this certainly is a lot of queer seamen.

      CAPTAIN SPALDING
Tis the way of the sea, tis. Loads of queer seamen. That’s why I love it. I’ve taken on loads and loads of queer seamen over the years, and loved every minute.

CUT TO

A wide shot of the vessel cutting through the sea, a crisp white spray emanating from the bow as the ship glides through the blue water.

INT. RADIO ROOM-NIGHT

      FIRST OFFICER FIFE
Calling Dr. Lobo. Dr. Lobo, do you read me? This is First Officer Fife calling Dr. Lobo. Come in Dr. Lobo.

      DR. LOBO (OVER THE RADIO)
This is Dr. Lobo. Over.

      FIRST OFFICER FIFE
Dr. Lobo, you were right! The Americans are shipping explosives on medical ships to defeat our Jap masters!

      DR. LOBO (OVER THE RADIO)
They are not my masters! No one is the master of Dr. Leo Lobo! But, they are funding my evil science research quite handsomely, even if they are dirty japs. Over.

      FRST OFFICER FIFE
What you want me to do about it, the explosives I mean?

      DR. LOBO (OVER THE RADIO)
Yes, the explosives…You needn’t worry about that, my Wave Motion Gun will make sure that threat is over. Over.

      FIRST OFFICER FIFE
Hehehe.

      DR. LOBO (OVER THE RADIO)
Hahahahaha! Over.

INT. BOAT CABIN-NIGHT

Jeffie Johnson is bouncing on the bed, at the height of each jump he pushes pushes Orbit Boy as he passes, making him go faster around as the scene goes on, like pushing a merry-go-round. Margo reflexively ducks each time Orbit Boy nears her without missing a beat in performance.

      PEERLESS
I’m telling you Margo there is something queer afoot on this ship. I’m just not sure what it is.

Splinters of crates still orbit Orbit Boy. One importantly reads ‘EXPLOSIVES’ .

      MARGO
I know your father was a seaman who acted queer and left when you were a boy, but just because you don’t accept their lifestyle is no reason to be so suspicious of the seamen covering this ship. The country needs good strong seamen if we’re ever going to beat off these dirty japs!

      JEFFEY
DIRTY JAPS!

      MARGO
Peerless Paladin, do you see how your hateful speech influences this little retard.

      PEERLESS
It’s not about the seamen Margo. Like any red blooded journalist I love young seamen. In fact, I have written many articles about my love of young seamen. But there is just something so queer about the seamen on this ship. I just can’t quite finger it.

Splinters of crates still orbit Orbit Boy. One importantly reads ‘EXPLOSIVES’ .

      PEERLESS
That’s it!

      MARGO
What is?

      PEERLESS
Never mind, I…need to find a toilet.

PEERLESS and ORBIT BOY quickly exit the cabin.

      MARGO
Shows what he knows, to seamen it’s the head. Although, I’m not quite sure why…mighty queer indeed.

INT. CARGO HOLD-NIGHT

GRAVITY MAN and ORBIT BOY burst through the door, knocking the sailor guarding the room unconscious. The door then comes back and smacks Orbit Boy in the face, bounces off and hits the wall of the room so hard it gets fused to the wall.

      GRAVITY MAN
Just as I thought! Those dirty Japs filled the cargo hold of this medical ship with explosives! The evil bastards!

ORBIT BOY glares at Gravity Man.

      GRAVITY MAN
This looks like a job for Gravity Man!

Gravity Man extends his arms in a Christ Pose and all of the explosives crates are sucked to him. Many smack Orbit Boy in the face as all the crates enter Gravity Man’s orbit. Gravity Man slowly slogs his way out of the room and up the stairs, which bend down as Gravity Man steps on each new step, and bend up as he lifts his feet.

EXT. SHIP POOP DECK-NIGHT

Gravity Man finally makes his slow way up to the poop deck of the ship, where all the ship’s crew are out mingling and enjoying the crisp sea air.

      GRAVITY MAN
The poop deck is filled with seamen! I can’t release my explosive load on the poop deck when it is already filled with seamen!

      CAPTAIN SPALDING
Avast me seamen! A giant wave is coming to our aft!

A GIANT wave approaches the ship from the rear.

      GRAVITY MAN
This ship is about to get pounded in the rear and all the seamen will be washed out!

      FIRST OFFICER FIFE
That dastardly Dr. Lobo double crossed me! He unleashed his Wave Motion Gun on the ship while I’m still aboard!

      GRAVITY MAN
Dr Lobo, eh. He’s been working for the japs. That means this isn’t just any wave! It’s a jap tsunami! The yellow devils!

Music swells and Gravity Man and Orbit Boy plod off the poop deck, down into the water, leaving a trail of gravitational destruction. The aft of the ship almost gets sucked down with him but bounces back up.

EXT. OCEAN-NIGHT

Gravity Man falls into the ocean and sinks like a rock. A bubble of air is pulled down with him (by gravity) so he and Obit Boy can survive. Gravity Man lands on the ocean floor and begins slowly walking away from the ship, towards Japan. Schools of fish and pods of whales are pulled behind him. On the surface the giant wave is just about to hit the ship and in a cartoon fashion reverses course and begins to follow Gravity Man.

INSERT-a map plotting Gravity Man’s course as he redirects the wave to Japan.

EXT. JAPANESE BEACH-DAY

GRAVITY MAN and ORBIT BOY emerge from the water on the beach as a young Japanese boy frolics. The tide follows him up the beach, fish and whales are pulled ashore, flopping in the sand. Gravity Man approaches the child and hands the explosives to him.

      GRAVITY MAN
I think these belong to your parents.

The jubilant boy accepts, straining to carry the crates, and hurries excitedly towards his parents.

      GRAVITY MAN
Away!

Gravity Man plods slowly back into the ocean. Orbit Boy reaches to try and save the child, but being locked in orbit he fails. As Gravity Man disappears beneath the waves first an explosion, then the giant wave hits. Everything in sight is destroyed.

INT. METRO CITY METROPOLITAN-DAY

CUT TO-METRO CITY METROPOLITAN NEWSPAPER HEADLINE ‘GRAVITY MAN WINS THE WAR’ BY MARGO METTLESOME.

      MARGO
At long last the world can live in peace and harmony no matter creed nor color. With those dirty Japs out of the way, the krauts and dagos to, we can follow the model of those honorable Chinese and the friendly Russians into peace and prosperity.

      PEERLESS
(CLASPING HIS HANDS AND BOWING, SHOWING BUCK TEETH)
Me so happy now.

ORBIT BOY GLARES AT PEERLESS.

MARGO and PEERLESS laugh.

FADE TO BLACK