WASHINGTON DC – A shabby, disheveled vagrant was escorted from a closed door-intelligence briefing at the Capitol today after a thorough examination, whereupon it was concluded that the stranger was not a senator. “I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you. We’ve become increasingly accustomed to members of Congress being elderly and strangely dressed, so at first glance, who was to know any better?” said Joanna Gambolputty, a senior political analyst at the RANT Institute. “But, lo and behold, it seems that once in a while, some rando just sort of waltzes by accident like Mr. Magoo, peering around with confused stares and babbling nonsense just like the rest of committee.”
Security experts have recommended a number of measures to prevent such incidents in the future. These include special badges or headgear to be worn by Senators and Representatives. The headgear may be a sort of rigid helmet to protect the wearer from injury or a tall, conelike hat so that they may be seen from afar. In either case, the headgear with be fixed with a chinstrap. Others have suggested that for greater safety, members of Congress should not walk, but rather be transported everywhere by wheelchair. Additionally, to better provide emergency medical care, lawmakers ought to wear loose-fitting robes that can easily be opened.
Meanwhile, critics point out the fundamental flaws of such a perspective. “The Capitol is the people’s house of our great democracy, not a country club,” opined Senator Fetterman while dressed in his trademark hoodie and basketball shorts. “I dress for comfort, just like many other Americans, and it’s a courtesy we ought to extend to everyone, including lawmakers on Capitol Hill”, he added while chewing gum and playing with a cup and string. Fetterman thus far has been able to skirt the dress code on the Senate floor by voting from the cloakroom. This longstanding compromise was intended as a replacement to the historical and much more arduous Hot Lava Rule whereby improperly attired lawmakers were not allowed to touch the floor but instead had to leap from one piece of furniture to the next.
However, as the median age of politicians steadily increased, it became necessary to discard most of the more dramatic and physical events, such as the old rule by which the Speaker of House had to swing on a rope to the podium, dip his hands in grease, and then wrestle the gavel away from the previous speaker. Although it was passed with bipartisan agreement, the Rambunctious Roughhousing Reduction Act was vetoed by Teddy Roosevelt in 1905 but was later overridden by the so-called Wuss and Sissy Caucus.
I’m kicking myself for not working in a joke about Zelenskyy and has lack of a tie. Many people were butthurt about it.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/politics/government/cnn-pundit-slams-zelenskyy-for-not-wearing-a-tie-but-an-expert-makes-this-damning-point/ar-AA1AfSk4?ocid=BingNewsSerp
tl;dr = whycome musk no wear suit and tie herpherpaderp?!
You need some Fantasy Island comparisons and midget jokes. Maybe one where JD Vance accidentally sets a Coke on Z’s head thinking he was a coffee table.
Z sees Air Force One and shouts “de plane!, de plane!”?
On the next episode of Fallacy Island, four American politicians learn the truth of the slippery slope and the sunk cost!
Exactly.
Derpy, your gift for this is remarkable.
Trump, like most everyone else, noticed that Zelensky wears standard cartoon dictator costume: Mao/Hillary/Stalin suit.
Zelensky saying he is no dictator is like Obama claiming he is not a socialist.
Meh, plenty of dictators wear suits. Putin for instance.
But yeah, dictators tend to wear Dr Evil suits or military uniforms.
I looked good in my Dr Evil suit:
https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2024/01/doctor-chaotic-neutral.html
Yeah… I’m with Fetterman and Z on this one.
I dress for comfort too. Us Fatneck-Americans need to stick together.
Context is everything.
Apparently he was asked to dress in an appropriate manner to reflect the seriousness of the talks.
It’s an international diplomatic meeting wherein the side with all of the leverage is trying to help the other end a brutal war while pulling in a cool $500B.
If a friend asks to wear black tie at his wedding, I’m not showing up in sweats and a hoodie. It’s disrespectful. I see this as no different.
Oh I kid.
Of course I would have dressed up for Donald. 💕
But for slumming in the Senate chamber? Fuck no.
“…the old rule by which the Speaker of House had to swing on a rope to the podium, dip his hands in grease, and then wrestle the gavel away from the previous speaker. ”
I would pay to see that. Johnson would be out on his skinny butt inside of a day.
And the Magoo meme says in full: I’m not old; I can’t remember stuff because my brain is full!
Senex means old in Latin. It is the root of the words senile, senior, and senator.
Shaykh means old man in Arabic. Majlis al-Shayukkh means council of old men and is the way the word senate is translated. Sharm al-Sheikh means Old Man’s Cove. Shaykhuhah means Alzheimer’s disease and elderliness.
During a game of Kahoot! in an Arabic class, I dubbed myself Sheikh En-Baykh. They all laughed harder when I said I got out of bed in the middle of the night to write that name down.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bB7j3sUWohE
It appears the I meet the qualifications to be a senator.
Old, memory challenged, dress inappropriately, wheel chair qualified.
As with other elected officials I should get paid for not showing up.
I won’t need an office, I’ll work from the cafeteria.
Babylon Bee stole my joke!
Family Makes Tough Decision To Put Aging Grandpa In US Senate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFeNSB66PY0
Or did they?
Almost time the the God Emperor Trump!
All Hail!!
The Dems are all wearing pink. That’s it, my mind has been changed. Nice to know you all, I’m a Vox reader now.
Dems hate women. Irony abounds.
I was hoping for keffiyehs.
But the pink is a nice touch for a party who supports women getting their heads bashed in by fake women.
Now they’re the party of war. Remember Code Pink?
Keffiyehs, you say?
https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2024/01/prince-ali-fabulous-he.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT_8FAMsmCM
USA USA USA USA
What are we chanting for?
I dunno, but the commies are trying to drown it out, so fuck em
Apparently it’s ministerial rules these days.
Fuggin Brits infected us at last.
Aw c’mon. I want the Dems to continue making fools of themselves as Trump continues to read vote total facts. (?!)
There are some rambunctious fellows
This is getting FEISTY! I certainly have never seen anything like this before in the US. (Born ’87)
*grabs popcorn*
It’s like professional wrestling. Too much fun.
Throw the commies out!
Someone just got sent to the principal’s office
Al Green
Yeah I dunno who the hell that was.
Because he was full of fire?
LOL Cav threw me for a loop too
HAHAHAHAH! Getting removed from the House is an easy Look-at-Me(!) and excuse to leave early. Frankly, pretty sweet for everyone involved.
Green looks like Alley Oop with a tan, wearing a suit.
Trump, the unity president! Where’s another bowl of popcorn?
Pelosi is a demon.
“MUSK STEALS”
😂🤣
Way to read the country, Dems.
This isn’t an official SOTU. I think he’s just doing this to poke the Dems, and it’s hilarious.
I’m not sure WTF this is but yeah.
I can practically hear the typing of the stories describing this as just like Germany in the 1930’s.
I’d say the odds are that there were several of those already typed up, with areas left to fill in details.
Too early for bed time but it’s a better alternative.
Where’d all the Pelosi aspirants go?? I thought they were staging walkouts.
Were they worried they’d appear foolish?
Why now, after all these years?
The current state of the Dems is summed up perfectly with their behavior tonight. Sound and fury with no purpose. Directionless anger. No leadership or coherent message.
Trump is bad. Everything he does is bad. Everything he says is bad. If you like him you’re bad.
That’s it.
This is literally their strategy. They’ve painted themselves in a corner, advocating for things they know most of America does not want, but because Trump says they’re bad, they MUST oppose him because Fashizm.
They don’t have anything left. They threw literally everything they had at him and still lost. Everyone who’s ever played competitive sports knows how crushing it is to give every last drop against a hated opponent and still lose. They’re being forced to live in that moment over and over. It’s one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.
“DRILL, BABY, DRILL!”
I won’t be the only to post it.
Apparently it’s leg day for JD. 🤣
Elon’s in a suit tonight.
I don’t own a suit. I will say this, “with a *staunch* history of heterosexuality: It looks fabulous.”
Read: Expensive. (Well. Get whatcha pay for.)
“You lie!”
Oh, wait a minute.
He even owns a Tuxedo!
A balanced budget promise.
Not quite. His next line was “With that *goal* in mind. He’ll try, but that game is out of his hands.
Oh he’s just going to produce the chips
You all realize this is horseshit, right? They weren’t producing shit a week ago, they’re not producing shit a week from now. It’s complete horseshit.
That isn’t what he said. Put the booze down.
Titty Tuesday After Dark.
https://archive.is/Ff9D9/041426b405240d06066611d3d92d276f9375da7b.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/Xh7Ui/c0923b10664e11032678fdb2cfc82ec9bf5b001c.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/q56mq/fd5f956f54b32f03946b0ba87fe1188e06ff85ad.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/092SI/3d4eb8ccd58179dfdfe03f2d00e354bf77a0882b.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/5kGVu/b2e583c4ac8090f079e9d3e758d1b2227cba709b.jpg
NSFW.
5 obviously wins, for several pairs of reasons.
4 is my favorite, cuz *damn.* Ain’t easy to rock a bod’ like that. I reckon/ hope the pic was taken at an odd time, cuz she’s got a goofy expression. Or it’s just her natural face. I started to feel bad, but I judged ballplayers at spring training the same way, watching the Cubs today. I just don’t wanna *bang* those dudes. I’m just lookin’ to see how they spray those t̵i̵t̵s̵ hits ’round.
Damn.
I don’t know who that half-corpse, blue-haired witch was, but *yikes.*
Damn. Uh. Seek help. (Or whatever?) Needle’s runnin’ low.
Manbearpig.
He’s just basically rubbing the Dems’ nose in shit and it’s beautiful. Ordinarily and in a perfect world, I’d hope our politics would have more decorum, but the commies took the gloves off long ago so some ball spiking in a joint session is actually a pretty small price to pay for everything they’ve done to him (including try to kill him).
He’s a total horse’s ass.
But he’s our horse’s ass. Or somebody’s.
I know and I don’t care. I’ll take a horse’s ass who occasionally seems to give a shit about the well-being of the country over a bunch of demonic commies.
Dems won’t even clap for the cancer kid. I mean it’s pretty transparent pandering but c’mon, it’s a cancer kid.
It’s beautiful. He knows they can’t applaud anything, so he is going to bring up every sabotage of theirs he fixed, every sad sob story he helped so they have to sit there, stony faced in failure. Best F U ever.
That kid looks confused and…. oh. Fuck. Damn. Rock on, young man, best ya can. (HA! That reaction was legit. That’s fun. (Also clever. the guests. Harder for Blue to rag on anything.)
Initial thought: That kid’s gotta helluva stash for a 13-year-old.
Ooh, and they’re both black/ brown(ish). Sharp needles be pointy, tonight.
Yes, ev has a soft spot.
Costs more than $20 to rub it, but it’s there.
Dems not standing to applaud the end of child gender mutilation is sickeningly revealing, and it’s gonna cost ’em. (Not with their ‘own people,’ I doubt, cuz they’re too dyed-in, but funding, etc.)
Well, it might have caused them the current presidency. Who knows how hard they will continue to cling to that ideology but from all appearances it looks like they are not going to give an inch.
It’s a very strange hill to die on considering it’s about 70-30 against in the genpop (especially amongst their cherished “black and brown people”). Religious fanaticism will make people do crazy things though.
Good. Retards hoisting themselves!
More eloquently: Never stop your enemy as they’re making a mistake.
Am I being too optimistic to think this Grover Cleaveland repeat really was The People finally putting their foot down to stop Blue’s rampant corruption of culture? Certainly? Can’t be blinded by hope, but it’s good to have some positive Distraction Dust. History’s full of tipping points. I s’pose we’ll see how it plays out.
I think it is a fundamental misunderstaning of the actual phenomenon.
They got suckered by the kink and fetish crowd into believing that such people are “born that way”.
Awe look at that mom…alright, is he running out the clock to see how many Dems he can get to ditch the rest of the speech?
You know who else’s speeches droned on and on?
Castro? Cotton Mather?
Milton?
John Galt?
Ben Stein?
That was very, very funny. Thank you.
+1
He’s got the touch
I’d reenlist to partake in the great conquest of Greenland.
I wouldn’t want to tell my grandkids that when we took Greenland, I was shoveling shit in Louisiana.
Ya wouldn’t be the first.
I’ll be first in line to take Greenland from those filthy Greenlanders.
Derp: Sorry Trump’s fuck-you crashed your post.
Got a legit lol outta “…a senior political analyst at the RANT Institute.” I also strongly approve of the plan to wheel about robed Congress -critters.
Well-done.
No worries. The timing was good. Almost like the powers that be planned my post with Trump’s big speech…
If I’m lucky enough to live past 70, what will I be like? Will I say stupid shit all the time like this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-9G6SJVM3Y
Makes me want to eat/drink myself to death by 60, like a redneck version of TNG’s The Resolution:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVB6bIchRjI
In the episode, the aliens of the week have a custom whereby everyone commits ritual suicide at age 60, with great pomp and circumstance, to avoid the indignity and horror of old age.
That episode makes more and more sense now that it’s only five years away.
Renew!
lol Knew it
I was so obsessed with the movie that I got pissed when CBS cancelled it. I was eight years old.
“it” being the TV series
/I feel like another drink
60 isn’t old, of course
“Old” is [my age]+20 years.
Trump is three years older than that.
I can see he’s slowing down a little but jeez I’m just hoping I’m still ambulatory at that point.
We’ve got a cousin still skiing in his 80s.
It’s largely “how bad you want it?”, AFAICT, with a bit of luck and a lot of judgement.
I just learned Dennis Prager paralyzed himself falling off a ladder a few months back – which is how my father essentially passed.
Gotta make good choices.
60 was the age limit on Earth in Asimov’s novel Pebble in the Sky, which was set early in the First Empire of his Foundation series.
So, I was working. Cliff’s Notes?
Bro still trying to first, still failing.
Trump does Trump stuff. Dems seethe.
Biden sucked donkey balls
I’m awesome
Al Green gets chucked out
I’m stopping all these horrible things like men in women’s locker rooms
Crazy Dems all wearing pink
Look at this pile of shit, democrats *rubs their noses in it*
No democrat can stand or clap even once, not even for universally good things
That sounds like a high school pep rally with the opposing team present.
High school is too generous
Crips vs Bloods but stupider and less violent
[ imagining gang war between ATC and technicians ]
Good morning Glibistanians!
☕🍍😂
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eGp47YwDZ48
🎶🎶
Good morning, Sean, Ted’S., and Suthen!
I have my annual check-up at 8:00 this morning. I can’t have my coffee until after. 😞
I’m thinking I should call out today. I don’t want to get murdered by tariffs.
I’ve been dead for 25 years. Y2K killed me.
This
I have died in the apocalypse so many times now it is getting very tiresome.
ICE will go door-to-door to round up Canadians for the extermination camps.
It’s about damn time. We don’t need their cultural rot here. Poutine? Molsens? Sarah McLachlan? C’mon man!
https://pjmedia.com/stephen-kruiser/2025/03/05/the-morning-briefing-dems-at-trumps-speech-beg-for-shovels-to-dig-their-own-graves-n4937567
It was a shit show I take it?
How’s it feel to be demoralized on the spot?
He or his team set up the other aisle to not cheer for anything he does or say and they fell for it.
He even gave them a challenge to just listen and instead they chose poorly.
I can look over the trouting out family that get asked to sit there in the name of politics but come on?
A the13 year old cancer battling kid that just wants to dream a bit?
Not demoralized, thankfully my expectations were extremely low.
Oh, I was speaking to the Dems experience of it.
Morning Glibs.
I made it to the office without feeling like I was going to vomit. now lets see if that continues as I try to eat breakfast.
You have the flu bug that’s going ’round?
No.
If I had to guess, it was food poisoning.
Yikes! 😧 Well, if that’s what it is, at least it should be over more quickly than the flu!
And half as fun.
Yeah, that’s the bug I had. Or presume to have had since the wife and I ate the same soup and I was the only one sick after.
Your cat probably poisoned your soup while your back was turned.
If it was the cat he would have just pushed it off the table.
It was Chinese chicken soup, and JI chose the wrong cat.
It was more like noro virus than flu which was another strange thing.
If it was the cat he would have just pushed it off the table.
Yes, but the car knows that JI follows the “five second rule”.
Breaking News – from the comments section on Judith Curry’s Climategate: The jury award of 1 million for defamation to Michael Mann in the Mann vs. Simberg/Steyn/National Review case (The Hockey Stick is cobbled-together bullshit) that has been dragging on since 2012 has been reduced to 7,000 dollars by the judge. If as reported Mann is liable to pay the court costs of the defendants ($537,000) he is up a creek.
https://portal-dc.tylertech.cloud/app/RegisterOfActions/#/D71396C82ECD1A3BD3F9353D4EDBF6DC93A0975858B9A671863AE5073F2368E4/anon/portalembed
Climate Inc., not Climategate.
Why was the jury so foolish to award Mann anything when the other people were telling the unvarnished truth?
Truth is an absolute defense against defamation, libel, and slander suits.
Because the system insures that juries are filled emotional nitwits.
Steyn’s lawyer had a fool for a client.
Mornin’, y’all. Today and Thurs are my last training days, I was told. I should finish my computer shit pretty quickly today, unless there’s another layer to it. I presume I’ll spend the rest of the day shadowing someone, walking around collecting orders.
All-in-all, quite chill. I have concerns with all the walkin’, but we’ll see.
Good luck. We’re all counting on you.
I’m not.
More seriously, I prefer to do my own shopping so I can pick what substitutions to make myself.
Good morning!
Really hard to leave for work. The coffee was good, and Lily was lying on my feet whilst chewing a bone.
It must hurt to have Lily chewing on your metatarsals.
Sad, Ted, to start to think like me.
Hardly. Lily’s part golden, so she’s super gentle.
Getting your foot bone chewed on my a dog does make it dificult to walk.
Hrmm. On this pack of bacon pieces.
🤔
It’s in print, so you know it’s true.
I write fiction, so of all people I know you can’t believe everything you read.