Pirates in Alameda? In the bay? I could hardly believe it. Granted, it had been a long time since I helped Captain Morgan defeat the Spanish Armada, but I still had moxie. The psychiatrist said something like that when I was in the hospital. Or was it that a prison on Devil’s Island? I couldn’t remember it quite right. That’s what too much acid does to your brain. Don’t worry, I learned my lesson. I stay away from the hard stuff. That’s why I never take the pills in the orange bottles anymore. I feel so much better now, especially after a few beers or a joint. I have to hustle a bit to get enough dough for that, but I have a good system that gets me enough to keep keepin’ on. The key, I’ve found is to always be on the move. I’m a nomad, moving between hunting grounds. It makes it harder for bad guys to track me down, and whenever I show up in a place I haven’t been in for a while, the folks there are happy to see me.
I play a mean harmonica. It’s easy to carry and cheap, so I don’t worry about it getting lost or broken. As a matter of fact, the few times I was in the county slammer, the guards let me keep it because they liked my music. It’s true what some old dead guy said: music soothes the savage beast, and that will stop him from giving you a hard time. Plus, it’s easier than having to dish out a beatdown, though I’ve been forced into that situation a few times. It’s not fun. If you’re going to fight, have a weapon so it ain’t fair for the other guy. Anyhow, in the pokey and the loony bin, I forget which, some guy called me an armchair admiral, on account of my many opinions and the fact that I spent a few years as a sailor in the Merchant Marine. I still love the sea, though it’s been years since I’ve been on a boat or even gone swimming.
This piracy business though, it really stuck in my craw. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was time to take action. I saved up my money for a few weeks and bought a baseball bat, a hunting knife, and a heavy-duty slingshot. A gun would have been better, but I couldn’t afford that, and anyway if I got arrested with it or shot somebody, I’d be in a hell of tight spot. Plus the ammo for the slingshot was free. Using rocks gave the whole affair a nice Old Testament feel. My thinking was at a minimum I needed a ranged and a melee weapon, plus a back-up in case they got in close. Let the crooks shoot at me, if it comes to that. Most of them couldn’t hit a barn door if they were holding the handle, or so I gathered from reading the police blotter. I’m not a man of letters by any means, but I do read a lot. Take it from me: most crooks are dumb and cowardly. Put up a good fight, and nine times out of ten, you’ll come out on top.
From reading the police blotter, it seemed the modus operandi of the thieves was to strike at night and ransack boats that were tied up. That made things easier, as I wouldn’t to paddle out into the bay in the hopes of running into urban corsairs by sheer luck. One thing’s for sure: I’d be doing something more useful than carving another hobo nickel, though I admit I’m still proud of the time I turned old Thomas Jefferson’s mug into a grim reaper skull. It’s a cheap hobby, and you can sell those suckers for a pretty penny, pun intended. I spent the next few weeks hanging out at the docks on Alameda. I was surprised to learn that some people lived on the boats as the rent was cheaper. Sometimes I’d tell them that living on the street is even cheaper than a boat, but they couldn’t tell if I was joking or not. Anyway, the important thing is that enough people knew my name and face and wouldn’t get suspicious if they saw me milling around that place at night.
I never offered to be a one-man neighborhood watch; I just went and did it. I never stayed in the same place for long. I’d smoke a cigarette real slow to let anyone else snooping around that they weren’t alone. Trust me, the human eye can see the glowing tip of a red cigarette from far away at night. Confrontation was the last thing I wanted. I kept up my night patrol for a few weeks, and in that time, there were no crimes at the docks in my domain. I was getting bored and needed a new adventure. There was a kayak rental place nearby, and I cooked up the idea of paddling to Alcatraz. It’d be about a 22-mile round trip, but there were islands I could rest at along the way. At two miles per hour, it’d be about 11 hours of paddling time. My plan was to make landfall late at night, sneak inside the prison, then join up with a tour group when the place opened. If possible, I’d steal a wristband or hand stamp from the admissions office. I always wanted to visit Alcatraz, but the cost of a ticket was too much for me. I figured that on account of my recent community service, I had earned myself a quick vacation.
My next port of call was the kayak place. I picked the one with a friendly hippy dude. When I showed him one of my hobo nickels, he wanted to buy it, but I said I’d trade it for a no-strings attached kayak rental. He seemed suspicious, but I gave him my word of honor that I would bring it back undamaged. What would hobo do with a kayak anyway, I asked him. He gave me a suspicious look, but at last agreed. I told if I wasn’t back in three days, something went wrong. I didn’t take much on my journey. Aside from the clothes on my back and a lifejacket, all I brought was just a knife, multitool, space blanket, and boonie hat. I wasn’t worried about sharks because the biggest ones in the bay are leopard sharks, and they stay away from people. My route stayed close to shore so I could bail out and swim to safety if I had to. The morning I set out, I had a big breakfast at a greasy spoon. The sea called to me.
The journey to the island was easier than I expected. I decided to make the last leg of the journey after sunrise in case something went wrong. That upped my chances of survival in case I had to bail. I made it to the island well before noon. I started sneaking around the perimeter for any way in. I saw a movie when I was a kid about how some guys snuck into Alcatraz by swimming up a drainpipe, but that wasn’t an option for me. I stashed my kayak in a safe place and looked for a way up. There are steep hills all around the island, but they weren’t too hard to climb. When I got to the main building, I used my multitool to pry open a door, and bam, I was in like Flint. I stalked quietly through the cell block and marveled at the tiers. Off in the distance, I heard a tour guide. I crept slowly in that direction. It was surprisingly easy to blend in at the back of it. The tour was fascinating in more ways than one for me, as I had been a prisoner for real. When it ended, I made my way back to my kayak and began the journey to the first rest stop at Treasure Island. Some looky-loo on the tour boat saw me, and soon enough, I got a free tow to shore.
I told the cops the whole truth about what happened and explained I still needed to return the hippy’s kayak. To my great surprise, they took me and the kayak back to the rental place. They still arrested and fined me, but I was able to haggle my way out of it with another hobo nickel. All’s well that ends well, I guess.
“All that really happened?” asked the extra scruffy hobo warming his hands over the trash barrel fire.
If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’, I say with a laugh.
You can tell a story, Derpy. Good one.
What, pray tell, is a hobo nickel*?
*I could Google it, but I want to hear Derpy’s version.
Thanks. For the record, I’ve never been homeless, but I’ve talked with many. They all have interesting stories, and if they’re not drunk, pissed off, or insane, you can actually understand them.
This was my first brush with the unreliable narrator technique, though in my case, I have in fact been in jail and an insane asylum.
Back at the Before Place, there was a commentor named JSubD. If I remember right, he was a homeless Navy vet who posted from a library. He died around 2012, I think. There was kind of a mini funeral for him in the comments.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobo_nickel
***
The hobo nickel is a sculptural art form involving the creative modification of small-denomination coins, resulting in miniature bas reliefs. The United States nickel coin was favored because of its size, thickness, and softness; but the term hobo nickel is generic, carvings having been made from many denominations. Because of its low cost and its portability, this medium was particularly popular among hobos, hence the name.
***
It’s kind of like trench art or scrimshaws:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrimshaw
Scrimshaw is a fine California pilsener.
I remember JSubD. He was fantastic in so many ways. I also recall he did turn out to be a homeless vet typing in a library. Huge outpouring for him. I forget how the story came out. He had interesting ideas and could express them well.
Really was interesting finding out afterwards. I don’t recall nor did ever know the whole story. What do y’all remember?
It’s a nickel or other coin that has been hand-refinished to show a different image. Example:
https://www.ebay.com/itm/156786553267
Too much of that skull is intact.
suggested music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxCKiHvcfJc&list=PLB3C71AA3E868E29D
suggested derp:
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/pete-hegseth-s-disparagement-of-women-soldiers-factor-into-new-test-requirements/ar-AA1DN1RL
***
The new standards fail to recognize that women would likely perform better than men in events aimed at gauging flexibility and endurance, both identified as ways to contribute to combat readiness. Some studies have found women have more slow-twitch muscles, which use energy more slowly and are more resistant to fatigue. You can see this play out in more endurance-based athletic events. As running distances increase, for example, the gender gap shrinks. In fact, female runners are faster at distances of more than 195 miles. The current Army fitness testing is biased to men, to the detriment of all genders.
***
[head desk]
I’d rather go into battle with old, fat Civil War reenactors than women of any age or fitness level. At least the old, fat bastards know how build a fire, pitch a tent, and can put up with crappy food.
What the military needs is a 200 mile run in its physical fitness test.
I can’t run 200 miles, but if you need an old, fat bastard who knows how build a fire, pitch a tent, and put up with crappy food give me a call.
I’ve never had cause to start a fire outside of a stove, a forge, or a furnace.
How did you cook your rattlesnake meat and white rice?
I’m still starting a fire in the wood furnace, every morning but the cool weather is almost over
lol That’s where I nearly spit a beverage.
something something you don’t hate the MSM enough
women vs men island survival
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVYkgqmRnpQ
Oh yeah – I forgot about snakes, bugs, bunkmates beating their meat, shitting in a hole in the ground, bathing with cold water…
Peace Corps gals are pretty tough, but most are gun-hating vegetarians, so good luck recruiting them.
Navy SEAL candidates run about 200 miles during Hell Week. That is a stupid, pointless hazing ritual which has killed many young and exceptionally healthy and athletic young men.
https://www.foxnews.com/us/navy-seals-tested-peds-tragic-death-recruit?msockid=15669bd6e5c2601b2dfd88d4e46a61bb
Ah, but they got bin Laden, who was notably *not* hiding in an underwater lair Aquaman style.
“women would likely perform better than men in events aimed at gauging flexibility and endurance”
The absolutely critical physical attribute for soldiering is resilience, and women don’t do as well there. Your upper tier soldier units (SEALs, Force Recon, Airborne, whatever) have hard physical qualifiers (which I recall much scoffing at around these parts) that test, directly or otherwise, for resilience. When these tests are set at the level that filter out the majority of motivated men, no women can pass them. Biology, baby. Whaddayagonnado?
Women can do many military jobs; almost all of them except those which require great strength and endurance.
Note that means women can and do some combat jobs. God bless them and God bless America.
Know your role and shut your hole.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HmT5jqy-iE
More hobo music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqowmHgxVJQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrhAC0dFis0
At death, the rich take nothing and the poor take nothing. So travel light.
the poor leave nothing, mea culpa
Jesus of Nazareth, King of Kings and Hobo of Hobos:
***
Mark 6:8-11
New King James Version
8 He commanded them to take nothing for the journey except a staff—no bag, no bread, no copper in their money belts— 9 but to wear sandals, and not to put on two tunics.
***
***
Matthew 6:25-34
New King James Version
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one [a]cubit to his [b]stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not [c]arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
***
Who wants to be a king when you could be First? Wisdom comes not at all to seconders.
Since Jesus is the alpha and the omega, he is both the first and the last.
It’s interesting that he chose the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet instead of the first and last letters of the Hebrew alphabet.
I think he wanted his message to speak to all people, in all times, in all languages.
Greek was just the most popular language at the time in that part of the world.
What letters are referred to in the original Aramaic?
The oldest manuscripts of the Gospels are in Greek. Jesus most likely spoke Aramaic as his first language.
The corresponding letters are alaph and taw:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aramaic_alphabet#Letters
The last letter of the Arabic alphabet is yaa. In Hebrew, it is taw.
He probably said “I am the alaph and the taw”, and whatever disciple was listening later wrote it down as “I am the alpha and the omega”.
Or some other person heard it and made the translation.
I can see the hatred in his eyes.
Adorable hatred.
Pirates in Alameda?
Looking for nuclear wessels, no doubt.
Pardon my friend. He took too much LDS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgHxFNFWlZc
I do like the fan service of one of the later ST series that brought back the music punk.
Masai lion hunt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_4THjDmYJY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPx5B3Z6YPY
A Masai told me that if a lion bites off your arm during the hunt, you get to be chief until you die.
I strongly approve of your voice in this. Had a good rhythm. Also biased as I think we’re oddly similar creatures, with overlapping experiences in our own realms. I feel ‘at home’ in this piece, like I could be one of the hobos.
And the ending? Fucking *nailed* it. I was kinda thinkin’ such a response in my head. Well-done.
Well, fuck.
Which of you wants to harbour an illegal alien?
Did the leftists win?
Regardless of outcome, the leftists were going to win.
Look, in this country we harbor.
I will learn your language.
Also, will need a physical description or tinder profile first.
We all look like (pick your Ryan).
Even the women.
Can you sort change and mend socks?
I can throw pennies at orphans and order from Amazon.
The pennies are now too valuable to throw, since Elon is getting rid of them. I have replaced them with conduit box knock outs, if that is acceptable.
That works. They have sharper edges.
I’ve got a knockout kit, I can mint my own out of metal sheets!
You’re not my guy, fwend!
Pirates in Alameda: https://abc7news.com/pirate-crime-crackdown-oakland-estuary-shows-progress-but-some-say-its-not-enough/14608052/
I had a lovely bday day out with the family, including the three nephews. Had an outstanding time duck pin bowling with them. So strange I still don’t know what hand to use. I tried multiple techniques with each hand. Even the 4yo beat me, but duck pin is goofy.
There was an upsetting moment with Dad, when he was he and childishly commanded conversation at dinner. I had something I wanted to say and he, even after I repeatedly tried for time, the time, moment and mood all went away. Had a story and message to show the boys how different brothers can be different, and how that’s fine and part of ‘it.’
Such great times with Ez. And I’ve again circled the sun, now 38 times. I’ll celebrate with Jessica Alba tonight, driving in one of Leno’s favorites, on a ride with Saddam Hussein to watch the execution of Mussolini. A great time will be had by all.
(Well. For Jess and me. Jay’s probably in the clear, cuz I promised him I’d cruise along *safely and with discipline) in his ’24 Bentley Twin Turbo. I’d be rolling with her in sin city as we explored how honey’s money. I’m a man of my word.)
Well, happy birthday, whippersnapper! I am glad it was a good one.
Still only 1 Evan old. Ponce de Leon couldn’t equal that.
WTF is Subban wearing?!
Aw, fiddlesticks! Fucking Commies from the East bent us over again. This is what happens when you piss off the boomers and open the borders. That tariff nonsense cost PP the election. Alberta might actually secede. Wish that I could, too.
Oh, Canada. 😞
Hasn’t felt like my country for a decade at least. The way that the Left cheered on (and still do) the literal trampling of the protests broke any filial pride in this nation.
“That tariff nonsense cost PP the election”
I dunno, man.
You and Chipping aside, most of your countrymen seem to want to be serfs. Assuming the Conservatives are the only “not commies” party (New Democrats?), it wasn’t close.
And if they voted for Turd-dough Jr after the past ten years because of Trump, they’re even more retarded. I think they were already going to do it (or was rigged), and the media is using it as a convenient excuse to bash Trump.
I’d support annexing C-eh-N-eh-D-eh if not for the fact that it’s full of leftist vermin who’d further pollute the Electoral College.
How about this? Grant US citizenship to every adult Canadian who buys a gun AND shoots someone with it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWpThrDfQEI
Canada’s Worst Driver:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUWt4jgjCek
Fuck it, just send them guns and ammo. Let them sort it out. Same goes for big shitty cities in the US:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ysVoV3x5Zo
ZARDOZ speaks to you Canucks, his kind-of chosen ones. The gun is good:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gavlcbunY00
Your beer is good, your bacon is OK, and your heavy metal is surprisingly great:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yctXV3uHBs
Certainly Trump running his mouth did.
Was the number one reason olds voted against the Conservative Party.
“Elbows Up!” Made a huge difference. Old folk got riled up. Stupid fucks.
Uh huh.
The Lord’s Prayer in Aramaic is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AdPiRWIam0
Aramaic is still spoken though it has been much displaced by Arabic.
Gorgeous.
There’s an Ethiopian restaurant around here that is absolutely amazing (Nanyea in Dayton OH, if anyone is nearby). We’ve never seen it jam-packed in there; there are usually four or five other groups at most. But we went in on a Sunday one time and found it thronged wall to wall with Ethiopian people who were all sitting silently while somebody was reciting something in Aramaic. No idea what it was; it seemed to have a cadence and rhythm to it, so maybe a religious recitation of some kind. It sounded beautiful.
When I’m retired, I’m going to sit around and learn languages.
Where are you people?
Sean will be here in two minutes.
I got caught in traffic or something.
[ x ]
^
|
|
|
|
I’m here.
No, I don’t think that’s correct.
I’m not over there.
Well, you’re certainly not over here.
Hey Glibbies!
☕️🤪🌤️
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HZM0QiuUS8
🎶🎶
You really shouldn’t be on Hyperbole’s timer.
Good morning, Sean, U, rhy, ChipP, Ted’S., and Teh Hype!
How goes it?
Very well, thanks! I think allergies have my throat a little phlegmish, but I’m hoping hot coffee will help. How are you?
I am tired and lethargic, but most of my symptoms are significantly faded.
I am however wondering if breakfast plans to stay down.
I connected to work and plan to try to work a regular day if I can manage.
Yikes! 😳 I certainly hope THAT symptom subsides without incident and you continue to feel better!
🤢🤞
Saw them live also in Buffalo but outdoors and about 10 years earlier. This was more the style.
Fun random fact. My wife went to college in Buffalo when the Goo Goo Dolls were just a local band, and her best friend in college ended up marrying the bass player Robby Takac. They were subsequently divorced, but remained friendly for some time after.
#metoo
https://nypost.com/2025/04/29/us-news/kamala-harris-mocked-ahead-of-25-per-stream-speech-marking-return-to-national-stage/
Same as the price of a box of wine. Coincidence?
Canadians are not serious people.
Yeah, we all knew you’re not serious.
Looks like a bunch of former New Dictators Patry voters switched to the Liberals to keep the Conservatives out.
Careful eh, they might pull your bank account if you complain too much.
But are you desperate? 🎶
suh’ fam
whats goody
TALL (440) CANS!
Obligatory
I did a project in Parma not too long ago. That song was stuck in my head.
Best musical number of the show’s entire run. (No, Mr. Ilium, NOT that one.)
Awwww yeah, GT! (Mornin’!)
I love how the blonde turns on her heel when Mimi approaches. And Mr. Wick upstage on top of the filing cabinet.
Good morning, TO’G! (Have I mentioned one of my cats is named Grady?)
I think you had.
GT, I saw Government Cheese at the BGSU Student Union sometime around ’90. Sadly the only thing I remember from that show is the not-great comedienne that opened for them.
I remember he wore a Reason t-shirt at least once a few seasons in (Speedy goes to the vet).
Diedrich Bader is friendly and helpful, I hear. DC, “sweet but shy”.
Grum, TT is a big fan of Tommy Womack, one of GC’s principal members. From GC’s repertoire, I’m fond of “Fish Stick Day” and “Camping on Acid.”
During my travels up and down I-71, I pass this place.
Its a barn. Full of cheese.
When I visited, It had less cheese than I expected.
I suppose it could contain more, but it also has many varieties of cheese that I never expected.
Im not sure where they source the cheese, but the horseradish/cheddar is quite toothsome.
All we have is a giant roller skate on US-17.
Relevant:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbAq_fVWO4k
I’ve painted some small things, but This girl be crazy
https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/tariffs-spark-food-price-surge-across-u-s-supermarkets-and-restaurants/ar-AA1DMYiq?ocid=finance-verthp-feeds
Since April 2, tariffs imposed by Trump have begun to heavily impact U.S. agricultural exports, triggering immediate price hikes at supermarkets and restaurants nationwide. Products like dairy, fruits, and seafood have grown noticeably more expensive as a direct result of these export duties. If your grocery bill has risen recently, you’re not alone. Here’s an overview of the products most affected and the reasons behind these increases.
I don’t get it. Why would tariffs on exported food cause domestic prices to rise?
Since, presumably, there are fewer overseas consumers of American food, which means lower demand, then prices should be dropping domestically.
Is the article written from someone who lives outside the US?
Soy has been severely impacted, with a 125% tariff imposed by China causing a steep decline in exports. Although recent comments from Trump hint at possible tariff reductions, prices for soy derivatives like tofu and animal feed have already climbed.
Climbed for whom? Again, if exports of soybeans are limited, it means a greater supply of soybeans for the domestic market. Prices should be dropping.
Are prices actually increasing for food in the US?
If prices *are* increasing, it’s due to something other than tariffs. It’s possible, I guess, that if a farmer has a contract to sell a certain amount of soybeans (or whatever) to a Chinese firm, and the Chinese firm declines to buy because the Chinese government imposed tariffs on imports, that the farmer sets fire to the bags of soybeans that had been ready to ship. That would account for prices not decreasing, at least.
And Trump did not impose export tariffs; the most one could say is that Chinese tariffs on American food was done in backlash to Trump’s tariffs.
listen dude, stop asking questions and get mindlessly worked up.
Don’t question your betters.
Wickard v. Filburn? 😉
The only way domestic prices rise is if we are importing our food from China, but the article is focusing on food exports to China.