Let’s Not Make This A Habit – Morning Links

by | May 8, 2025 | Daily Links | 281 comments

Happy Thursday, y’all. I didn’t think of it on Sunday, but Monday I had the idea for a poll. Which is a more made-up, bullshit holiday, May the 4th or Cinco de Mayo. On the one hand, the French really did get their asses handed to them by the Mexicans in Puebla, but nobody celebrated that until punchbowl-sized adult slushies needed a marketing push. You vote, and I’ll decide. Below is actual footage of me and my 3 year old arguing about random bullshit this week. Monday he was so angry that his mom didn’t pick him up at daycare that he refused to get out of the car at his grandmother’s house, and then insisted for 30 minutes that I take him back to his grandmother’s so he could get out at her house. Tonight, it was reading before bed. He didn’t want to pick books so I put him to bed. 30 minutes of angry toddler nonsense. I love it. He’s my favorite right now.

Okay, on to some links:

I’m guessing Disney isn’t going all in on Aladdin for this new Middle East theme park. The local imam has already issued a fatwa that Rey had such a mannish jaw, she will not have to cover her head.

Vatican elects first black pope since 743. Oh wait, that just means they didn’t pick someone. I get confused with the gender reveals.

Good lord, this is the kind of inside-baseball shit you’d expect from real ethnic cities, not Houston. My old stompin’ grounds is all growed up!

Alright, alright, alright! It’s just about go time for hurricane season!

Time for a bit of music. I guess we’ll just go to that little band from Texas.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

281 Comments

  1. SDF-7

    Let’s Not Make This A Habit

    So you’ll be having nun of that, Brett?

    Good morning all!

    • Brett L

      Good morning.

  2. Rat on a train

    My sister has a rule. She doesn’t celebrate “holidays” that are younger than she is.

    • Brett L

      I like it.

    • SDF-7

      Elijah has a sad…

    • Not Adahn

      No birthdays?

      • Rat on a train

        Not really celebrate, but she does get King’s and Washington’s off.

      • Nephilium

        It would just be no birthday celebrations for those younger than her. Obviously her birthday is as old as her, so it would be fair game for celebration.

      • Not Adahn

        If she’s like most people her birthday holiday is a year younger than she is. For some reason parents seem to be too busy on the day of the actual birth.

      • Rat on a train

        I’m sure she would celebrate any family member’s birthday if it were made a federal or state holiday.

      • UnCivilServant

        Look, if they’re willing to pay me to NOT show up to work, who am I to argue?

  3. SDF-7

    May the 4th be entirely made up.

    Of course — part of this is probably because I’ve always been more of a Trek fan anyway so I care less about celebrating Space Samurai Wizards (heroes in a half plot!)

    • Suthenboy

      I thought it was lesbian space witches that reproduce asexually…or something.

      • UnCivilServant

        That’s Disney Wars, not the same thing.

    • Nephilium

      You’re all just pawns of the Shadow.

    • trshmnstr

      My wife tried really hard not to have our first kid on May 4th because she despised Star Wars day. Time of birth 12:06am, May 4th.

      Oops!

      • Gender Traitor

        And how is little Leia?

    • The Last American Hero

      No, instead you can celebrate such deep and insightful fiction as whether Kirk really could be Gorn IRL, or whether 10 Forward was named that because it was a location on the ship or a location in LA.

  4. ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

    NPR? I am pretty sure they would report black smoke as a black pope.

    • SDF-7

      The Catholic Church continues its hardline binary thinking — only black or white smoke is being used!

      • WTF

        Pink smoke for a lady Pope?

      • SDF-7

        Exactly, WTF — and rainbow smoke when the new Pope is just FABULOUSSSS!

      • WTF

        Holy crap that Chinese “Mt. Fuji” is hilarious.

  5. ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

    Star Wars has become so stupid as to resemble Star Trek, so, even the third amateur night is a better holiday than anything related to that drivel.

    • SDF-7

      Funny since Abrams made Star Trek into Star Wars first (because he really really wanted to make a Star Wars movie in the first place… so the Kelvin timeline reboot really is more of a Star Wars fluff piece… which I guess got him noticed by Disney for their sequels, so it worked out for him just fine…)

  6. SDF-7

    I’m guessing Disney isn’t going all in on Aladdin for this new Middle East theme park.

    What… no cutting off attendee’s hands if they don’t like their face?

    • WTF

      But will there be a “throwing the gays off buildings” attraction?

    • UnCivilServant

      I thought it was an ear for not liking the face, since the hand was for thievery.

  7. DEG

    Danni Hewson, head of financial analysis at AJ Bell said at a time when so many businesses in the US were “worried about the potential impact of tariffs on consumer spending, on household budgets, Disney is feeling confident”.

    So we get a little dig in at Trump at the very end. Nothing about how climate change is horrible. This is not the BBC I know.

    • rhywun

      I’m sure Abu Dhabi can afford any indulgences the “green” lobby will demand.

  8. SDF-7

    this is the kind of inside-baseball shit you’d expect from real ethnic cities

    The owner should have had to wander 40 years in the desert before he could reopen.

    • Drake

      Then Judges will assess the food.

    • Nephilium

      Locally, we have a different kind of kosher deli.

      • Drake

        Who doesn’t prefer kosher cash?

  9. Suthenboy

    All holidays are inventions.

    Yes, I have rotated and fully stocked up on can goods, water and propane. The chainsaw is in top condition, new chain and all. We are good.

    • SDF-7

      The chainsaw is in top condition

      Mr. Suthenboy Goes To Washington?

      • Rat on a train

        A woodchipper would be more appropriate.

      • Tres Cool

        Argentina.

    • Brett L

      I really do need to oil up the chainsaw, make sure the chain is tight, and fire it up. Building my strategic toilet paper reserve is May’s project.

  10. Necron 99

    I remember Cinco de Mayo well before any of this May the Fourth stuff started. Related, my grandson turned 3 this May the Fourth, so Cinco de Mayo can piss off. I am too old to indulge in punchbowl-sized adult slushies, seems that toddler’s birthday party are more my speed these days.

    • Nephilium

      As Free Comic Book Day is the first Saturday in May, there were several years where it overlapped with Star Wars day. Star Wars day was not a thing when I first started going, but last years poster is a Star Wars themed one (I’ve got two other 5/4 FCBD posters that are MCU themed). Really, the big day in May is the Glorious Revolution.

      • robc

        The first saturday in May is Derby Day and everyone else can fuck off with scheduling anything else on that day.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Mint Juleps for the win!

  11. Pope Jimbo

    Let’s Not Make This A Habit

    Quit being an enabler! It is nun of my business, but it seems like they are taking advantage of you.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Uffda!

      I was so sure I was the cleverest punster at Glibs (Shpip excluded) that I didn’t even bother to read the first comment. Congrats to 7-sy for being so clever (and Firsting!).

      I’ll go print out my comment 100 times and shove them up my ass so they can fall out when the next Glibster makes a nun joke.

      • UnCivilServant

        Why would you do such a thing, Jimbo? You’ll get infected and end up with an Abbess.

      • Pope Jimbo

        sigh.

        I attempted to apologize and stop more bad puns, but looks like I just jumped out of the pan and into the friar.

      • Brett L

        Get thee to a punnery.

      • UnCivilServant

        He can’t, he was kicked out for Prior offenses.

      • Jarflax

        If you don’t stop violating convention, the Swiss Guard will narrow his gaze.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Definitely an apse in judgement.

  12. Gustave Lytton

    Need a bracket. st pattys vs cinco de drinko.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Let’s add in Mother’s and Father’s Day too.

      I realize that we’ll never get rid of Mother’s Day, but I’d happily give up Father’s Day in a second. One less day that we do whatever Mrs. Holiness decides that the “family” wants to do.

      • Rat on a train

        What do you want for Father’s Day?
        An empty house.

      • The Other Kevin

        Hey now, I like Father’s Day. One of my three kids gets me a present, and sometimes people make me dinner. And that one day a year, my wife asks how I want to spend the day.

      • The Last American Hero

        And then laughs hysterically when you give her “the look”.

      • Pope Jimbo

        TOK:

        Yes, Mrs. Holiness will ask what I want to do on Father’s Day, but then immediately switches to something that the whole family will like (aka what she wants to do).

        The only difference between that and any other day is the small courtesy of pretending that I have a say in things.

    • Nephilium

      Paddy’s wins hands down.

      But y’all need to start doing the Cleveland thing of embracing any and all reasons to walk around and drink all day. Dyngus day? Sure! Paczki day? Sure! Paddy’s? You better believe it. Cinco de Mayo? Sure! We’ll even celebrate it over Memorial Day.

    • Nephilium

      When Michael Symon had his burger chain here (B-Spot), originally there was one single vegetarian item on the menu (the friers were loaded with lard). The “Why???” which was a portabella cap sandwich.

      It came with a free side of bacon.

  13. Chipping Pioneer

    Any time the French are defeated is a cause for celebration.

    • Gender Traitor

      But there’d be so many holidays we’d never get any work done!

      Come to think of it, that’s a great idea!

    • Drake

      There are only 365 days available.

  14. Pope Jimbo

    The reason Sloopy wasn’t available to do the lynx?

    LAWRENCE, Kan. (KCTV) – A naked man was arrested in the bathroom of a Lawrence gas station after he refused to stop pleasuring himself and bit his own dog as well as a police officer.

      • Not Adahn

        He was trying to teach the dog to bite cops.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Maybe he was just trying to cop a flea?

      • Tres Cool

        Had a peanut butter allergy.

    • Brett L

      Well, we finally know the answer to “What’s the Matter With Kansas?”

    • The Other Kevin

      Sounds like he could be friends with the woman with the crack-smoking raccoon.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      “Man bites dog” is the least remarkable part of this story.

    • ron73440

      Reminds me of a Drew Carey joke:

      A man gets kicked out of his house because his wife says he is too freaky.

      He meets a women at a bar and she said she has had the same problem.

      They go back to her place and she goes to “change into something a little more comfortable”.

      She comes out wearing a leather dominatrix outfit to find him putting on his coat.

      She asks, “Where are you going?”

      He says, “What do you mean? I fucked your dog and shit in your purse, I’m out of here”.

  15. Sensei

    This shows just how nimble and able to respond to changing business conditions and the political environment that large companies are.

    United Bets on Photosynthesis and Limestone to Fuel Net-Zero Flight Path
    The Chicago-based carrier has partnered with a number of clean-tech startups in recent months in a renewed effort to meet its climate goals

    Showing that the private sector can destroy value just as well as the public sector. You keep reading it keeps getting more ridiculous.

    https://www.wsj.com/articles/united-bets-on-photosynthesis-and-limestone-to-fuel-net-zero-flight-path-ac422259?st=VFKE1J&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink

    • Gustave Lytton

      Just jump directly to unicorn farts.

      • Tres Cool

        There’s the money.
        “Riley and her team helped shape the SAF provisions in the Inflation Reduction Act, including the 45Z Clean Fuel Production Tax Credit, which provides a credit of 35 cents a gallon for sustainable aviation fuel. ”

  16. Not Adahn

    Two stories I’ve read bits of but can’t find a good link to post here so I’ll let some of you enact my labor:

    NYT runs a hit piece on Elon wrt his compound in West Lake. They make the complaining neighbor look like an absolute fruitcake. Like the neighbor was pissed that Elon’s cameras could see him pissing outside so he decided to fly a drone over Chez Musk to look for HOA violations.

    Apparently Sec Ed wrote a “to be posted for the lulz” letter to Harvard with wacky pwnage.

  17. Common Tater

    “Benzene, a harmful chemical found in gasoline, cigarette smoke and paint strippers, is a known carcinogen. Long-term exposure to high levels of benzene has been linked to leukemia and other blood-related cancers.

    Now, a new study out of Stanford University reports that benzene-caused cancer risks are significantly higher — especially for children — in homes with medium to high usage of gas stoves and inadequate ventilation.”

    https://nypost.com/2025/05/08/health/common-appliance-raises-kids-cancer-risk-nearly-twice-as-much-as-adults/

    Not this shit again.

    • Gustave Lytton

      The commies will never let it go until we’re eating grass and slaving in camps.

    • R C Dean

      “benzene-caused cancer risks are significantly higher”

      Is it just me, or is there a certain of fudge factor in that phrase?

      “homes with medium to high usage of gas stoves and inadequate ventilation”

      Looks like they packed enough fudge into that study that STEVE SMITH must be the author.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        We are at the point where, if everything causes cancer, who cares anymore what causes it? We just want shit that works.

      • Rat on a train

        Just post a Prop-65 warning sign on your front door.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Am I okay if I use my gas stove in a basement room that is 5’x5′? I always close the door and put a towel at the bottom of the door to prevent drafts.

      • UnCivilServant

        No, CPA, you’re suffocating the fire, that won’t heat up properly.

      • The Other Kevin

        Those are all setting off my bullshit meter as well. “Significantly higher” could mean an increase from .0000003% to .0000006%. Hey that’s DOUBLE!

        “medium to high usage of gas stoves and inadequate ventilation” – Nebulous terms that they make up. Sure, if you run your gas stove for 14 hours a day in a 5’x5′ kitchen with no windows, you might have a problem.

        This reminds me of those studies that show something causes cancer in mice, and it turns out they fed the mice 1000x the amount a human being would eat.

      • UnCivilServant

        This reminds me of those studies that show something causes cancer in mice, and it turns out they fed the mice 1000x the amount a human being would eat.

        The best example I remember is with saccharine, where the mice were given doses that would be equivalent to a human eating a truck load in a single go.

      • The Other Kevin

        Saccharine must be the one I was thinking of. They did the same thing when they claimed too much protein caused kidney damage, but it turned out to be 300g a day for a year or something completely unrealistic.

    • Fourscore

      Why would anyone paint strippers? They always looked good to me, some better than others, of course.

      • UnCivilServant

        I was surprised they allowed canvas and easel in the clubs.

      • Not Adahn

        The lighting is just terrible.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Why would anyone paint strippers?

        Bad skin. And who of us doesn’t like a painted up harlot?

    • Suthenboy

      After reading that my long and carefully considered response is “Fuck you”.

      *To the watermelons, not Common Tater.

      That game can be played all day with any organic substance. Do you have any idea what the phenol content of coffee is? Cyanide content of stone fruits? Heavy metals in rice?

      • DrOtto

        “Heavy metals in rice?”
        +1 Loudness

      • dbleagle

        I saw them when they opened for the Virginia City Chamber Orchestra.

    • Sensei

      Having had both my in-laws afflicted with that awful disease that’s a nice thing to see!

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Yeah, after my dad passed of Alzheimer’s I have great sympathy for anyone suffering issues like this.

        Good on the helpers.

      • Tres Cool

        A friend of my mom lived next to a nursing home. One patient with dementia was quite the escapist. He would wander to her house and let himself in. They had a very large (probably 160 lb+) English mastiff. The dog would let Ed in, but when first responders came to collect him, she wouldn’t let anyone near him.

    • Fourscore

      Not to worry, Jimbo, I can’t wander very far anymore.

  18. Pope Jimbo

    Somehow this was not tied to Trump and his administration! Do better Daily Fail.

    Innerbody Research, a medical website run by a team of scientists, examined CDC’s 2023 data for rates of STIs across America and found the 10 cities with the highest rate of infections, with Detroit, Michigan, topping the list.
     
    Washington, DC – the nation’s capital and home to the White House – was ranked in seventh place for the first time due to modern-day dating trends and new social constructs, experts say.
     
    Washington DC was found to have a rate of 1,334 overall STI cases per 100,000 people as of 2023.
     
    Broken down, there were 22,738 cases of chlamydia, 6,450 cases of gonorrhea, 489 cases of syphilis and 593 cases of HIV.
     
    According to Shenell Williams-Davis, a sexual health coordinator with Mary’s Center Public Health Outreach Services in DC, new dating trends and relationship structures may be to blame.

      • The Last American Hero

        The bullshit story focuses on kids from deeply religious families and teens (who in general are having less sex than a generation ago).

        It does not focus on the fact that AIDS can now be prevented, and gay men think that the glory days of the 70’s are back and this time without the social stigma of being gay. I’m glad there are drugs to prevent the spread of AIDS but there are plenty of other cooties that come from having lots of random partners.

    • EvilSheldon

      ‘Slutting around’ is not a new dating trend or relationship structure. In fact, I’d say it’s probably the oldest relationship structure in existence…

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Really? I would have thought the gang bang was the oldest.

      • EvilSheldon

        Gang bangs are just dudes slutting around. Slutting around is equal opportunity.

    • Suthenboy

      Wait, not a peep about illegals? Huh.

    • Fourscore

      “Once a marine, always a marine.”

    • WTF

      Play stupid games….

    • R C Dean

      “pierced the base of the spine”

      Oh, I expect it was in that general area, anyway.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Kids these days. We always thought that an extra ear ring was cool…

    • The Other Kevin

      Did they leave him there as a warning to others?

      • WTF

        Vlad Tepes enters the chat.

    • UnCivilServant

      Just go out of business already.

    • R.J.

      Never saw it coming.
      That ad is so bad it will be parodied for at least a decade. Might even get a new Zoolander out of it.

      • Sensei

        I would like to see the groupthink that lead to it analyzed. The head of their internal agency was all in on the rainbow agenda. I just find it interesting nobody else in the C Suite had any pushback.

      • R C Dean

        Yeah, advertising and marketing is one of those things where everybody feels free to share their opinions.

      • Rat on a train

        I would like to see the groupthink that lead to it analyzed.
        The future is TQ+. We need to court them.

      • UnCivilServant

        I am reminded of the “Toxic Positivity” in some related projects, where nobody was allowed to naysay the direction, because that was “being negative”. I wonder how pervasive that is

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Jaguar is searching for a new advertising agency after the carmaker faced a public backlash over its controversial rebrand.

    That’s not how you spell “ridicule”.

      • ron73440

        That’s a better Jaguar ad than the real one.

  20. Common Tater

    “Henderson was a black self-identified white supremacist ”

    https://nypost.com/2025/05/07/opinion/violent-online-networks-like-764-show-how-terrifying-the-dark-web-is-for-young-children/

    “A twisted neo-Nazi sextortion ring that targets kids as young as 9 and blackmails them into making sick photos and videos is spreading to every corner of the United States — and the FBI has tips for parents on how to spot if their children are being groomed.

    The Bureau has hundreds of open cases against the group known as “764” – a cult-like network with ties to neo-Nazis and Satanism whose members “methodically target and exploit minors” after contacting them on gaming chatrooms, social media and phone apps.”

    https://nypost.com/2025/05/07/us-news/here-are-fbi-warning-signs-your-child-is-being-targeted-by-764-cult/

    Satanic Nazi sextortion?

    • WTF

      Sounds like an FBI creation. Because we must keep the focus on the phony neo-Nazi threat.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Razor blades in apples!

      • Tres Cool

        Homicidal clowns!

      • UnCivilServant

        What happened to the random roadside clown epidemic from a few years back?

  21. The Other Kevin

    I don’t really consider May the 4th to be a holiday, more of just a fun thing like Pi day. Something for school kids and nerds to celebrate, but nobody’s really making money off it.

      • R.J.

        And Lego

    • Jarflax

      Why do you denigrate the Feast of St Florian of Lorch?

      • UnCivilServant

        Because he sounds either Catholic or Orthodox.

      • Jarflax

        Florian predates the split. He predates Nicea for that matter.

      • robc

        But did he punch anyone for heresy like Santa did?

  22. The Other Kevin

    Mrs. TOK’s day job is providing child care, and one of the kids (my niece) just turned 2. She has also discovered temper tantrums. Sweet, fun kid, but her mood turns on a dime and if you tell her NO, she throws herself on the floor. Thankfully she’s new at it and her technique isn’t great.

    • UnCivilServant

      I seem to recall the response to a temper tantrum was “Knock that off or I’ll really give you something to cry about.”

      • Pope Jimbo

        Yeah, I heard “I’ll give you something to cry about” from my dad anytime I tried pulling something like that.

        His other saying was “You are a reflection on me and I will not look bad, so shape up”

    • Nephilium

      I found offering critques and evaluations to the crying child usually ended them pretty quick.

      “Huh, going for the pounding the floor already? A bit early for that, you’re going to bruise yourself.”

      • UnCivilServant

        I think they key was to not reward the tantrum. The sooner the kid realizes that it won’t get them anything, the better.

      • WTF

        Back when my nieces started doing the toddler tantrum, I would mock them with loud phony cries in their face: “WAHHH WAHHH, I’M MAD, WAHHH WAHHH!!!” They hated the mockery so much it stopped the tantrum.

      • The Other Kevin

        UnCiv gets it. The whole exercise is for attention. So just ignore them and it ends on its own. One of our kids had a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store. Mrs. TOK just walked to the next aisle. The kid realized she was alone, got up, and that was that.

    • ron73440

      My youngest brother would bang his head on the floor.

      We would leave the room, he would stop crying then follow us to the next room and start banging his head and crying again.

      Life gets revenge though, his oldest daughter was a carbon copy at 2 years old.

      • Nephilium

        I have a fond memory of seeing one of my nephews fall down while playing and scrape his knee. He didn’t see that I could see him, I watched as he looked around, saw no adults were looking at him, stand up, walk over near the adults and dramatically “fall” again and then start crying.

        He stopped when I said, “I saw you fall over there the first time.”

    • Brett L

      What works for this one
      1. Offer reasonable alternative
      2. Ignore for 10-25 minutes
      3. Give warning
      4. Pour cup of water on boy’s head

      By the time we get his shirt changed and run a towel over him, he’s much more reasonable. I would shorten (2) to about 5 minutes, but Mrs. L thinks there’s something tortuous about pouring a cup of room temperature water on a kid we routinely put under shower heads full of the same. About 80% of the time 2 & 3 work.

      • The Last American Hero

        I’m pretty sure the State of California has stated that water causes cancer.

      • ron73440

        I’m pretty sure the State of California has stated that water causes cancer.

        Everyone that dies has water in their system.

      • WTF

        Everyone who has ever gotten cancer also drank water all their lives! Water drinking is linked to cancer!

        That is actually about the level of “study” that CA uses to put something on their cancer list.

    • Gender Traitor

      I don’t remember it, but there is photographic evidence (now in my oldest sister’s possession at last report) of me throwing a full-bore down-on-my-belly-on-the-floor, kicking, pounding my little fists tantrum when I was a toddler. My mother said when I did that she’d pick me up by the little straps and the seat of my overalls, drop me in my crib, walk out of the room, and shut the door.

      And it worked! I hardly ever do that any more.

      • UnCivilServant

        Of course not – the cats won’t put up with it.

      • Gender Traitor

        …and they DO still have all their claws… 😖😾🐱‍👤

      • Common Tater

        LOL

  23. Not Adahn

    UCS: Possible start time change for Saturday. If the CRSO approves, it’ll be 16:00 start (15:00 registration). So you won’t need to get the shiny new gun rained on.

    • UnCivilServant

      Saturday?

      That’s what I get for not checking the calendar, I thought it was Sunday.

      • Not Adahn

        Sunday belongs to the shotgunners, unless the cowboys kick them out.

      • UnCivilServant

        I have no holster and only 3 magazines, plus only 150 rounds of ammunition, which may not even be legal for the event.

        Where are the roles is an abbreviated easy to understand explainer on the rules posted?

      • Not Adahn

        The rules are only eight pages long and on the club website.

        TL;DR version:

        1. Don’t do anything unsafe.

        2. Scoring is points down, shoot throughs count on freestanding targets, but the underlying target on groups that are stapled together does not count for scoring purposes.

      • Not Adahn

        You will need a holster. El cheapo walmart is actually not terrible since you should be focusing on drawing safely, not fast during your first few matches.

        I can lend you some mags if it’s chambered in .45 and takes standard 1911 mags.

      • Not Adahn

        Oh, 150 rounds is more than enough, as long as you don’t miss too often.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve not looked to see if WalMart carries them… 🤔

      • Not Adahn

        They will have silly “Uncle Mikes” brand and other “universal” designs. You just need something that keeps the gun from falling off until you start going for speed which should NOT be this weekend.

  24. Certified Public Asshat

    Bernie Sanders: "You think I should wait on line at United? No apologies for my private jets."Socialists are beyond parody pic.twitter.com/MF6dDHOiyE— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) May 8, 2025

    Lol, MY private jets.

    • The Other Kevin

      “I’m too important to wait.”

    • Nephilium

      No. I think you should wait in line for the cheapest fly by night shitty regional airline you can. Spirit/Frontier is too good for you Bernie.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Lol I caught that too. He thinks United is slumming it.

    • ron73440

      They always show their true colors.

      I am still surprised that anyone listens him.

      “Tax the millionaires and billionaires more!”

      “What’s that, I’m a millionaire now?”

      “Tax the billionaires more!”

      He’s always been a POS hypocrite.

    • The Last American Hero

      What loyal comrade begrudges a few nice dacha’s for important party members?

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Dire consequences

    When Casey Dreier saw President Trump’s proposed budget for NASA, he couldn’t believe the numbers.

    “This is the worst NASA budget I’ve seen in my lifetime,” says Dreier, the chief of space policy for the Planetary Society, a nonprofit that advocates for space exploration.

    The budget proposes deep cuts for NASA’s Science Mission Directorate, which oversees everything from telescopes peering deep into space to robotic probes exploring planets like Mars. Many of these projects cost billions of dollars to build and launch, but the budget cuts are so deep “that it will require NASA to turn off active spacecraft that are producing good science for pennies on the dollar for what the U.S. taxpayer paid for them,” Dreier says.

    It’s not just spacecraft — Trump’s proposed budget for the federal government would switch off huge swaths of America’s scientific enterprise. The National Science Foundation (NSF) would be slashed in half. The National Institutes of Health would lose $17 billion in funding. Other agencies like the Energy Department, the U.S. Geological Survey and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration would all see deep cuts totaling billions of dollars.

    All our sciences will be lost, and the world plunged into darkness. Based on the word of “chief of space policy for the Planetary Society, a nonprofit that advocates for space exploration”. It doesn’t get any more authoritative than that.

    • R.J.

      Even worse, the scientists will have to work for the private sector! Those people expect results!

      • WTF

        Elon seems to have the space exploration thing covered.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    These proposals “would be catastrophic if they were implemented,” says Sudip Parikh, the CEO of the American Association for the Advancement of Science. If the Republican-controlled Congress follows Trump’s budget outline, Parikh warns, it will slash science at every university and laboratory in the United States.

    “It hollows out science across the country, not just in the places that I know the administration sometimes likes to single out, but across the entire country,” he says.

    Gravity will stop working. Light will no longer travel in a straight line.

    • Tres Cool

      Well, light is bent by refraction.

    • Jarflax

      If gravity stops working, light will travel in a straight line. Of course, according to Einstein, gravity is fake, and light does in fact travel in a straight line. But he bent everything, so it is all skewed now.

    • WTF

      Hauling out the old “if government doesn’t do a thing, the thing won’t happen” trope I see.

  27. Common Tater

    “The Salt Lake City Council unanimously passed an ordinance on Tuesday to make several versions of LGBTQ Pride flags official city flags. This vote was in response to a new Utah law that prohibits such flags from being displayed in government-sanctioned spaces, which took effect on Wednesday.

    In order to circumvent the law, Salt Lake City added its white sego lily logo to traditional LGBTQ and trans flags, turning them into municipal symbols. “This is important and critical for us as a city, but more importantly, for the people that live here to know that Salt Lake City continues to be a safe space for everybody,” Councilman Darin Mano said of the council’s vote, according to the Washington Examiner.”

    https://thepostmillennial.com/salt-lake-city-council-votes-to-make-lgbtq-pride-flags-official-city-flags-in-defiance-of-state-law

    important and critical?

    • The Other Kevin

      Thankfully they have already solved every other problem in the city so they have time for this.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I want all Salt Lakers to look up at these flags

      There’s the quiet part.

      • UnCivilServant

        When’s the next election?

        You know… the salt flats are not that far away, these councillors can be dropped off pretty far from civilization without using too much fuel.

      • Rat on a train

        Kneel before LGBTQZOD+.

      • trshmnstr

        Conquest has happened, now the conquered must be humiliated.

    • The Last American Hero

      Boise followed suit.

  28. Sensei

    Well, the campaign to push out Fetterman is in full force.

    Sen. John Fetterman raises alarms with outburst at meeting with union officials, AP sources say

    “Before long, Fetterman began repeating himself, shouting and questioning why “everybody is mad at me,” “why does everyone hate me, what did I ever do” and slamming his hands on a desk, according to one person who was briefed on what occurred.”

    https://www.wesa.fm/politics-government/2025-05-08/senator-fetterman-union-meeting-outburst-mental-health-concerns

    • The Other Kevin

      “one person who was briefed on what occurred”

      That’s a reliable source right there.

    • Nephilium

      Man, if only those staffers were around for Biden. And didn’t the Dems just have a congressperson who was living in a memory care facility?

    • Tres Cool

      I want to see him in a tux singing “Puttin On The Ritz” with Gene Wilder.

      • Sensei

        So I’m not the only one that thinks that exact thing.

      • Common Tater

        Yes, there were plenty memes.

  29. Common Tater

    “Woke new statue in Times Square sparks instant mockery

    A new bronze statue in Times Square that was meant to combat racism received instant mockery for being ‘obnoxious’ and ‘reinforcing stereotypes’ about women of color.

    The statue, Grounded in the Stars by Thomas J Price, is a 12-foot tall woman intended to be a ‘stark contrast’ of two statues in Duffy Square of Father Francis Duffy and George M. Cohan….

    One user on X wrote: ‘How does this statue erected in Times Square “confront perceived notions of identity and representation,” It’s just some obnoxious looking overweight black woman, it’s reinforcing those preconceived notions.'”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14689347/woke-statue-times-square-sparks-mockery.html

    Looks like Letitia James.

    • Sensei

      Paging Tres!

      • Tres Cool

        A little small for my tastes. And she looks too much like Whoopi.
        Pass on that one.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      She looks like she’s gonna give some poor assistant manager at a Popeye’s absolute hell.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      How do we know the race of a bronze statue that is not made to represent anyone in particular?

  30. The Late P Brooks

    MSNBC, home of strict Constitutionalists and hard core defenders of freedom

    At its core, the mentality behind REAL ID is that every American is a potential airline terrorist first and a citizen of the Republic a very distant second. Who do we have to thank for this terrible idea? The 9/11 Commission. In fact, it was one of its core recommendations.

    As the commission noted in its final July 2004 report, “All but one of the 9/11 hijackers acquired some form of U.S. identification document, some by fraud. Acquisition of these forms of identification would have assisted them in boarding commercial flights, renting cars, and other necessary activities.”

    In response, the commission recommended that the federal government “should set standards for the issuance of birth certificates and sources of identification, such as drivers licenses.” The report noted: “Fraud in identification documents is no longer just a problem of theft. At many entry points to vulnerable facilities, including gates for boarding aircraft, sources of identification are the last opportunity to ensure that people are who they say they are and to check whether they are terrorists.”

    But that entire notion is refuted by the fact that the most effective last-ditch protection against bad actors among the public boarding an aircraft is physical screening of the passengers and their luggage.

    I’m not aware of a single post-9/11 incident in which an actual terrorist — such as the so-called shoe bomber or the “underwear bomber” — boarded an aircraft with a fake ID. Yet those two made it aboard aircraft with explosive or incendiary devices that could’ve brought down the planes they were on and killed all aboard. TSA’s struggle with passenger screening technologies and procedures is well-known and represents a far bigger safety issue than determining who is boarding a given aircraft.

    It doesn’t matter if you are who you say you are. Strip searches for everybody. That’s how you make America free.

    • The Other Kevin

      This has been in the works for years. Biden could have put and end to it. But for some reason none of us will ever know, they decided that right now was the time to oppose it.

      • Rat on a train

        They were for it before they were against it?

      • ron73440

        IT’S DIFFERENT WHEN WE DO IT !!!

    • Rat on a train

      “We’ll put a dude in his ass. It’s the American way.”

    • kinnath

      I saw an anti-DOGE billboard on the way to work this morning.

      Who the fuck is funding this stuff?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Tax money via NGOs or nonprofits. In short, you are.

    • The Other Kevin

      Of course the people complaining about are going to assert that 100% of the money is going toward coloring books and park rangers, and nobody is skimming off that money.

    • The Other Kevin

      I don’t. I like her, but I also like Nicole Shanahan, so yes, who knows? But does the Surgeon Genera really do anything important?

      • trshmnstr

        Shanahan strikes me as not a very deep thinker. She seems to bumble her way into right answers more often than not, but she seems to “reason” in tropes, not facts.

      • Tres Cool

        They put those warnings on tobacco.

      • Common Tater

        They generally don’t do surgery. I think the position is mostly an official spokesperson for public health, and don’t make regulatory decisions, but I could be wrong. All the different federal health bureaucracies seem rather redundant, so they could probably get rid of most of them. Then we wouldn’t have argue over who is in charge of them.

      • Common Tater

        “WARNING: Tobacco smoke causes fatal lung disease in nonsmokers.”

        No, it doesn’t.

    • Sean

      Is it that hard to vet someone these days?

      • The Other Kevin

        Right now “vetting” means determining if the person can stand up to a bunch of Dems asking stupid gotcha questions.

  31. Gustave Lytton

    Apparently May is application program interface heritage month. Not sure why, but ok.

    • Sensei

      Is there a way to automatically have that populate my social media feeds?

    • Rat on a train

      return None

  32. Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    In Costco this weekend, there was a toddler in full-blown, sprawled-on-the-floor, pounding-fist, screaming-at-the-top-of-his-lungs meltdown because his mother wouldn’t buy a second watermelon.

    My mom would have walked us out of the store right then if my brother or I had pulled that shit.

    • ron73440

      We used to get drug to the car and left there while mom finished shopping.

    • trshmnstr

      Yep, that’s not a thing anymore. Too inconvenient and not gentle enough. 🙄

      • The Last American Hero

        Also, getting referred to CPS by some jackass Karen in the parking lot isn’t fun either.

      • trshmnstr

        This.

        Thankfully, around here people don’t seem to care too much. I still don’t let my kids pump gas or sit in the car too long, but I’m less neurotic about it than I was in Dallas.

        My kids are past the age of melting down in the grocery store, but we still hold to the nuclear parenting style. If you want to act the fool, we will burn everything down and ruin the rest of your day. Nothing is sacred, nothing is off the table.

    • Common Tater

      How many watermelons does a child need? I’ve gone my whole life without owning a single watermelon.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    The joke’s on you

    Virginia teenagers said they were recording a ding-dong ditch prank for a TikTok video when a homeowner opened fire, killing an 18-year-old boy.

    ——-

    “The juvenile stated that they had run to hide. The juvenile said as they were running from a residence, he and his friends were shot at,” the affidavit says.

    The other teen gave a similar account and told detectives that he had a video on his phone of them doing the prank earlier that day, according to the affidavit.

    Bosworth was a senior at Massaponax High School. He was killed hours before the school prom.

    Cultural suicide.

    • Rat on a train

      Local news!
      I know. Your kid was a good boy. He was just sneaking around stranger’s property at 3 AM.

      • Common Tater

        Still no excuse to shoot someone running away.

      • Mojeaux

        Disclaimer: the 48-hour news rule has not expired

        I’m with Tater on this one. Ding-dong ditching is dumb and maybe awful, but you don’t shoot someone in the back for ringing your doorbell at 3a.

      • ron73440

        Still no excuse to shoot someone running away.

        True, but so far all we have is the word of the teens that they were running away.

      • creech

        He was thinking of going to college and thought maybe the homeowner had some college catalogs on his coffee table?

      • Common Tater

        If I could shoot everyone I found annoying it would be a depopulation event.

    • ron73440

      Who does that at 3 am?

      The news doesn’t tell us anything really.

      It would be nice to know if they were shot in the front or back.

      Did they do any damage to the house? The homeowner said they were trying to break in.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      The latest thing around here isn’t doorbell ditching. It’s pounding violently or kicking the door. It’s a matter of time before someone gets shot doing that.

      • UnCivilServant

        Maybe if the cops were more polite they wouldn’t be in danger when door knocking.

      • Rat on a train

        The initial reports said they were pounding on the back door. I haven’t read any confirmation.

      • trshmnstr

        The initial reports said they were pounding on the back door.

        An 18 year old pounding on some stranger’s back door at 3am? Ding dong ditch, my ass.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m constantly amazed at what stupid shit ‘kids’ will get up to for the sake of TikTok and the ‘Grams.

        Can’t you just drink, smoke weed, and fuck like normal kids?

    • Urthona

      She was hot in From Dusk Till Dawn

      • ron73440

        Also in Desperado.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    “School counselors will be on site at the event to provide support as needed,” the school district said in a letter to the school community. “Also, when students return to school on Monday, our counseling staff and additional division support team members will be available to provide support to our students and staff as needed. If your child needs support, please contact the school so that we can provide assistance. Our thoughts are with the family during this difficult time.”

    “That’s what you get for being stupid. Next.”

    • Rat on a train

      A high school senior playing ding-dong-ditch is lame. Spotsyltucky needs alternatives.

    • Common Tater

      Geragos represents P Diddy’s mom, not him, though.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Garagos has a legal show on Youtube, used to do it with Adam Carolla. It’s actually pretty good and he seems to be an affable enough guy but he definitely has a hint of sleaze.

    • ron73440

      At one of my duty stations we had a guy we called the errorist because his decisions were awful.

      Unfortunately he was an officer, but we would have ERRORIST ALERT and EPCON CHARLIE error protection drills.

      Stupid but hilarious for all of us poor bastards at the bottom.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yes.

    • Suthenboy

      That is what might be called ‘niche humor’. Hilarious.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Mojeaux-

    Have you considered the nuclear option in the war with Aunt Susie, and calling her mental competence into question? She appears to be seriously divorced from reality.

    If she tanks the sale by squatting in the house and refusing to leave, a case might be made.

    • Not Adahn

      I think she should combine my plan with Derpy’s : Give her a vacation somewhere she wants to go, then move out all her shit while she’s on vacaiton.

    • Mojeaux

      I hadn’t thought about that. It’s an interesting concept. She is seriously divorced from reality. My watches are melting, dealing with this. 🤔

      Bro2 has talked to Adult Protective Services on the basis that she’s abusive, though.

      My lawyer is going to inform her lawyer we’re prepared to sue her for damages or … something … if she continues to throw spanners in the works. If it does get sold on the block because of her delaying tactics, it should be a slam dunk.

  36. The Late P Brooks

    Mass murderer

    Bill Gates accused Elon Musk of killing poor children as he announced Thursday that he would donate his remaining fortune to his charity, the Gates Foundation.

    In a wide-ranging interview with the Financial Times, Gates addressed Musk’s recent cuts to the U.S. Agency for International Development, the federal agency responsible for distributing foreign aid around the world. Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency, known as DOGE, effectively shut down the agency in February.

    Gates, 69, criticized the shuttering of the agency, accusing Musk of risking a resurgence of diseases such as measles, HIV and polio.

    “The picture of the world’s richest man killing the world’s poorest children is not a pretty one,” he told the Financial Times.

    “I’d love for him to go in and meet the children that have now been infected with HIV because he cut that money,” Gates said of Musk.

    Fuck off, Gates.

    • Jarflax

      If Gates and his fellow Epstein customers would stop raping children, that might also help with preventing them from getting HIV.

    • Suthenboy

      Is this the same Bill Gates who holds a patent on a near 100% effective mosquito killing machine that would prevent millions of children dying from malaria but wont release the thing for mass production? That Bill Gates?

      Huh.

    • The Other Kevin

      I’m pretty sure Gates has some questionable vaccine-related things in his past, right?

      He’s also being dishonest here (I know, shocker) because some of those programs were moved under the State Department and were not defunded.

    • EvilSheldon

      The richer you get, the dumber your white guilt looks…

  37. The Late P Brooks

    “People will say a lot of things about me when I die, but I am determined that ‘he died rich’ will not be one of them,” Gates wrote in the blog post. “There are too many urgent problems to solve for me to hold onto resources that could be used to help people.”

    “That is why I have decided to give my money back to society much faster than I had originally planned,” he added.

    Fire up the helicopters.

    • Rat on a train

      He selling everything he owns?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’m sure he’ll shed everything and move into a shitty shotgun shack on the bad side of town in his twilight years. Fuck the fuck off Bill.

    • Urthona

      “Let’s see how many third worlders I can sterilize before I die”

    • Ed Wuncler

      That guy can fuck off.

      • Urthona

        Hopefully he suffocates in a pile of Scrooge McDuck coins.