Ah yes…I remember my first piss bottle.
This is my review of Švyturys Ekstra Premium Lager Beer:
I was in Iraq, in the Civil EngineerIng Squadron, and pretty much used to getting the shaft at that point being junior enlisted. This one drove me nuts though.
The project was to reconstitute about 50 TEMPER tents, pack them up and put them on pallets to be shipped to Kuwait. From there, it would ultimately be sent somewhere to Afghanistan to build a base there. No problem, thats pretty much what we trained to do throughout the year, right?
As it turns out, these things don’t have bathrooms. So to use the toilet you have to leave the tent, which requires you to put on shoes, maybe even a hat, definitely a reflective belt, and use the latrine a few hundred yards away.
As it also turns out, many people find this inconvenient. So they will typically get around this in one of two ways:
- Empty a bottle of Gatorade, and then fill it up. Or…
- Walk around the back and piss on the corner when nobody is looking.
Here is the problem with doing that. If you are in say…Iraq and its dry out, the ground is going to soak it right up so its dry again in an hour or so. The perfect crime? No. Do this multiple times you get a buildup of multiple layers of dried piss. It dries, reacts with whatever is in the dirt and crystalizes into a yellowish cake that ends up being several inches deep. This is disgusting enough before I describe the smell, but what really makes this a problem is the tent is constructed out of metal tubing and this can lead to corrosion.
The other part? Somebody has to pick up the discarded piss bottles hidden in every fucking crevice, flap, nook, and cranny they build into these things. Apparently I couldn’t just throw them away either. They had to be emptied first because burning human waste was verboten in Iraq. Which is hilarious because they burned damn near everything else. A task disgusting enough before I describe the smell.
So when I read about the Army’s first housing survey coming back with less than stellar feedback, I am reminded of every goddamn bottle of piss I had to empty when reconstituting tents for the Army and Air Force.
I’ll get straight to the to the point, this beer was not chosen for an article about piss bottles due to it being piss. Its not. Its a dull bodied Pilsner-style lager that very clearly states has extra hops for a more prominent aroma and taste. One that will not be subject to poor survey results unless of course the survey was conducted on the Germans. As we all know, the Germans are assholes a very proud people, but otherwise fear not from this beer from *checks notes* Lithuania. Švyturys Ekstra Premium Lager Beer: 3.1/5
That beer sounds like the first or second cousin to an IPA.
Not at all. It’s a pils, holds up pretty well to it’s German or Czech counterparts.
I’m glad to know you weren’t burdened with drinking something IPAish.
Your reviews are excellent Sharpie. I am not grading the beer, your opinion of the beer, just your writing. Very good Sir.
Sir, you’re too kind.
The story is very entertaining and I can relate. Ours was a 5 gallon bucket.
In a shed.
In a jungle.
Not far from the equator.
Do I need to describe the smell? It didnt matter that much anyway, everything there had it’s own special kind of stench.
Nah, I’m good.
We lived in Iraqi airforce barracks.
One guy never bothered to take them out of his room. He was found to have fifty or more under his bunk. The sloth of the average army guy knows no bounds.
Sounds like a guy I knew in college. He used 2 liter soda bottles.
Yeesh
Gross.
We have a lot of naval housing tracts in Pacific Beach but they dont smell like piss. Not many homeless either, you go downtown for that.
Those guys just piss in the ocean, or their asses.
Related:
https://babylonbee.com/news/popular-new-craft-ipa-just-bottle-of-pine-sol
Another good one from The Bee.
I bet if you poured a shot of gin into a beer, it might taste like a Pine-Sol IPA.
I have a bottle of this on my shelf. Even as a hop lover, it’s a rough pour.
“Nose: Hay, Lemon, pool cleaner, overly bitter”
Hard pass.
Ever had retsina?
As we all know, the Germans are assholes a very proud people,
🙂
but otherwise fear not from this beer from *checks notes* Lithuania.
Huh. I guessed poorly. I thought the Czech Republic.
You should have Czech’d the facts before you guessed.
RIP
It has been 30 years since the 55 MPH National Maximum Speed Limit law was repealed. The person most responsible for that – Gail Morrison – has just passed.
That was a big win for liberty!
I never knew who to thank for this until today.
Godspeed.
I got busted in early 1996 for doing 61 in a 55 by a cop that did t have a radar gun or paced me, he had gone to “traffic speed estimation school” that crap held up in traffic court even though he lied multiple times about the traffic and I pointed out his lies. Two weeks later the speed limit on that stretch went to 65.
He died young. I will never forget or forgive you officer Wiggans of the Idaho state patrol. Some time after busting me fraudulently he showed up at an injury crash in the same area and placed flares in a pool of spilt fuel. Thankfully it was diesel and not gasoline so he didn’t kill anyone but he was moved to the Powell stretch of highway 12 far from anywhere.
Rot in hell, asshole.
That’s no way to honor the memory of a dedicated public servant.
There’s a deputy in Malheur County I’m sure passed many years ago. I’m not grieving.
He had a thing for my girlfriend too.
Would pull her over to chat her up. Knew she was less than half his age.
It wasn’t Sammy Hagar?
@Suthen, from dedthred. Thank you for the compliment. I really love that chapter, and I loved writing Elliott, his transformation from a quiet boy who loved working in the dirt to casually ruthless commander.
“People write books about you”
“Yeah, but people read books about you”
Perfect. I am stealing that and will get a chance eventually to use it.
That’s one of my favorite lines in the book. 😊
Doesn’t it imply that people write books about the other character as well?
Yes. This is the passage:
This comes into play later also, because Elliott wasn’t a particularly good student, especially by comparison to his brother, his nephew, and Rafael, so it’s a bit of a sore spot.
The context does change the interpretation. Thank you.
Niall is Elliott’s brother, and Sandy is their nephew, although Niall and Sandy are about the same age. They have a law practice together. Sandy’s the solicitor and Niall’s the barrister. They were the ones who got Elliott acquitted of his treason charges.
Ahh, I remember the days of WW2 barracks at Ft Chaffee. Wood, 2 story, no AC, community toilets, either 6 or 8, for about 80-100 young GIs, (2 platoons) (1956). We had the same ones at Ft Gordon in ’61. Some of the troops were still living in them at FT Hood when I retired in ’76. On post NCOs had ‘cadre’ rooms.
As a married NCO in France we lived in luxury, 3 story, 6 apts to a stairwell but at least they were warm and came furnished with cockroaches. In Spain we had AF gov quarters,off post, named Royal Oaks (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/map-of-royal-oaks-spain–2322237293896559/)officers and EM had the same style, nice but we had to have our own AC for the bedroom. We lived in 52B
In VN living quarters were different in every place, squad tents or wooden buildings built by the engineers . I lived in a rented villa for 6-7 months, about 7-8 officers, pool table, fireplace. Swanky and combat pay
There were some of them left at Ft Jackson when I was there in 04. Unoccupied as far as I knew. My unit stayed in some but I can’t remember where they were, possibly Ft Polk for a night or two in 05.
“Ah yes…I remember my first piss bottle.”
That’s how you start a beer review.
Sometimes I put in real effort.
And some uncomfortable details.
“55mph. It’s not a good idea, it’s just the law.”
55mph did more than anything to crystallize my hatred of the nanny state and make me whatever the hell it is I am today.
*Ad campaign from the time:
55mph. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law.
It is, in many ways, the perfect example of the nanny state and the collectivist mentality. It was done out of malice. It is one of those ‘do what I tell you because I tell you to’ fiats that is meant to demean and humiliate people.
It also points out why the question ‘ Who is the worst president of modern times? ‘ is so hard to answer.
Yeah, Polk, I was there for 2-3 months, spring of ’57, Swift Strike, in the yellow barracks.
For Threedoor anyway
When I read through some of the conversations here where y’all talk about your lives i am reminded just how small the world is and how little most things change.
JRTC 2005
I doubt we crossed paths. Likely tread some of the same ground though!
It’s so small Suthen.
I was at BIAP (Baghdad international) one night about to get on the last bus of the night back to out temporary billeting, my buddy asked if it was the bus to Lightning Village, it was.
I commented “I was hoping it was the bus to Idaho.”
The only other person on the bus replied, “where in Idaho?”
Lewiston, I told her.
“What year did you graduate?”
96
“Do you know Matt Baney?”
Hell yeah, good friends from Jr high on.
“I was best friends with his sister Tara.”
No shit?!
Turns out I could see the house she grew up in from my parents back door. Never met her before Iraq. Never have I seen her since.
I got a speeding ticket in TX southbound on I-35. I explained that I was at work, didn’t make sense to be speeding.
Pleaded nolo contendre, I didn’t think I was speeding, paid the fine anyway of course.
“55 saves lives” is the one I remember.
So does 20 mph but I’m not signing up for that one either.
RJ’s Babylon Bee link:
There was a “craft brewery” in Livingston which produced a beer of exactly that type. It was like drinking pine scented car air fresheners.
So I was brainstorming an idea for a sportsball for one of my fictional universes. What I came up with sounds like some sort of rugby soccer hybrid, and I wanted to know if it already exists.
You have a field with a goal at either end and a short wall around the outside. Play starts with a face off where one player from each team has a hand on the ball while it is on the ground. At the signal, they attempt to gain possession and transfer it to any other member of their team. Once it is transferred by handoff, toss, or kick, the players may run, trow, or kick the ball towards their respective goal. Each goal has a goalkeeper and a semicircular line on the ground. Attempts on goal must be made from outside the line. If they make it from inside, the results don’t count. Players other than the goalkeeper are not allowed to attempt to intercept the ball inside the semicricle. Any attempt on goal regardless if successful or not triggers a new face off at the center of the field. If a ball carrier is pinned but retains possession (for example gets piled on), a face off takes place at the spot the pin happened. There are no timeouts, and while it is a full contact sport, you are not permitted to intentionally try to hurt the other players. If the score is tied when time runs out, victory goes to whoever scores the next goal.
Does it work, and does it already exist?
As a first pass, there’s no glaring faults I see. It would need to be fleshed out on what constitutes an “attempt on goal”, otherwise any forward pass/kick could be called an attempt on goal and trigger a face off at the center of the field. If there’s no timeouts, what happens in the case of injury? What qualifies as intentionally trying to hurt another player would also need to be clarified.
No timeouts called by teams/players. Injuries do stop the clock.
There is a lot of subjectivity for the refs. Given the culture for whom I’m designing it, I don’t think that’s as much of a problem. In-universe it’s played at least by cadets at a military academy. Their society isn’t at a hyper-regulated state as ours, and doesn’t have the mindset of “the rulebook must account for every possible situation so that they are always handled the same way.” Though I get where you’re coming from in terms of fairness and preventing gaming the system.
One of my hobbies had a game that started with no rules.
Eventually, they made two new rules.
First rule: Don’t make us make a rule.
Second rule: The first rule they were made to make.
Last I heard, they only had a limited number of rules mostly driven by safety concerns.
It has some similarities with Aussie rules but with goalkeepers. I don’t know about “Any attempt on goal regardless if successful or not triggers a new face off at the center of the field.” – that sounds like a lot of hustling back to the center circle.
So would you recommend that on an unsuccessful goal attempt, the goalkeeper gets to kick, throw, hand it off and play continues? To improve the flow of the game?
I think I would lean that way, yes.
Will players be allowed to spit on opponents? Will Karen be allowed to pilfer any ball that comes near her?
Does it work, and does it already exist?
Sounds like that game the Mayans played with human heads.
The Mayan ballgame was played with solid rubber balls, disallowed hands and feet, and the goals were hoops high up on the side wall.
TEMPER tent?
I think those are the ones we called an Air Mobile.
They don’t pay me to come up with names. I let marketing handle that.
The bank kept asking me for a tent. I was confused and so the manager came over to help.
“Sir, if you take out this short term loan, you have to pay temper tent interest.”
*checks day tank*
*closes kill switch*
*sets generator to run*
*pushes ignition*
*closes generator*
*lights Swiss signal*
https://www.foxnews.com/us/north-carolina-city-declares-itself-fourth-amendment-workplace-protect-illegal-immigrants-from-ice
lol, wut?
That’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see how it works out for them.
They might want to try not countenancing prosecutorial misconduct first.
I went to Durham twice to visit a relative… It seemed like a pretty nice place, but you could tell it was a lefty headquarters, possibly due to Duke University. A bunch of businesses had the most up-to-date trans pride flags in the front windows.
TDS + the Dems have been skin-suited by the most radical pro-crime among them.
It might keep the Party in power a little longer in those places but I don’t see it ending well in the long run.