Sometimes you see something you love go down a dark path and just don’t want them to fuck with it.
This is my review of Lake Pleasant Brewing Dunkel (really its just Dunkel):
Given our current Zeitgeist has absolutely no new ideas, they will once again have to go back to the archives and find something they can ruin entirely by attempting to change it to suit today’s culture. No, I am not talking about Running Man, but seriously how do you make a Schwarzenegger movie look like a cinematic classic?
What I am referring to, is the Stargate reboot:
Open up your iris and get ready to dial up some chevrons because Amazon MGM Studios is working on a new Prime Video series based on the Stargate franchise. Martin Gero, who worked on Stargate SG-1, Stargate: Atlantis, and Stargate Universe will serve as showrunner.
“I’m beyond thrilled that Amazon MGM Studios has entrusted me with guiding this incredible franchise into its next phase,” Gero said in a statement in a news release. “For those who’ve kept the gate active through conventions, rewatches, and unwavering faith — this one’s for you. And for those that are new to our world — I promise you’re in for something extraordinary.”
Oh dear, they’re rebooting a spinoff. This is going to bomb. Let we Glibertarians assist them in updating the show for the modern audience!
…After an alien attack on Gaza City perpetrated by humans from a planet populated entirely by Space Zionists, a emergency team tries to reopen the Stargate. The Stargate in Cheyenne Mountain no longer works. They’ve tried everything, including calling back now Senator Jack O’Neil to try to reboot it. He’s too old, too white, and too preoccupied with the genocide in Gaza to understand what the Stargate is feeling. Everyone at Cheyenne Mountain is confused and flabbergasted until they find out Lt. Col. Elizabeth Moss is the commander of the Security Forces squadron tasked with base security but did not previously realize what she was guarding the entire time. Yes, her rank insignia is correct but we’re going to ignore that everyone calls her Lieutenant for short in the pilot episode. Her feminist touch gets the electronic doo dads going, and the Stargate reopens with a spectacular whooooosh we are all too familiar but we meet what will become her companion (played by Zendaya) laying helplessly on the platform. Lt. Col Moss for some fucking reason, is the brave smart super strong arts master quintuple PhD chess genius who figured out how to use the gates and leads the first mission, but never had time for a family so this love interest with an undocumented immigrant can easily become a side plot. This works because fun fact: lesbian relationships are in fact accepted in AF culture, and have been for several decades (not joking). Also involved is her cat, Snarf—yes like Snarf from Thundercats
The planets? Okay lets throw out a few ideas besides evil Space Zionists:
- We can go full 80’s and have a Planet Russia
- Nazi planets are always popular
- A planet Fa’Gulus that is attacked by planet Nazi or an alternative planet populated by Space Christians
- Either planet’s army is commanded by a recurring character named B’osh or Chi’ney
- A handmaid planet plus the opposite tradwife planet—neither of which have toilets with a movable seat
Another potential recurring enemy will be a Goa’uld Elon Musk that has various evil plots, such a setting up abortion factories to power his EVs, as they were never fully EVs in the first place. His plot to decimate entire planet populations for such purposes is uncovered by the SG-1 team commanded by Commander Moss (because fuck AF ranks this is TV). Including missions from alternate Stargates funded by this Goa’uld Musk on Earth who keeps his immigration symbiote status secret. He takes over a planet called Phobos and routinely encounters the SG-1 team elsewhere in the universe. Other characters include Maj. General Samatha Carter, who is now a black woman. None of the women will wear their hair within regs. It will also need a “modern masculine” character played by Aaron Paul, who will probably be a Technical Sergeant complete with special forces credentials and jump wings but he will not wear the correct number of stripes or even be wearing jump wings…he gets the cool red beret though. Also included is a transwoman character, because somebody will need to be the SAW gunner and nobody believes Aaron Paul can actually pick up anything over 20 pounds. Secondary plot lines involving gender tracked symbiotes in the wrong host body and finding acceptance as they attempt to enslave humanity will be explored.
The FN P90 will continue to be the weapon of choice because Goa’uld armor is invincible except for the 5.7 round and Claymore mines. An entire parody channel on YouTube will be dedicated to explaining how none of the actors seem to have any idea how these weapons actually work. One of them will get a black eye from the optic and tell Jimmy Fallon about it.
What did I miss?
Wait so this one is just a Dunkel? No screwball name, no random cultural reference, just somebody that put Dunkel on the side of a simple can with German colors and called it a day? Correct. Its true to style, maybe a bit light but its still a bit warm out for something heavier. They just stuck to what works instead of rebranding something worse. Lake Pleasant Brewing Dunkel (really its just Dunkel): 3.7/5
Not Fourscore fortunately!
Missing beehives returned to 84-year-old Florida beekeeper after story goes viral
Guy buys next door property removes a bunch of hives from the wrong property. Rather than working to make things right doubles down on the stupid until the stupidity makes the local news. Also the guy he fucked over couldn’t be more sympathetic. This is FL so it does make sense however.
The I see it it’s mine attitude.
Must be a farmer.
Hives with bees are pricey but more than that, something an old guy can do.
Secondary plot lines involving gender tracked symbiotes in the wrong host body and finding acceptance as they attempt to enslave humanity will be explored.
Express train to Hitsville, baby.
They just stuck to what works instead of rebranding something worse.
Pffft. That’s not how you win awards.
Hassayampa! I will try this bier.
80’s Russians were the good guys, though.
Maybe Planet Reagan full of greedy capitalist fascists wearing suits and snorting coke. Since that would be awesome, it would also provide opportunities for Media Experts to write a bunch of “you stupid conservatives don’t get it, they’re actually making fun of you!” columns.
As long as we get Phil Collins
The real question is: Do the Reaganites Love Their Children Too?
Speaking of transphobia
When the Trump administration announced it was giving the green light to the design for a female crash test dummy, it was welcome news to the advocates who have long fought for better female representation in vehicle safety.
This dummy has been on a long journey. And she’s not at the end of the road yet.
Vehicle safety tests in the U.S. use crash test dummies based on a male body. Advocates say it’s no coincidence that women are more likely to suffer injuries in car crashes than men, even if you control for the severity of the crash and the size of the vehicle.
——-
In the early 2000s, regulators added a small “female” dummy to tests — but it was just a scaled-down version of the male dummy, with breasts attached. That doesn’t reflect the real anatomical differences between male and female bodies.
Protect our female crash dummy spaces!
I don’t know a thing about this. For these purposes, what are the important differences other than height and weight?
Male crash test dummies can pee standing up.
They’re having a hard time constructing an indestructible voice box so that the female dummy can bitch about how the male dummy should’ve seen the wall coming.
Dammit trshy!
Male crash test dummies are less likely to wear seat belts?
The dummy identifies as female. Don’t judge NPR.
Trans-women dummies are women dummies! Except when they aren’t! Or something!
It’s a good thing that there’s no biological difference between men and women, or does that only count for athletics?
Don’t forget the AF Wiccan prayer circle of rocks outside Denver.
They were so proud of that they had to have a three page article in Stars and Stripes back in 09 or 10.
I’m sure some AF lesbian general and her E4 promotable coven of lovers spent plenty of nights bleeding around it on a full moon.
You don’t hate the airforce enough. Or their ‘chaplains.’
https://www.usafa.af.mil/US-Air-Force-Academy-News/Commentaries/Commentary-View/Article/429378/why-building-falcon-circle-was-right-thing-to-do/
Forgot the recent link.
Adding a new dummy to the crash testing process will be costly — aside from the costs of development, individual dummies can each cost more than $1 million.
The new design also won’t necessarily represent all women; it has been criticized for being extremely small, rather than reflecting an average body size. Some safety groups have argued that using computer simulations, which can model bodies of various sizes, is a good way to diversify testing, although others say that having better real-life crash test data to feed into those models is essential.
Burn it all down.
Maybe Planet Reagan full of greedy capitalist fascists wearing suits and snorting coke.
Nice. Planet MBA Dealbro.
I do like that almost every planet with a gate is the pacific north west.
Hope you are not allergic to pine tree gizz.
“Either planet’s army is commanded by a recurring character named B’osh or Chi’ney.” That is laugh out loud funny. Great work MS.
And I’m glad you got to drink good beer.
They can’t all be bad
For these purposes, what are the important differences other than height and weight?
According to the article, the seat belts fit differently.
Bwoobs
Also involved is her cat, Snarf—yes like Snarf from Thundercats
NNNOOOOO!!!!!! Snarf deserves better than this.
Snarf deserves nothing but pain. He was worse than Scrappy Doo.
I’ll agree Snarf was bad, but this fate? I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
Neph gets it…
As long as they leave my beloved Snarfquest alone.
Including missions from alternate Stargates funded by this Goa’uld Musk on Earth who keeps his immigration symbiote status secret. He takes over a planet called Phobos and routinely encounters the SG-1 team elsewhere in the universe.
So a Leather God instead of a Leather Goddess?
Wait so this one is just a Dunkel? No screwball name, no random cultural reference, just somebody that put Dunkel on the side of a simple can with German colors and called it a day? Correct. Its true to style, maybe a bit light but its still a bit warm out for something heavier. They just stuck to what works instead of rebranding something worse. Lake Pleasant Brewing Dunkel (really its just Dunkel): 3.7/5
Sounds excellent.
Its quite nice
https://www.formula1.com/en/latest/article/it-obviously-cant-get-much-worse-than-that-hamilton-annoyed-after-qualifying.7h01iregNLnCxdjyl2Gvtg“> Time to hang up the helmet?
In the drier conditions in final practice, Hamilton had shown strong pace, ending that session fifth fastest.
Of the drop off in the wet, he added: “It’s very annoying, of course, because I felt in [FP3] that the car was feeling awesome. Honestly, I thought it was going to be a great day, but it’s turned out to be the worst. So it obviously can’t get much worse than that.”
I have no idea what’s going on there.
It’s hard to care.
No idea what I did with those tags, either.
almost every planet with a gate is the pacific north west.
They could shoot a couple of episodes in
ArizonaAbu Dhabi.It showcases just how nice the rest of the galaxy is.
Except that water planet. Booooriing.
This should have no impact on affordability
Tyson Foods will close a major beef plant in Lexington, Nebraska, with about 3,200 employees in January after U.S. cattle supplies dropped to their lowest level in nearly 75 years, the meatpacker said on Friday.
The closure in the heart of cattle-feeding country signaled that supplies will remain tight, forcing meatpackers to pay steep prices for cattle to process into steaks and hamburgers.
Beef prices have set records due to low supplies and strong demand, raising costs for consumers. President Donald Trump said last month that he was working to bring down prices.
Tyson said it will also reduce operations at a beef plant in Amarillo, Texas, to a single, full-capacity shift, affecting about 1,700 workers.
“Tyson Foods recognizes the impact these decisions have on team members and the communities where we operate,” the company said in a statement.
Maybe Trump will force them to keep it open.
Should have sold my Tyson stock when it hit $90.
Dividends are exactly what my losses are.
Minus taxes.
The tax man and the accountant win again.
after U.S. cattle supplies dropped to their lowest level in nearly 75 years
This doesn’t have anything to do with the insane price of land and equipment, not at all.
The vast majority of ranchers already own their land and equipment.
I don’t know what federal rangeland leasing is going for now. But they are getting nutty on restricting water.
Or corn subsidies, etc.
It has been 35 years since my last range management class, but the south produces most of the beef cattle. In Louisiana permitting is 1 AUM* per inch of rain per acre. In the American west permitting is 1 AUM per inch of rain per section**.
Fed lands require “base property”*** in the permitted land, some states require base property and others don’t.
* 1 Animal Unit Month (AUM) is 1 cow and 1 calf
** 1 section = 1 sq mile = 640 acres
*** base property is privately owned land
Oh, how I laughed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG7iLUX15CA
Huh. I never knew AMU granted doctorates. Makes sense when every CSM holds a masters degree in international relations and strategy.
Gustave, from the dedthread on MTG and why she’s dropping out:
I don’t know the real reason.
I doubt she will lose reelection. I think she will lose if she runs for higher office. But she can stay where she is as long as she wants.
I’ve seen some speculation on death threats. But, she’s been swatted. I think more than once. It was, if I remember correctly, back around the Summer of Floyd.
I’ve seen speculation about money. The claims are that her net worth went up quite a lot during her time in Congress and that she’s locked in for her pension. Though, she can’t touch her pension until she is in her 60s (62 I think). She’s 51 or 52. This is possible.
I’ve seen speculation that she is playing a long game to emerge unscathed once the MAGA infighting is over, thus setting herself up to take up the MAGA mantle again. This seems like a delusional take to me.
I think the only person that knows the real reason is MTG. And she’s probably going to tell anyone.
probably not going to tell anyone.
I’m not a fan of opportunistic quitting. Short of death or disability, you ran to serve a fixed term. You win, you’re locked in until it’s over. Don’t want the entire term? Don’t run for office.
Hey now I got my masters from them!
So how long does Arne Slot have a job?
0:3 to the other team I follow… ouch.
Sad news
Video obtained by News 9 shows the sprinkler malfunction, where thousands of bottles of alcohol were destroyed at a former New Hampshire Liquor and Wine Outlet location.
The fire suppression system experienced a significant discharge due to a mechanical malfunction in the early morning hours of March 5 at the now-closed location at 1100 Bicentennial Drive at North Side Plaza in Manchester, according to the New Hampshire Liquor Commission.
Nearly 10,000 bottles of alcohol were destroyed, which was valued at more than $181,500. Because the sprinkler system was treated with various chemicals and the inventory was exposed to the chemical mix, it could not be sold, the liquor commission said.
You can rinse them off.
I would.
Another Stargate? Set phasers to indifference.
Although, to be fair to MS, his idea would make for an excellent Thursday night movie.
Thursday? *kicks pebble*
Are you busy Thursdays?
Glibs night at the movies is the best night at the movies, it is known.
Yes, Thursday is leg day
This video is a spicey meat-a-ball:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHSLKpI0tj4
Tikkun Olam?
You’re an asshole.
And yet I’ve done more battle damage assessments of Israeli airstrikes on Lebanese Hezbollah expeditionary forces than you.
Koran 5:56 – truly the party of God are the victorious ones – Fa inna hezbollah hum al-ghalibun.
In totally unrelated to Stargate or beer news I put my Roman anchor stock back on the patio after a year in the weeds and my wife does not approve. “It can go.. for all I care.” Waved dismissively towards my scrap iron and car pile.
I has a sad. https://ibb.co/RTn7nGH0
That looks like a fine way to break an ankle.
Good thing I already have a fake ankle.
Which is junk.
It looks like part of a car suspension. Are you sure that’s an anchor?
Thats fucking cool!
I got my water bill today. Came with the city newsletter. Best news was the top headline “No increase in property tax rate for 2026 budget”. Won’t stop reassessments, but I’ll take what I can get.
Assholes jacked out property tax up another 13.2%.
For reasons.
Last year they added two new lines, county and school district “judgment”. Those went from a $1.10 and $2 to $10 and $15. No idea what the new fees are.
Roman anchor stock
That looks like a rope cleat.
They do.
https://www.worldhistory.org/image/6104/roman-anchor-reconstruction/