How North Florida Boys Become Men

by | Feb 16, 2026 | Florida, Florida Man Episodes | 127 comments

Sorry, guys, work and family precluded an original story in this slot, but I did want to relate the true story of what a former coworker of mine in Tallahassee called “The Redneck Bar Mitzvah”.

Just south of Tallahassee lies one of the largest by volume natural springs in the United States – Wakulla Springs has a flow rate of 200-300 million gallons per day. It has played the backdrop to several Tarzan films, Gene Hackman’s Night Moves, and the great creature feature Creature from the Black Lagoon.

In the swimming area around the springs, which are pretty deep (over 100 feet in some places), there is a diving tower, the high platform being 22 feet above the surface. When a North Florida Boy is ready to signal his journey to manhood has started, he gathers his courage and makes the leap – hopefully not belly-flopping – in front of all his friends and family.

Experiences & Amenities | Florida State Parks

After this, the young man is, of course, expected to begin doing extremely stupid things on ATVs, boats, and other motorized craft. He may or may not begin to make poor decisions in his interaction with local law enforcement. Each young man’s journey is different, but they start here.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of Americaβ€”Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

127 Comments

    • Ted S.

      I always play good music.

  1. Bobbo

    No biggie, now I have time to write pt 2

  2. Evan from Evansville

    There are the quarries near Bloomington, IN, where folk do the same. It’s apparently quite popular, but it never came up among my crew so I’ve never been. IIRC, some of ’em are 20-50 feet deep, and likely several deeper. [looks it up] Well. I was technically correct. So, go me!

    “Limestone quarries in the Bloomington, Indiana area commonly reach depths of 90 feet or more below the surface, as the Salem Limestone formation extends to significant depths.”

    Fun fact I remember, the Washington and Lincoln Memorials are built from Indiana limestone.
    Think about it.

      • Tres Cool

        +1 cutters

      • slumbrew

        That’s such a great movie that’s never on cable for some reason.

      • rhywun

        I *have* seen it cable and not too long ago*. I don’t remember which channel.

        I wasn’t even following it closely but I do want to catch it again – looks good.

        *The definition of this is more flexible than it used to be. Could by anywhere in the last 2 years, or 12.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Never seen it, but I certainly know of it and the Little 500. Never went to that either, and oddly, wasn’t hyped up much in town.

      • slumbrew

        Refund?!! Refund?!!

      • rhywun

        I didn’t know where that film was located.

        That town was also the location of a fellow I met “online” back when that meant “relay chat”.
        We spoke for eight hours on the telephone later but it didn’t go anywhere after I expressed further “interest”. lol oh well

        I think the kids call that “ghosting” now. So brat.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Huh. It won the Best Screenplay Academy Award, slightly more meaningful then. Didn’t expect that. But led me to Kramer v Kramer, which I’ve also never seen: “Kramer vs. Kramer explores the psychology and fallout of divorce, and touches on emerging and prevailing social issues such as gender roles, fathers’ rights, work-life balance, and single parents.”

        Yeah. I’ll get right on watching that.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, KvK has never in the least piqued my interest.

      • rhywun

        Oh fuck me I just remembered that my buddy who introduced me to “chat” at the school he attended in Buffalo (different from the school I attended in Buffalo) met a fella of his own whom he actually visited. Some dude at a school in… I have no idea where. Upper midwest I believe. MN, or a Dakota.

      • Evan from Evansville

        @rhy: There are many Bloomingtons. (Ten, I learn. IL, MN and IN, the biggest.)

        I assumed Springfield would be in the Top 3 of most common ‘towns,’ and it quickly became more complicated: “There are varying counts for the number of places named Springfield in the U.S., ranging from roughly 33 to over 90, depending on whether the source counts only incorporated cities or includes townships, populated places, and unincorporated communities. Popularly considered one of the most common town names, there is at least one “Springfield” in 35 different states. ”

        Springfield’s ‘accepted’ as #2, Washington #1 with 88. (Go Capitals? I respect Ovetchkin, but no.)

      • rhywun

        many Bloomingtons

        Also many Chinas. (TW: new age)

        I think it was Indiana because he described a large campus (“online” was pretty much a campus experience back then).

        I was wondering the same about “Newark”. Coworker mentioned a Newark, Ohio. I grew up near Newark, New York. I guess there is one in New Jersey too.

      • Gender Traitor

        Refund?!! Refund?!!

        + “-ini foods”

      • Tres Cool

        Breaking Away = Slapshot

        Change my mind.

    • cyto

      We used to go swimming at a quarry in NC. Huge cliff to dive off of. Supposedly 300 feet deep. Divers train there.

      The cliff is 3 Mississippi high. As in you jump and swing your arms around for balance. One…. two… three-brace. Maybe 2 plus a little Mississippi. In any event, dangerously high.

      Great fun. Pretty stupid too.

      • Evan from Evansville

        “The cliff is 3 Mississippi high.” I stopped for far too long to think of how you were comparing them to giraffe, whale or bananas in height or size. Confused, I got. Then reality slapped me. Like the other day when I couldn’t figure out how to padlock the dumpster area shut. (Boss ‘caught’ me in that dumbery.)

        Me very learned sometimes. Whoops. *Leared.

      • UnCivilServant

        Who counts units of time in mississippis? I thought that was a myth.

      • slumbrew

        I went to a quarry in Pennsylvania near my brother’s school (East Stroudsberg U) with that sort of height.

        You had to wear sneakers and ensure your arms were straight up or down, otherwise you’d get some nice bruises.

      • Pope Jimbo

        UCS:

        You ain’t one of those commies who uses “bananas” instead of mississippis when counting time are you?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Alligators (maybe not in FL).

      • UnCivilServant

        Jimbo, are you cracked in the head?

        Like all sane capitalists, I use a silent pause because I learned units of measure.

  3. SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

    Wakulla Springs is mentioned in the niche market book Roadside Geology of Tennessee by Mountain Press.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Great series. I think they do all fifty states.

      • dbleagle

        I guess Rhode Island is a tri-fold handout and Alaska’s looks like an encyclopedia.

      • Threedoor

        Rhode Island is a small County with two senators.

      • Fourscore

        Rhode Island is still bigger than these countries.

        Liechtenstein, San Marino, Monaco, Andorra, Malta, Luxembourg, and Cyprus

      • Bobbo

        Yes they do, great resource the the amateur geologist

      • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

        dbleagle:

        Rhode Island and Connecticut were combined in one issue. Unfortunately I believe currently out of print. New Hampshire and Vermont were similarly combined. My wife and I have been getting them for years. It’s amazing how both the knowledge and especially the graphics have changed over the years.

      • dbleagle

        I have HI, AZ, WY, WA, and MT. They are a great resource.

      • Threedoor

        I would rather RI be an independent ration than have two senators vote to lock up more land in Idaho.

  4. cyto

    Swimming in the spring is amazing. Where the water comes in it is crystal clear. There are springs and rivers all over north Florida like that. It is so clear it looks like the bottom is right there, even if it is 30+ feet deep. Amazing.

    • rhywun

      I have a vivid memory from about a thousand years ago of something like that – a swimming hole in one of the gorges that feed the Finger Lakes. Watkins Glen, I think.

      My mom’s boyfriend in those years was an asshole but to his credit he did like to travel.

  5. cyto

    Kramer vs Kramer is fantastic. Prepare to cry.

    Breaking Away is also fantastic. Kelly Leak from bad news bears is great in this too. (Jackie Earl Haley) Maybe better known to the younger folk as Rorschach from the Watchmen

    • Evan from Evansville

      “Prepare to cry.” That’s not sellin’ it. Why would people go to see a sad flick? Movies can *be* sad, sure, but (to use an easy one) Schindler’s List had a bigger story to show and share. I’m not seeing the bigger story behind a nasty divorce. And I’ve never been married! Why the hell would a couple go to see that?! Is the outing a therapy sesh? Is the director trying to warn ya, or show ya ‘what’s right?’ Or is it a solo flick? *rips hair out*

      Cursory search of “best sad films” and Schindler’s the only one I’ve seen, and have no desire to see the others. I’m sure there are many sad movies I enjoy. Depending on how we’re defining it, natch. The Never-Ending Story *does,* for instance.

      • cyto

        The best sad movies start out as fantastic comedies. Beaches. Steel Magnolias. And maybe the greatest: Terms of Endearment.

      • rhywun

        Miracle Mile for me. Starts with rom-com, ends with apocalypse.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I honestly plead ignorance of all three, though I’ve heard of ’em.

        Huh. Young Mayim Bialik’s in Beaches. She was Blossom?! Never seen that, either.

  6. Fourscore

    “Each young man’s journey is different, but they start here.”

    Each person’s journey is different but we all end in the same place. A lot of of crooked roads, a few good turns hopefully. We persevere and then it’s over.

    Even Ol’ Yogi knew that…

  7. Muzzled Woodchipper

    After this, the young man is, of course, expected to begin doing extremely stupid things on ATVs, boats, and other motorized craft.

    If he really wanted to be irresponsible he’d learn how to dive in the caves, which go much deeper than 100’.

    WKPP explorers Irvine, Jablonski and Brent Scarabin, on open circuit scuba, traveled 10,000 feet/3,048 meters from the cave entrance into the inner reaches of Wakulla Springs, maintaining an average depth of 285 feet/87 meters. November 30, 1996: The WKPP duo of Rick Sankey and Brent Scarabin set a world penetration record of 14,104 feet/4,299 meters in the Chip’s Hole system in northern Wakulla County, Florida. They also added 3,165 feet/965 meters of line to the legendary Sheck Exley’s great effort of 1989. For all practical purposes, they were more than 15,000 feet/4,572 meters from the nearest usable exit.

    https://www.gue.com/exploration-history-wkp

    We met one of those divers who gave a presentation to our university SCUBA club (FIU) in 98 or 99. He had all sorts of video. Dude needed a dump truck to haul around his ball sack.

    • Chafed

      That explains his penetration record.

      • Tres Cool

        /sensible chuckle

    • cyto

      Seriously. That sounds awesome. And like all of the nope in the world.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        I was never able to get cave certified, though I wanted to real bad, but I’ve spent a lot of time in caverns that are all over north Florida. Fun stuff.

    • rhywun

      As God as my witness, I thought turkeys couldn’t sink.

  8. rhywun

    Clinton raged that Trump has β€œbetrayed the West” and is seeking β€œunaccountable power” by β€œmodeling himself” after Russian President Vladimir Putin, during a panel discussion at the high-profile forum in Germany.

    Yet another US nobody playing “elite” in Munich.

    It’s supremely enjoyable watching (some of) Europe wipe the floor with our retarded has-beens and their insane ramblings and non-sequiturs.

    • cyto

      Trump completely broke their reality. They used to speak in well-rehearsed sound bites. Now, they spew undiluted partisan hatred in every circumstance, for evey question. All of the establishment has come unglued. Left and right. Even Fetterman gives them this reaction these days.

  9. Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    There is a spot on the Lester River in Duloot called “The Deeps”. The kids jump jump from the surrounding cliffs into “The Deeps”. Every other year somebody bounces of the cliff rather than hitting the water.

    • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      off of

    • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

      Ouch.

      Did any of them survive?

      • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        A few.

    • Tres Cool

      natural selection

    • Fourscore

      Now that everyone carries a camera there will be some interesting videos of those that almost made it.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Nick:

      We used to do a multi-family camping trip to the North Shore each year. When the kids were little, they would jump into Lake Superior from a cut in the shore at Gooseberry State Park. It was 10-15 feet high and they thought it was so cool.

      As they got older, they graduated to jumping into the falls at Tettagouche State Park from a small cliff. That was probably 20′ high, but it wasn’t a sheer cliff, so you had to jump out a way to hit the deep pool.

  10. Tres Cool

    “The WKPP duo of Rick Sankey and Brent Scarabin set a world penetration record ….”

    Once in NYC I think I saw World Penetration Record was being filmed at MONSTER in the village.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      STEVE SMITH ONLY MONSTER HOLD WORLD PENETRATION RECORD.

    • Evan from Evansville

      “The Monster’s interior consists of a multi-level gay haven with a mix of vintage Lalique chandeliers and the famous mirrored staircase. ”

      I’d take my lines like a man in the restroom over such inclusionary steps.

    • rhywun

      lol I may have been to that piano bar.

      I have a buddy of the heterosexual persuasion who can recall the location of every nite club, dance club, goth club, dive bar we’ve ever visited.

      I have little to no memory of any of them unless reminded.

  11. Threedoor

    Site not showing which posts are new on refresh.

    Looks good though.

    • UnCivilServant

      I thought that was just me. It does slow down my commenting.

      • rhywun

        Yeah I’m back to searching by time for new stuff. I need help.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Don’t you hear the call of the Commenting gloves? They yearn for your warmth. They promise haste, a happy ending for all.
        (They may have gotten stuck together with their neighbors, but they can squiggle out, I’m sure.)

      • rhywun

        OTOH, the weirdly immediate response after posting a comment is interesting side-effect.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, the ones at the bottom of the thread are easy to find. A new comment in the middle sort of blends in when not highlighted.

    • Pope Jimbo

      I’ve noticed that following a link no longer opens in a new tab/window.

      Not whinging, just reporting something I’ve noticed.

  12. Evan from Evansville

    The Left is actively encouraging situations to produce more martyrs for the midterms. The younger and more ‘innocent,’ the better. On the other hand, I gotta say. OTOH, Trump and the ‘Right’ get *handed* more material for ‘Look at MORE of this shit we’re warning you about!’ to continually throw at ’em.

    “Rhode Island hockey shooter ID’d as transgender father
    Pawtucket Police Chief Tina Goncalves said that Dorgan, 56, also uses the alias Roberta Esposito.
    The 56-year-old father, who shot family members and a family friend before he turned the gun on himself following the deadly rampage at the Pawtucket ice rink, used the alias Roberta Esposito, Pawtucket Police Chief Tina Goncalves said during a press conference Monday night.”

    Wow. It’s all disgusting and a remarkably, remarkably fucked up killer. Damn. In his “It’s MA’AM!” outfit, it’s about as non-passing as one can get.

    • rhywun

      Mercy… not another one.

  13. Pope Jimbo

    Brett, I like this story.

    When I was growing up, my hometown had several city beaches. On one end, there was a giant slide that was completely in the water. It also had a giant log that was chained in about 5′ of water. As summer went on, the log got slimier and slippier each day. I have no idea how many injuries happened on that log because we all tried to get on it and log roll it like a lumberjack. This beach is where most of the young kids swam.

    On the other end of the city beaches was a big diving platform. The top deck was at least 20′ high. The bottom deck was just a few feet above the water.

    At the beginning of each year, a new crop of youngsters would decide that they were big enough to jump from the top deck. They’d climb up to the top and try to work up their courage to jump. Anyone who tried to chicken out and climb down the ladder would be screamed at. “NO CLIMBING DOWN THE LADDER!!!!” Every kid who had already passed the test would scream it. It was implied that a kid who still tried to climb down would be met with violence.

    In early summer, you could drive past the beach and see 10-20 little kids all huddled up on the top deck trying to work up their nerve. Eventually the new crop of kids would jump and get over their fear. You could see the newly minted jumper swagger back up the ladder to lord it over his classmates who hadn’t jumped yet.

    By the end of the summer, people would still mob up on the top of the tower. Not because they were afraid to jump anymore, but because of the opposite. Anyone who got too hot and jumped first became the target for everyone else to “bomb”. Everyone would leap off the rails like a pack of lemmings and try to get as close to others below as they could. Again, I’m sure there were multiple injuries because of this each year.

    • Pope Jimbo

      My parents were from Hastings, MN (where the St. Croix and the Mississippi join). During visits there, the locals would take me out to a railroad bridge over the Mississippi and jump in. That had to have been about 30′ high. The height wasn’t the big deal though, it was the current of the river that was scary.

      Growing up around lakes, the impact of current was new to me when it came to swimming. Once I figured out that you just had to go with the flow, it was no big deal.

      First time I jumped from there, all the relatives there were impressed. My dad told me how he had done the same thing when he was a kid. Felt pretty special.

  14. Sean

    Happy fastnacht day!

    πŸ©πŸ˜€πŸŒ€οΈ

    I celebrated. Coworker supplied from his church, baked fresh.

    Plain, no sugar. Yummy.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkITsv3Nk6M

    • UnCivilServant

      I thought that was a night where you didn’t eat.

    • rhywun

      “almost night”?

    • Rat on a train

      fascist night?

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, U, rhy, Roat, Ted’S., and Grumble!

      Laissez les bons temps rouler!

      • Gender Traitor

        Let the good times roll! : D

        I miss my emojis. : (

      • UnCivilServant

        There has to be a way to do them. I just don’t know what they are at the moment.

      • rhywun

        Mornin’.

        Yer on Linux now? Can’t help you there.
        But yeah, there is certainly a way.

      • Gender Traitor

        πŸ˜ƒ I found the character map!!!

      • Gender Traitor

        πŸ₯³

      • Ted S.

        πŸŽ‰

  15. UnCivilServant

    I thought it was an hour later than it is.

    Wondered where you all were hiding?

    • Ted S.

      I’m where I always am.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, of course imaginary people are always in the imagination.

    • rhywun

      Sitting here for hours listening to the neighbor’s dog barking, howling, and crying.

      The landlord is going to get a stern talking-to today. I can’t put up with this shit anymore.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I had the same problem not long ago. I bet our dog-owning neighbors were of the same demographic, not that that will make any difference to the landlord.

      • rhywun

        Chinese grad students?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        PS. Six months’ notice from you to them?? Is that legal?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        About that age, I guess. Mine also ignored the food deliverers pounding at her door.

      • rhywun

        It wasn’t in NYC.

        I don’t know the laws upstate. But six months is ridiculous. It’s all grad students and a handful of (very) oldsters so I guess it makes it easier for them.

  16. Grumbletarian

    Less gator wrasslin’ than I expected.

  17. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    TALL MARDI GRAS CANS!

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      πŸ₯ž 🍯

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s almost time to Re-Lent?

    • Ted S.

      Anyone celebrating in Hymietown?

      • Tres Cool

        Maybe now that illegitimate kid his coalition paid for will get recognized.

      • Ted S.

        That’ll happen about the same time as Joe Biden’s granddaughter.

      • Rat on a train

        Joe would recognize her if she smelled better.

    • Not Adahn

      NPR declared him “sometimes controversial” but gave ZERO examples of said controversies in their eulogy.

    • Rat on a train

      I know we’re in the middle of a combat mission but I just hit my hours.

    • rhywun

      Meanwhile I haven’t been paid anything resembling overtime in decades.

      Wahhhh

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve been exempt since 2011.

    • UnCivilServant

      Simple solution – Withdraw ireland from all the Euro-slavery treaties. Then throw out the non-irish invaders.

  18. Not Adahn

    Good morning!

    I am tired. The older I get the more conflict-abhorring I become, and the longer I work in a job with a complete expectation of honesty, the more being lied to enrages me.

    Action pistol drama-lies encounted last night before bedtime, so I am tired.

    • UnCivilServant

      I do not understand people who live for drama and dishonesty. It takes so much more effort.

      • Not Adahn

        Two of the people who quite (one of which quite three times!) apparently UNquit, and took over the program. They claim they didn’t kick me off of Practiscore but golly gee shucks, they just can’t add me back ’cause they don’t know how. Even though they have done exactly this before.

        Also they decided we’re using a new ruleset from these guys: https://galacticpistolalliance.com/

        A full page of their 13-page rulebook is dedicated to abusing math, and they have a classification system (which is the purpose of abusing the math ) with “Platinum” at the top and “Pew-pewter” at the bottom, which is not cringe at all.

      • UnCivilServant

        What’s the process to expell them from the club entirely?

      • Not Adahn

        Even if I were that level of aggressive, I don’t know if I have the political base to pull that off.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Far too many rely on it like a vampire needs blood.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      [T]he longer I work in a job with a complete expectation of honesty, the more being lied to enrages me.

      The lies that bother me most are when the fork tongue knows that everyone in the room knows it’s a lie, but does it anyways. This is most of the corporate media, and almost every politician.

      • Not Adahn

        The South has a vocal register that is “I’m lying, you know I’m lying, I know you know I’m lying, but can we all please pretend that I’m not so that things go smoother?”

        If that exists here, I haven’t developed an ear for it.

  19. rhywun

    Fox socon idiots drooling over Australia’s social media ban.

    “Now parents can just tell their kids it’s against the law!” πŸ€¦β€

  20. Sean

    So, it’s quite nice the formatting has been fixed. buuuut it now seems like new posts aren’t flagged as new…

    • Ted S.

      You need to be more stoic…

      • Sean

        That’s Friday.

    • rhywun

      Yeah, same problem affects Monocle. I think slum is on it.

      • rhywun

        But if there’s nothing for the JS code to target because of a WP issue it will probably have to wait πŸ™

      • Sean

        πŸ™