Monday Afternoon Linksssss

by | May 15, 2023 | Daily Links | 235 comments

Well, the crawler is standing up and threatening to walk. So expect stories next week of how the two littles got put down and took off in different directions. My recollection is that once it happens, unsteady steps turn into full-bore sprints nearly immediately. And the two year old is taking off his diaper and standing in front of the toilet. Usually immediately after he soaks the diaper. So we have an order of operations issue, but at least he isn’t going the messiest order first.

I am unshocked by this report that says an unmonitored channel of false reality given to your child is not good for them. Obviously, monitoring is the key to any media your child consumes in any medium. This seems to be the middle way.

I love this guy, he’s crazy as a sprayed roach.

Florida Man, I’m unsure what to do with this. Pretty sure I’d rather be facing a possession of a firearm by convicted felon charge than a dude with a machete bare-handed.

Remember folks, cows and pigs are on the same team.

 

Kind of a bummer of a song, but pretty.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

235 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    The goggles do nothing!

  2. Count Potato

    Ye was wearing those the other day with Q-worthy gf.

  3. Count Potato

    Well, you could use your own machete. You do have one, right?

    • The Gunslinger

      I do actually. It’s quite dull.

      • cyto

        True story:

        I bought a machete after the wife and I took one of those cheap 3 day cruises to the Bahamas. The free day on the island we went to the beach. There was a guy with 2 big containers of mixed drinks selling coconut cup drinks for $20… free refills all day! Boom, done deal.

        So he grabs a green coconut and a machete and deftly chops it into a cup in less than a minute.

        We have coconut trees, so I rushed home to try it. Brand new machete in hand, I picked up a fallen coconut and gave it a chop, as I had seen him do.

        Yeah, no. It just bounced off. Didn’t even make a slight cut.

        15 years later, I still have not figured out how to chop one of those things, and opening coconuts is still crazy difficult.

      • Fatty Bolger

        You need a sharper machete.

      • Mojeaux

        Coconuts pre-scored.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Trick coconuts.

      • Bobarian LMD

        He puts them back together for the next day’s customers.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Don’t forget the trashcan lid shield and phone-book armor.

  4. Drake

    35-year-old Bruce Brooks, who was sleeping in the home’s carport.

    Do not disturb Florida Man in his natural habitat.

  5. Count Potato

    “When they plot the age of first smartphone on the X axis against their extensive set of questions about mental health on the Y axis, they find a consistent pattern: the younger the age of getting the first smartphone, the worse the mental health that the young adult reports today.”

    Correlation is not causation. It could be parents who let their kids gets get a phone at a younger age are also worse parents in general.

    • Brett L

      I assume it is a symptom and not the cause, yes. Allowing your child a firehose to a highly curated and airbrushed adult world with little supervision is probably not worse for them than, say, growing up in a shitty neighborhood with parents/guardians who aren’t around or are too out of it to function.

    • Count Potato

      “What changed in the early 2010s that could have rapidly reduced the mental health of teens around the world, with a bigger impact on girls?”

      tumblr?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thots became a thing

      • Count Potato

        Also, using self-diagnosed mental illness to seem special.

      • Count Potato

        “We must also always consider that there could be “third variables” that cause both of the first two variables to rise. In this case, one plausible confounding third variable is permissive parenting. Perhaps permissive parents (in each country) simultaneously do two things: they give their kids smartphones at very young ages, and they also give them few boundaries and little structure, which then interferes with development and produces struggling young adults. While this hypothesis is plausible and should be investigated, it is not clear how it would explain the fact that, in all the regions studied, it is the girls who show a tighter connection between early phone acquisition and later mental health problems, just as it is the girls who show a tighter connection between heavy social media use and concurrent mental health problems. Nor would it explain why mental health dropped so rapidly in the early 2010s (especially for girls) if permissive parenting (or some other variable about family life) was the real culprit.”

        It was mostly girls who used tumblr, and photo-based social media such as IG is going to affect girls more than boys because girls care more about how they look.

      • Pat

        That, plus women in general are over-represented across the board when it comes to mental health diagnoses, with the most common explanation being that they are more likely to seek help than men.

      • cyto

        30 years ago I came across a couple studies under the heading “intelligence and blondes”.

        The researchers noticed that blonde women were more likely to be diagnosed with depression than other hair colors. Since this defied logic, they set up a study.

        After testing, they found that mental health clinicians were likely to overestimate the intelligence of attractive people. So they said this was likely the origin of the “dumb blond” stereotype. We subconsciously associate intelligence with attractiveness… so when you expect them to be smarter than average and they turn out to be average, you perceive this as being dumb.

        In the clinical setting, it meant that blond women who underachieve at work are diagnosed with depression when the reality is that they are just dumb.

    • The Other Kevin

      Some of the parents I know give their kid a phone or tablet so they don’t have to deal with them. So the lesson is, be an annoying little asshole, and as a reward you get to feed your dopamine addiction. You make a good point.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Looks like we’ve seen the same thing.

      • Rat on a train

        “We’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas.”

    • Fatty Bolger

      Yeah, had the same thought. Because a lot of less than stellar parents get their kids smart phones as babysitting devices, so the kids will leave them alone.

      • R C Dean

        Assuming the quality of parents hasn’t declined, that still leaves smartphones as the variable correlated with mental illness. Maybe smartphones let bad parents be worse parents, but it’s still smartphones that have changed, not parents. Assuming the quality of parents, etc.

      • EvilSheldon

        Assuming that the quality of parents hasn’t declined…is not an assumption I’d make.

      • slumbrew

        synchronized, gendered, and global decline in teen mental health.

        That seems relevant – “bad parents adopt new tech” doesn’t explain why girls are doing so much worse than boys.

  6. Pat

    Remember folks, cows and pigs are on the same team.

    I’m a cat person

    • Rat on a train

      I thought it was cows and chickens that teamed up to nuke Japan.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Some animals are more equal than others.

  7. Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

    Kanye is looking a bit Chubye.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      How dareye!

  8. DEG

    He has been charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.

    I’ll say it: I wouldn’t convict. Once your sentence is done, all rights are restored.

    • Sean

      I wanna agree…but face tats…

      • Count Potato

        You want to explain that to Mike Tyson? 🙂

      • Rat on a train

        I like my ears.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Dude is a chatty Kathy though. He lives up sorta near me and every once in a while run into him at a Vons…

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        The idea of Tyson shopping a Vons, now that is pretty funny.

        He seems like a Grocery Outlet kinda guy.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yep…but slapping that Scarlet Letter on folks is what we do best

    • Pat

      I’m of two minds. In principle I agree, but as a practical matter I’m OK with the restriction or the graduated restoration of certain rights as a condition of release for certain types of crimes. If you’re coming off an armed robbery conviction, maybe we want to see how you adjust to life on the outside before we hand you your guns back. If you’re coming off a vehicular homicide conviction, maybe we want you to stick with public transportation for a while.

      • Rat on a train

        I don’t have a problem with conditions on parole that don’t extend beyond the original length of sentence. “You are released early on these conditions.” The probationary restrictions should be relevant.

      • DEG

        I don’t have a problem with conditions on parole that don’t extend beyond the original length of sentence.

        That’s OK.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        If you’re coming off an armed robbery conviction, maybe we want to see how you adjust to life on the outside before we hand you your guns back.

        I’m more black and white about it. Either a person is fit to live peacefully in society or they are not. No need to give it a trial period (that’s what the time period before the crime was for).

        I get it’s not popular here, but I also think armed robbery should be a capital crime, leaving the question of reintegration moot. There should be very few cases of prolonged jail time needed beyond a holding cell for trial. I’m thinking victimless crimes are stricken from the books, non-violet crimes and minor violent crimes (bar fights, battery, etc) are served with restitution to the victims and corporal punishment, and serious violent crimes with intent receive a capital sentence. I get the libertarian arguments against capital punishment, but it’s unclear to me how that makes locking someone in a cell for 50 years and robbing me to pay for it somehow libertarian instead.

        Such a system would require a complete restructure of the justice system, including very liberal self defense protections, Defense gets the same budget as prosecutor, withholding of evidence or altering evidence by prosecution is automatic penalty of same sentence the accused is facing, and no judge may have prior experience as a prosecutor. Much more needed of course, but that’s a start.

      • robc

        Defense gets the same budget as prosecutor

        Public defenders should be drawn from the same pool as district attorneys. Either they all do a stretch as a defender, or literally defenders are drawn at random from the DA office.

      • R C Dean

        I like the random drawing, but I’m thinking it might lead to conflicts of interest problems.

      • robc

        I agree. In theory, you only need one attorney, who could present all the evidence to the jury in an unbiased manner, question all the witnesses, etc.

        But yeah, that is even less likely to work.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Why pull punches? Just go to the French model and have a single judge investigate the alleged crime from the start.

      • EvilSheldon

        I like this, assuming the district defenders are graded by the same ‘percentage of wins’ metric as the district attorneys.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        I don’t have a problem with that, in fact I think it is the most libertarian I have heard in a while. The issue comes down, in my eyes, to convincing people what is and is not a violent crime. And we are seeing this play out in real time in cities right now.

      • Bobarian LMD

        You voted for Trump, you violent motherf**ker!

      • Pat

        I’m more black and white about it. Either a person is fit to live peacefully in society or they are not. No need to give it a trial period (that’s what the time period before the crime was for).

        I generally come down on the side of harsher sentences for real crimes as well. I’m also not against the death penalty, although I do think it should be employed cautiously owing to its finality and inability to be remedied in the case of wrongful conviction. On the other hand, not all crimes of violence are quite equal. In cases where there’s a chance for rehabilitation, that’s where I’d be more OK with conditional release. Although I do agree with Rat on a train that those conditions should be understood up front rather than blanket provisions for all convictions.

      • R C Dean

        “inability to be remedied in the case of wrongful conviction”

        Yeah, that 20 years you were locked up before the DNA evidence cleared you? You’re not getting that back.

      • Pat

        Shawshank is still a more hopeful story than The Green Mile though.

    • Rat on a train

      “Romney didn’t win, did he?”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He did his job of delaying, obfuscating, and keeping people’s hopes up while achieving pretty much not a damn thing.

      • Sensei

        Winner!

      • DEG

        Trust the plan.

  9. Certified Public Asshat

    I love this guy, he’s crazy as a sprayed roach

    And you know who else this guy loves…

  10. R.J.

    I didn’t even notice Ye’s leggings. I was too busy staring at the futuristic trash bag shirt he had on.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ye was in that photo?

      • Sean

        ^^

      • rhywun

        Geez, even I was starting at the thot.

      • R.J.

        Now you can’t unsee the shirt?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Her shirt was amazing.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        It really pops out at you, doesn’t it?

      • Bobarian LMD

        It’s on point with her cell phone carrier.

  11. UnCivilServant

    Remember folks, cows and pigs are on the same team.

    So, what you’re saying is, it’s time for Barbecue?

    • Mojeaux

      That was my first thought *she says as she bites into sausage with BBQ sauce*

  12. Certified Public Asshat

    Excelsior Pass costs ballooned to $64 million and keep rising

    It would be built by IBM, and it would cost $2.5 million.

    Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo pitched it in March 2021 as a key to reopening New York’s economy amid the damage wrought by the COVID-19 pandemic, a tool that would bring New York “one step closer to reaching a new normal.” Nine months later — after Cuomo’s resignation — Gov. Kathy Hochul celebrated the technology’s “transformative impact on our economy.”

    In October 2021, Sandra L. Beattie, then deputy director of the state Division of the Budget, called it an example of successful government-run technologies in an informational “blueprint” on the app that New York was touting to other states: “When the public sector shirks its duty to innovate and modernize, citizens are the ones who lose out,” she said.

    The state decided early on to outsource the work on the app. While that aspect of the project didn’t change, the stated cost to taxpayers definitely did, and quickly: In June 2021, the New York Times noted that the pass would actually cost $17 million; a follow-up report two months later indicated that price tag had grown to as much as $27 million.

    More than two years after Cuomo’s initial announcement, the payments to private companies for the app have multiplied well beyond that figure, even as the waning of the pandemic means the Excelsior Pass is rarely if ever used — and opens the related question of how many booster shots are needed to be “up to date” according to the app. The current cost is $64 million, a previously unreported sum that includes funds paid to IBM as well as to two consultants on the project, Boston Consulting Group and Deloitte, according to records obtained by the Times Union.

    • kinnath

      Grifters gonna grift.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Exactly the correct clip

    • rhywun

      I had no idea that was still a thing. In fact, I had forgotten completely about it since about a week after it was announced.

    • Ted S.

      I hope UCS got some of that money.

      • UnCivilServant

        Nope.

        Whenever that gabage came up in an all-hand meeting, I had to walk out in disgust, which had less impact since it was a webex meeting.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Looks like Deloitte found a way to cash in by doing…well, “consulting.”

    • pistoffnick

      Thank you!

      If you hadn’t, I would have…

  13. Pat

    Supreme Court says Alabama inmate can be killed by untested nitrogen hypoxia

    May 15 (UPI) — The U.S. Supreme Court on Monday ruled that an Alabama death row inmate should be allowed to die by nitrogen hypoxia, the state’s new method of execution, after the state failed to execute him last November with a lethal injection of drugs.

    Kenneth Smith was convicted and sentenced to death for the 1988 murder-for-hire case of Elizabeth Dorlene Sennett, a pastor’s wife who was fatally stabbed and beaten.

    During his botched execution six months ago, Alabama Department of Corrections workers could not start an intravenous line for the lethal injection of drugs before midnight, expiring the warrant.

    Smith’s legal team said the state should use the unproven nitrogen hypoxia. Nitrogen hypoxia, or nitrogen suffocation, is a method of forcing someone to inhale pure nitrogen, or nitrogen in much higher concentrations than are present in the atmosphere.

    While the method was approved by Alabama, it has never been used or tested, and Smith would become the first inmate in the country to be executed with this method if Alabama moves forward.

    I guess we’ll find out if Exit International and The Peaceful Pill Handbook were full of shit all these years or not.

    • The Other Kevin

      If it were me I’d push for execution by helium.

      • kinnath

        Pump them full of heroin. They should have plenty of that in stock.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        In all seriousness I don’t see why they don’t do that or an enormous dose of fentanyl.

      • Pat

        Helium, nitrogen and argon are all pretty much interchangeable for this purpose and have all been used and/or recommended by pro-suicide groups.

      • Rat on a train

        Helium is much more expensive than nitrogen.

      • The Other Kevin

        True, but it would lighten the mood.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        As you squeak right on out of this world

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        And the executioner would be called Squeaker for the Dead

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        You should put up a trial balloon.

    • Tundra

      An ME I know said helium is the way.

      • Pope Jimbo

        He just wanted a good laugh when the convict had his last words in a funny squeaky voice.

      • EvilSheldon

        My (ex-) psychologist suggested nitrous oxide, and also hooked me up with the recipe for making my own from easily available drugstore chemicals.

        I oughta look Jack up, we lost touch when I moved out of Maryland.

      • slumbrew

        huh, didn’t realize he passed over a decade ago

      • slumbrew

        I assume you were talking about this guy, but I don’t get the Maryland connection.

        If you weren’t…

        Dude, is there anything you wanna talk about?

      • EvilSheldon

        Nope, completely different Jack. He was a behavioral psychologist who worked with…I guess ‘the criminally insane’ is as good a term as any, for the Maryland Department of Public Safety. Also a member of my gun club when I lived in MD. Good dude.

        It’s kinda strange, I don’t have a whole lot of respect for the profession of psychiatry, but the shrinks I do get along with are the ones who work with the Hannibal Leckter types. I don’t know how much I want to dig into this…

    • R.J.

      I would like for executions to be performed by a 10 ton weight, like in Monty Python.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I thought Python was being chased off a cliff by topless women.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      And the state is supposed to be good at killing people.

      • UnCivilServant

        Only when it’s stated objective is otherwise.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Death by Covid Vaccine.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Seems like that would sidestep a lot of the issues they have sourcing the drugs right now.

      • Pat

        That’s been one of the main selling points ever since nitrogen asphyxiation was first proposed as an alternative execution method clear back in the ’90s.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    When the public sector shirks its duty to innovate and modernize, citizens are the ones who lose out,” she said.

    Ow, my brain.

  15. Count Potato

    “Chucky star Ed Gale ‘harassed’ people he thought were under-age teens with sexual text messages, they have claimed, after the Hollywood star was caught sexting with what he thought was a 14-year-old boy in a predator sting by YouTubers.

    Screenshots posted online allegedly show Gale texting minors as young as 12 with messages including ‘I want to play with YOUR ‘toy’… your penis baby boy’, ‘I miss your kisses my otter’, ‘If I could I would stare at you 24 / 7’, and ‘You are gay for Me’.

    Los Angeles Police Department confirmed to DailyMail.com that it is investigating the 59-year-old star of movies such as Howard the Duck, Child’s Play and Spaceballs, after he was caught in a filmed sting on April 14.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12077961/Disturbing-texts-actor-Ed-Gale-allegedly-sent-underage-boys-revealed.html

    So he is still at large?

    • R.J.

      He’ll be available shortly.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Somehow, he’s been able to keep this behavior on the down-low.

    • The Other Kevin

      He’s shrinking away from those allegations.

    • rhywun

      Can we put him on a bus and drop him off in El Paso?

    • The Other Kevin

      Apparently cities like Chicago didn’t get the memo.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      TOS has taken the position that the immigration system is still too restrictive.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    And the state is supposed to be good at killing people.

    They could stand him up in front of a cannon.

  17. Count Potato

    “Kim Petras looks incredible in gold bikini top as she models for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover – and announces release date of hotly-anticipated third studio album”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-12086705/Kim-Petras-looks-incredible-gold-bikini-models-Sports-Illustrated-Swimsuit-cover.html

    “Martha Stewart, 81, becomes OLDEST woman to ever land Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover, wowing in a very low-cut white bathing suit – while Megan Fox, 36, dares to bare in a raunchy design made entirely of CHAINS”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12085237/Sports-Illustrated-Swimsuit-2023-Martha-Stewart-81-Megan-Fox-36-pose-cover.html

    Ironically, Petras might be the one who has had the least work done.

    • Pat

      I hadn’t heard of Kim Petras before and was wondering why a pop singer posing in Sport’s Illustrated was big news.

      She made music history on February 5 when she became the first transgender woman to win Best Pop Duo/Group performance at the Grammys.

      Mystery solved.

      It’s all so tiresome.

    • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

      Does Petras duet with herself?

  18. The Late P Brooks

    I thought Python was being chased off a cliff by topless women.

    That’s more Benny Hill’s milieu.

  19. Tundra

    I just found out I’m a great uncle again! My niece had her baby early this morning. Ruby!

    I just wish she could have waited until tomorrow.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs1S7pwWZ0U

    • DEG

      🙂

    • Sensei

      Congratulations!

    • Count Potato

      Congrats 🙂

    • R.J.

      excellent news!

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Would executing prisoners with CO2 (or CO) qualify as carbon sequestration?

    • Sensei

      Not after they expire.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The cremation kind of fucks it up.

    • Not Adahn

      CO2 hurts though.

      • EvilSheldon

        Does it? I was told, much like NO2, than CO2 doesn’t trip the breathing reflex while it’s supplanting all the oxygen in your blood?

  21. Count Potato

    “Mastectomy scars on a beaver character from Blue’s Clues. This is disgusting propaganda for cosmetic surgery, being marketed to children. I’ll never be able to breastfeed or have a normal womanly body because I was sold this lie as a teenager.”

    https://twitter.com/funkgodartist/status/1657911920047915009

    WTF??

    • Certified Public Asshat

      It’s a clue! It’s a clue!

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        What’s missing? Let’s look for clues!

    • rhywun

      Where’s Waldo’s breasts?

    • The Other Kevin

      That stuff makes me sick to my stomach. What the hell.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      We’re going to need some kind of Nuremberg type thing before this is all over aren’t we?

  22. CPRM

    Anyone have any history with Nissan Altima? There is a 2017 I might be able to get a good deal on, but I’ve never owned a Nissan and don’t have any close friends or family who ever have.

    • Sensei

      They have reputation for their drivers – essentially they treat them as transportation and show them little love in how they are cared for.

      Their achilles heel is their CVT transmission. If serviced properly it’s a marginal device. If the service is ignored expect them to grenade.

      • R.J.

        Agreed. It is comfortable transportation. CVT can be an issue. Ask for service records. I would also service that part immediately after purchase. Nissan was sued into a recall for the model year up through 2016, and customers are also demanding one for 2017-2021 due to recurring issues with that transmission.
        Are there any other cars available in your area?

      • CPRM

        Pickins is slim for cars, especially in my price range. Mostly trucks and crossovers. Test drove a Chevy Cruz and Ford Fusion today.

      • CPRM

        He had just gotten it in and it hasn’t been completely checked out yet. I’m set to test drive in Saturday. It’s the same guy I bought my current car from. He’s right here in town and is good about taking care of things that come up after the purchase. i’ll talk to him about the transmission. It’s at 100,000 miles and the price he gave me was below blue book. I do trust him more just because I’ve known him along time, but is still a car salesman.

    • kinnath

      98 200SX
      99 Altima
      02 Xterra
      06 Sentra
      06 350Z
      14 Xterra
      17 Titan
      19 Rogue

      I am a fan of Nissan. We have had excellent results (reliability-wise) across all models across a couple of decades.

      I’m pretty sure that almost all customer reviews will put Nissan behind Toyota and Honda, but I find them to be excellent products.

      I have not driven any of the new Altimas with with CVT (which I hate in the Rogue).

      Go look at the regular guy review on Altimas and why Altimta drivers are hated.

      • Rat on a train

        I loved my 94 Sentra. That car treated me well including a cross country trip.

    • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

      67 Datsun pickup
      68 Datsun Roadster
      82 Datsun pickup
      85 Datsun pickup
      10 Nissan Frontier
      18 Nissan Frintier

      Best Japanese car maker.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        I always thought that the Datsun pickup and the Datsun B-210 were the finest modern examples of simple, basic, transportation since the Model T. Cheap (under $3k), reliable, and easy to work on.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    No, youtube, I’m not going to sign in to confirm my age.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Their achilles heel is their CVT transmission. If serviced properly it’s a marginal device. If the service is ignored expect them to grenade.

    Never ever buy a car with a CVT.

      • kinnath

        I knew I would not need to go find that one.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Someone take whoever made that video back behind the woodshed and put them out of our misery.

  25. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    So is the guy shot while carrying a machete the latest installment of the “people shot doing everyday things” genre? Or at least the Florida version of it?

  26. The Late P Brooks

    I didn’t make it through the ad on that car review.

    Whatever.

  27. robc

    EPL relegation battle after Leicester’s loss today, with 2 games to go for everyone.

    15. West Ham United 37 pts -14 goal differential
    16. Nottingham Forest 34 -31
    17. Everton 32 -24
    ————————————————————————
    18. Leeds United 31 -25
    19. Leicester City 30 -18

    West Ham is safe, even if technically they could still finish 18th. Leeds isnt making up 11 goals. However, they are a key player, as their last two games are versus Leeds and Leicester. David Moyes can do Everton a solid. He was the most successful Everton manager of this millennium (which isn’t saying much) and can help out once more.

    West Ham: Leeds, @Leicester
    Forest: Arsenal, @Crystal Palace
    Everton: @Wolves, Bournemouth
    Leeds: @West Ham, Tottenham
    Leicester: @Newcastle, West Ham

    With perfect results, everything could be settled this weekend.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    68 Datsun Roadster

    Would. Also 510.

    • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

      Indeed. A Dime goon is high up on the list. Although, right now a 312 pickup (’64-’66) or a 412SSS goon is on top.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Er, 411. (X)12 is a pickup.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      But why?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Aww, they’re hugging her. It’s so cute…now get the Raid.

    • Mojeaux

      I’ve told this story before but I feel so bad about it I mention it when I want to flog myself.

      In high school, we had tarantulas in a terrarium. They were so cute and nice and fuzzy. If it’s fuzzy, I’mma love it. Anyway, I was watering the terrarium one day and realized … that wasn’t water. I accidentally killed my friends with ammonia. (No, the bottle wasn’t labeled, but I do have a nose. I just didn’t check.)

      • EvilSheldon

        🙁

        *gives Moj a hug*

    • EvilSheldon

      Being afraid of a harmless animal that you outsize and outweigh by 500-to-1…kinda lame.

      Then again, I won’t swim in the ocean during jellyfish blooms, so…that’s different. Y’all still a bunch of wussies.

    • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

      Hickalobe Ultra?

  29. The Late P Brooks

    I saw another one of those “Cars are getting older” stories earlier. Average age is going up because people are holding on to theirs cars longer because new cars are so expensive, et c . I would be very interested to know how many people out there are finally just refusing to buy the crap being built now.

    “I Do Cars” teardown this was another BMW hot vee V8 (N65?) catastrophic failure. Truly impressive damage, including cleaning all the teeth off the drive sprocket for the passenger side cylinder bank cam chain. At one point, after a long sequence of battling with the engine electrical harness, he holds up the giant rat’s nest of wire and says, “People ask me why I drive old cars. This is why.”

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      I’m in both camps. They’re expensive and they suck.

      • Tundra

        Me too. No clue what I’m gonna do next. No way this F150 is gonna go a quarter million miles on the original guts like my old Tahoe did.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        If you got the turbo motor that’s definitely the case.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        It is too bad you can’t get the old 300 straight six in that anymore. Talk about an engine that lasts.

      • Nephilium

        I’m looking for a new vehicle in the next month or so. The old Mini has over 120,000 miles on it, and I’ll probably hold onto it for little rides around town and errand running. I doubt I’ll be able to find something I want without a giant touchscreen in the middle of the dash.

    • Mojeaux

      My 2006 Zippicar Hyundai Sonata is going on 170,000 miles and I drive it regularly to appts and on road trips. I absolutely love that thing, but I do get attached to my possessions, so I may be a bit obsessive about my love.

      Even if I could afford it, I wouldn’t want a new car until they starting putting the knobs and buttons back.

      • Rat on a train

        “Alexa, turn on the right turn signal.”

      • Mojeaux

        *shudder*

        My muscle memory is a lot more efficient than trying to remember what to do next, how to do the operation, form the words correctly for the computer, all in that split second you need to do that all in.

      • Michael Malaise

        My 2023 Kia Telluride has a giant-ass touchscreen (integrated into the dash so it looks nice) and knobs and buttons!

    • Sensei

      N68.

      It’s only going to get worse as the new emissions regs create disposable motors and cars.

      Just evaporative emissions are fucking nuts.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      I don’t really see that much of a difference between my 2017 Honda Accord and what I remember from my 1998 Toyota Camry. The Accord is a bit bigger and has some newer bells and whistles. But it may be a world of difference to a mechanic. Though, that 98 Camry was a money pit that eventually caught fire and burnt to a shell while my wife was driving on the interstate (she got out first). I’ve spent a total of 100 dollars in the past 12 years repairing a 2011 Honda Pilot and zero in repairs on the 6 year old Accord. They may be built like crap, but I haven’t experienced it yet.

      Now my 84 Chevy Impala was a different animal. They don’t make those like that anymore. A front row bench seat wide enough to lay flat and a trunk big enough to put bodies in. I miss that car.

    • slumbrew

      I’ll be attempting to “de-fog” the headlights of our 2009 Honda later this week. Only ~ 112k on it, so it’ll keep going for a bit, I suspect.

      Newer used cars are stupid-expensive.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Use the 3M abrasive kit.

        It’sa bit more labor intensive and messy but it holds up better. And if you can, remove the headlights from the car first. It makes it a lot easier.

      • Sensei

        My understanding is they will cloud again quickly unless the kit comes with some kind of UV protectant or you clear them over.

        If you clear them you will likely only get a couple years before you repeat the process.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        The kits you need to avoid are basically rebranded aluminum polish. Looks ok for a few weeks then they cloud right up.

        The oxidized plastic just needs to be removed. Once it’s resurfaced the UV protectorant helps.

      • slumbrew

        That’s the one I’ve got:

        https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08745K56G

        It looks like it does _not_ come with a UV protectant, so I should pick some up.

    • Urthona

      To be far, cars have actually gotten a bit more reliable.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Compared to what?

        I’m driving a 2002 Tundra that’s rock solid. Meanwhile my fleet trucks that are newer have all kinds of issues from the transmission to the thermostat.

        The fact that GM can’t make a completely reliable thermostat after a century is obscene.

    • Sean

      I’m fast approaching 5 years on the GTI. Longest I’ve ever kept a vehicle.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    TOS has taken the position that the immigration system is still too restrictive.

    Are they doing what that idiot I linked to the other was doing; talking about a completely imaginary world in which the vast majority of immigrants are highly skilled innovators?

    I am in favor of immigration, but stop making completely bogus claims.

    • robc

      The current system is both too restrictive and too permissive at the same time.

      It takes a government to fuck up that bad.

      • Bobarian LMD

        This. Rhetorically, we need a higher fence with a wider gate.

        Make it easier to legally immigrate while making illegal immigration and hiring of illegals both more difficult and onerous.

      • Pope Jimbo

        ^This^

        After dealing with ICE (INS when I was being afflicted with them) trying to get my wife her green card after we got married, I have absolutely no love for them at all. Talk about a fucked up agency.

        I had to get my parents to sign some document where they said they would vouch for us not going on the dole for some period of time. WTF? I watch all the illegals get all sorts of bennies and I had to promise to not get any? I also have seen a lot of really smart foreigners who were making big money as developers have all sorts of troubles getting their green cards. My favorite was a Mexican coworker who had his application tossed for a minor clerical error and had to start all over, while his cousin who came over illegally got fasttracked by some NGO.

      • R.J.

        Been the same for all my non-American friends. Want to do it by the book? USA will fuck you over and take forever. Might as well just walk across the border.

      • slumbrew

        I have two friends who are Brits. The hoop-jumping they’ve been made to do is ridiculous. And expensive.

      • R.J.

        Very. The Spaniard (where is that guy?) is married to am American and still has to jump hoops.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    It takes a government to fuck up that bad.

    QFT

  32. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    I now have a Glock 43 and its accoutrements + $250, and no longer have a Taurus Judge

    • Bobarian LMD

      Congrats. How do you like shooting it?

      • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

        Final sale is contingent on my shooting it. That will be sometime this week.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Good trade.

      • Sean

        Very.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    It’s only going to get worse as the new emissions regs create disposable motors and cars.

    Just evaporative emissions are fucking nuts.

    Based on what I have learned from watching his teardowns, direct injection is one of the absolute worst ideas to have come out of the “clean’ era. It works great for thirty or forty thousand miles, and then goes completely to shit as the intake gets more and more caked with carbon.

    • Bobarian LMD

      My 2008 Cobalt SS has almost 130K (mechanical direct injection) with little issue.

      But I do put seafoam/valvetrain cleaner in the intake at about every 30-40K.

    • Sensei

      Toyota does both direct and port to avoid that.

      VW does direct and port in Europe but fucks the USA with direct injection only.

      • Tundra

        2015 Passat here. 75K. Waiting for the inevitable.

        It’s been an amazing car otherwise. Big, comfortable and ridiculously good gas mileage.

    • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

      I remember when direct injection, two-stroke Diesels were going to be the next thing.

      That was a flash in the pan.

    • Timeloose

      Ford ECOboost motors have transitioned to direct along with a TBI to prevent carbon buildup on the back of the valves.

      I also have a catch can on my PCV valve to prevent excessive oil intrusion.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    My muscle memory is a lot more efficient than trying to remember what to do next, how to do the operation, form the words correctly for the computer, all in that split second you need to do that all in.

    Yes. I don’t want a whizbang digital dash. I don’t want to have to read a number for oil pressure or temp. I want to take a quick glance and see if that needle is in its proper place.

    • rhywun

      Whew, off the hook. This time.

      /white supremacy

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Don’t so sure. Capitalism is white supremacy. Capitalism is heating the planet. The warmer planet means more rattlesnakes. Ergo, more rattlesnakes are a product of white supremacy.

      • The Other Kevin

        You just earned an A+ in Environmental Science.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      What a bunch of horseshit. I’ve hiked the California deserts, they’ve always been full of snakes. Anywhere there’s a stream, you can be assured to find at least a few. There were times I saw dozens.

    • Tundra

      Lol.

      If you do see a rattlesnake, give it space, don’t touch it, and avoid doing anything that could provoke it, like staring at it for a lengthy period of time.

      “Are you threatening me?”

      • Sean

        I AM CORNHOLIO!

      • EvilSheldon

        What the fucking fuck?

        Look, you fucking dimwit. It’s time for you to sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, clean the bullshit out of your ears, and listen to someone who actually knows what the fuck they’re talking about.

        Any member of the Crotalus genus has a brain about the size of a pencil eraser; hence, you should get along very well. That said, the snake does not know or care if you’re making eye contact with it. The snake’s reality divides into thinks that can eat it, and things it can eat – you are very much in the former category, although I question whether you should be.

        If you don’t want to get bitten by a rattlesnake, the rules are simple and bulletproof. Don’t fuck with it. Don’t fucking try to handle the rattlesnake, don’t fucking step on the rattlesnake, if you see the rattlesnake on the trail, give it a wide berth. Ditto if you hear the rattlesnake, although assholes like you have fucked this up for the rest of us. Rattlesnakes in some parts of the western US have learned to not rattle, because if they rattle some dipshit hits them with a stick. Thanks for that. Maybe consider staying inside?

      • EvilSheldon

        ETA – this rant is not directed at any member of Glibs (that I know of.) Rather, the idiot writer of that excuse for an article.

        Don’t make eye contact with a fucking snake, Jesus wept…

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      And the laptop was real…

      And the Ukraine impeachment was bullshit…

      And they’re totally telling the truth about everything else.

    • juris imprudent

      It wasn’t institutional, it was just personal. No Trump and this will never, ever happen again, at all, no way, pinkie-swear.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      “I was starting to believe that Woods was involved in criminal activity, particularly money laundering,” the deputy wrote at one point, later adding that Woods could be “involved in the transport of money connected to drug trafficking.”

      Yeah! That’s the ticket!

      On a more serious note, at some point people organize their own gangs and start fighting the cops. If the mafia oversteps, they need to be put in their place.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Yeah, good to see the comments on a lameass milquetoast site like Fox News mostly slamming the cops.

    • The Other Kevin

      He could have avoided the whole thing if he formed an LLC with Hunter Biden.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Nah, the Republicans are going to sic some hard nosed prosecutor like Durham on Hunter and in five years he’ll…present a write up with no consequences for anyone. Actually nevermind, you’re right.

    • slumbrew

      The title alone was bad enough but I almost punched out on the very first sentence – “Why do so many Americans live in poverty?”.

      The real answer is, “they don’t”. I didn’t read the whole, stupid thing but I don’t see them define “poverty” anywhere. Once it went from “less than $XXX a year” to “less than X% of the median a year”, the game was up. With the latter definition, we will _always_ have poverty, even when everyone is driving flying cars and are too far to move.

      • slumbrew

        *fat

    • R.J.

      No. Not past the second sentence.

    • EvilSheldon

      “Government programs obviously work. I’ve been with people when they receive a housing voucher. They praise Jesus. They fall on their knees. They pray and weep and cry.”

      Okay, all of that performative bullshit is very nice, yes. How many of these people are no longer in poverty thirty days later?

      Hmmm. I think that we have a very different definition of the term ‘Works.’

      • R C Dean

        Look, they made her feel good. Isn’t that what really matters here?