The Cast
21 Unexpected Heavy Hitters for a Democratic Shadow Cabinet
“Can we at least turn some damn lights on?” Letitia asked.
“No,” Mark said, “We are the shadow cabinet and I like applesauce.”
“We should use green energy,” Freddie said. The assorted Johns chorused agreement.
“Take it up with Mary,” Jon, ally of John Faction, quipped.
“I know science,” Bill said.
“Quiet, at all you,” Gisele’s voice said in the darkness. “This is the first meeting of the Shadow Cabinet.”
“What happened to her accent?” Letita whispered loudly.
“I had it surgical removed,” Gisele snapped, still not quite grasping English.
“She is an immigrant,” the Johns said as one. “Holy.”
“I’m BIPOC,” Letita said.
“And I’m Cuban,” Mark said brightly.
“You’re from Pittsburgh, dear,” Abigail said, patting his arm.
“This is stupid.” Nicki said. She began to pat the wall.
“What are you doing?” Ben asked. “And why am I tied up?”
“I’m looking for the light switch,” Nikki growled.
“I tied you up with Science,” Bill said.
They listened to Nikki pat the wall as she moved around the room.
“Stop!” Gisele said. “We are the Shadow Cabinet; we work in the dark.”
“They took our phones,” Katie said. “I was in the middle of a really good level of Candy Crush.”
“Candy Crush,” Jon said, “More like Crush Candy, amirite?”
“Just pulled it right out of my hand,” Katie moaned.
“Where is the damn light switch?” Nikki asked, exasperated.
“I had removed,” Gislele said. “There is no escape from… The Shadow Cabinet.”
In the silence that followed, there came a sound, familiar to some.
“Who is masturbating in here?” Letitia said. “Stop that, that’s nasty.”
“That man needs some lotion, amirite?” Jon said. “Masturbating lotion, amirite?”
“I can make some with Science,” Bill said. “All I need is some lotion and a place to Science.”
The Johns groaned.
“And a ready supply of Masturbation of course,” Bill said.
“Ungh,” someone said, “Ungh, ungh, oh, yeah, Kool-Aid Man.”
The dark room filled with the smell of bleach and mushrooms.
“That’s the smell of Science right there,” Bill said.
That’s gold, right there.
I hear him muttering “I’d science you so hard” and “That’s right bitch, I’m the science guy!”
eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I bet it was Jon Stewart…he’s a real jackoff.
A “shadow cabinet” is exactly what we need. It’s how they do it in Europa.
This is exactly the treatment this deserves. Nice job going on this little tangent.
Am I misremembering, or didn’t they call Trump’s advisors and soon-to-be cabinet members a “shadow cabinet” right after the election? And that was fascism and the end of democracy? But now a “shadow cabinet” is good? These people don’t even read their own work.
But they are not the fresh faces who can give the Democratic Party a sleek new look.
What this pig needs is MORE LIPSTICK.
I keep seeing these “How to save the Democratic party” stories and they are always about messaging. In other words, they just have to craft the right narrative, and have the right people deliver it. Nothing about their ideas being terrible and unpopular. No, they’re the smart ones, they just have to get those stupid minorities and rednecks to see the light.
I’ve seen some that are pointing out the flaws, and making suggestions, but they don’t seem to be getting much traction.
People need to be quiet, listen and do what they are told! It’s for their own good.
The image problem that is killing the Dems right now is self-image. They are convinced that they are the smart people and they deserve, by virtue of their intelligence, to make and enforce policy on everyone else.
Not to say that self-image problems are the exclusive domain of democrats. The GOP did the same thing in the 80’s and again post-9/11, except it was conviction that they were the serious people who were willing to make the hard choices for all of our benefit.
It’s all bullshit. They’re all the same clowns performing in the same freak show.
Nikki Glaser?!?!?
Da fuq?
She’s not known for political humor, but when she goes there, she cuts deep. Looking directly at Ann Coulter she once declared, “The only person you will ever make happy is the Mexican who digs your grave.” Discussing why she needs to wear makeup to “look like a woman,” in her Someday You’ll Die stand-up special, she observed, “If I asked you to draw a smiley face, and I was, like, ‘Now make it a girl,” … you wouldn’t make it, like, holding less money. You would just draw eyelashes on it.”
She cuts deep man.
I guess actually clever is too high of a bar.
Well, Koro-Sensei is a cephalopod, so there’s not too many visual distinctions that can be made to provide a rule 63 of him.
A rogue’s gallery of traitors and losers will totally save the Dems.
And fresh ideas: DEI, foreign intervention, mass transit, electric vehicle mandates and subsidies, lawfare, climate crisis. That article is really plugged in to the public’s pulse.
But rhywun, those people are SUPER POPULAR with this writer’s small segment of society!
No one they know voted for Trump!
From the Shadow cabinet article:
One of the things that irritate me (it’s a long list) is all of these election commercials where the Democrat promises to “Fight Musk and Trump”.
I think we’re on the same page here. Notice no talk of specific policies or anything, just opposition to everything, even the things 80% of people like.
It’s almost like they’re aware that their ideas are shit.
That can’t be it.
Are they though? I know there are some extreme left true believers, and some that are afraid to piss those people off. So some are aware?
“Fight Musk and Trump”.
Every one of the six Dems vying for the gubernatorial nomination in New Jersey is running versions of this – all will essentially beat up Trump, save New Jersey, stand up to Trump, protect the working Jerseyan, and protect Jersey from Trump’s plan of destruction. Hitler apparently has New Jersey in his crosshairs.
I guess they are coming for me.
That is what their base wants, and they are hoping to sell it to the rest of the country.
The real problem for them is the complete lack of good data that they are willing to trust, which is the result of years screwing with the numbers.
This is way too many white people, btw.
Do better, Dems.
Why do you want BIPOCs kept in the shadows?
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
Darkman.
Are you fucking with us, Neph?
It’s okay if you are, but I just need to know…
EvilSheldon:
Just a bit.
Darkman?
Or Dayman, uh ah ah!
I do. I wish I didnt.
This made me think, for some strange reason, of the movie The Gentlemen and the scene where Big Dave changes his mind with the help of a pig.
Maybe it’s the disgusting idea of politicians wankin’ it.
I literally laughed out loud when I clicked-through.
Bill fucking Nye?! Letitia James?
These people are delusional.
Cuban offered $300.000 for 20% equity in the cabinet.
You’re trying to get me to go on one of my “Cuban is a shitty businessman” rants, aren’t you?
(He’s a shitty businessman, who took $1B from being on the winning side of the worst deal in the last 100 years and turned it into about $5B by buying a basketball team. He’s made jack-shit from all his other businesses.)
slumbrew:
Russ Hanneman.
My favorite Silicon Valley character. Him listening to “Crazy Town” is just *chef’s kiss*
I’m not sure that Cuban understands that they’re making fun of him.
I’m sorry to tell you this Bill (Scher), but there is no amount of fawning bootlicking that will get you that Assistant To The Vice Deputy position in the next Dem administration that you so desperately crave. You’re fated to remain an underpaid copy editor and podcast drone until God puts you out of our misery…
Our screens make it easy to avoid shopping in brick-and-mortar stores, eating at sit-down restaurants and enjoying live entertainment. The upshot is weaker city economies and municipal budgets and destabilized funding for local education, public safety and infrastructure.
Not shown: willful wanton destruction of those businesses and activities by so called “public health experts” and Democrat politicians.
I agree with that first sentence. But I don’t give a hoot about government and budgets, I just want to support my fellow small businesses. Once again, it’s not the messaging, it’s that the idea sucks.
Tee hee.
Stupid, stupidly credulous moral panics are not the monopoly of only one party:
https://legalinsurrection.com/2025/05/new-zombie-drug-coming-out-of-sierra-leone-may-contain-crushed-human-bone/
So it’s Fentanyl with some adulterants. I’m shaking, can’t you see?
That’s the prions.
It’s what plants crave.
Kurzgesagt made a video about how fentanyl sucked — heroin was so much better.
Is this the femicide I have been hearing about?
Ackshually, slum, bone meal is used as a fertilizer.
That, I know – I was reacting to ‘prions’.
I want more threading levels back.
General Motors CEO Mary Barra is a Michigan-based business leader making electric vehicles with union labor. Who better to show that the clean energy future is good for America and American workers?
[insert screeching tires and smashing metal sound effect]
So… has GM paid back the bailout money? No? Then how are they successful?
The best quote I’ve ever read about GM in 2009 was that it’s a pension and healthcare company that makes cars on the side.
My dad took the first pension buyout he was offered. It was a wise decision.
*flashes back to traffic school*
“We had to build the wall, dont you see? Too many people were leaving for the west. We had to keep them here to prove to them that communism works!” – German engineer who helped build the Berlin Wall in East Germany, a failed state.
Interesting. I don’t understand why taxpayer paid research is providing revenue exclusively to medical journals. I seem to recall that it was publicly available, but it wasn’t originally and the journals only did so under protest. In my line of work the SEC’s EDGAR database is freely searchable and third parties also use it to create derivative works that investors pay money for.
Naturally the usually suspects are framing this as Kennedy is silencing researchers.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2025/05/28/rfk-jr-ban-journals-lancet-jama/
Attacking science!
So tedious.
How to convey the urgency of the climate crisis to average Americans has long vexed Democrats and environmental activists. Neither Al Gore’s Nobel Peace Prize-winning wonky earnestness nor Rep. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez’s energetic utopianism has done the trick. Why not give Bill Nye the Science Guy a try?
——-
When Last Week Tonight host John Oliver needed to end a long segment on climate policy on a high note, he turned to Nye for “one of his enjoyable, lighthearted demonstrations.” Nye proceeded to torch a globe and jokingly admonished viewers to “Grow the f*** up. You’re not children anymore. I didn’t mind explaining photosynthesis to you when you were 12, but you’re adults now and this is an actual crisis.”
What manner of dunderhead would fail to be convinced by that?
The kind that looked at the facts, examined the competing hypotheses, saw which side was hiding and outright fabricating their data, saw where the political pressure and money flowed, rejected the proposed ‘fixes’ to a problem not conclusively demonstrated, denied the hubris that we were the driver of changes, and rejected the hysterical assertion that we cannot adapt to what may come as it arrives
Those dunderheads, sure, but there are also those who heard over and over how the polar bears would die, Miami would be under water, and millions would die by now, but used their own eyes to see that never happened.
Yo Bill, my memory of biochenm is a bit fuzzy. Could you draw chlorophyll for me?
Why are you asking a MechE for that?
Google says:
Bill Nye has three US patents: one for an educational lens, one for a toe shoe for ballet dancers, and one for a throwing technique trainer. He also holds a design patent for a digital abacus
The man is a genius.
My 47 patents pale in comparison.
a “Digital Abacus”?
(-.-)
– Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency
JFC they gave one of those worthless awards to Al fucking Gore?
I must have blocked that from memory.
It’s one of those incomprehensible truths.
Trump’s greatest advantage, and it is a big one, are his enemies. I dont know what else to say.
I said this all during the election: All Biden had to do was be a C+ president and be basically coherent, and he would have easily won.
His handlers couldn’t help themselves – when you basically are on the cusp of Total Power it’s easy to overstep I guess.
Oh I’m sure they saw this as their golden opportunity. But they overestimated their ability to gaslight and overtly wield that power. They had the desire but thankfully not the skill.
Some 15 minutes of fame Brit OD’d. What I find more interesting is the King’s English.
Assistant coroner Debbie Rookes ruled that the death of Danan, an actor on the Channel 4 soap Hollyoaks and known for appearances on Celebrity Big Brother and Celebrity Love Island, was misadventure.
WTH is a “misadventure”? Also drug abuse is now “drug misuse”.
https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/may/28/paul-danan-drug-use-caused-death-by-misadventure-coroner-concludes
It’s a legal term of art that dates back to an older form of English.
Interesting. That never crossed the Atlantic?
OTH, my wife had to explain what the season “the fall” was to Brit expat friend here. That came from there, but is no longer used.
It may have crossed and withered.
One of my favorites is “scheme”. In American usage it is almost always nefarious. OTH, almost everywhere else in the English speaking world it is a neutral word.
However, I’m not sure about Canada.
As I understand it, ‘misadventure’ means, ‘it was the dead person’s fault.’
For some reason, “They done fucked up” is not accepted as a cause of death.
If you die by falling off a cliff in Lord of the Rings Online (Weathertop is REALLY high, btw) it’s recorded as “misadventure,”
Dammit, I intend to die by Miss Adventure, and maybe her first runner-up.
I thought a shadow cabinet was Brit thing.
A lot of “stupid persons idea of a smart person” vibes there
It is. They’re tarded.
That describes them perfectly.
is Gisele pronounced jizzl?
Only once Nye finishes sciencing on her
There is an equal chance of Nye ‘sciencing’ on a woman and global warming not being a scam.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qc00XSfumlI&ab_channel=martinvenator
Fuck off, Tulpa.
(hey stranger!)
‘Sup slumbrew!
As I understand it, ‘misadventure’ means, ‘it was the dead person’s fault.’
Yes. Cause of death: Stupidity.
I cant bear to read the article. What exactly will this shadow cabinet do? Will they be imbued with power they do not already have? Will their positions be official in come capacity? To me it just looks like they are imagining a fantasy government. It is delusional.
Bill Nye will still be a fraud, Jon Stewart still wont be funny and James will still be a crooked liar. The same for the rest of them.
They dont know why they lost but more importantly they dont know why Trump won.
You know why that was published by Politico – because it was too ridiculous for The Babylon Bee to run.
Whenever Trump’s actual cabinet members do anything, the corresponding “shadow cabinet” member would be the designated person the Dems send on CNN/MSNBC/etc. to give the Democrat talking points.
You stick pins in the shadow cabinet member and the real cabinet member feels a stabbing pain.
I’m on-board with the first part, for sure.
https://x.com/CollinRugg/status/1927472078833308105
“Because we can” is a perfectly valid reason.
cow catcher on steroids
Those guys were not serious about stopping that truck.
I’m a bad person because my first thought was “that’d be handy for the next lefty highway blocking incident”
You need to fit it with twin flame throwers, enough to clear the flanks of dodging ‘protestors’.
A guy with a guitar/flame-thrower
MythBusters did it first:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKXz1n4n2tk
And?
Do it again.
And in annoying slow motion!
I’m slow.
I see thee drone but no drone footage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXgAwIJqDio
Drone footage towards the end.
Thank you. I searched UT but it didnt find it for me.
Mythbusters did it first. https://youtu.be/7OkYNCMSxsU?si=tRyEgXZ06PF9Mfl1
https://nypost.com/2025/05/28/us-news/suspect-in-ct-mall-shooting-identified-as-tajuan-washington-a-19-year-old-who-was-out-on-25k-bond/
I’m SHOCKED!
Ok, not really. *shrug*
You mean like this?
https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/news/releases/attorney-general-ken-paxton-announces-arrest-two-illegal-aliens-connection-death-woman-lake
Huh. This Paxton fellow, do they have any more like him?
“Tajuan”?
Pronounced “Tijuana”.
A 25K bond for reckless driving is some very reckless driving indeed.
“He was arrested in October for driving 105 miles per hour on Interstate 84 East — and turning his lights off to evade state police, cops said. ”
That’d do it.
And he was out? Around here that would be a no bond and felony charge.
Honestly, 105 isn’t _that_ extreme on 84; people drive like lunatics in CT.
The turning off the lights is what pushed it over the edge, I’m sure.
Evading as well. That’s the ultimate crime: Disrespecting a cop.
After planting a tree and preaching about climate change, King Charles took a 27-car motorcade to the airport and flew home on an Airbus CC-330.
https://x.com/govt_corrupt/status/1927421157008924896
Hopefully the speech had some practical ideas about how the lives of us peons should be restricted and regulated. For climate change.
They do things like that in the same way that they demoralize with lies….they very publicly display the most outrageous hypocrisy and dare you to call them out on it. The useful idiots clap like the trained seals they are.
That had to be AI. Look at the hands, that cannot be real.
He’s got weird sausage hands:
https://nypost.com/2022/09/16/king-charles-red-hands-in-question-after-sausage-fingers/
It’ edited for sure.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RedDodHx_ug
The motorcade looks accurate as does the aircraft.
I did. Charlie’s hand when he is about to shake the second guy’s hand does look funny but I cant say what is wrong. I think it might just be the 28mm lens doing that.
Good fuckin’ grief. A 30 posing session just to get on an airplane? No wonder Edward abdicated. Who could live like that? Charlie is just a prop.
Nah, he’s always had pudgy paws. Seems reasonable that it would worsen with age.
Crazy day so far. I’m leaving for my Minnesota hockey trip tomorrow, but last night I started to feel cruddy and I was worried I’d caught Influenza B from the Mrs. last week. I got to urgent care 15 minutes before closing last night, and they turned me away but I went back this morning and tested negative for all the big stuff. Whew.
Meanwhile a certain New Hampshire Glib is working out at my gym, sadly I’m behind at work and I couldn’t say hi to him in person.
That header logo makes me wanna drive around in this car: https://www.ebay.com/itm/356954588007
My God…that interior…
Bitchin!
With GM’s “legendary” 305!
Still it’s a perfect time capsule of the 80s.
I love it. And would drive it proudly.
My first car was a 69 Camaro. I really hated the 80s versions. I thought they were ugly as sin.
Lately I’ve been pining for my first car, a black 1988 Firebird V6. (Why a V6? No idea).
A buddy of mine recently had a 1989 Firebird to fix up, we went for a ride and it was still awesome.
Oh and obligatory.
Tundra haz a sad.
Wish I would have thought of that.⬆️
LOL i skip most youtube links.
*kicks pebble*