WASHINGTON DC – “After meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff and consulting with our allies in the region, I sent a secure message to the Sultan of Agrabah. I warned him that we cannot allow his vizier Jafar to gain the magic lamp and wreak havoc on the world”, said Trump in a recent speech. According to recently declassified intelligence reports, Jafar, the sultan’s closest and most trusted advisor, covets the lamp now in the possession of Prince Ali. The reports do not shed much light on the basic facts of the presumably Middle Eastern country, leading some conspiracy theorists to suggest that it is not even a real place. Intelligence experts from across the political spectrum have denied these allegations.
Elsewhere, Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu gave a speech at the UN warning of the grave danger posed by Jafar’s nefarious intentions. “We cannot afford to wait for a smoking gun, for it may come in the form of magic smoke spewing forth from a lamp like smoke from a smoking gun. A magic lamp the size of this replica I hold now in my hand contains as much destructive wishing power as all the bombs dropped during WW2. The Agrabahnians must make a choice: either you are with us or you are with Jafar. To the civilized nations of the world, I say that it is better seize the lamp and make wishes over there than for Jafar to get the lamp and make wishes over here.” Joanna Gambolputty, a CIA officer, praised Netanyahu for his speech, adding that “it is high time we stand up to Agrabahnese recklessness and disregard of international norms.”
Various attempts to negotiate with the Agrabahi government have been without result, though a mysterious Nigerian prince known as Ahtayka Yomonay has offered to broker a peace deal in exchange for a “reasonable fee”. According to intelligence reports, Agrabahns live in a closed society behind what has been termed “the bead curtain”. It is also believed that mentions of a so-called flying magic carpet are coded references to a secret hypersonic missile program. Current assessments suggest the program takes place at a secluded base in the Shangri La valley. According to Gambolputty, “these reports act as clarion call for proper levels of investment in programs like the F-35 and Fs of even larger numbers.”
What remains to be seen is what response, if any, ever comes from Agrabanish leadership. While not much is known about the mysterious sultan, he is rumored to be fond of musicals and parades. Anonymous insiders close to Trump have said that he reacted angrily to a dramatization of one of Prince Ali’s parades, and this jealously spurred him to organize a spectacle of even greater proportions. Supposedly, Trump wanted and even greater menagerie on display but was convinced otherwise and eventually accepted a parade tanks and other military vehicles. Representatives from Disney have been making frantic pleas to meet with Trump to discuss the Agrabah issue further, but no meetings have been scheduled.
I have a feeling this installment requires cultural knowledge I don’t possess.
I’ll help. Ahtayka Yomonay = I’ll take your money.
“the F-35 and Fs of even larger numbers.”
Awesome!
STOP THE INSANITY! JUST PUT THE MONEY IN A HOLE AND BURN IT!
Unleash the F-111s.
Finally a non-fiction article.
Thanks, Derp
Well said Sir
Joanna Gambolputty has landed on her feet once again – Bravo!
Trump called up his jet fighters and told them to drop the bombs between the minarets?
Mock the Casbah!
Sharif dont like that!
From the ded thred. Not mentioned in the GE Appliances story is that it’s no longer owned by GE, but by Haier.
Tonio said I was popular in the dedthread…ill be in my bunk
Earlier today, Beau (may have) suggested that I have a wife. And that not knowing her name disqualifies your Glibness.
I fear losing y’all, but I’m busy looking for Mrs. Short Fry. She’s lost! (I may have lost her in the couch?…)
I hate to break this to you, but Beau was referring to “Fauxcalingus” having a wife. (I get the reference.)
(Or possibly “Gluteous Maximus.”)
There were other possibilities than me, and I’m thrilled I’m *not* the betrothed!
Were I married, I’d both like to know it *and* be able to find her! (I’d joke “Well, just call it!” but I imagine my alleged wife would be ringable. That’s a problem. I don’t want her to ring. Vibrate and sound, sure! But the sooner she begins to ring, the sooner she’s gonna expect one.
Fun nameplay in this, especially. Your Nigerian prince is stellar.
And I just love saying “Agrabanish!” Ag-ra-BA-nish, Ag-ra-BA-nish! Banish the Agrabanish to Agrabah!
“Violent crime in DC is at a 30-year low.”
I’m not sure what the acceptable level for murders is but it must be getting close, since violent crime is down.
Good thing that guns are against the law.
The acceptable number of murders is the number that occurs under any given Team Blue administration.
Myself, a veteran of both Iraq and Atropia am rearing to go over the berm into Agrabah.
This was excellent, Derp.
Trump is just a puppet of the Hebrew Firsters. The ones who orchestrated the Holocaust and made the frogs gay.
They have on many occasions attempted to infiltrate the Western Firsters of which I am of course the most famous member. I have vigorously and with great counter-malice FIrsted against their efforts.
Your mom had made many gay.
She didn’t have to try very hard with you.
She told me you sucked that dick like it owed you money.
Yes, your mom has a dick.
Watching the left scramble to run cover for Obama has been pretty fun. Nothing will come of any of this, but it’s a nice PR move by the Trump team that steers the national conversation away from, say, Epstein and onto the “Russia hoax.”
It’s right out of the autocrats plabyook to launch criminal investigations into political rivals. Unless it’s a completely baseless one related to Russia or any of the other dumb and novel shit they went after Trump for.
First night of welding school, round 2, went well. The teacher complimented my handiwork a few times, and his heavy southern accent is a fun linguistic puzzle to decode.
For those confused by the joke:
Poll: 30% of Republicans want to bomb Agrabah (from Disney’s ‘Aladdin’)
https://www.yahoo.com/news/poll-30-of-republicans-want-to-bomb-agrabah-from-210925490.html
***
Magic carpet-bombing: a whole new world of foreign policy.
Nearly one-third of Republican primary voters surveyed would support bombing the fictional kingdom of Agrabah featured in Disney’s “Aladdin,” according to a poll released Friday.
Public Policy Polling (PPP), a private polling firm based in North Carolina, posed 41 questions on a variety of topics — including candidates, civil liberties and antiterrorism strategies — to 532 Republican primary voters.
The 38th question concerned the home kingdom of Aladdin and Jasmine from the 1992 animated film: “Would you support or oppose bombing Agrabah?”
“We were interested to see how many people would support bombing an area that just sounded Middle Eastern,” Jim Williams, a polling analyst for PPP, said in an interview with Yahoo News. “I thought that would be interesting.”
***
related clip- low info senior tells McCain Obama is an Arab
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIjenjANqAk
I’m a welder by trade.
To be honest I can’t weld, I know I would fail nearly every weld certification test.
I’ve been doing spoke major projects recently with the aid of YouTube.
I wish I had done trade school thirty years ago instead of college.
*Raises hand*
How are you a welder by trade but can’t weld? Like ya can weld really well but don’t pass regulatory (bullshit) tests?
Ouch. To be fair, “What’s Aleppo?” wasn’t the dumbest. (I didn’t recognize it, but I wasn’t a national politician expected to.) It’s also a further damnation of Govt Ed. What, like 20% of college grads are illiterate, these days? Christ.
Aladdin’s firmly demonstrates the ‘When Disney Was Good (once again)” era. Mostly Robin Williams, but it’s a fun and clear story.
I liked welding (in a high school trade program for auto collision repair, which I decided I didn’t like and quit – might have done better for myself if I had stuck with it).
I’ve considered taking it up again to augment my woodworking with custom-made metal frames and brackets.
Oh yeah, the Disney version has many differences (no surprise there) from the original where:
-There are two genies, one in a lamp and one in Aladdin’s with an unlimited number of wishes
-Aladdin lives in China and kills the sorcerer who steals the lamp from him as well as the sorcerer’s brother who seeks revenge
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aladdin
Well of course the unlimited wish ring was found to be broken, and they nerfed it in balance updates.
I have a copy of the Arabian Nights that I plan to read someday (it’s on the list – the very, very long list).
I always like to know where our big cultural “things” came from, if that makes any sense.
The Adventures of Prince Achmed
I found the beyond section of Wikipedia again:
***
Intel TeraHertz was Intel’s new design for transistors. It uses new materials such as zirconium dioxide which is a superior insulator reducing current leakages. Using zirconium dioxide instead of silicon dioxide, this transistor can reduce the current leakage, and thus reduces power consumption while still working at higher speed and using lower voltages.
…
According to Intel, the new design could use only 0.6 volts. Intel TeraHertz was unveiled in 2001. As of 2024, it is not used in processors.
***
Uh huh. Sure. No one is using this fantastic processor invented 24 years ago.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intel_TeraHertz
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Floating-point_unit
Gee, why not combine the two?
Forget speed, sell subscription services,
Winning!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidance_speech
A special system of avoidance vocabulary is traditionally used by married women speaking Highland East Cushitic languages in southwestern Ethiopia. In Kambaata and Sidamo, this system is called ballishsha, and includes physical and linguistic avoidance of parents-in-law.[11] Women who practice ballishsha do not pronounce any words beginning with the same syllable as the name of their husband’s mother or father.[12] Instead, they may use paraphrase, synonyms or semantically similar words, antonyms, or borrowings from other languages.[13]
Well, that sounds really fucking inconvenient. Like a snarky prank played on some gullible wife a few centuries ago that just got way out of hand.
I started reading up on African “click languages” and ended up there somehow.
Here ya go:
Miriam Makeba – Qongqothwane The Click Song Live, 1963
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-4U2hfMpnk
My best example of an English equivalent to avoidance speech, as heard at an open mic night by a female comedian: “We call my Aunt Linda ‘Splenda’ because she’s artificially sweet.”
In Russian, they literally stopped whatever the old Slavic word for “bear” was and started saying “honey eater” instead. That is the literally meaning of Medved. Similarly deal with Beowulf which is Old English for “bee wolf”, thus honey eater. Many pagan European tribes had a superstition about bears or some such.
Mark Twain gave an example of something similar in A Private History of a Campaign That Failed:
***
There were fifteen of us. By the advice of an innocent connected with the organization we called ourselves the Marion Rangers. I do not remember that anyone found fault with the name. I did not, I thought it sounded quite well. The young fellow who proposed this title was perhaps a fair sample of the kind of stuff we were made of. He was young, ignorant, good natured, well meaning, trivial, full of romance, and given to reading chivalric novels and singing forlorn love ditties. He had some pathetic little nickel plated aristocratic instincts and detested his name, which was Dunlap, detested it partly because it was nearly as common in that region as Smith but mainly because it had a plebian sound to his ears. So he tried to ennoble it by writing it in this way; d’Unlap. That contented his eye but left his ear unsatisfied, for people gave the new name the same old pronunciation, emphasis on the front end of it. He then did the bravest thing that can be imagined, a thing to make one shiver when one remembers how the world is given to resenting shams and affectations, he began to write his name so; d’Un’Lap. And he waited patiently through the long storm of mud that was flung at his work of art and he had his reward at last, for he lived to see that name accepted and the emphasis put where he wanted it put by people who had known him all his life, and to whom the tribe of Dunlaps had been as familiar as the rain and the sunshine for forty years. So sure of victory at last is the courage that can wait. He said he had found by consulting some ancient French chronicles that the name was rightly and originally written d’Un’Lap and said that if it were translated into English it would mean Peterson, Lap, Latin or Greek, he said, for stone or rock, same as the French pierre, that is to say, Peter, d’ of or from, un, a or one, hence d’Un’Lap, of or from a stone or a Peter, that is to say, one who is the son of a stone, the son of a peter, Peterson. Our militia company were not learned and the explanation confused them, so they called him Peterson Dunlap. He proved useful to us in his way, he named our camps for us and generally struck a name that was “no slouch” as the boys said.
***
https://www.classicshorts.com/stories/phctf.html
Bravo on that, and upon Twain. I ‘consider’ him the grandfather of Kurt Vonnegut. Seems to play. Journalism may impart a thought set and style among writers.
“Kill your babies.” <– Vonnegut wrote that about writing short stories. The ideas you were already in love with and wanted direly to include because you love it so so so so much so … yeah. Kill that shit unless it isn't directly germane. Save the words in a hamper, cuz they were well-thought and can be used again, just.. not here. Not now.
Reading a bit of Mark Twain always has an effect on me, I am always awestruck by the way he put thoughts to paper.
I say “avoision”.
Perfectly cromulent word.
Mornin peeps! Get up, get out, and get happy.
😉🌅☕️
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEXHeTcxQy4
🎶🎶
Get Out and Get Under
Good morning, Sean, Ted’S., and homey!
I’m already up and I’ll get out but I refuse to be happy about it.
https://6abc.com/post/video-shows-woman-robbed-gunpoint-north-philadelphia-police-looking-suspects/17503071/
Robbed twice on the same day is extra unlucky, even for Philly.
suh’ fam
whats goody
See below.
So I get an error message today trying to log into the work VPN that my account has expired.
Apparently three people got the same error yesterday lol.
VPNs are for whores and sailors.
Go in bareback
LOL, I had an email to my work address dated Saturday night that my directory account would be expiring Sunday. Some warning.
And now it doesn’t want to let me change my password.
Not as bad as yours, but I got an e-mail at 10pm last night with “pre-reading” material for an 8am meeting (which is an hour before normal workday start).
Thanks for the lead time, pal.
It’s not even as if we can access work email from a non-work computer.
GM 🙂
Subaru! 😃
VW
“Country star Carly Pearce rushed to ER with gruesome injury from ranch dressing bottle
Country music star Carly Pearce, 35, was rushed to the emergency room this weekend after she accidentally cut her thumb open with a bottle of ranch dressing following a concert in Holmdel, NJ.”
https://nypost.com/2025/08/11/entertainment/carly-pearce-rushed-to-er-with-injury-from-ranch-dressing-bottle/
How will we survive as a nation?
Better than falling on it in the shower.
Morning.
I believe that it is, yes.
…but why?
😢
::digs out and dusts off 3-D model of solar system::
Good morning, U! How are you today?
Mentally sluggish, debating what to do about breakfast,
You?
I used to work at an orange juice factory. I got fired because I couldn’t concentrate.
But I’m sure you had great zest for it.
Guns are expensive. Ammo is even MORE expensive if you actually use the gun. Seriously, the half case of .38 spl that I bought to learn how to shoot the Colt snubbie cost almost as much as the gun did. A full case would have sot more.
Also, I’mma need to write a minireview of the Fuse because it does seem like an excellent girlfriend/wife gun.
What makes it particularly good for shooting your wife?
Very generic, easy to disappear.