Cracky!: Episode 7

by | Jul 23, 2025 | Cracky!, Sugarverse | 113 comments

“I love you so much,” Cracky whispered to Hunter, bright eyes piercing, begging to be smoked.

“I love you too, Cracky,” Hunter whispered back. He was in his filthy room in his father’s Delaware mansion, in soiled underwear, half-eaten bowls of ramen rotting everywhere.

“You cleaned up real nice for the interview,” Cracky said.

Hunter bashed Cracky on a nightstand to shatter off a jagged piece. He found it on the sticky carpet of his room. It was shaped like a diamond. He licked it for luck before screwing it into a glass pipe.

“Oh, that’s a good one,” Cracky said. “I could feel it, ripe, like a tumor. You’ll really enjoy that one, there’s hardly any Levamisole at all.”

Hunter played flame over the piece of his only friend and inhaled deeply. His lungs crackled and drank in the cocaine greedily.

“They took Ukraine money away from me,” Hunter said. And then hit the pipe again.

“No one buys my art,” he said. And then hit the pipe again.

He rolled over and spooned Cracky as his body was suffused with joy, creeping fingers down every nerve. His heart turned into a sun that filled his whole body with light.

“Daddy should have been President again,” Hunter whispered to his fist-sized lump of crack. “The fucking DNC. They couldn’t support him? They forget about 2020?”

Cracky murmured sympathetically.

“And fucking George Clooney. I brand him traitor,” Hunter said. “When’s the last time he even made a good movie?”

“I like his Nespresso commercials,” Cracky said.

“Yeah, those are pretty good,” Hunter admitted.

As he lay in his own filth, the sun of his heart began to dim, dim dimmer and dwindled to a cinder of resentment and hate as only the third generation son of wealth and leisure can hate.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

113 Comments

  1. Aloysious

    Once you know the love of Cracky, no other love will do. Alpha widowed, Hunter is.

  2. Threedoor

    A thing of beauty right here.

  3. Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    Levamisole

    From Wikipedia:
    Levamisole works as a nicotinic acetylcholine receptor agonist that causes continued stimulation of the parasitic worm muscles, leading to paralysis. Levamisole has gained prominence among aquarists as an effective treatment for Camallanus roundworm infestations in freshwater tropical fish.

    HORSE FISHPASTE!

    • Tonio

      Thanks for that.

    • Bobarian LMD

      The present results provide the first experimental evidence that levamisole enhances cocaine’s action in vivo. Most important is the identification of synergism for the levamisole/cocaine interaction, which now requires further study in mammals.

      And knowing is half the battle!

      GOOOOOO JOE!

  4. The Late P Brooks

    as only the third generation son of wealth and leisure can hate.

    But- but- Scranton Joe, Regular Guy! Man of the people. Salt of the earth.

    • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      More popular than Barrack (if you go by the popular vote)!

      • WTF

        Odd how those extra 10 million “votes” simply disappeared….

    • rhywun

      I’ve passed through Scranton a few times recently and the expressway they named after Joe is less than one mile long. 😂

      • DEG

        he expressway they named after Joe is less than one mile long.

        It’s not named after him. It’s the Central Scranton Expressway.

      • rhywun

        So disrespectful. Tut tut!

      • Ted S.

        Which reminds me: I remember how evil “Let’s go Brandon” supposedly was as a chant but telling the current president to fuck himself is virtuous.

      • slumbrew

        I, too, was a Fighting Blue Hen. At least for freshman year.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Wait, who fucks Joe Biden?

        Grafitto needs a little grammar learning.

  5. Sensei

    “I like his Nespresso commercials,” Cracky said.

    “Yeah, those are pretty good,” Hunter admitted.

    Gotta agree…

  6. Ted S.

    So you’re saying Hunter is cranky?

    • R.J.

      He was crankier that an addict with DT’s in that interview.

      Oh wait….

  7. R.J.

    Can we get an evil Cracky named Cranky?

    • Tonio

      Isn’t there a Dark Cracky in the canon?

      • R.J.

        Maybe it could be a “7 dwarves” kind of thing with Cranky, Cracky, Dark Cracky, etc…

      • Aloysious

        … Dopey, Durpy. Dumbkopf is the version that bangs family members.

      • Ted S.

        Sung to the tune of Cher’s “Dark Lady”.

  8. Sean

    And fucking George Clooney.

    Wolfs was barely adequate.

    • R.J.

      George Clooney should be one of the 7 Cracky dwarves.

    • EvilSheldon

      The one that represents bad overpriced tequila…

      • slumbrew

        I, uh, like Casamigos. But, yes, it’s expensive.

  9. Tonio

    “As he lay in his own filth, the sun of his heart began to dim, dim dimmer and dwindled to a cinder of resentment and hate as only the third generation son of wealth and leisure can hate.”

    A beautiful description of the death of certain suns, punctuated by a note of The Fall of the House of Usher.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    “You cleaned up real nice for the interview,” Cracky said.

    He can be a Democratic Socialist spokesmodel. Go on tour with Bernie and AOC.

    • (((Jarflax

      He can do the DNC’s young male outreach. Maybe offer to share the Slavic hookers for votes.

      • (((Jarflax

        Bad as he is, he’s a better choice than Soya Hogg or the wildebeast they just fired.

  11. rhywun

    Needs more cussing.

  12. Sensei

    Not Hunter.

    Boater arrested after crashing into USS Midway Museum
    https://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/boat-crashes-into-uss-midway-initial-damages-estimated-100k/3872434/

    The initial estimated damage caused to the naval aircraft carrier museum located in the San Diego Bay appears to be $100,000, according to the Midway’s Marketing Director, David Koontz.

    The carrier’s hull was not breached, according to Koontz. There were also no disruptions to the museum’s operations, and the museum remains open to the public during its normal visitor hours.

    So repainting this portion of the hull is $100k?

    • UnCivilServant

      You need to buy New Old Stock paint of the correct vintage, and have artisinal marine color specialists apply it.

    • Not Adahn

      The environmental impact study alone will be $40k. Then you’ve got the RFP costs, the painter’s union negotiatiors, the naval scaffold operators…

      • UnCivilServant

        “Yeah, we’re not doing any of that, we’re just hiring a couple of scabs with bosun’s chairs and pocketting the rest of the funds.”

    • Bobarian LMD

      The boat that ran into the Midway for this insurance scam was notionally worth $100k, would be my guess.

      • UnCivilServant

        From the video, the only damage on the smaller boat was some bent antennae

    • Suthenboy

      The hundred K will turn into a cool Mil which will blow away in the wind and 5 years from now the paint wont be fixed.
      When grifters are not held accountable grifting not only becomes pervasive but grows in scale to what we are seeing now. The numbers have grown to the point of being irrelevant and any and all govt action is a scam.
      BTW the Santa Ynez reservoir is ‘back online’ and partially filled. From the photo it looks like there is a puddle in the bottom of it, as in back online but empty. The initial problem was the rubber cover on the surface of the water had a small tear in it. One article described it as “…a few pinhole sized leaks”. Apparently, rather than just replacing the cover in a day they had to commission a few studies and submit the job for bids, a nine month process. I could find no one who would dare give the cost numbers.
      I think what we are watching is the cancer of corruption draining the life out of our country. We are dying.

      • Sean

        USA!
        USA!
        USA!

    • robc

      I visited the Midway three weeks ago. It was far more interesting than I thought it would be.

      • WTF

        I’ve been to the Intrepid museum in Manhattan, it was pretty cool.

      • R C Dean

        I visited it several years ago. It is fascinating.

        The maritime museum nearby is really interesting, too.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Hey, RC, do you have a burner email? I need some legal advise, if that is OK.

      • R C Dean

        Zwak, I don’t have a burner. I also don’t have an active law license, so I can’t give actual legal advice any more.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Relentless seekers of truth

    The daughter of Martin Luther King Jr. said the White House should make public the files on financier-turned-sex offender Jeffrey Epstein after the Trump administration released thousands of files on her father’s 1968 assassination over objections from her and other relatives of the civil rights leader.

    “Now, do the Epstein Files,” Bernice King, CEO of The King Center in Atlanta, wrote in a social media post on X on Monday night.

    Bernice King’s social media post, accompanied by a black-and-white photo of her late father, came after she and her brother, Martin Luther King III, issued a statement on the government’s release on Monday of 230,000 files related to their father’s assassination.

    “As the children of Dr. King and Mrs. Coretta Scott King, his tragic death has been an intensely personal grief — a devastating loss for his wife, children, and the granddaughter he never met — an absence our family has endured for over 57 years,” the children of the civil rights’ leader said in their statement. “We ask those who engage with the release of these files to do so with empathy, restraint, and respect for our family’s continuing grief.”

    Entrepreneurial pioneers of the grief-industrial complex. They have erected a massive and imposing edifice atop the body of their father. It would be a shame if they were to lose their grip on the intellectual property rights they have worked so hard to stake out.

    • Suthenboy

      I always heard MLK was a incorrigible womanizer but the family’s objections make me think it is something else. Gay?
      Neither of those things seem to justify their reluctance.

    • B.P.

      My parents both died in the 2010s. I occasionally think of them in a nostalgic and wistful manner. They weren’t murdered nor did they die at a young age, but “family’s continuing grief” after 57 years seems a little over the top, particularly for a “granddaughter he never met”. Both of my grandfathers died well before I was born. I guess everyone’s entitled to their own form of grief.

      • kinnath

        The continuing grief is honkies quoting MLK and showing how modern progressivism is a betrayal of MLK’s legacy.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        I bet they still vote Democrat, despite modern team blue shitting all over King’s legacy.

    • Sensei

      “During this period, Security Forces Airmen will be equipped with the M4 rifle, ensuring no lapse in AFGSC’s security posture.”

      I’m sure they will be happy to be lugging that around.

      • UnCivilServant

        Getting shot by a holstered weapon is worse than having to deal with a rifle in weight/awkwardness.

      • Drake

        Their holstered pistols may be the biggest threat they face.

    • Not Adahn

      The guy who is normally the face of SIG at USPSA events has been retasked with dealing with this fiasco, so he was notably absent last weekend.

      I wanted to make a joke about them having piles of returned P320s lying around they could use as prizes, but I refrained.

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s long past the point where a product recall was called for. The guts need to be changed so that they don’t “Just go off”.

        PR – they’re screwed because of how long they’ve denied it.

      • Sean

        I’d totally swap my P320 Carry for a Fuse.

      • Not Adahn

        I entered the certificate number into SIG’s website, so I should have one in a few weeks.

    • EvilSheldon

      So, SIG P320-based pistols can fire without the trigger being pressed, that is well documented at this point.

      BUT…

      This particular incident involved an M18 in a Safariland holster. If this was a Safariland light-bearing holster, those generally have awful trigger guard coverage – it’s just a necessary element of the design, there needs to be enough room for the weapon-mounted light to get into and out of the holster.

      So there’s an easy path for something (like a drawstring or a zipper pull) to get into the holster and snag the trigger, and even pull the trigger if the holster is removed from the belt. It’s happened before, and it’s one of the reasons that I recommend that people who carry avoid or remove those kind of loose strings on their clothing.

      So is this bad for SIG? Yes. Are there reasonable ways that this could not be SIG’s fault? Also yes. Is it a smoking gun (pun intended)? No, not yet.

      P.S. – Even if the M18 is proven absolutely blameless safety-wise, it should still be replaced as a military service pistol due to it’s history of malfunctions and accelerated parts wear (which no one is talking about.)

      • Drake

        The M18 had a manual safety right?

      • EvilSheldon

        “The M18 had a manual safety right?”

        Yes it does. I am told, however, that AFGSC policy is to holster the pistol with the safety off. This is probably a policy carry-over from when they issued the M9. Still stupid, but a bureaucratic kind of stupid that I somewhat understand.

    • kinnath

      I look forward to seeing what gun jesus has to say.

    • Sean

      The real question is was it M1152 or M1153?

  14. SugarFree

    Cranky is a typo. The meth makes me from typing for shit.

    • Sean

      I legit expected the story to be about meth.

    • R.J.

      It was a great typo. Fail forward and use your mistakes.

    • Timeloose

      Cranky could be Hunter’s ghost of Christmas future. He will be a mustachioed 1%!biker from the 70’s that foretells the end of hunter by the blade of his old lady Doris.

  15. DEG

    As he lay in his own filth, the sun of his heart began to dim, dim dimmer and dwindled to a cinder of resentment and hate as only the third generation son of wealth and leisure can hate.

    Ominous.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Cranky is a typo.

    Tuping is hsrd.

  17. EvilSheldon

    Ouch. $1300 for a round-trip flight from DC to Vegas and a rental car for a week. Practical shooting is not for the poors…

    • Sensei

      Should be called impractical shooting.

      • EvilSheldon

        To be fair, this is for flying out to PCSL 2-gun National Championships for a week. I can go to a local match for $40, half a tank of gas, and dinner and a few beers at More Better Beer Garden.

    • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      I assume you fly with your guns? How does a fella do that without starting AN INCIDENT at the ticket counter?

      Maybe an article for Glibs?

      • Sensei

        You just declare them and check them. Problem is when your flight gets diverted to NJ…

      • EvilSheldon

        That might indeed make a good article. It’s not terribly hard, if you know what you’re doing and can avoid looking like a full-fledged dirtbag for a few hours…

      • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        …avoid looking like a full-fledged dirtbag for a few hours…

        Damn it! Not with this beard.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    There are additional as-yet unconfirmed claims circulating online that the airman assigned to the 90th Security Forces Squadron died after their M18 went off without the trigger being pulled. The individual in question is claimed to have removed the pistol, still in its holster, from their belt and put it on a table before it went off.

    Evil spirits.

    I don’t know how that pistol functions, but that sounds iffy.

    • Sean

      SUS AF.

    • kinnath

      I fucking hate seeing “their” when used for individuals.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      The Car Suddenly Accelerated!

      SUS AF, as sean put it.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    I watched the video of the pistol function. It all seems so simple. What could go wrong?

    • ron73440

      I don’t watch the news (that statement would horrify my mother every time I said it), but I’m guessing they are acting like all this is nothing, just like they did with the Twitter Files.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Not quite nothing, as they have released the talking heads to the complacent media.

        In other words, they are starting to get the wagons in a circle.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        By the way, if not watching the news horrifies your mother, point out that her grandfather probably didn’t either.

    • The Other Kevin

      6 years and counting. She got a lot of the other Dems to say that, too. Sometimes I just can’t believe this is happening, it’s the best case of poetic justice I’ve ever seen.

    • Sean

      “heavy tranquilizers”

      Oh my!

    • Ted S.

      And yet she’s still alive close to nine years on.

      • (((Jarflax

        That’s why she lifts and shoots.

  20. Suthenboy

    Devil’s advocate with alternate view of MLK: He was a communist and while the cause he championed was righteous and many of the things he said gold his ultimate aim was the destruction of western culture. The FBI wasn’t after him because he wanted black equality, they were after him because he was a commie.

    https://inthesetimes.com/article/martin-luther-king-jr-day-socialism-capitalism

    *ducks*

    • R.J.

      No need to duck. When I think about these things it makes me wonder if her really would be rolling in his grave over how the democrats implement his vision today, or if he would be overjoyed.

    • Sean

      Wasn’t that an X-files episode?

    • Drake

      The FBI was after him because he was destabilizing. Same reason they were after Trump.

    • Ed Wuncler

      As time has gone on, I’m more of a fan of Malcolm X than I am of MLK. Grateful for what he did, but Malcolm X understood that in order for the black community to be on par with the whites, they have to be equal before the law and also uplift themselves through education, discipline, and being entrepreneurial. He also was one of the first ones who realized that welfare was nothing more than a trap for black people and that we shouldn’t take the bait.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        I think MLK had the right idea; non-violent resistance is the way to go. But, in a similar vein, Ghandi had issues too, and they shouldn’t be overlooked either.

      • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        Mandela had issues as well.

        /ain’t no saints down here.

    • Suthenboy

      Looking at the history of it it is hard to tell what the truth about the guy is but I will say this:

      It doesnt matter.

      The ideas stand on their own merits regardless of who pointed them out. We should celebrate ideas, not people.

      RJ: Didnt they chisel a King likeness and quote off of the all at some NW university because ‘misogyny!’ ? Whether King was a leftist or not the proggies today despise his ideas.

      • Sensei

        100%. I just find it funny they called him this in 2020.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Nothing will happen but damn, that’s real?

      • R.J.

        Exactly. If that group so much as gets a parking ticket I will be amazed.

    • (((Jarflax

      Ok, not to give aid and comfort to the enemy BUT. The video showed the email, and it does not say that. It says Trying to give the campaign… No smoking gun for anything except possibly a Hatch Act violation