“BIG BALLS!” Elon sang, Elon sprang.
“BIG BALLS!” Donald cried, waving the African-American into The Oval Office.
“Who let him back in?” the hair asked, hat-grumpy.
“You can’t buy this sort of PR,” the hat said, hair-blithe.
“I’m really proud of Eddie,” Elon said.
“Who is Eddie?” Donald asked.
“Edward Coristine, Mr. President,” Karoline whispered from behind a ficus.
“Who?” Donald asked loudly, turning to The Whispering Ficus.
“Big Balls’ real name is Edward Croistine, Mr. President,” Karoline continued to whisper.
Donald held his hands wide and made his “duh, get on with it” face.
Karoline, at the edge of audibility, “Eddie is a diminutive of Edward, sir.”
“Eddie is another name for Edward and Edward Coristine is nicknamed “‘Big Balls,’” the hat said.
Donald nodded sagely.
“It’s who we are all talking about, Donald,” the hair said.
“BIG BALLS!” Elon called, making his voice boom.
“BIG BALLS!” Donald answered back.
“He fought off 12 men, did Skinny Eddie,” Elon said.
Donald reached for his morning can of Diet Coke.
“Drink me, Donald, drink me like one of your Diet Cokes,” it said, in a ringing aluminum voice.
The door, the desk, the rug, the carpet moaned. Karoline’s ficus melted.
“What the fuck it happening?” the hat said.
The hair merely screamed.
“Mr. President!” the Secret Service agent yelled from the roof access hatch, “I need you to come back inside.”
“How did we get on the roof?” the hair asked, holding on tight to Donald’s scalp.
“There is a risk of snipers, sir!”
“Where am I?” Donald asked.
“It’s the roof of the White House,” the hat said.
“What’s that?” the hair asked, fluttering and pointing.
There was a small dingy thing on the roof, wet and muddy. It turned menacingly.
“Yew are on the roof ‘cause I wannated yew here,” said USA hat.
“Hey, it’s USA hat!” the hair said superfluously.
“Yew left me up here for FOUR DAMN YEARS!” USA hat screamed.
“I hoped you were dead,” the hat said.
“Trapped up here, Ah was forced to develop muh mental abilities, to hone my mind. Ah brought y’all up here. It is time fer a reckoning,” USA hat drawled. “Like Carrie from that movie Carrie.”
“You can sure can see a lot of stuff from up here,” Donald said.
The hat and USA hat went for each other, screeching like barn owls.
“SIR!’ the Secret Service agent said.
“I’m just going for a walk,” Donald said, shooing him away.
“Man, I had forgotten all about that guy,” the hair said, watching the hats wrestling in the roof muck.
“Fresh air,” Donald said. “It’s nice. I should build a golf course up here.”
“Donald,” the hair said, “Be careful. You are getting close to the edge of the building.”
“Or maybe just a Putt-Putt course,” Donald mused.
“Reporters are here,” the hair said, as the hats slowed in their battle, eventually getting down to just muttering curses and glaring.
Donald waved to them, and smiled. They asked distant questions. “I like it up here!” he called down to them.
“BIG BALLS!” Elon sang, Elon sprang.
“BIG BALLS!” Donald cried, waving the African-American into The Oval Office.
I see what you did there.
If Jeff Bezos had a hair on his ass, the Big Balls incident would have a front-page write-up in the WaPo Style section.
Then the social pages could say they have the biggest balls of all….
Well, I’m upper, upper-class, high-society
God’s gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom, the event is never small
The social pages say I’ve got the biggest balls of all
My karaoke go-to.
Delightfully unhinged today.
What makes you say that?
Karoline’s ficus melted.
Prequel plot twist: Harvey Weinstein gifted his famous ficus to the White House before he shuffled off to prison.
And it’s sentient now. Because of all the jizz.
I would question ‘sentient’, but would definitely buy ‘feral and fecund’.
A ficus is a member of the fig tree family…
Does that mean my sock is gonna start talking to me now?
What if it was sapient?
You’ve got a friend in jimbo, you’ve got a friend in Him
The biblical name for him is james, the nickname for James is jim
The nickname for jim is jimbo, what very very special things he’ll do
Yeah you’ve got a friend in jimbo, if he’s got a friend in you
I, for one, did not know that His Popeness had a song dedicated -hallelujah! – to his Jimboness.
Not just one. J-I-M-B-O!
His trailer is double wide.
I’m not sure why anyone would want a Jimbo in them?
“Fresh air,” Donald said. “It’s nice. I should build a golf course up here.”
A par three with a swimming hole water hazard.
Girls in gator bikinis?
That was hilariously surreal.
Somebody check the Diet Coke dispenser for traces of cheap blotter…
Somebody came across the Hunter stash?
Donald waved to them, and smiled. They asked distant questions. “I like it up here!” he called down to them.
You all look so tiny and insignificant, like the insects you are.
“Look down there. Tell me. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you twenty thousand pounds for every dot that stopped, would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare?”
Ha! That was my exact same reaction to Brooks.
(I know it from an ep in Law & Order (Briscoe or nothing); it ‘inspired’ me to find that scene on the youtube, and it’s the only bit of the movie I know. Welles kinda was good at his job.))
😀
The Third Man is my favorite movie. There’s an ever-shifting 12-way battle royale on for second place, but The Third Man is in no danger of losing the championship…
OMG this one was amazing.
This is the moment when I realized something was up:
Prior to that I was accepting Elon and Karoline as having talked to Hunter.
And was USA Hat’s dialect established here or in the animated series?
And was USA Hat’s dialect established here or in the animated series?
Both. I always used the bumpkin dialect, CPRM drew it as a hillbilly on that basis, and then voiced it the same in his cartoons.
Big balls in cow town
And “mostly working class Black and Latino children” hardest hit.
Never change, The New Republic. I guess your intrepid reporter was there to film the incident.
Go ‘way, or I shall taunt you some more
President Donald Trump said Tuesday he would “probably not” run for a third term.
“I’d like to run,” he said when asked about the possibility on CNBC’s Squawk Box. “I have the best poll numbers I’ve ever had.”
The 22nd Amendment prohibits anyone from being elected president more than twice. That applies to Trump as well, despite his two terms being nonconsecutive.
But allies of the president — and Trump himself — have repeatedly floated him serving another term despite that constitutional prohibition. There are possible ways Trump could try to get around this mandate, including repealing the amendment or running for vice president and ascending to the presidency, POLITICO reported.
Trump has previously declined to rule out a third term, telling NBC in March there “are methods” to assume office again if he wanted to.
He knows how to rile them up.
We’re all breathlessly awaiting his decision.
🙄
There is an art to keeping just the right amount of heat to maintain a good rolling boil without having the pot boil over.
For TOK re: sugar baby wannabes,
Have them make accounts on fetlife.com, reddit.com and seekingarrangements.com. Then look at their competition. Have them decide what their rates would need to be in order to land a whale. Then have them look at the sugardaddies.
Neither one of them is anywhere near that organized. I think they are both on the standard dating sites, and they might find some middle aged guy with a decent job willing to pay for their dinner and maybe a vacation, but I predict that’s the best case for either of them.
They need to remember that any guy who goes for them will pretty much by definition be someone they wouldn’t bang for free.
Good point. Someone good looking and rich is either taken, or looking for some high quality arm candy.
TOK:
Let me guess, they’re looking for the 6-6-6 men only?
Which trait is in which place? I mean I fit two out of three of those criteria.
I won’t pay people to hang out with me though…
Iron Maiden fans?
6-6-6 if you hit the mark, you get the beast
“Not being organized’ is a trait that guarantees that a sex worker* will be living in her car and turning tricks for heroin before she’s thirty.
* – Sugar babies are sex workers. Just like strippers, hookers, masseuses, OF girls, fetish models, porn stars. They all need to work the same way and avoid the same pitfalls if they have any shot at being successful.
made to order v. boutique v. retail v. wholesale = sugar baby v. escort v. house v. street
Looking back at what you wrote this morning; they are 100% delusional thinking they will get anything resembling a “sugar baby” scenario as outlined in the media.
Yeah, they might get a not-so-attractive divorcee to take them out for a meal but that’s about it.
I’ll carry over one idea from my post on the dead thread since everybody is over here now:
I’m not saying we should go back to Victorian morals in all situations, but I wish more people would realize that some of the difficult life situations that people face today (e.g. trying to secure male financial support when you’re 50) are a result of discarding all sexual/romantic wisdom and turning it into a free-for-all. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
It goes back to what I said yesterday, if you want to be an freak, geek, or outside the standard culture, realize that there’s a cost associated with it. Want a face tattoo, gauges in your ears, and horns? Go for it! Expect normies to treat you like a normal person, fuck off. You are making it clear that you are the “other” and different, which is fine. Want to be polygamous? Go for it! Expect it to be a lot harder, with more drama, and a lot of judgement from people.
Wow I really kicked off a discussion.
I remember a few years ago on Twitter some guy theorizing that men have a good idea of where they are on the attractiveness scale, so a guy who’s a 5 will be happy with a woman who’s a 5, etc. But most women think they deserve a man who’s a 9 or 10, hence you get a lot of women chasing the same men, and those men don’t settle down because why should they?
Kind of the same situation here, these two are underestimating their competition.
I want to say it was OKCupid that released a treasure trove of anonymized data. From what I recall, men generally reached out to women that were rated (by other people interested in women) of all ranges. Women generally only responded or messaged men that were rated in the top 5-10% as rated (by other people interested in men). However, to get more confusing, there’s been studies that men (in general) will rate women relatively the same (I believe the standard range was within 2 points, so I may say she’s a 7, someone else says she’s a 9, and a third says they’re a 5), women rating men’s appearance was all over the place.
Today there was work to be done, but it was exceedingly boring work. I had to develop a billing report and write up the process. This report is just pulling a JSON into Excel, extracting a subset of the data and throwing it into a pivot table.
It bored me out of my skull, but I’m certain anyone working here could follow my process document. (There is a minimum level of computer literacy compared to a random sampling of the general populace).
It was just such a dull task my brain shut down.
Jason? Does he still work here?
No, we fired him for touching himself in the server room.
Rightly so. Everyone knows you do that shit in the lobby so Janine can evaluate you on style and technique.
Mad Scientist:
Why do I care what that bitch thinks? It’s not for her.
Jesus, keep your voice down! If you piss her off she’ll just give you a worse evaluation.
The Bee scores again!
Secret Service In Awe As Trump Walks On Moderately Sloped Roof
https://babylonbee.com/news/secret-service-in-awe-as-trump-walks-on-moderately-sloped-roof
My roof is moderately sloped! I wonder how much The Donald would charge to replace my leaking skylight.
All skylights leak. They are designed to do that.
Between the Bee and the Sugarverse sometimes I have no idea if a story actually happened or not.
NEEDZ MOAR CENSORSHIP
https://archive.is/XXrfS
For some reason I imagined the USA hat as the Billy Bob Thornton character in Sling Blade. Mmm, hmm.
Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines
Asked why he was on the roof, he replied he was just “taking a little walk.”
Quizzed about what he intended to build, he joked “nuclear missiles,” before appearing to mimic the launch of a weapon with his arm.
The biggest missiles. The best missiles.
Nobody’s seen anything like them.
“Trump has just declared WWIII”
/the media
Reagan did it first.
The 79-year-old leader recently announced plans for the ballroom, in what is shaping up to be the most significant project at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in over a century.
Which beggars the question- who is going to actually do the work? The Army Corps of Engineers? It will take more than a decade to assemble a private work force with the appropriate security clearances and proven loyalty, never mind actual skills.
More significant than gutting the insides and rebuilding the interior that too place in the Truman administration?
James Madison cleared the building in a day.
Oh c’mon, one of Trump’s flunkies just swings by the nearest Home Depot and wrangles up a crew.
The Trump organization builds skyscrapers, a ballroom would be pretty trivial.
India has till Friday to stop buying Russian oil, or else – because we are the boss of the world.
I don’t think Trump will like the answer.
https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/cooperation/india-russia-sign-protocol-to-deepen-industrial-and-technological-cooperation
🥳
Next cut off the H-series visas!
Where he should have started.
And tax remittances.
Who knew that most of the rest of the world doesn’t give a shit our squabbles with Putin Man Bad.
Europe won’t allow Russian crude oil to be imported. So the Indians are buying it and selling refined gas and diesel to Europe. The Euros can’t stop themselves from buying it because they need it, but they want daddy Trump to break their bad habits.
Hence Trump going over there and telling them to buy our oil.
Round and round she goes.
Australian media freaking out about the same thing: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-07-30/seferis-tanker-believed-containing-fuel-derived-from-russian-oil/105583260
From the AM links I forgot about this:
Dana Plato, 34, had just $1,000 in her Bank Account when she took her own life a day after being humiliated on ‘The Howard Stern Show’ on Mother’s Day in 1999.
https://x.com/CilComLFC/status/1952923535577628742
The question of OD versus suicide is never going to be answered. But the show was Stern being the peak a** he was known to be.
Howard Stern is a piece of shit and I never thought he was funny even before he became a political hack. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Preach it, Q. I listened to his show a few times back at his peak (such as it was), and found it kind of repellent.
Don’t remember any of that but I think cherry-picking an unfortunate happenstance out of thin air and pinning it on him is complete BS.
Yeah, I’m not pinning it on him. That’s the quote from the X link. I’d just forgotten it.
Yeah I know. I was referring that Twit.
Honestly, I love poking around in old buildings; I’d probably go on the roof as well as every other place if I lived in the White House. Sometimes I go into businesses in old buildings just to look at the rafters and door heights.
I trust you’ve looked into some of the urban exploring channels and the like? I know I’ve seen several videos of people going into some of the old abandoned malls and shopping centers through Akron and Mid-Ohio.
Oh yea, those are awesome. Abandoned malls have a weird charm, especially since “the mall” was kind of an exciting place and always seemed to be jam-packed. Sometimes I walk around the nearly-dead mall in Piqua (Miami Valley Center Mall, I think) just because it has kind of a ghostly quality. There’s a weird hotel there and more empty stores than occupied ones.
Yeah, my town has a dying mall that is so sad to walk through. I am there a lot if only because that is where Target is, and where my primary care doctor is now (some long departed department store was converted to medical offices).
One of the two remaining movie houses is there too, but I don’t go out to watch movies anymore either.
Even the parking lots are hilariously decrepit.
And now I’m wondering if Trump had OSHA mandated rigging and safety gear while he was on the roof.
Under OSHA, the employer is responsible for providing proper safety gear and training for the employee. So the American people are on the hook for his OSHA violations.
Impeach!
The wagons are circling! We’ve got him now!
https://babylonbee.com/news/uh-oh-trump-just-watched-the-new-superman-and-now-hes-on-the-roof-with-a-red-blanket-tied-around-his-neck
‘“Drink me, Donald, drink me like one of your Diet Cokes,” it said, in a ringing aluminum voice.”
Then on with the rug, I imagine I’m not the only one who read that as (IMO) intended. I had tremendously missed opportunities with both Hannah Lore and with another Yasmeen at IU. Hannah woulda been a life-changer, had I realized what was going on. I’ve had many fantasies of the two of them saying something remarkably similar to what the can says.
The can hums the truth.
@Neph: I think we need to know more about the secret circles you are privy to. I’m especially interested.
*furrows brow, fingers perched*
Which secret circles? I am a freak and geek, and have been hanging out in those circles for *mumble mumble* years at this point. I’ve advised yutes about the colors of their laces, taught others histories of the subcultures [especially local lore], been to several different “alternative” events, and enjoy the times I can both freak the mundanes as well as the other freaks and geeks.
Your reply to my bro offering me his wife and other Glibs and pineapple talk.
It’s an odd reality, as I’m mostly curious how social cliques in general occur in America these days. I still don’t know anyone Stateside. I don’t have any friends and Munchkin in Minnesota has ghosted me.
I’m also a 38yo, childless, single male. (Imagine that with a woman and the hormone surge in their twilight 30s. Inject a silo of testosterone and you have me.)
I’m looking to make friends, more than conquests, though yes, please. What platforms do people use? Pretty much, I’m looking to find folk in my area who are at least morally on the same page. I live in a scarily affluent, True-Blue Blue Carmel, IN. I feel out of place here. (It’s for Established Folk, which I’m not.)
Evan:
I’ll need to go back and look, I know of the symbolism of the pineapple (go figure, there’s a large cross over in Tiki culture), and several others through friends and friends of friends.
For me, it was going to shows, bars, gaming, conventions, and places like this. I’m also generally interested in people’s various cultures and hobbies, especially if it’s something that’s new to me. Few things will get people talking than asking about their interests. It’s just another form of tribalism, and I leave politics and religion talk aside for the most part until I really know someone (but I also won’t let assumptions of my beliefs go unchallenged).
I find it easier to mentally model people and groups in my head based on overlapping subcultures, which guides the way I move through society and through the various cultures. I’m also much more at home at an underground jazz club than I am at a country club.
My days of being in any of various innocuous “sub-cultures” ended a couple decades ago.
I look back on some of it with faint embarrassment.
Where do people go online to chat?
It’s rather embarrassing, I suppose. I don’t know where folk are online. I suppose my biggest interests are writing, music (drummer), and baseball. Just flip around through reddit for locals? (I’ve never redditted.)
Back in Asia, the expat communities were remarkably easy to find. (Ya kinda have to.) And open and fun. The inherent community cohesion is remarkable. Here? Uh.. folk just know each other from high school? *shrug*
/looks at browser address bar
Evan:
I can’t help with that part of it. There’s been quite a few pieces written about the lack of male spaces for guys to meet and interact with other guys to make friends. If you like gaming at all, there’s usually several groups doing board game meetups in large cities, there’s leagues (bowling, skee-ball, darts, pinball, etc.), meet and greets (generally at events, Viva had the Hooch and Smooch), concerts, sports bars, and the like.
But you (or anyone else), can always feel free to shoot me an e-mail at my handle at the mail of Google.
Before we all drifted apart my friends were all either from college or the club scene. I haven’t met anyone “new” in decades but I’m a bit of a loner so I don’t really care.
Adding TOK to the mix.
I’ve started a personal mission to be more engaging with folk. Like me, most folk are so bubbled in. It’s a rather odd time in humanity.
@Rhy as well. Like you and many who ‘roamed the scene in NYC’ (or wherever), I do miss it. Just ‘I’m gonna go to TimeWorld (convenient cabbie direction to a big strip in Daejeon) and I’ll find people and entertainment. Literally, every single time.
Social primates often forget how social they really are ‘supposed’ to be. It’s integral to our entire species. Thrilled, I am not, for my generation’s eager acceptance, and cultivation, of Skynet. <– They see-eth not, the unwisdom of their ways.
The Trump organization builds skyscrapers, a ballroom would be pretty trivial.
Not on the White House grounds. Does anybody seriously think swarms of random construction workers are going to be allowed to just roam freely at the very beating heart of the Leviathan?
And besides, the Dems will just accuse him of trying to profit from it.
Nothing is going to happen there.
Do I think those construction crews would pose the slightest danger to Trump? I do not.
I do, however, foresee a major freakout on the part of the security apparat if work actually commences.
Isnt Blair House the standard backup residence for when work is done on the Whitehouse? Trump wouldn’t miss a beat. For that matter he could work out of Mar a Lago.
Yes. There’s been plenty of construction work done on the WH and all workers are vetted. And the SS will have people everywhere, including on the construction crews. Nothing to see here except watching a ballroom get built.
He’s probably safer with the construction workers than with the long term staff.