“Are you ready for this?” Dark Cracky asked.
Hunter jerked awake and sat up a little straighter. “I’m fine, I can do it..”
“You are going to have to go out there and talk, right? Like, in front of people, no editing.”
“Leave him alone,” Cracky said. “He’s doing the best that he can.”
“Where’s my pipe?” Hunter rasped, after he wiped his burnt-white lips.
“You dropped it,” Dark Cracky said. “It broke.”
“It was the sort of mistake anyone could make,” Cracky said soothingly.
Hunter pushed the hotel desk chair across the room to his luggage, grunting with the effort. He unzipped his shaving bag and dozens of crack pipes spilled out.
“Is more me a good idea right now?” Cracky asked.
“We need you straight!” Dark Cracky said. “This is your comeback tour! This is your chance to get back in the spotlight!”
“I’m moderating a Carnival and Talent Show,” Hunter said. “What does that even mean? How do you moderate a talent show?”
“You get out there and moderate the shit out of it,” Dark Cracky said, “that’s how!”
“What does that even mean?” Cracky asked.
“Stop! Both of you!” Hunter screamed. “I don’t want this anymore, I want to stop!”
A beam of light opened up in the hotel room ceiling, bright yellow like the autumn sun.
“I am here for you, my child,” a buttery voice said, filling the room and a figure descended, sparkling in the sunlight. He was beautiful.
“Wha… what’s going on?” Hunter asked. “Who are you?”
“I am,” Golden Cracky said.
“What the fuck is going on?” Dark Cracky demanded. Original Recipe Cracky gawped in awe.
“Begone,” Golden Cracky said, spinning like a top. Cracky and his noir counterpart exploded into fine dust and a sudden howling wind carried them away.
Hunter rubbed his crusted eyes. “Who are you?” Hunter asked again.
“I am light, I am joy, I am confidence, I am life,” Golden Cracky said.
“What’s wrong with him now?” Dark Cracky asked Cracky and they watched Hunter convulse on the floor.
“I love to watch him sleep,” Cracky said.
Golden Cracky produced a crack pipe made of pure diamond and it floated into Hunter’s out-stretched hand. Then there was a culinary torch, whose shell swirled with arcane symbols; a powerful gout of crack-immolating fire shot forth that Hunter knew was imbued with the very flames of Hell itself.
“I hope wakes up in time to do the show,” Cracky fretted.
“Eh… They knew who they were hiring,” Dark Cracky said.
Golden Cracky then pooped a small nugget of Himself that serenely docked into the diamond crack pipe.
“Partake of Me and know new life,” Golden Cracky said. Hunter lit the torch.
“Remember the time he took DMT and shit himself?” Dark Cracky asked.
“He said the machine-elves were after him,” Cracky said fondly.
Hunter was and was not. Hunter knew eternity.
A source-less voice that wrapped around him like a winter blanket said, “With me, you will indeed moderate the shit out of that talent show,” Golden Cracky said.
Did I miss some news item that would make SugarFree write this new Cracky episode?
It’s the poster. It’s real. Hunter is on this traveling podcast thing.
https://fordhamobserver.com/82093/recent/arts-and-culture/channel-5-goes-live-at-brooklyn-paramount/
I would normally snark here, but it just seems inadequate.
Life really is trying to be stranger than fiction, even SF fiction.
Joe E. Brown did it in Broad-Minded all the way back in 1931:
https://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/2024/11/04/031123/87629711/historyweird3.jpeg
That’s like Spinal Tap opening for the puppet show.
https://www.facebook.com/sunshinetheater/posts/-hunter-biden-has-joined-the-all-gas-no-brakeschannel-5-carnival-tour-w-journali/1237189621901669/
I tried reading some of that and I still have no idea what it is.
I bet I don’t want to, anyway.
Entities perceived during DMT inebriation have been represented in diverse forms of psychedelic art. The term machine elf was coined by ethnobotanist Terence McKenna for the entities he encountered in DMT “hyperspace”, along with terms like fractal elves, or self-transforming machine elves. McKenna first encountered the “machine elves” after smoking DMT in Berkeley in 1965. His subsequent speculations regarding the hyperdimensional space in which they were encountered have inspired a great many artists and musicians, and the meaning of DMT entities has been a subject of considerable debate among participants in a networked cultural underground, enthused by McKenna’s effusive accounts of DMT hyperspace.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dimethyltryptamine
Haruki Murakami has said that they shift the gears in his car. He drives an automatic.
Cracky!
Also, literally every time someone literarily begins with the first line Are you ready for this?
“Original Recipe Cracky”
SF is the Best.
That was my favorite.
That was great, almost choked on my sandwich at that part.
“I love to watch him sleep,” was the chef’s kiss.
The light burns brightest right before it goes out?
Callaghan, who grew up in Seattle, Washington, discovered his talent for storytelling as a high school student documenting the Occupy Seattle movement for his school newspaper. This work earned Callaghan a full scholarship to Loyola University New Orleans, where he studied journalism.
A modern day Ernie Pyle.
Hilarious and on-point, Brooks. Speaking of, that’s a helluva Hoosier who doesn’t get name-dropped often enough in ‘our’ famous ppl list. (That would require folk to ‘know’ history. Hrm.)
Hunter jerked awake
Masturbation to wake up? Huh.
Hunter, much like Chuck Norris, does not sleep, he merely waits.
Very nice.
– “Eh… They knew who they were hiring,” Dark Cracky said.
Dark Cracky is a realist. Love it
Golden Cracky? Cracky the angel? An ascended version of Cracky? Unexpected, but fun. I’m associating Golden Cracky with Golden Graham cereal. I loved that stuff as a kid.
Golden Cracky then pooped a small nugget of Himself…
So much for that childhood memory.
It *appears* golden and good. I have my suspicions.
If any of us were actually English, I’d say that SF is taking the piss. But the intimation of deviance might ruin our family Friendly rating.
The body of Cracky. Amen.
It’s the poster. It’s real. Hunter is on this traveling podcast thing.
The horror, the horror… I would have been happier to believe this was just something SugarFree dreamt darkly.
Golden Cracky produced a crack pipe made of pure diamond and it floated into Hunter’s out-stretched hand. Then there was a culinary torch, whose shell swirled with arcane symbols; a powerful gout of crack-immolating fire shot forth that Hunter knew was imbued with the very flames of Hell itself.
I will never again be able to consider The Lady of the Lake without thinking of this.
The shimmering waters parted, sounding like velcro being ripped apart, and from the depths appeared…
Putting the image of The Lady of the Lake being Hillary in my head has ruined my life.
Strange Eldritch Whorers wriggling about in ponds distributing crack is no basis for a system of Government.
“Strange Eldritch Whorers wriggling about in ponds distributing crack is no basis for a system of Government.”
It’s the worst form of government except for all of the others.
I like soothing Cracky. So tender, caring. I’m fearful of butter voice.
…I was correct to be. Legit lol at Original Recipe Cracky. (And “serenely docked” in the diamond pipe.) Bravo to EP 8, though I, too, wonder of Hunter’s return. He can’t be allowed to see light. DNC diktat. I hope he returns. A Tell-All book would be glorious. Ghostwritten by someone good, hopefully. The Truth would be so much richer. (Yes. We *can* handle it. Or I can. SF especially can.)
“serenely docked”
Indeed, that was glorious.
Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.
Hunter’s Wife was instantly turned into a pillar of crack, and smoked on the remainder of the journey.
I’m reading this thinking of Bob Geldof
Hello
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home?
Come on now
I hear you’re feeling down
Well, I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again
However, while grabbing the lyrics I just learned Waters wrote this song after getting tranquilized by some questionable doc in Philly before a show. Allegedly because of the effects of hepatitis. Now the hepatitis brings up a whole second set of questions…
Beautiful.
*wipes away a single tear*
*in Golden Cracky’s presence, tear instantly vaporizes into a puff of blonde mist, infiltrating Sean’s senses*
One can never tell how many levels of reality there are in the Sugarverse.
I think that part is actually Freeverse.
Surprise
SHM was supposed to kick off customer deliveries of the Afeela 1 late this year. The launch trim was the $102,900 Signature, with a more affordable $89,900 Origin scheduled for a 2027 debut, but those plans obviously won’t materialize. Pre-production had already started at Honda’s East Liberty Auto Plant in Ohio, so canceling the car this late doesn’t bode well for the joint venture established less than four years ago.
——-
As you can imagine, such drastic decisions are something companies try to avoid at all costs. Honda now appears to be cutting its losses and rethinking its EV strategy, likely concluding that the planned models wouldn’t have been successful enough.
Wheels fall off Honda/Sony EV joint venture.
From my post in the last thread – maybe if they put a big fake chrome grill on it they would have had more interest?
Hundred thousand dollar shoe horn.
Like I said on dead thread, modern cars suck and all look alike.
Interview with Afroman juror:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ch76QpDl5s
Buying a salad for lunch, the net was $10.80. I gave the cashier $11. She couldn’t figure out the change. Couldn’t figure out the denominations of the coinage. Called in a second person, who couldn’t do math, but at least knew the denominations. I had to repeatedly tell them the correct amount of change I was owed.
(-.-)
yes, I know that’s an expensive salad. My poor choice in deciding to buy rather than bring bagged isn’t the issue. How can you work as a cashier and not know cash.
Swipe right
I don’t understand.
She’s easy.
Because you used this strange thing called “cash”.
Did you adjust your monocle and tell them it was “two bits?”
I should hope not, since that would have been dishonest.
The first change offered was four bits.
And here I thought a bit was a dime all this time.
A bit is an 1/8th. Hence, two bits; four bits; six bits; a dollar.
I’m not a drug dealer.
I don’t do math in 1/8s or hexadecimal.
Apparently not a pirate either. ‘Bits’ is derived from Spanish pieces-of-eight.
You absolutely won’t find me on the high seas.
I’m a land lubber.
I will now quote high culture and art and stuff:
Daffy Duck:
Boy, this is the kind of story I like. I can just taste all those pieces of eight. And doubloons. And triploons. And, uh, quadruploons. And, uh, uh, quintuploons.
In a post about Cracky, we are all on the high seas.
It’s now been 2 years since Key Bridge fell in Baltimore. This is how much is rebuilt:
https://x.com/EndWokeness/status/2036537775646769202
From the comments:
Initial cost projection: $1.7 billion
Updated cost projection: $5.2 billion
Opening day moved from 2028 to 2030
My quick Google:
The original ENTIRE bridge was $141m in 1972 dollars which is $1.1bn today. And it took 5 years to build. JFC.
“We have not paid off the various party stakeholders and cronies.”
Prevailing wage union job no doubt.
Which was present when their joint bridge was built in the 70’s. Arguably unions were far stronger then too. Extra costs and time are coming from elsewhere. Consultants, program managers, and layers of approval process would be my guess.
GL: that would have been my guess, with the “layers of approval process” encompassing whatever exponential increase in government regulations has taken place.
Are the right people getting paid? That’s all that matters.
I’ve said this before, but in many ways our society has been moving backwards.
They must have brought in some project managers from California.
Palantir CTO @ssankar in 2024:
“For $10 billion, @elonmusk put 300 rockets in orbit.”
“For $11 billion the state of California has built 1600ft of elevated rail, with no rail.”
maybe if they put a big fake chrome grill on it they would have had more interest?
Giant self-propelled boom box.
I wish an auto manufacture would use chrome on steel instead of that crappy chromed plastic that costs just as much and breaks when you lean on it.
Well, it is a Honda.
I own two. They are wonderful comfortable appliances. Highly recommended depending on your needs.
Just to really rile you up I really want to find a vintage Super Cub.
A PA-12 is pretty cool.
This is for sale near me. https://lewiston.craigslist.org/mpo/d/lenore-honda-ca-dream/7909393484.html
An A600 would be nice to roll also.
Maybe a Hailwood 250-6?
Buying a salad for lunch, the net was $10.80. I gave the cashier $11. She couldn’t figure out the change. Couldn’t figure out the denominations of the coinage. Called in a second person, who couldn’t do math, but at least knew the denominations. I had to repeatedly tell them the correct amount of change I was owed.
I had a similar experience. I had to take her pencil and do the math on the back of the receipt to show her why she owed me fifty cents. To be “fair” I confused her by giving her an amount which would make my change come out even.
“I confused her by giving her an amount which would make my change come out even.”
Wizardry!
My wife does that, me I just throw the change in my truck’s ashtray.
When that gets full, I give it to my wife so she can confuse the young cashiers with it.
I did that job in college – speaking for myself, I didn’t like when people did that so I don’t do it now. Too much potential to cause friction.
I do that when I use cash, which is fairly rare.
I’ve said this before, but in many ways our society has been moving backwards.
But we have artificial intelligence nudification apps at our fingertips! And our toasters can msg us when our english muffins are ready!
Also know as the make it easy for me trip in my walkway / driveway while being robbed act.
Is New York really planning to darken the night skies with new legislation?
https://www.whec.com/top-news/fact-check-is-new-york-really-planning-to-darken-the-night-skies-with-new-legislation/
The answer to the headline question is actually “yes”. Despite the fact check.
For Gaia!
Don’t get me wrong.
I hate all the lights at night. It’s also not governments job to police that. Unless it’s the governments lights.
Fortunately, hippie crackpots don’t speak for the entire legislature.
Generally the overabundance of lights in parking lots and at businesses are due to court liability decisions. (a government action)
Sorry, poor person tripped and fell in your “dark” lot at 3:00am… you owe $10 mil.
so now we get another round of litigation… “The state requires you to turn off the lights at 11:00pm… but the person still slipped and fell in the dark, so you are liable.” Sorry, they have sovereign immunity, you don’t… pay the fine, or pay the court award..
^^ Ayup.
Motion lights are exempt. And like most high tech solutions imposed by the state they never have basic functional issues, right? Also installing all this stuff will cost nothing I’m sure. Electronics subject to moisture never break.
So when you motion light gets stuck on you will (at the moment) get a stern letter. I expect there to be fines after the camel’s nose enters the tent. If the motion light doesn’t work as designed you get the trip and fall. Win – Win!
And shitty LED lights instead of glorious sodium vapor.
https://x.com/AmiriKing/status/2036779481868742778
Wild.
A note from someone who has substantial experience on both sides of a pepper spray canister – spraying someone multiple times usually just washes off the existing spray, and makes it take longer to take effect.
Give them about a half-second burst and let it work. Only re-apply if you think you missed their eyes.
Noted.
Also don’t spray up close (you’ll get spattered), or against the wind.
And don’t use it for an anal lubricant.
You gotta get em right in the frog hole
Also it is not a dessert topping.
Important safety tip. Thanks, R.J.
“And don’t use it for an anal lubricant.”
You’re no fun.
STEVE SMITH GET YOU IN THE FROG HOLE AND YOU FORGET ABOUT STINGY SPRAY.
I suppose I have to get back to work now.
And don’t use it for an anal lubricant.
0.o
Keep in mind that while bear mace is fun for the purposes of marking violent idiots, it is less strong than varieties of mace meant for use on humans.
Woman repeatedly slams supine victim’s head against streetlight, as other woman curb stomps said victim. Uh. Attempted murder ain’t too far off. The comments are pretty legit racist in tone, but not incorrect in character.
Highly doubt that’s over a McRib. Don’t cross the BabyDaddy streams.
Oh yeah. Amiri King is a fairly virulent and unapologetic racist.
But yes, stomping on someone’s head when they’re on the ground, or slamming their head against a concrete bollard, is deadly force. All of the attackers in that video should be in prison or dead.
That’s a $50 fine in most Dem run shit holes.
I use myself as reference. While I likely wouldn’t be taken to the ground by those gals, that shit woulda killed me several, several times. Well. Those combined attacks would do me in, individually.
That should be (or is?) the standard, of how something ‘fairly violent but not a cannon to the face’ can really be quite fatal to someone like me, or elderly or a kid, etc. Doesn’t make me the ‘typical’ victim, but shows the ‘possibility’ of what could occur when someone does shit like to a stranger.
Best ad I have seen since the original Google self-driving car piece with the blind guy going to pick up his dry cleaning.
https://x.com/i/status/2036489073091580011
I would normally punch out of a 10 minute + video. Nope. Just amazing.
Based on the low level of the event hosted by Hunter, can the gathering of the Juggalos be next? I think he would fit in well with the family aspect of the event and it’s people.
+1 Faygo
He’s probably used to having shit thrown at him, so you’re probably right about Hunter fitting in…
That is definitely worthy of a Daily Ray of Sunshine stamp of approval.
To play Devil’s Advocate…
How long before some deranged proggie keys this guy to protest Elon helping Trump?