“I got them jugs!” Bryon yelled as he chased Kristi through the house, his enormous breasts swaying queasily.
“Fuck off, Byron!’ Kristi yelled, picking up a sugar bowl and throwing it at his head. She missed and it bounced off of his watermelon breasts.
“Look at them!” he screamed, “Suckle at my crooked nipples!”
“They are just latex!’ Kristi said loudly. She groped along the kitchen island to find something to throw at him. She often had to go armed when he was having a fit of autogynephilia. “And why do they say ‘Daily Mail’ across them?!?”
“I just want them to make you happy,” Bryon said. He had been angry crying, his mascara raccooning his eyes.
Kristi found a butcher’s knife. It had a smear of mayonnaise along the flat of the blade from fixing the children their lunch. She held it in front of her, made a few small slashing motions.
“You’re crazy!” she said. “Get back!”
“Crazy?” Bryon asked, hopping a bit, making his breasts bounce liquidly. “I’m not crazy; I’m a pretty lady.” He lurched toward her and Kristi stabbed him in his left breast.
“Do you know how much these cost?” he screamed, male anger puffing up his large chest appliance. “The websites I had to search to find them? It wasn’t easy twenty-five years ago.”
“They smell worse than your dick!” Kristi flicked the knife at him, bisecting his left nipple.
“I just filled those,” Byron said, grabbing at his wet chest. “Do you know how much artificial breast milk costs?”
“Back!” Kirsti said. “I’ll cut the other one off!”
“No!” he said. “That’s my crooked one!”
Kristi snarled.
“I was going to wet-nurse the dog later!” Byron said.
Kristi made a gagging noise and lunged with the knife, spearing his right breast where the nipple should be.
“My titty!” Bryon cried. “My beautiful woman titties!”
“I want a divorce!” Kristi shouted, plunging the knife into his chest over and over again, shredding the latex flesh.
People are strange.
Yes they are, probably a lot more than we want to admit. This is one reason for my libertarian-ness. What you do in the privacy of your own home is none of my business. Just don’t do that in a school library.
On the other hand, what kind of dipshit would send compromising photos of himself with full face exposed to strangers on the Internet, knowing he’s married to one of the most high-profile people in the US?
He wanted to get caught.
Also don’t do it in woodshop.
First thing that came to mind this morning. https://www.foxnews.com/video/6321457596112
That has to be part of the thrill Sean.
Autogynephilia is frequently co-morbid with a humiliation fetish.
Carlos Danger?
You know this from experience, ES?
I do, in fact.
I’m not going to say who’s experience, though.
Maybe he’s aiming for a role in the next Democrat administration.
Okay.
Darn you. You have momentarilyy made me uninterested in the tiddies.
I still think Kayla Lemoo or whatever his name is needs a shoutout. From someone else.
Legit LOL. Bravo, sir!
It’s like SugarFree is in their house, just copying down what happened.
You are priceless, SugarFree!
This is not well known, but SugarFree is actually a correspondent fly. No one knows how he was created, although Jeff Goldblum stopped by with some odd suggestions. We have a secret commando team to get SugarFree into high security sites, where can can hang out on the wall and listen to the goings on. He requires quite a bit of therapy, but his results speak for themselves.
I do occasionally screech “Kill me! Kill me!”
You mean David Hedison. :-p
LOL #1
+ lol
“It’s my tattoo!”
Also, “Suckle at my crooked nipples!” makes me think of Huma and Hillary, which is gross and disgusting.
Huma and Hillary would be more along the lines of pustulent nipples.
That’s a lot of mayonnaise.
I didn’t need to learn any of this
Yes you did.
You needed it, you just didn’t want it.
SugarFree is not the muse we want, he is the muse we need.
Defintely the muse we deserve.
This I will accept.
I deserved this post. I did not need it.
I’m saddened that he wasent wearing one of her wigs in the pictures.
Missed opportunity.
Ackshually, a butchers knife is used for handling large pieces of meat, not making sandwiches.
Waitaminnit… these people are functionally useless, so using the wrong style of knife fits perfectly.
I retract my ‘ackshually’.
You’re point? I think it is pretty clear at this stage that all the adults in the Noem household like large pieces of meat.
LOL #2
What that reminded me of:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/2EcJ4elxc-0
Lol, I was at a neighborhood crawfish boil and was talking to someone and asked if they have ever heard of “gay for pay” when all of a sudden I realized I had a bigger audience than I realized, I used “neither have I” as a save.
We also need to see the titles in his anime catalogue.
I definitely had to reread “titles” in that sentence. Did we all?
You’re welcome.
“My titty!” Bryon cried. “My beautiful woman titties!”
*thunderous applause gif*
I get the feeling that had he been honest, Kristi would have worn as large of a strapon as he wanted.
That’s definitely possible, but this being in the news only left her one real option.
I could see Kristi being down with some pegging, or even playing the role as a straight-up BDSM domme. But a crossdressing partner, I’m guessing that was a bridge too far.
Crossdressing and infantalism are the two kinks that consistently top (pun intended) the surveys of ‘What is a hard no for you in a partner?’
Technically, Byron is beyond simple crossdressing and has entered the “bimboification” realm. (Yes, that is a real term.)
Winston’s mom might be able to help him start a lucrative career.
I am supposing without the appropriate credentials that had he gotten to realize his “Universal Vagina” (to quote Andrea Long Chu) he might have had his feminine needs satiated.
If only this Easter Bunny had huge knockers.
These words inspired me to look up ‘naughty female easter bunny’.
Foolish? Yes. Rash? Yes. Good decision? Of course not. Pictures of morbidly obese grandmothers in bunny costumes are not my thing.
Now, I must go use CCLEANER and scrub my browsing history.
CCLEANER is still around?
What’s wrong with KKleaner?
It eventually stops leaning and grabs the third K?
First time on Deviant Art sir?
Browsing comments in the am links thread today, Gdragon’s avatar reminded me of Festus up in Canada.
Has Festus been around?
I, sadly, have not seen or heard from him in some time.
Neither him or Penguin. I fear the worst.
Penguin is on the dark side of the moon at the secret Nazi base being waited upon by big boobed Latina news anchors.
I sent him a quick note letting him know people are asking about him.
Thank you. I always liked Festus.
I’d figure the puppy killer as Dateline NBC material vs divorce court.
Let the feeding frenzy commence
Meta lost a lawsuit against the state of New Mexico last week, marking the first time that the company has been held liable by the court system for endangering child safety. This was a landmark decision on its own — but the next day, Meta lost another case when a jury in Los Angeles found that the company knowingly designed its apps to be addictive to children and teens, therefore endangering the mental health of the plaintiff, a 20-year-old known as K.G.M.
These precedents open the floodgates for a wave of lawsuits concerning Meta’s intentional pursuit of teen users, despite its knowledge that its apps can have negative mental impacts on teens. Thousands of cases like K.G.M.’s are pending, while 40 state attorneys general have filed lawsuits against Meta that are similar to New Mexico’s case.
——-
“They took the model that was used against the tobacco industry many years ago, and instead of focusing on things like content, they focused on these addictive features — how the platform is designed, and issues with the design, which is different than content, where you have this First Amendment argument,” Allison Fitzpatrick, a digital media lawyer and partner at Davis+Gilbert, told TechCrunch. “It turned out to at least be, in these two cases, a winning argument.”
We just need to be able to sidestep that pesky First Amendment nonsense and get to looting.
All of that will be appealed. Meta has infinite resources, even in comparison to the state.
Something tells me that Zuck is gonna be bled dry on this.
Facebook delenda est.
He will absolutely lose a ton of money fending off lawsuits. At least until he gets a law passed through Congress.
FB sealed its doom when they started requiring photos of fronts and backs of drivers licenses for new accounts, well over a year ago.
It’s not loot they want, so much as control.
This is the expanding wavefront of a coordinated government effort to destroy online anonymity, once and for all.
Now find the richest video game developer and sue them out of existence too.
This whole thing is stupid beyond belief.
Now hang on. I get libertarian principles and all, but suing EA out of existence I might be willing to compromise a principle or two to accomplish.
The war was lost when FedGov banned the advertising of certain things to children.
Ah, yes, the great Facebook addiction pandemic of the 2020s. So many useless deaths.
While Congress has proposed numerous bills aimed at addressing children’s online safety, many of these efforts would do more to surveil adults and censor speech than it would to protect minors, some privacy activists say.
“There is no universe where passing censorship or ‘age verification’ law, under the guise of kids safety, doesn’t lead to massive online censorship of content and speech that Trump doesn’t like,” Fight for the Future director Evan Greer said in a statement.
What the fuck does that even mean?
TDS.
It means the projection is extremely strong here.
There’s plenty to not like about Trump, but one of his first EO’s was to forbid any Federal agency from engaging in censorship. So here we go, more blatant lying from that side.
It isn’t lying, it is projection. We want this and so we say the Bad Person wants it to soften up his side.
Stealing is forbidden also, and yet…
Will the Artemis launch be an April Fools prank?
Maybe.
Comments turned off of course.
O.k. this comment made me chuckle.
Do I need to watch Apollo 1 to 17 to understand the plot of Artemis II?
Artemis II is just the Netflix remake of Apollo 8
The reboots are never as good as the original.
If it is Netflix which one of the four is the trans-lesbian?
You actually need to watch Mercury and Gemini to undertand Apollo.
Sputnik
It all starts at Sputnik.
You don’t need to watch that one, you just need to understand that it existed.
Look if you want to watch this in order you have to start with the Jin Dynasty, you can skip ahead to Goddard if you are in a hurry, but the actual main plot starts developing in Peenemunde 1936.
No, Jar, we don’t do prequels.
Sputnik is the Evil Dead of space flight.
Peenemunde is the same main character! It’s not a prequel! I agree you can skip the Jin and Goddard episodes if you hate prequels that much, but you cannot watch the Werner Von Braun sends people to the moon by tricking two hostile governments into paying for his fantasy movie without watching the Peenemunde episode.
Jar hitting us hard with the C Stuff.
Werner was not the main character, It was an ensemble cast. You mistook the prequels that added his backstory as part of the main series.
Multiple LOL lines, thank you SF.
But this is the true power of the Easter Bunny. She guides POTUS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWuxQZKSDGE
I bet those two have all kinds of costumes in their closets.
Kristi definitely has a coyote brown plate carrier with no plates in it…
I resemble this statement.
CIF didn’t want it back! I swear.
You should get a set of plates for it. They’ve come way down in price lately.
ORLY?
YA RLY!
https://www.spiritussystems.com/hesco-l211-special-rifle-threats-armor-plate/
https://www.spiritussystems.com/hesco-m210-special-threat-armor-plate/
knowingly designed its apps to be addictive to children and teens
Why aren’t those state AGs suing the pants off the people who make Oreos, if that’s the test? Any company which seeks to base their business model on long term return business should be banned.
Girl Scout cookies, and the damn pushers.
Written on short notice! Props to SF! Folk *are* strange. Noem is still a smokeshow and they married in the early 90s. (I’ll imagine in my bunk. Or prefer now over Ms. Snow Queen.)
How much of this was *her* idea? Seems odd for her to go along with it, cuz. Why? (Not really in a relationship, ala the Clintons, makes sense.)
Also the ever popular: ‘Caligula wasn’t made in a day.’
I’m remarkably vanilla about sex, personally. (It’s already spectacular. I don’t need to kink it up. (Or haven’t, not that the last three years have given me ‘opportunity.’) I’m game if *she* has kinks to explore, sure. May be fun. First serious relationship, she was kinda into being choked and slapped. I could do the play choking, and spanking sure, but I was out at slapping her face.
Uh. I know it’s popular, but I *really* don’t get why people, especially men here, get down on being *dominated.* Uh. Sure, if she’s mega-hot enough and I trust her (most importantly), I’d play her game, I s’pose? But. Uh. Huh? Folk be strange. They do be like that, Misses Stancil.
Unresolved Oedipal issues? Church inspired guilt associated with sex internally reconciled by adding punishment or coercion to sex? In this case unexamined Gay or Bisexual tendencies peeking out of the closet?
The opportunity to utterly relinquish one’s day-to-day cares and responsibilities to another?
I think that is more ABDL less bimbofication but sure that’s probably a factor in the games.
I was speaking of domination fantasies in general.
“Noem is still a smokeshow”
She was, but something is off now . . . .
She started looking a little plastic-y lately.
Something I read recently pointed out that she used to be more natural-looking, then when she became governor she started in with the cosmetic surgery.
That’s a DC thing.
“Mar-a-Lago” face, I believe it’s called in certain quarters.
*reads further*
See!
“…he screamed, male anger puffing up his large chest appliance.”
Winner winner, chicken skin-her!
They don’t hang like that. 🙄 (Not meant @ you, Evan.)
I knew an auto-g (lost touch for other reasons; heard from grapevine he was trying to trans. Think Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot).
“Noem is still a smokeshow”
Not my type. To be sure, I’d definitely take her over Maxine Waters.
Congratulations on passing your Voight-Kampf test.
I’d take getting impaled on a sharpened telephone pole over Maxine Waters…
Agreed.
The Trump Whistleblower Making a Long-Shot Bid to Win Over Deep Red Florida
Alexander Vindman, key witness during Trump’s first impeachment, is vying for a Senate seat for Democrats
https://www.wsj.com/politics/elections/the-trump-whistleblower-making-a-long-shot-bid-to-win-over-deep-red-florida-2abe5b8d?st=TKWrHK&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
The hero we need!
What? Virginia is the usually landing for FedGov rejects.
That asshole should have had his clearance yanked and been court-martialed. He was just a listener on a phone call with no authority to decide shit. He wasn’t a strategist and a military diplomat (aka FAO) since those are two different career fields with different training and assignment pipelines.
I hope he gets embarrassed in the election when the “Mojitos Cost Too Damn Much!” guy gets twice the votes in the primary than he does.
Mar a Lago face!
“Mar-a-Lago face” ― named for President Donald Trump’s Palm Beach, Florida, residence and exclusive members-only club ― is a caricature of femininity, and all but a requirement for women climbing the ranks in MAGA world.
It’s a bit uncanny valley, but you know the look when you see it: The Mar-a-Lago-faced might start with lip injections, then move to Botox to achieve that taut, almost painfully tight-looking skin. Cheek filler to restore lost volume in the cheekbones rounds out the face.
A golden tan is a must (but that’s true even for men in Trump world), as are blown-out, beachy waves. Lash extensions and veneers are always a plus. Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem made a promotional video to advertise the clinic where she got her veneers a few years back.
A caricature of femininity. Not like those progressive California grrrrlz.
It is truly awful to be both ugly and poor…
Alas, cosmetic surgery can do nothing for a deficit of intellect and/or character.
I know, I’ve been trying for years…
Resting alien bitch face is worse. Ask me how I know.
Tough choice . . plastic caricatures of classic beauty . . . or intentional rejection/corruption of classic beauty.
Life is mirroring 1980s Judge Dredd comics. This was a Mega-City trend in the comics. Now it is real life.
https://judgedredd.fandom.com/wiki/Uglies
But when a man does it, it’s stunning and brave.
Now do Madonna.
Or, you know,…. DON’T?!?!
I know it’s SF day, but Ew. Ew. Ew.
Hershey says it will shift back to classic recipe for all Reese’s products after criticism
Not mentioned how big the portions for those products will be…
https://apnews.com/article/hershey-reeses-chocolate-peanut-butter-cups-recipe-1c17247e190eb03952e1c197b6f872ce
Or… and I know it’s crazy… maybe charge prices in line with the cost of production? Instead of trying to fool customers with shrinkflation?
Then, it’s on to heavily contoured makeup that almost feels drag-adjacent (or at least Kardashian-adjacent). Some have likened Mar-a-Lago face to gender-affirming surgery and drag performances because it’s so exaggerated in its femininity: “Here is the gender-affirming care the right can celebrate,” Mother Jones quipped last year.
To be honest, I think some of those women look like ventriloquists’ dummies, but I don’t find it any more inherently repulsive than acres of tattoo ink or fluorescent hair.
People in Hollywood have been overdoing plastic surgery for decades. This is really not that different.
Take note, trannies: the left doesn’t actually give a shit about your cause when they will turn around and make fun of you in service of “owning the right”.
https://x.com/Rightanglenews/status/2039376081468149762
Believe all women!
It does confirm my biased belief that he is one of the worst human beings on the planet. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“I was going to wet-nurse the dog later!” Byron said.
Before or after Kristi shoots the dog?
People in Hollywood have been overdoing plastic surgery for decades. This is really not that different.
Mar a Lago face is a public exhibition of subjugation and unquestioning fealty to Mad King Donald!
The Food and Drug Administration on Wednesday approved a new weight-loss pill, the latest addition to a fast-growing field of powerful obesity drugs.
The pill, orforglipron, will be sold by Eli Lilly under the brand name Foundayo. In the company’s clinical trials, people with obesity lost an average of around 12 percent of their body weight after 72 weeks on the highest dose.
“Foun da yo” in Japanese means “it’s a phone!” I’ll be curious if they keep the same name there.
The new pill from Lilly is about the same level of effectiveness as Wegovy. So, it’s a me too . . . I guess.
Lilly’s injectable med (Zepbound) is about twice as effective as Wegovy (which is now both an injectable or pill both with the same effectiveness). Zepbound has no equivalent pill form.
Note that producers of Wegovy are testing higher doses to try to match Zepbound.
Foun Day-o, Foun day-o
Come Mister tally man, tally me banana
(Daylight come and we want go home)
Don’t give them ideas, unless you want to see that 6 times an hour on Prime.
“orforglipron” <– That's some of the worst sounding syllables I've heard in a bit. Legit, noting that one.
Orfolgliporn. Folgi. What's folgi? Korean's don't have an f, turns into a hard P: 폴기 "Dialect of 'giving up' – Individual plants based on the root as the unit. • give up : A unit for counting individual plants based on their roots.
Huh. Was hard to find. It sounds so Korean, thought it'd be something more common, like with food or cooking.
I wonder if it chemically alters your willpower so that you take up regular exercise and permanently change to a healthier diet. That’s really the only way that lasting weight loss occurs.
Taxes are simple, but I had to find the W-2. I also had to clean my room to sort it out as my office, once again. Some cleaning was needed first, but I couldn’t find the damn thing. I *knew* I had the damn thing, but I couldn’t find it. My little hobbit hole is also my bedroom and living room, but we took out the closet doors, and the nook makes for a nice, cozy little remote office. It does!
However. I went through *everything* to find it and couldn’t in my little 10’12’. Well. I found it in my box-container where I put all the Important Stuff. Why did I check it last, I do not know. Well, focus pills got me focused on *something,* but I found it. Started with my splayed laundry, so I kinda had to start there. Some of those shirts may be litigious and tax hungry.
Going out to a Japanese steakhouse tonight for Middle Nephew’s 11th bday. And today is his legit birthday. By far the quietest, least comfy ’round people, let alone strangers, but he’s gotten lots more outgoing (for him) this year or so. Solid.
This article reminds me of something a friend of mine told me many years ago. He said, you know that hot, a woman you see at the mall or the airport. Always remember that somewhere there’s a guy that is tired of banging her.
Oh goody, that one never gets old.
people with obesity lost an average of around 12 percent of their body weight
Fat or muscle?
Yes
With GLP-1 agonists (I believe this is just an oral GLP-1), it’s normally ~>25% lean mass loss. Not sure if that holds for this one, but since they’re all the same mechanism, not sure why it wouldn’t.
Got some major spring cleaning done in the garage.
Sometimes I think I have a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on where one self wants the garage to be clean and organized, and the other self wants to fill it up with bullshit. I only recently kicked the habit of picking up every piece of furniture I see on the curb and bringing it home with the excuse that “I’ll restore it and sell it someday” (Care to guess how many times I actually followed through on that? Hint: it rhymes with “Nero”).
One cardboard box, just for instance, contained: Some offcuts of PVC kitchen sink pipe, a can of vinyl spackle that was in the house when I moved in, random screws and plastic anchors, a few crossbow arrows, and one of those fork-spoon combinations for camping. Several times, I’ve had to put on my economist hat and tell myself, “If it’s not useful to you and you’re not likely to get any money for it, then the value is zero.”
Once it’s cleared out, I’m investing in some totes, storage racks, etc. to hopefully keep it in usable condition.