Red Sonja (2025)
Well, Late P Brooks, Ted S and even Pie commented on this doozy, so this film goes first from the bag of suggestions! I watched this with my daughter, it is a decent sword and sorcery pic, with some random woke lines thrown in. My personal favorite line was when Red Sonja told the bad guy that one of his sins was “Overuse of limited resources,” like that phrase would ever come out a barbarian warrior’s mouth. Yeah! She said that! And some more stuff too, which I will let you discover. I found it all so badly inserted into the script that it had to be some jackass screwing around after the original screen print was finalized. If not, the writers should be shitcanned, burned at the stake and the ashes mixed with salt.
So what did other people think about it? Here’s a review from Wargames98:
I really don’t understand the amount of hate this movie is getting. It’s not going to win any awards obviously, but it’s far from the worse movie out there. The story and characters are interesting, and the acting is just fine. The CGI is probably my biggest complaint. The fight scenes could be better, but I feel like they did the best with what they had.
Just a little bit of a bigger budget and this movie would have done way, way better. I’m a little sad that this probably won’t get a sequel.
Thank you, Wargames98. Should I see you out an about, I owe you an Old Fashioned. So why didn’t Red Sonja get a sequel? I enjoyed most of it, and the poorly inserted woke crap just makes me giggle. This IMDB trivia holds a clue:
The film was originally meant to be a spin-off of the Jason Momoa Conan film, and begin filming before the Conan sequel. When this new Conan film bombed at the box office, the sequel and any related films were scrapped.
There it is . Kind of. I don’t even think stand-alone Red Sonja would have gotten another shot at the box office without the failure of Conan with Jason Momoa (read the link. It’s worth it.). It was too expensive to make another. How expensive was it to make Red Sonja? $17 million. And how much did it make at box office? $271,461. Yep, not missing any zeroes there. That was worldwide box office. Now if Red Sonja was an Asylum film, heck yeah! There would be three of them right now.
Oh, this happened too. (Thanks to Pie for the link). That girl needs to follow Gene Simmons advice and shut up when her film is about to come out. I would also like to point out that the original script for this film has Red Sonja skinny-dipping in an extended scene, and then fighting off horny monsters. Maybe the film makers should have left that in instead of bowing to pressure. Might have at least cleared a million at the box office?
One last thing – The 1985 version of Red Sonja had Bridgette Nielson as Sonja, Sandahl Bergman, and Arnold freakin’ Schwarzenegger. This reboot didn’t stand a chance against that cast. Sadly, that 1985 version is not streaming free anywhere.
So watch! Or don’t! Everything is voluntary! Next week, I will pull another movie out of the suggestion hopper. Not sure which one as of yet. I am on the move, so I am going to be writing these up as I move closer to Tennessee. I am in Hot Springs Arkansas as I write this tonight, indulging in excellent Italian food and old fashioneds.
Bonus Content
Did this movie post make you sad? Well, here is the 1982 Conan film with Ah-nold and Sandahl Bergman. I hope it cheers you up!
I thought it was going to be the one with Arnold.
I wish. I love Sandahl Bergman.
“Sandahl Bergman”
Think we’ve seen her twice here? Hell Comes To Frogtown and Bill Maher in the Avocado Jungle
Yeah. I like her.
I just got done watching a bleak movie. I think I’m going to skip this one. Maybe play some Red Dead.
It’s not bleak. Now if you want a mindless comedy, I will accommodate you. But this may be a post later.
https://link.tubi.tv/PdrxP161H3b
I wasn’t accusing this movie of being bleak.
I was trying to imply that the previous movie put me off watching another movie for a bit.
…And UnCivil never talked to R.J. again…
You know that’s not true.
There is only a handful of people I refuse to talk to. Most of them are blood relatives. You are neither.
🤣😂
I made it farther I than I thought I would in that trash article but no… no more, please!
I relent! Do not torture yourself!
I mean… he was on Baywatch Hawaii.
Book
Book ’em, JaMo.
I hope someone refreshed between those two posts so it looks like a dramatic pause. Of like two seconds. Fuck you, squirrels.
Lol – that’s where I tapped out as well.
Thank you forest?
That is what I say every time I pee.
“I have no interest in fictional women who use [rape] as an engine of motivation,” the director told The Hollywood Reporter‘s Scott Johnson in January 2023. “It’s not a strong motivation. She’s just a human being in the world of femininity.”
STEVE SMITH TONY ROBBINS OF MOTIVATION
“Further, though details as to Red Sonja‘s exact plot currently remain under wraps, according to a summation of Bassett’s words provided by Johnson, the film will “be an allegory for more existential questions around the survival of the species in the face of climate change.”
OFFS!!
Wow and it was an incredible flop!?! I can’t understand how that happened. 🙄
I can’t imagine why audiences aren’t eating that up.
Uh. I’d put “Rape revenge” in the same basket as “Killed my family revenge.” That’s a powerful motor, ya got there.
“I will not be taken.” ‘Staring, someone who can similarly pull off what Charlize Theron did in that first remake, the awesome one.’
‘Not Taken,’ premiering when some chicks grow some balls and write some a good, fucking spicy flick.
Egadfry.
When this first came out, I couldn’t make it through the trsiler. Or the reviews.
That being said, I will try.
I will now repeat an absolutely atrocious Jimmy Carr joke.
On second thought, nevermind. It’s gross.
Try. I am here if you need a hug. If you just can’t make it, I gave UnCivil next weeks’ link.
I have had a lot of bourbon and a pot gummy so I may be drooling soon…
I’m going to try because you posted it. That makes it a Glibflick.
I do have some rye whiskey to soothe and assuage my tender feelings. By the bye, I did not buy that $600 bottle of Whistle Pig Kentucky Bourbon that I espied at the liqueur store.
Expensive booze isn’t worth it unless it’s a before dinner cocktail, or some other situation limiting consumption.
After a few glasses of $600 whatever it might as well be Seagram’s 7.
STEVE SMITH TENDERIZES FEELINGS.
Agreed. Having some Bulliet Bourbon and a pineapple pot gummy. Dead to the world now.
I didn’t comment on this one. I might have mentioned the original with Arnie and Brigitte Nielsen.
Ever since I saw her tongue kissing Flava Flav…..I cant even.
In fact Ive totally lost my ability to even.
Where was the last place you had it?
“tongue kissing Flava Flav”
wait, what?
MTV’s ‘The Surreal Life’.
I lost my ability to even a couple decades ago.
Trump is a monster. Lee Greenwood to perform God Bless the USA to “celebrate” America 250. It’s been 36 years. Enough is enough. Put it down.
Not a big fan of the boring hats and T-shirts. The 1976 bicentennial 25 cent coins were cooler.
Evan Williams got me. I might pick up some hand tools in red white and blue, but no clothing.
Agree on the coins.
I agree with you on the coins designs being subpar. Then they are minting multiple different designs in order to maximize the number taken out of circulation. Quite pitiful really.
Hm. First I’ve taken a look.
The faces are all… off.
And yeah, there are too many different quarters. To be honest, I have a feeling nobody will give two shits because nobody uses coins anymore. Including me.
For the rest of crowd. Here they are in their ignominy.
https://wrnjradio.com/u-s-mint-unveils-designs-for-2026-semiquincentennial-circulating-coins/
AI slop coins.
Those coins look…odd.
If we get a coin it’s going to be ugly and gay.
To be fair, whatever “celebration” the Dems would have come up with would have been far more cringey.
There was some stuff at Cracker Barrel but I didn’t buy itZ.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- I believe Lee Greenwood is a one man Canadian sleeper cell sent to devide and destroy us all.
The hunters don’t notice a horse?
Why would they? It’s just a horse.
Of course.
Of course.
A hoarse horse, of course.
Ted??!!?!??!!
Moar woodchippers needed:
https://www.stripes.com/theaters/us/2026-06-04/hiv-service-military-appeal-21870891.html
1) there is no right to military service
2) HIV positive members, just like any other disease carrier, puts other service members at risk. This is completely insane. All of the judges involved apparently think it’s ok to put a bullet in the back of their collective heads. Because that’s what they’re saying is ok for service members.
I have to agree. They can’t give blood… that should be a showstopper.
I can’t give blood either, for a different reason. You don’t see me agitating to serve. But my condition doesn’t have an entire industry of “allies” demanding “action”.
Not just donation, but the exposure risk without adequate PPE on a battlefield is bit greater. And then there’s the requirements of ongoing medicine for treating a chronic condition.
We had a gal kicked out for having the HIV in my brigade when I was in.
I really don’t understand the amount of hate this movie is getting.
Well, Wargames98, if you had read the single REH story, or any of the Savage Sword of Conan mags, or any of the other comics featuring Red Sonja, and then watched this movie, you would understand a little more.
No hate on this guy, it just reminds me how the writers of the Bourne movies ruined the novels that Robert Ludlum wrote.
I’m at a pause point with Spider Noir.
Are there tits ?
I’m told one is black and one is white.
And all pink
No. Sorry.
Well… Nicholas Cage is getting up there in years.
Mmmmm… Nicholas Cage….
“I knew a woman with one giant titty, and a tiny one next to it. I called the bitch Biggie Smalls.”
Woah. Arnold *not* in a starring role? I didn’t know that was a thing. (Let’s not count past ~2000.)
Also fun, during a long conversation with a friend, he told me Arnold is the ‘ultimate American,’ kinda slam dunking every aspect in multiple fields. I think we specified it being post 1900. (Not saying he was a good gov, but, damn. He was governor. Damn.)
^^ He’s a damn good answer. I’m not sure it’s mine, but, again. Damn.
So far this movie is a bunch of hippy crap, but I want that RV!
I had to get something posted. It’s been a little slice of Hell over here so I cannot plan.
JHTFC. IMDB lists ~36 oroducers. THE Roy Thomas has a writers credit. Born in ’40, so that makes him 86! I’m happy he is still alive, I would love to talk to him.
There’s not only a gaffer, but a rigging gaffer credited as well. This is good. Gaffing is very important.
Fantatherium. Interesting name for prey animals.
The scenery is well done. FX good so far.
Oh, hold my beer!
Does she? I am on the fence. She’s a bit vegan. Tres, I need an opinion here.
Naked… Jacuzzi… Toenails… Shave my buttocks…
I am watching Rat Race with Un Civil.
Are you wearing the appropriate gloves? Mr. Servant has high glovular standards.
No. And I am unshaven and look like a troll/sasquatch at least 1’5” shorter than UnCivil.
A three minute opening credit? How much cocaine was involved here?
Not enough
Rat Race is oddly great. Jon Lovitz, who I had never liked till I heard he tried to choke out Andy Dick, was brilliant in this movie.
Is General Karlak an ancestor of STEVE SMITH? He looks kind of rapey.
That is…
Shit I am stoned!
He’s a dude. Yeah.
Annisia is not showing enough of her naughty bits.
That is not chain mail. boo.
She does look fantastic, however.
I’ll chain her up with *this* male, IYKWIM.
*points thumbs at self, exuberant grin*
The emperor is pusillanimous.
I blame the director.
Sorry R.J., but growing up an avid reader of the Conan comic books where Red Sonya would make an occasional appearance, this movie looks like hot garbage.
It doesn’t help the main actress is a plank of wood, both bodily and in her acting ability.
Next week sounds good though.
No worries. I hope to get some time in the next 7 days to put together a good list.
Have fun in the Smokies. We were there a few years back a witnessed a true Yogi Bear moment. A contractor was in the front yard of a home on his cell phone with his back to his pick-up. A bear came along, hopped into the bed of his truck and grabbed his lunch pale and hopped back out and sauntered off. The guy never even noticed. Boo Boo was nowhere in site but presumed nearby.
I think I saw the 80s version at some point & ok maybe all the critics say it was crap but it was OUR crap.
There is something about the look & feel of a lot of shitty movies from that decade that raises them above any petty considerations of “quality”.
They had real meat.