It began as an infinitesimal point of light in the perpetual gloom of the tunnels under the White House, painfully bright and spinning, expanding. As it grew larger, trash on the floor of the tunnel under began to swirl in the sudden wind, rat bones and OTB tickets swept in a widening spiral, ancient condoms taking flight. The ball of light expanded until it finally and simply stopped and then popped, the displaced air rushing back in with crashing thunder. A ragged hat and loose mop of gray hair dropped to the floor and they both groaned.
Upstairs
“What’s his temperature?” the hat asked anxiously.
“38.6,” the hair asked, a tendril in Donald’s ear.
The hat sighed heavily. “What’s that in American?”
“101.5.”
“So he’s definitely got it?” the hat asked.
“We knew that from the seven tests he insisted on taking.”
“Fucking Chinese,” the hat muttered. “I knew they would retaliate for the tariffs, but not like this.”
“It’s just a virus, people get them all the time,” the hair said.
“It’s a bioweapon, a Chinese bioweapon!’ the hat said.
“I’m going to block those sites on your phone,” the hair said.
“The Clinton Foundation paid for it!” the hat screamed.
Donald coughed wetly and tried to raise himself from the couch.
“Just lie back,” the hair said softly into his ear.
Donald muttered something and fell back shivering.
“What did he say?” the hat demanded.
“Nothing,” the hair replied.
“No, tell me what it was!”
“He wants a Shamrock Shake.”
Downstairs
“We’ve got to get moving,” the hair said. The hat coughed in reply.
“You look like shit,” the hair told the hat. It was an old joke by now. The hat righted himself, the letters M E AM ICA GRE AG the only ones remaining across his front panels, his bill was threadbare and delaminating, his squatchee had been torn away.
‘Right back at ya,” the hat said and broke out into another coughing fit. “I swore I never come back to these damned tunnels.”
“It’s the best way to get in,” the hair said. It was thin and gray and less than half of his manipulatory tendrils worked well enough for him to begin dragging himself down the tunnel.
“Is the payload intact?” the hat asked, following him.
“Three of the vials broke,” the hair said. “That leaves two doses.”
The hat grunted and inched forward faster.
Upstairs
“Where is the goddamn Surgeon General?” the hat screamed into the intercom. The secretaries had disabled their receivers long ago.
“That’s not really what the Surgeon General is for…” the hair began.
“Then the Secret Service! This is an attack on the President of the United States! By a hostile foreign power!
“That’s it!” the hair snapped. “No more World Net Daily for you!”
Downstairs
“OK,” the hat gasped. “We get up there, cure Donald, and change the future.”
“OK, Mr. Exposition.”
“And if we cure Donald, then he doesn’t die and that will wipe out our horrible timeline.”
“A little louder for the audience,” the hair said dryly.
“A Pelosi never becomes President?”
“That’s the plan.”
“And she’ll never ban ballcaps and wigs for men and we won’t be hunted to extinction?”
“Why are you asking me?” the hair asked. “It was your plan, dammit!”
“You came back with me!” the hat shot back.
“Yeah, I got in that rattletrap time machine. What a piece of shit. Seventeen trips to get the time coordinates right! Seventeen! A dinosaur shit on me!”
“You’re fine,” the hat said. “If we get this right, you’ll just fade away.”
“It just feels too high concept for me,” the hair said.
“What?” the hat said, skating along a lake of dried semen.
“Too high concept. Time travel? Closed timelike loops? Cures from the future?” The hat sighed loudly.
“The Chinese forced our hand,” the hat said grimly.
“No, they didn’t. You read the reports of the Ocasio-Cortez Commission just like I did.”
“That idiot?”
“It was the wet market, bat blood and wolf shit and pangolin piss all mixed together.”
“Now who’s too high concept?” the hat scoffed.
“Let’s just get this over with,” the hair said, mounting the ladder that led to the Oval Office.
Upstairs
“I remember this,” the old hat said, peering under the door of the Presidential Shitter to watch his younger self squabbling with a shock of thick and yellow hair.
“Goddamn, look at me,” he said. “I’m fucking beautiful.”
“Be quiet,” the hair hissed.
“We didn’t hear us, therefore they aren’t going to hear us,” the hat said smugly.
“That’s retarded. You’re retarded. We are changing the timeline. The past is already different just by us coming back.”
The hat made a rude noise with his frayed adjustment strap.
“They should be leaving soon,” the old hair said.
“Where will we did go?” the hat asked.
“Your time travel syntax is abominable.”
“It will being have a terrible forever,” the hat sniffed.
“Shush!” the hair shushed. “They will go and get him some food. He throws it up all over you and then dies two days from now.”
“I think they are leaving,” the hat said.
“You think they are or they are?” the hair asked
“I don’t see them,” the hat replied.
“Go, go, go!” the hair stammered.
The hat and the hair pushed the Shitter door open and moved quickly across the floor of the Oval Office. They climbed the couch awkwardly and sat on Donald’s neck.
“He’s asleep, perfect. Get his mouth open,” the hair said.
The hat wiggled his bill into Donald’s parted lips and worked back and forth until his mouth gaped.
“Move!’ the hair said.
“What the fuck is going on?” a voice said. The old hat and hair looked behind them and the young hat and hair glared at them from Donald’s sock feet.
“Pour it,” the old hat barked.
“Pour what?” the young hat demanded.
“You two are not supposed to be in here!” the old hat yelled as the old hair fumbled with the cap on the vial.
“We were on a commercial break, bitch!” the young hat said to the old hat.
“It’s in, it’s in,” the old hair said.
“Ha-ha!’ the old hat said. “We win!”
“What the fuck is going on?” the young hair demanded, bristling in a threat display.
“We’re fading!” the old hair said. “I can see right through you!”
“Wait, if we have changed the past and we are going to cease to exist, doesn’t that mean the cure will fade from Donald’s system as well?” the translucent hat asked.
“Fuck!” the old hair said. He already sounded miles away.
“Do you have any idea what the hell is going on?” the young hat asked the hair.
“No fucking clue, dude,” the young hair responded as they both watched their older selves fade out of existence.
Downstairs
Light. Trash. Pop. Thunder.
“We’ve got to get moving,” the hair said. The hat coughed in reply.
A dinosaur shit on me!
Classic!
Bravo, SF!
That explains everything. That which was old is now new. Nothing ever changes, history…
I do enjoy time travel episodes
But if you’re not allowed to go back and kill Hitler, are you allowed to go back and cure LiterallyHitler?
Wait, is this the one with the Borg and Zephram Cochrane or the one where Teal’c sacrifices his youth for the Deadalus?
It’s the one where River Song and River Tam each accidentally end up on the other’s spacecraft.
Tributaries? Oxbow Lake? Braided Channel?
What about River Phoenix?
Dried up in the Arizona sun.
“He wants a Shamrock Shake.”
FOR MEDICINAL USE ONLY
Now I kind of want a shamrock shake.
I would totally break keto for an old school, deep fried McDonald’s apple pie. Shamrock shake, meh.
Day after St. Paddy’s? Pretty sure they’ve been completely pulled from all locations. (voice of experience).
Probably still a mint one available at Arbys though.
Fucking time travel stories.
Fantastic.
“Where will we did go?” the hat asked.
“Your time travel syntax is abominable.”</em
Hard to pick, but this is probably my favorite.
Of course, it was written by one of the best. See my comment #8.
Nah.
Stealing jokes from Douglas Adams? Is that what we are doing today?
He won’t complain.
…Unless he time-traveled into the future and read it, WHICH COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN!!
No. Was Douglas Adams stealing from Robert Heinlein?
If this is anyone but Steve Allen, you’re stealing my bit.
I was just hoping you had read “By His Bootstraps” and might say …oopsie.
If he was so funny, why’s he dead? Answer that, smart guy.
The word ‘genius’ gets bandied about too easily, but I think in this case it’s justified.
“It just feels too high concept for me,” the hair said.
“What?” the hat said, skating along a lake of dried semen.
I mean, come on. That’s just awesome!
Yeah, and right before lunch, too.
Plagues and earthquakes in Salt Lake. Is this the Mormon apocalypse?
Just chasing the Gentiles out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTRKCXC0JFg
A cleansing, if you will.
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONE. GO ON…
Hey Zardoz, where’s the
white chicksguns at? Need to up the vomit production to keep up with demand. Also, chunks of steel and plastic are no good without moar ammo.ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS AMMUNITION SEEKING CHOSEN ONE. LOOK, ZARDOZ GIVES THE GIFT OF THE GUN…READ THE FINE PRINT – NOTHING ABOUT AMMO. BESIDES, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MUCH THAT STUFF GOES FOR THESE DAYS? ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
All hail Zardoz!
*BAD* ZARDOZ! STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF THERE! {whacks ZARDOZ upside the head with a rolled-up newspaper}
Are you implying that ZARDOZ has a …. you know. Penis? It’s EVIL.
Gravitronic stiffie. It’s disgusting, but whaddayagonnado?
It scare the shit out of me. I thought someone was trying to break in at first.
*Knock**knock*
Leon: Who’s there?
Tectonic Shift.
So, for an idea about the economic impact, just got an e-mail from BrewDog which included the following:
And they’re a multinational brewery with a lot of bars and a distillery.
/disclosure: I own some shares of their stock
I got an email from the record label of a band I follow saying their artists are being wiped out by canceled tours and such and now their albums are “pay what you want”. Too bad I already own all of them.
That totally sucks. I went to their place in Edinburgh..
It was a terrific place (I wish I was there right this minute).
Check out the board over the bar – you can buy shares as well as beer!
You can buy shares here as well.
Now I kind of want a shamrock shake.
I think the local DQ has mint oreo whatever-they-call-ums on special. Now I want one.
I was bracing myself for this one.
BRAVO!
I didn’t puke even once!
Covid-19 has already had a colossal impact on our business and we have lost almost 70% of our revenue overnight. The reality is our business, and the vast majority of businesses, now face a fight to be able to survive and make it through this crisis.
If they were noble public servants, working for the government, they’d still be getting paid.
I have yet to meet a noble public servant.
Blame the US constitution for that. If we had patents of nobility, I’m sure you would have met a noble public servant at some point.
If? Are you unaware of senators, cabinet secretaries, etc. retaining their titles long after they’ve left office?
Along with their lavish lifetime pensions.
I don’t want to be known as “Information Technology Specialist” forever – I’ll have to make “Director” before retiring.
Plagues and earthquakes in Salt Lake. Is this the Mormon apocalypse?
Waiting for frogs/locusts to be sure.
I thought only white people could be racist?
https://i.redd.it/cxi6chpv5en41.jpg
lol
They only act that way because white people showed them how.
I’ve said it many times. For all of our faults, this is the least racist country on the planet.
That pic was originally posted on reddit.
Here is one of the comments reacting to it:
“You idiots are all obviously Nazis, if you think this exchange is racist you need to check your privilege. This behaviour is acceptable because their mutual hatred for each other has always been part of their culture. If you disrespect this interaction between POC you are a bigot.”
Let’s play SJW or Troll?
High level troll
I can’t be arsed to analyze this sort of material anymore.
Uhhh….Hindi Chini Bhai Bhai, not to mention Journey to the West.
Only white people can be racist because apparently only white people have volition. Making this claim is only racist if the speaker is white.
SugarFree I am serious this would make a great comic, you need to get together with an illustrator.
how you feeling today ?
I am breathing a little better but feel just a little shittier. It could be all of the medicine or the steroid shot they gave me yesterday wearing off.
Thanks for asking!
I’ve tried to find one. No one seems interested in drawing someone else’s idea.
If its illustrated would you try and/or self publish it?
I guess. I keep meaning to put up the stories themselves in collections as ebooks, but never get around to it. Different shit keeps popping up.
If you’ll settle for stick figures, then I can help.
If I find the sound bites I want the timeline may diverge again…
Or if he actually dies of COVID-19.
I’ve been watching Yes, Minister lately, so my inner-Bernard wants to point out that it can’t be a lake if it’s dried, it’s just a stain.
I guess it would be more of a semen flat, really. Like The Great Salt Flats, only more bleachy.
Breathtakingly gross. I like it. ;-)
There are ruts in Texas you can lay down and take a nap in that are called rivers.
Technically aren’t those arroyos?
OT:
TPTB I just wrote up my “Why I’m not taking coronavirus seriously” rant up, if any of y’all think my anger laden rant is worthy of the glibertariat…
Have you met us?
I’m for you giving voice to my anger.
+1 enact my labor
Of course! I’m still at a loss for what the Gliberteriat wouldn’t want to read, comment, or at worst go off topic. Well, do the last in any case.
As a juxtaposition to Leon’s piece, perhaps synthesize the excellent virus-related information you have been posting/linking with your take-ways/recommendations?
Dammit! Don’t put me on the spot. I’m a peanut gallery hocker, not a pugilist.
Leon, glad to know there is still some sanity left in the world. A great respite from the last few days. Thanks in advance
Also it doesn’t need to be given a prime time slot or anything. It can run as an evening post.
How can you be angry without being serious? Have at with the rant. Let the anger flow.
Hell yeah! Looking forward to it.
You’ll definitely want to take these ladies’ temperatures the old fashioned way on Wanton Wednesday.
http://archive.is/kbUPr
Speaking of turning the clock back
The economic headwinds facing the industry are certainly significant. United announced it would cut its flights by at least half in April and May, and is currently in talks with its unions about steps that could include furloughs, pay cuts, and more. American and Delta, too, have announced severe cuts in flying, hiring freezes, and voluntary unpaid leave for employees. But to simply bail out the airlines would represent a grave missed opportunity to reverse four decades of catastrophic consolidation and help mitigate the climate crisis on a crucial front. It’s time to nationalize the airlines.
The airline industry has become another cautionary tale of the pitfalls of deregulation, the result of extremely misguided policy set loose over decades. Air travel wasn’t always like that. In its early days, between 1937 and 1978, air travel was treated as a public utility. The Civil Aeronautics Board (CAB) managed domestic flights and was responsible for establishing schedules, fares, and routes. But in 1978, under the guidance of the Jimmy Carter administration, the industry was deregulated, in the name of increasing competition and driving down prices.
Initially, that decision was ballyhooed as a free-market triumph, a true success story that made the case for deregulation and privatization. A smattering of startup airlines joined the skies; the price of a plane ticket fell; the number of fares sold increased dramatically.
——-
Study after study began to find that airfares had actually fallen more rapidly before Carter’s Airline Deregulation Act, and that, if the CAB had been allowed to continue enforcing its long-standing formulas for setting maximum fares, prices would have been considerably less than the free-market offering. As a result, U.S. airlines currently pull in net profit margins of 7.5 percent, which is twice the average for airline companies internationally. Meanwhile, the U.S. hasn’t seen a new scheduled passenger airline come into existence since 2007.
——-
Not only does the U.S. airline industry deliver miserable customer service, but it is also a unique environmental hazard. Last year, flights from airports in the United States were responsible for almost one quarter of global passenger flight–related carbon dioxide emissions. On this metric, we’re number one, above China and Japan.
The nationalization of the American airline industry could not only deliver travelers from the horrors of air travel, but it could also forge a path out of our 2008-grade thinking when it comes to public intervention in the market. The airlines now present an opportunity to remedy some of the most misguided policy decisions, not just of the past decade, but the past 40 years. And instead of wasting our time with marginal environmental improvements like carbon offsets and tighter emissions standards, returning the airlines to public-utility status could set the tone for decarbonization in other industries as well, including the energy system, where it’s sorely needed. As the climate crisis becomes increasingly urgent, these sorts of steps have become essential. It might even bring the end of the basic economy seat.
Aeroflot never charged extra for baggage!
Workers of the world, unite!
Go fuck yourself.
Q: 2+2 =
A: Socialism
Q: Who delivered the Gettysburg Address?
A: Socialism
Q: What is the chemical formula for ammonia?
A: Socialism
Q: What medication is derived from the foxglove plant?
A: Socialism
A: depends on the value of ‘2’
A: Most recently? Probably a bonded courier.
A: Urine + bacterial fermentation = NH3 + H2O
A: Digitalis, also good for offing annoying socialists.
Do you even Socialize?
No. People are icky.
Beware the weirdly specific metric. I don’t care to look it up right now, but that usually means they’re hiding some bullshit. I would bet that the result is different if you add in cargo, military, and any other types of flight.
No one does customer service better than the federal government!
Hey, the TSA has great customer service. /s
yeah, i really didn’t see that coming.
also, aren’t European air lines even more deregulated? How does that prove we should nationalize airlines?
also it’s a fallacy to say that the fares wild necessarily have continued to drop. maybe they would have, but with fewer tickets available.
I think we’re rapidly approaching if not past the time when the NEA needs to be busted up and public education gutted.
We’re reaping the stupidity they’ve brought to our kids.
In its early days, between 1937 and 1978, air travel was treated as a public utility.
1937, you say? So, not the early days of flight, but the early days of fascism in the US.
Study after study began to find that airfares had actually fallen more rapidly before Carter’s Airline Deregulation Act, and that, if the CAB had been allowed to continue enforcing its long-standing formulas for setting maximum fares, prices would have been considerably less than the free-market offering.
But what of availability? Price controls are famous for keeping prices low and shelves empty.
Plebs shouldn’t fly, There should only be air travel for the chosen elites.
/prog
Look buddy, You get Low Low Prices of $0.
You know what that would have led to? See this morning’s story of the MTA (the NYC subways) begging for billions more in subsidies because the fare only covers a fraction of the operating costs.
JFC, what a shitshow
Employee’s step-father had to go in for a CAT scan. A COVID-19 positive patient had been in the seat yesterday, so they double cleaned it for an hour as he is high risk (lung clot)
They finish the CAT scan and he has a stroke as they’re taking him out of the scanner.
Now he’s in the ER and his wife is sitting in the hospital parking lot because she’s banned from the hospital due to a large number of sick people coming in. Of course, she should go home, but she won’t.
This BS with not letting spouses/family members be with their loved ones is gross and disturbing.
In their defense, she is high risk as well, over 70 and barely has an immune system from recent chemo.
I can understand the recommendation in that case, but it should be her choice if she wants to see her extremely ill husband for what may be the last time.
Shut up peasant. We decide what’s best for The People™. We’ll facetime you when it’s time to pull the plug on your husband.
I think this already happened. No joke. I saw something briefly in the news like that.
Here, now, or in England a couple of years ago with those kids?
Here and now.
Comrade Napoleon would be only too happy to let you make your decisions for yourselves. But sometimes you might make the wrong decisions, comrades, and then where should we be?
No fair – you know women can’t do math!
I know no such thing.
When I quote dimensions, SP always asks, “Is that real inches or penis inches?”
This BS with not letting spouses/family members be with their loved ones is gross and disturbing.
We have a two visitor at a time limit for inpatients, and allow one person other than the patient in the ED.
Partly to control theft, which is absolutely out of control in the hospital, and partly to limit cross-exposure to the Kung Flu.
(a) Our property, our rules. If the public doesn’t want strict rules on access, the public shouldn’t act like such assholes when they are in the building.
(b) Hospitals are probably one of the highest risk areas for exposure to infectious diseases. Plus, its our mission to keep people from getting sick.
(c) We don’t need the bad publicity if/when it comes out that somebody’s probable exposure was in the hospital.
(d) Or the liability.
That’s just crazy talk, RC – hospitals can’t be private, healthcare is a right, and what is this property concept of which you speak?
I find those rules to be reasonable – zero access is a different story.
I don’t know what to say…
I can pray.
David Hogg gets angrier!!!
Hogg will turn into a niffin if he gets any angrier.
Hogg always reminds of this.
Wow, sorry.
“We were on a commercial break, bitch!” the young hat said to the old hat.
Hmmmm.
Whycome they didn’t run into any wanna fudders?
They were all buried in the congealed semen lake
WuFlu got them all.
I see you didn’t buy the Special Edition DVD with Deleted Scenes and bonus Warty Hugeman commentary track.
Please make that happen
Bernie:
“Drug companies need to spend tens of millions of dollars developing a coronavirus vaccine and then be forced to give it away for free.”
De Blasio: “Drug Comapnies need to be siezed so that they can be forced to spend tens of millions to develop the vaccine, so that it can be then given away for free”
You forgot to add “while their employees are forced to work 24/7”.
Someone can have my share, same for Mrs F
If you wanted to make sure that a vaccine is never developed you couldn’t go about it better.
Fuckin’ commie idiots.
The term “KungFlu” has gone mainstream…Breitbart has that saying on their front page
Um… I wouldn’t really consider Breitbart as “mainstream”.
What metric do you use to make that assessment?
Well its a CBS reporter bitching on twitter…quite funny too
I think my Flashlight ended up in the load of laundry, I’m Doing right Now, oops……
and Bella love Sweet Tart Jelly Beans, oops………..
Fleshlights are dishwasher safe ;^)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F7xbF7OnxU
Why would you stick something like that in the dishwasher?
Have you no decency?
Well, It already smelled like fish.
Surreal Gourmet was a good show
I use a washing machine for clothes, seems to work pretty well, you should try one
And give up my river rock?
that is how I read it too.
Church is cancelled as I’m sure it is where you are to. That’s a huge step. Was this step made available as we can say to ourselves, various services are streamed now (as ours is). I’ll be going in with nine others to produce a church service for our congregation to watch online.
Would these sort of executive orders stood 15 years ago? I don’t know.
I’m really glad I had started my former church down the path toward ability to stream. I didn’t have this particular use case in mind, but it supposedly went well. It was an easy call for them. 40% of the congregation is Chinese.
I think enough people are panicked to the point that they’ll let big brother do anything.
We haven’t cancelled….yet.
We don’t have a choice, large gatherings are banned, even churches.
Mine closed Friday. They are already up to speed with online services starting tonight.
What would Jesus do?
ignore Roman laws related to religion?
Put those lepers on trains along with the rest of (((them)))?
It’s been done.
Relevant
That’s a good pull, Ted.
dunno never go I suppose it is… I hear some in the rural areas are doing open air service to spread around outside in the yard
“…..rat bones and OTB tickets swept in a widening spiral, ancient condoms taking flight.”
Lovely.
Also reminds me why the family left East Oakland.
The columnist is rapidly becoming my go to for vapid, superficial stupidity.
https://www.insidehook.com/article/sex-and-dating/lost-art-of-phone-sex
Church is cancelled as I’m sure it is where you are to
God cannot save nor console you. Save your faith and adoration for the government.
Maybe…
https://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2020/03/18/beijing_fears_covid-19_is_turning_point_for_china_globalization__142686.html
I wouldn’t want to ever be a ChiCom dissident, but especially not now. They’re going to go after them hard in the coming months.
Buy local. As in made in Romania. I will start an export business to the US
WINE PLZ.
Dayton now has its first confirmed CV case – at our VA hospital. Transferred from a nursing home.
Ruh roh.
I’ll one up you. my co-workers’ roommate is being tested.
Yikes! Hope it’s negative!
Not worried for myself – very worried for the poor bastard at the VA and maybe even more worried for the other residents of his nursing home.
“very worried for the poor bastard at the VA”
But not because he has CV
rofl!
A friend texted that to me. My response was “if the virus doesn’t do it, the VA will finish the job”.
Checkout lady at Lowe’s today says there’s a confirmed case in Johnstown, OH. Subject works at a McDonalds.
Pshaw – we’ve got two in my town and last I heard one in my corporate HQ in NYC.
It’s hard to adequately relate just how much I despise the entirety of the media and political establishment of this country now. These motherfuckers shriek constantly how serious and dangerous this thing is on the one hand, while on the other hand they spend half of Trump’s press conference whining that “China virus” is racist. Well, which is it, assholes? If this is the existential crisis you keep screaming that it is, why the hell are you spending your time trying to score woke points?
^^ this. Add in McConnell’s “we need to abandon our (supposed) principles at the first sign of trouble” speech, and both sides are being particularly shitty of late.
Shut the fuck up!
Gimme my
YangbucksTrumpbucks!It’s not socialism when we do it.
Its not socialism when its my money in the first place (if you dont pay taxes, YMMV).
You think this is coming from taxes, as opposed to being printed ex nihilo?
fungible. It turns out they are sending taxes back, they just printed more money than we thought for spending.
I’m sympathetic with Ayn Rand’s reason for taking her SS checks, I really am.
Every SS check I receive is one that Ragnar doesnt have to steal back for me.
it’ll be borrowed… from the people who print the money. totally different.
The right thing to do is massive tax cuts and even more massive spending cuts.
Small tax refund is a step in the right direction. I am not going to get caught up in the whole “we can’t do X because of Y” fallacy.
I want China virus to go mainstream. Those fuckers have been warned for many years to stop eating bats and pangolins.
Did you stop eating beef after the Mad Cow Disease outbreak?
Do Millennials even know what that is?
I stopped eating diseased cows.
First you trust the IRS, now you trust the FDA?
Corona Cabin Fever!
FDA? Have I been testing meat in my home lab for nothing?
“Testing ‘meat'” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
that’s what she said.
I was wrong to think I could make a dirty comment before HM would.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I teed him up for a HR, and he hit a nice safe single into right field.
Tony Gwynne haz a sad at your comment.
I don’t remember that getting to Romania. And how many non contagious human cases were there? Try something more relevant
The point is, good luck telling 1.5 billion people what to do.
Do Millennials even know what that is?
Yes, but that might be because I grew up half in Europe, where it seems to have been a bigger deal. There were stupid kid-jokes about it and everything.
I wonder why the Romanian is hot for the Chinese to stop eating bats…
^^this x1000
Hygiene and social distancing, yet…
…no relaxing of the bans on single use plastic bags and other barrier material, containers that keep takeaway and delivery food at safe temperatures for longer, or self serve gasoline.
If the Kung Flu was a plot to destroy small businesses, desensitize the population to massive government interference in day to day life, and increase government control over the economy and civil society, what, exactly, would Our Masters be doing different?
Moving slower at fear of overreach and being discovered?
America, with coronavirus, gets a taste of socialism
Who needs all those different brands of tp?
I only need my brand, the rest of them are to trick the lot of you into taking the inferior products.
Heh – that’s what I think shopping for beer at the liquor store. Most of it just lures for the unwise.
BMC is like netting the river.
I couldn’t believe that a local convenience store had milk and eggs here around Boston. I saw too many empty shelves in LA on Sunday and Monday. An observation: if this is your first visit to a particular grocery store it’s hard to figure out which empty shelves are supposed to have the essentials.
I was surprised when I did my routine grocery shopping yesterday that, while over half of the products were out of stock, they had an over-abundance of milk – it was even stocked in many places usually reserved for other refrigerated goods. That was weird.
I was in the grocery store today. Lots of eggs.
But no bread, canned tuna, pasta, or chicken.
I figured the DOW would hit bottom at around 18K. It’s getting close now and we’re not even close to a peak for the actual pandemic, so now I’m wondering how much lower it will go. I admit I wasn’t factoring in the sheer amount of stupidity we’ve been seeing over the virus. I was just looking at past behavior, and where sellers who could still lock in old gains vs buyers looking to get in would start to equalize.
“No one in this world, so far as I know … has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.”
-H.L. Mencken
It’s getting close now
it’s March 2016 for the Dow; we’re now back to peak Obama
Who was buying oil?
We’re back to 1999 now: it hasn’t been this cheap since John Goodman was in drag on SNL as Linda Tripp.
Without stipulating to any particular virus forecast, consider where many epic changes come from.
Postwar Germany had all these odd-to-us accommodations to privation. Their cars got smaller; I have a buddy who collects farm tractors from that era that are four horsepower and about the size of a Snapper riding mower. Another trick: vehicles were taxed by the wheel, so Messerschmidt came out with three-wheel commuters.
Soul food is all about doing without and enjoying trash parts. Wonder what the next barbecue or chicken neck will be? Luxuries could change as well as international trade stymies the coffee or tea supply.
Good news: Jack Daniels is four to twelve years ahead of you. Worst case: in three years we might be reduced to drinking four year old whiskey (in other words, Jack would be Beam at that point).
I’m just surprised we are this fragile.
cheer up: the Scots are 12 years ahead of us
Heh, my grandfather hit a pothole on a Pittsburgh street in one of the three wheeled Messerschmidts (or maybe it was an Isetta) and flipped end over end all the way to the bottom of a sizable hill. I don’t have anything against small cars but that’s a bit too small for my liking.
…no relaxing of the bans on single use plastic bags and other barrier material, containers that keep takeaway and delivery food at safe temperatures for longer, or self serve gasoline.
Get a load of Mister Logic over here.
This amateur porn video is too real.
Yeah, there’s definitely advantages to hiring actual talent.
*shudders*
Completed my defensive shopping an hour or so ago. Sam’s club and Target were pretty much wiped out in rice, dried beans, pasta, canned veggies, canned chicken, and frozen meats and vegetables. Milk and eggs are also gone.
However, there is plenty of fresh produce and yogurt still on the shelves. And all the sugary breakfast cereal you could ask for still line the shelves.
I can’t decide whether to be pissed at the general public for panicking or admiring them for buying out the right shit.
I’m pissed that they’re not just ignoring the “cower in fear” orders and going about their lives as normal.
We don’t have the cower in fear order yet. Just no restaurants, bars, theaters, gym, etc.
Amazingly, two hours north of NYC, they’re not cowering in fear.
Well, Dad said when he went to the grocery store after the laundromat on Tuesday, it was dead inside. It wasn’t when I went after work yesterday and today.
I predict the bulk of the food people are panic buying will end up in a dumpster some day soon.
Iowans don’t do that.
The canned hams and corn beef I bought a couple of weeks ago will end up at a food pantry (hopefully).
I seem to be defaulting to pissed.
I’ve got stuff in the freezer, so I will try to buy a week’s worth of fresh as long as it’s there.
I am pissed.
Funny how just getting out for a little while and interacting with other people in a normal setting makes me feel better. I can see how people who take the whole “shelter in place” shit too seriously and just stay home watching the news will go absolutely crazy.
Is there no way to halt the rampant spread of stupid suggestions?
Longtime hedge fund manager Bill Ackman on Wednesday advised President Donald Trump to shut down the U.S. for one month in an effort to contain the novel coronavirus and said financial markets would rally in response to such decisive action.
Ackman, who founded Pershing Square Capital Management, called on the president to both close the nation’s borders as well as offer Americans a one-month rent, interest and tax holiday to help offset an expected deceleration in U.S. GDP growth.
——-
His tweets warned that further delays to such a “Spring Break” hiatus would continue to have disastrous costs to human life and pressed Trump to “please send everyone home now.”
“No one defaults, no one forecloses. A 30-day rent, interest and tax holiday for all,” he added. “The shutdown is inevitable as it is already happening, but not in a controlled fashion which is extending the economic pain and amplifying the spread of the virus.”
Sure, Bill. The government is going to pay everybody’s rent next month? Now tell us how that is supposed to work. I don’t pay rent, but I don’t want to be left out. Can I just make up a number?
As I said on the other thread – Ackman needs to go back to shorting Herbalife. He has openly stated he is buying – including the stocks he claims are in free fall. Warren and Charlie have over $180 billion on the sidelines. Lots of people stand to make a fortune pushing this down.
Ok, let’s take it at face value. Shut down the whole country for a month. Then what? What’s the plan after that? Just shutting down for an relatively extremely short time like that is going to do just about squat overall.
5 trillion… is that enough?
Yeah, the financial markets will just love an economy that has been shot in the head and left in a ditch. Because zero revenue is every investor’s dream.
Is anyone stupid enough to take him seriously?
Look, Desperate times call for desperate measures…
How do we know if we don’t try?
*facepalm*
left in a ditch
precisely zero jobs posted on Linkedin yesterday that require an IQ north of 80
*opens up browser to look for new job*
I half-expected the answer to be “Rosebud”.
Good story, BTW. *thumbs up*
The real pisser is that I can’t brew while I am on staycation and the weather sucks. My well water tastes like shit so beer made with it also tastes like shit.
I normally just buy cheap drinking water at Walmart, but it’s all gone.
Water vending machine?
Need to find one. The local country grocery store had two. Last time I went in, both were broken.
Well the started boarding up the liquor stores here after the gov had them closed.
They seem like they might be worried about us PA Glibs.
Really? Boarding them up?
That’s a bad sign, imo. Is it located in a sketchy area?
It’s a bit scetchy, but it’s not that bad.
Good news. Emergency Acquisition Procedure was successfully executed. Strategic booze reserve bolstered with a gallon and a half of rye and whiskey (enough to turn two five liter barrels when the current contents are decanted).
Liquor store was a hair busier, maybe, than a typical weekday at noon. Stocks looked fine, but I didn’t check the beer or wine.
You sure that’s not just Wilkes Barre being Wilkes Barre? The local one down here isn’t boarded. Glad I stocked up either way. Everything was at least 10% off on leap day.
Still open in NJ if you are running low.
*shudders at the thought of crossing the river*
This almost seems too soon…
Whelp, I did my part to stimulate the economy today. I was going to replace those crummy OEM tires this summer anyway, but that fracking pothole this morning moved the timeline up. I put new rubber on all four corners. The rim might need to be straightened though. They told me to drive it at highway speeds and let them know if it’s an issue.
*sigh*
Were they made in China?
Sumitomo is a Japanese company. I’m not sure where they were actually made.
Sidewall says made in Japan.
The Congo.
I used to care and try to avoid stuff made in China, then I gave up. I think I’m back to caring and looking for it on the label. I think my last tires were made in Portugal of all places.
I’ve been upping my avoidance of Chinese-made products.
Too many places won’t tell you where it comes from before you get it.
remember when WMT bragged about local supply and was ass-deep in American flags?
now there are Chinese parts on American military vehicles
In Catch-22, Milo contracted to bomb his own squadron on behalf of the Luftwaffe. Sadly, the more insane his vignettes, the more likely Heller was correct.
I try to be vigilant. I’m going to strengthen those efforts. Gonna be difficult though when I have to replace a TV. Are there any TVs made outside of China?
Asian reporter tries to race-shame the Administration. Judging by the replies, people just aren’t in the mood for that bullshit right now.
I must be seeing different replies, because everyone i see (including Eric “im gonna nuke your ass” Swallwell) is there telling her how bad that is.
Scroll down a page.
I see. Gosh a dislike Sallwelle. Keep on White Knighting you creep.
Kung Flu is technically incorrect. The proper name is Flu Manchu.
*I wonder how many people are too young to get the reference.
Most people just aren’t Rohmers anymore.
From the news clip, I would pull the lever right now if Trump had corrected the reporter for using “flu”. Still, he’s hitting doubles off the reporters and they don’t get it.
Yeah, the financial markets will just love an economy that has been shot in the head and left in a ditch. Because zero revenue is every investor’s dream.
Something something destroy the economy to
save itcreate a true workers’ paradise.Well the started boarding up the liquor stores here after the gov had them closed.
Is that to deter looters?
Preparing for attacks by Wuhan Zombies.
Are those Romero style zombies or Boyle style?
I’m guessing there is concern that people will get desperate at some point. This store is usually pretty popular with the wino crowd.
I am not sure what the point of closing liquor stores is.
Given how much worse the H1N1 was and nothing was closed I am not sure what the point of closing anything is.
They are deliberately tanking the economy. I don’t think it is going to work.
It’s to screw me. Beer stores still open. No whiskey or vodka for Sean.
I made the mistake of asking what makes this one worse than the past one. I got a healthy dose of “mind your betters” from the flummoxed branch covidians.
I just got the same routine on the phone earlier.
Like the Russia hoax this panic will go away and everyone will pretend it either didnt happen or that they weren’t part of it.
The democrats are seriously down to this, that the pandemic causes Trump to lose the election. It’s a very poor plan, they’re a bunch of fucking assholes, and it’s not going to work.
Yes, they could cause a recession, but it will not guarantee them a win in November.
My understanding is it is more infective than flu. Easier transmission from person to person. Longer incubation period before symptoms, shed off non-sick like no other, complication about same as flu. So it all comes down to calculus..you know area under a curve and flatten it some, whatever that means.
So its like flu, except way more people will get it. So ya gotten flatten the curve.
“I am not sure what the point of closing liquor stores is.”
Because the sheeple might get drunk and ignore their master’s totalitarian fantasies for a while.
You need to pay attention! You are doomed unless you let us save you! Listen to us, love us, adore us! /dear leaders
Alcohol lowers your immunity..so it is for your own good, Rummy. (Baretta–Bob Blake reference)
They are deliberately tanking the economy. I don’t think it is going to work.
I think it will.
How to Break Down Info Silos in your Team
WFH oughta fix it
Now I have two comments stuck in moderation.
Even the website is against me today.
?
Oh well.
Go loot a liquor store.
Got one also.
too many quotations marks?
thanks, Obama?
stock buy-backs?
not drinking enough bleach?
I’m not saying it was aliens ?
Pf course it was aliens.
FoxNews forgets to suck Trump’s balls for six minutes
LittleCloud14: Due to the Corona Virus, I’m going to apply the same standards to myself as the FBI does and disobey laws I don’t like.
People who get to make decisions for the rest of us are so fucked up, I can imagine them keeping inmates in prison who are there for smoking a weed and turning loose ax murderers into society. All in the name of ‘doing something’.
You are exactly right. It is no exaggeration.
Nancy as president… I’ve imagined all sorts of possible dystopian futures, but none that horrifying.
“Your time travel syntax is abominable.”
lol
Now I know why there is a toilet paper shortage. The politicians are buying up all the toilet paper because of fapping constantly about the ‘crisis’. I bet Cuomo and his ilk haven’t even emerged from their bunk except to suggest another even more totalitarian action to save us all.
Now I’m getting a comment into awaiting moderation. WTF?
OFFS!
Move your offices to Wuhan, you hacks.
The Chicoms are going to pay dearly for this shit, and you’re disgusting for helping them spread their propaganda.
Anybody who believes what they read in The Atlantic already failed the gullibility test.