“Do it,” the hat whispered from Donald’s suit pocket, quiet yet insistent. “Do it.” “No!” the hair said....

  “Hang Mike Pence! Hang Mike Pence!” the hat chanted as it inched across the Resolute desk. “It’s been...

  “The Georgia Senate races!” the hat squealed, flying across the Oval Office like a crippled frisbee....

  “Twenty-two days left,” the hair said. “The Kraken,” the hat groaned feebly. “It’s over,” the hair...

  We find the hat on the Resolute desk looking glum. Outside, the wind is making a sepulchral moan as it...

“Look what they did to my boy,” Donald wailed. “Look what they did to my Rudy!” Donald used a sponge stapled...

  “You should be packing, Donald,” the hair said, flipped over on his majestic combover, warm and idle...

“It’s starting,” the hat said grimly. “What’s starting?” the hair asked. He was drying on a towel hook in the...