THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET.
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
DEEP STATE KIND OF STUFF. DON’T GO AROUND PUTTING IT UP ON THE TWITTERS.
DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT TOP SECRET MEANS KEEP IT QUIET, DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT AT THE NEXT TRUMP RALLY.
DO NOT PUT THIS MESSAGE ON TRUMP CAMPAIGN MERCHANDISE.
DO NOT TELL MELANIA. DO NOT TELL YOUR IVANKA.
YOU WANT US TO “TIFFANY” IVANKA? WE’LL TOTALLY DO IT, KEEP THIS QUIET.
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET.
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET.
Location: MAR A LAGO RESORT, FL 27 December 2019
“Mr. President! Thank you for granting me an audience, it has taken me a very long time to get on your schedule. I am truly appreciative of your time and do not wish to interfere with your holiday.” A short, sweaty man stood before the President in his office at Mar a Lago. He reeked of Marlboro Reds, cheap booze, cool ranch Doritos, sweaty latex gloves, and section 213 of Busch Stadium in St. Louis, MO. The government agent appeared nervous, but determined.
“I don’t know who this guy is. He smells like Hillary, and I know, I’ve been around Hillary.” The President said.
“Who are you talking to?” The government agent asked. He looked around the room and found it to be filled with white furniture with gilded accents, empty Diet Coke cans, and quarter pounder wrappers. A MAGA hat appeared impaled on a gilded piece if phallic art in a table in the room. The walls were adorned with posters of The Apprentice and pictures of various celebrities the President met over the years: Macauley Culkin, Whoopi Goldberg, Hillary Clinton, among others. The President sat confused, looking at the ingredient list on his can of Diet Coke.
“CONTAINS Puh HEN…Puh henal…Penalal….” The President went on. The government agent picked up a half-empty can strewn about the golden coffee table.
“Phenylalanine.” He said. “It doesn’t matter. What I am about to tell you is something the US Government has been tracking for decades. The agency I work for was not authorized by you, Mr. President, but by the Office of the President–”
“Why do these guys keep coming in here? I didn’t authorize any of them. They show up and say they work for me, but I didn’t hire them. If I hired them I’d have gone through that guy that finds me those Guatemalans. Very short, like Oompa Loompas. They work very hard because they think they have a good union, but they don’t. Very sad. Totally America.” The President replied.
“I….Uh…uh…” The government agent stammered briefly. “Listen I am here to inform you of SPACE SMITH. SPACE SMITH is the biggest existential threat to national security.”
“I don’t think he’s made out of wax. He’s more like a leather Muppet. I don’t know how he’s talking either. I thought they’d have a guy’s hand up his ass moving the mouth. Very entertaining, you can’t see them talking, it looks like the Muppet is doing it on it’s own.”
“Please don’t talk about hands up my ass. I haven’t been able to go a week without soiling myself since my meeting with Mohammad Bin Salman.”
“The Saudi Towel guy? I know him. Manly embrace. Very nice man. Great leader.–”
“He’s not a nice man. HE’S SPACE SMITH. SPACE SMITH is an ancient evil, seamlessly traversing time and space, RAPING EVERYTHING IN EXISTENCE. Mostly planets, spacecraft…me.” The government agent admitted.
“What? #YouToo?”
“YES! It travels with impunity across all borders and barriers! Here, give a listen to the footage we caught from the Boeing launch last week:” He pulled out a small tape recorder:
Flight Control, we have ignition.
CAPCOM, this is Flight Control confirming ignition.
Flight Control, we have liftoff.
CAPCOM, this is Flight Control confirming liftoff.
….
….
….
Flight control, we have a slight imbalance on telemetry.
CAPCOM, this is Flight control confirming imbalance on telemetry. Is it that fucking gimbal again?
SPACE SMITH RAPE GIMBAL
Flight Control, what was that?
CAPCOM, this is Flight Control can you confirm it is the gimbal?
SPACE SMITH RAPE GIMBAL. NOW RAPING ENGINE #3
CAPCOM, this is Flight Control, telemetry is all over the place.
SPACE SMITH ALL OVER THE PLACE
This is Flight Control, we lost control of telemetry. Cannot confirm the craft enetered orbit. CAPCOM?
Flight Control, this is CAPCOM we can confirm the probe made it into low orbit.
CAPCOM this is Flight Control. Confirm your altitude.
SPACE SMITH INSERT PROBE INTO ORBIT. BY INSERT PROBE, MEAN RAPE PROBE IN THE WRONG ORBIT.
Flight control, this is CAPCOM. Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
“We need to build a wall around SPACE SMITH.” The President shouted. “I like that. Space Wall, with a space moat in front. Maybe we can have some space alligators swimming in my spade moat, it depends because I don’t know what the alligators think and it might come down to how they feel, alligators as we all know are a very proud people, they want whats best for them and we want whats best for us. They want a deal, they need a deal but won’t say so and I certainly want a deal. So we’ll see.”
“You cannot stop SPACE SMITH with a wall, Mr. President.”
“With the proper application of a protective tariff, we can stop these terrible SPACE SMITH trade deals, literally raping our economy, raping middle America and all their patriotic middle American rape workers…” The president began. “What? Don’t interrupt me like that, I was on to something there guys. Really, I wish the two of you would stop raping each other and get along.”
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING TO?”
“I’m not the one that smells like section 213 of Busch Stadium. Busch fell out of favor back in the 70s, and I don’t even like soccer.”
“Stay focused Mr. President.”
“Right. We’re going to levy tariffs and crippling sanctions on SPACE SMITH. As long as I am President, SPACE SMITH will no longer commit terrible atrocities on middle America.”
“Good Mr. President, now you’re on the right track. But there is only one way to stop SPACE SMITH.” The government agent handed the President a file folder marked UNITED STATES SPACE FORCE: Do not talk about this on Twitter.
“The Space Force is my idea. I love it….”
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET.
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
DEEP STATE KIND OF STUFF. DON’T GO AROUND PUTTING IT UP ON THE TWITTERS.
DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT TOP SECRET MEANS KEEP IT QUIET, DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT AT THE NEXT TRUMP RALLY.
DO NOT PUT THIS MESSAGE ON TRUMP CAMPAIGN MERCHANDISE.
DO NOT TELL MELANIA. DO NOT TELL YOUR IVANKA.
YOU WANT US TO “TIFFANY” IVANKA? WE’LL TOTALLY DO IT, KEEP THIS QUIET.
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET.
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET.
What did I just read? Bravo! whatever I laughed at…
“We need to build a wall around SPACE SMITH.” The President shouted. “I like that. Space Wall, with a space moat in front. Maybe we can have some space alligators swimming in my spade moat, it depends because I don’t know what the alligators think and it might come down to how they feel, alligators as we all know are a very proud people, they want whats best for them and we want whats best for us. They want a deal, they need a deal but won’t say so and I certainly want a deal. So we’ll see.”
I think Tom Swift could figure out to build that.
Air Force Secretary Barbara Barrett said the Space Force would comprise around 16,000 Air Force and civilian personnel.
That’s kinda small for a government program.
I suspect that will turn out to be the HR staff and senior management.
They’ll be paid extra for dealing with space.
A mating pair of rats starts out small
They’re growers, not showers.
Relevant
Well, a new service will equire few (at least) general officer billets, but I’m sure those billets will come out of the ones already authorized to the existing services.
They’ll need their own seat at the Joint Chiefs, and they can’t really be expected to share a department like the crayon eaters and swabbies do, can they?
I think Tom Swift could figure out to build that.
If you’re going to do a Tom Swifty, do it right:
“Let’s build a space moat”, Tom said swimmingly.
It will grow over time
Nuclear Option is a good beer.
nice!
In case you were wondering, Michael Bloomberg is still a shitstain wannabe tyrant. And I appreciate the shirt that Mr. Noir is wearing.
I wish more than anything that people like Bloomberg would find themselves in an active shooter scenario without their personal security staff on hand with a pocket knife, a cell phone, and strong language.
He’s be fine. He’d escape by running through the shooters legs.
Good to see Mr. Noir on top of the subject as usual. His t-shirt is quite timely as well.
Ever so rarely does Twitter have something worthwhile. Read the whole thread [spoiler, my fave is “WeWhitehouse”].
What would be more appropriate for Bloomie? Bullet to the back of the head or drowned in a bowl of Pepsi?
Careful. Any normal person would get your point. However, there are a lot of abnormal people at the NSA.
And the Manhattan DA’s office
Yeah, no bloody comment.
for the abnormals and Preet wannabes, only hyperbole of Bloomie’s pet ban causes and no way an endorsement or encouragement of any harm against the little guy.
Heh–“Walking corpse”. (not my words–just quoting, DOJ/FBI)
That is a fantastic way of describing his looks. I was wondering what, if any, puppetry ‘property’ that he reminded me of, and I couldn’t think of one. He’s up there with James “my head looks like a flesh-covered Tootsie Pop” Carville.
Alright–can one hope that Michael “BM” Bloomberg has a run-in with SPACE SMITH at some point? Is that allowed?
Space Force
Space shuttle door gunner…. Lol
https://milspecmonkey.com/store/patches/243-shuttle-doorgunner.html
Tin foil hats, love it!
Someone’s been eating peyote again…
And almost that strange and yet weirdly entertaining.
Holy shit, everybody click this. This is too awesome!
That was cool.
Electric!? The cool cats play acoustic.
Very short, like Oompa Loompas. They work very hard because they think they have a good union, but they don’t. Very sad. Totally America.” The President replied.
LOL and bravo!
(woohoo Gophers!)
Well this year has turned to shit already. Found out one of my good friends died in an off road vehicle rollover this morning.
My condolences.
Crap. Sorry man.
I’m sorry to hear that.
Shit. Sorry.
Yikes, very sorry to hear.
Sorry.
Those things can be fun but dangerous. Sorry about your friend, Plinker
Sorry to hear that.
Damn. Sorry to hear that.
Whoa, that is no good. Condolences Plink
Thank you to all. He lived life hard and fast and it caught up to it. Worst of is that he left a young son.
Sorry to hear that man.
Really sorry to hear that.
I’m really sorry to hear that. My condolences.
That’s fucked up. I’m really sorry.
Awful news to start the new year. My condolences.
Sorry Plinker. That’s awful.
*giggles*
*ponders telepathy-RF tranducer*
SPACE SMITH is an ancient evil, seamlessly traversing time and space, RAPING EVERYTHING IN EXISTENCE
Almost sounds like an orca.
Heh love that music from ST. This deserves a re-post, too.
Whoa. Jolene Blalock was in ST3?!? Suddenly I have an urge to see I.
That’s what she said. Missing a moment ruins a night. SPACE SMITH made the rocket walk funny anyway.
A short, sweaty man stood before the President in his office at Mar a Lago. He reeked of Marlboro Reds, cheap booze, cool ranch Doritos, sweaty latex gloves
Wish I could smell brands.
Doritos all taste the same to me,
*licks fingers, wipes them on stranger’s back*
Yep.
Like so?
That’s rather gross be it coincidence or not.
That dude deserves an ass-beating.
Saw a guy blow snot all over the lady standing in front of him on the train. Unsuppressable (word?) sneeze. She didn’t notice and he said nothing. Wish I could’ve seen her reaction when she got home.
*She had her back to him and was wearing a winter jacket.
The scent of seared flesh from someone being branded is quite distinctive.
Omega Psi Phi man, I’m guessing?
LOL
It’s a shared
cinematicGlib universe!” I thought they’d have a guy’s hand up his ass moving the mouth”
Very Trumpian, had to laugh.
Very much so. This really captures what I imagine is his inner dialogue.
This story has morphed so much from its origins at TOS that you’re gonna have a hard time explaining yourself to the jury.
“YOU WANT US TO “TIFFANY” IVANKA? ”
What does this mean?
You’re in the story and you don’t know?
I’m in what story? I’m going back to the last thread
Tiffany has effectively disappeared.
I think she’s alone now.
(There doesn’t seem to be anyone around.)
Well, it’s late, and I’m getting used to it.
Just finished the traditional black-eyed peas and cornbrread with steamed spinach with bacon. The cornbread as a new recipe with japalenos, whole corn and creamed corn and lots of eggs and butter. Then drenched with melted honey butter. Yum. Peas and spinach covered with Crystal and cane syrup. Per family tradition my wife accused me of being trailer trash when I laid down the syrup. She says she’s always been greatful I’ve never shared New Year’s dinner with her FL panhandle/Alabama family.
You put crystal meth and cane syrup on spinash? Trailer trash.
I just ran a couple of pies through the new pizza oven. I’m stuffed.
The Crystal
That was oddly compelling.
As the first comment reads, may not be safe to play while driving (if you wish to avoid points on your license).
That whole album was really quite good – a whole pile of hits.
Though, for my money, this is their most speed-inducing song.
Did they have a “cross over” hit of some kind? I’m a rock guy, but I know I’ve heard of these guys, and there’s something familiar about their sound.
In my yute, that would have me flying down the road.
Half of the songs on Vegas showed up in movies and commercials for a decade.
Comin’ Back is probably the most “traditional” track, in the sense there’s an actual singer.
Busy Child was also inescapable.
I just realized you’re probably thinking of the collaboration with Filter:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeQRO4fXOKk
Yeah, that must be it.
1. Big beats are the best
2. Get high all the time
Big Beat Manifesto
I have red beans and rice, shrimp/crawfish etouffee, and three kinds of green beans (research). I have more food than a single person should be allowed to cook. (flips the bird to Bloomburg)
https://mobile.twitter.com/wspd3pio
That’s some serious wind.
C3PO works for the State Patrol?
He always seemed like a busy-body…
Also, he WAS a cock-blocker, so, take that for what it’s worth.
I’m heading out that way on Friday. I guess I’ll have to take a machete.
I’m watching “The Confession Killer” on Netflix; it’s a libertarian ‘must watch.’ I knew Henry Lee Lucas had confessed to murders he couldn’t possibly have done but I didn’t know that corrupt Texas Rangers in concert with the FBI and Justice Department tried to railroad the DA who exposed the whole ‘clear your unsolved murders’ racket. Their actions were indistinguishable from mob tactics.
It’s also no wonder that the families of murder victims almost always end up loathing law enforcement.
There is something here. As a former conservative cop-sucker who noticed this, but blew if off as “the grieving process”, this really is something to drive home to pro-law enforcement friends and family. Why is this such a prevalent attitude among victims families?
I think if you interviewed bunch of them you’d hear lots of anecdotes about police wanting a suspect and conviction more than solving the actual crime and that are absolutely intolerant of families getting involved or questioning their version of events.
There is a range, as with all things human. But, yes–VERY fucking territorial of their job, and the power(s) it encompasses.
Also, totally read that as, “it’s a librarian must-watch”.
/”Damn, we sure do have an inordinate number of librarians here….“
don’t tell me what to do
Well I’m the only one true libertarian so…….
Boy, there’s some Fake News news if I’ve ever seen it.
Typo. He meant “bush”.
https://www.ebay.com/itm/173391016009
I knew I would regret clicking that
IIRC, it was Broward County in FL that had the odd ordinance led to merkins for strippers as the law prohibited the showing of both labia and real pubic hair. New Orleans only permits topless dancing so the club Big Daddy’s has a giant platform swing with curtains on 3 sides hanging above the bar. A dancer may remove her bottoms because the customers are only seeing her reflection in a mirror. The US has some really strange laws about nudity and booze.
No red ones? Business opportunity!
Baylor is not up to the task tonight.
They’re not as good as their record indicates. I had them marked down as getting blown out.
Tits.
https://tinyurl.com/tvrkdxu
More tits.
https://tinyurl.com/yx77p374
They’re all going to end up with back problems.
27 – freckles FTW.
49 as runner-up.
I can’t tell which side of the hot/crazy line 49 is on, but it’s probably worth the risk.
She looks 1000% crazy.
But, still…
It’s good to see you back in the saddle Q.
Shieldmaidens
I could only watch half of it. That was pathetic.
I made it to the point where he overpowered three of them, and then drove off the fourth, AFTER the good Samaritan took him down and they piled on. I am so tempted to keep that link and post it without comment everywhere someone is going on about female warriors. This “sex makes no difference, a woman can do any job a man can do” crap is getting women hurt.
That’s like a bad action movie where the bar gang only sends one guy at a time against the hero.
Also, the filter should be arrested for filming in portrait mode.
If they wanted us filming in landscape mode, they should build the phones horizontally!
/ducks, runs
On the plus side, it’s nice that the mentally-ill man wasn’t immediately gunned down in a hail of bullets.
Apparently, they don’t have tazers.
Yes, I was expecting a tazer or pepper-spray to make an appearance.
Or batons/nightsticks
They do! He disarmed one of the girls twice of her baton and they all backed off when he picked up a rock.
Cuffs should have gone on when he was on the ground and they should have worked together rather than taking him on one at a time.
I didn’t see the batons but I imagine you are right. That was a frighteningly bad performance.
You can see one of them make a motion of pulling out a baton and the guy uses what ever he is carrying to knock it out of her hand
It’s amazing to see cops in countries other than the US put up with that stuff.
Is that some kind of refugee housing complex?
Yep
Welp, plenty of job opportunity in WV!
I wonder…
…If she’s related to the Admiral? No idea.
I hear it’s a common name there.
And, by “there”, you mean…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3p4e-htTHw
Admiral…Exalted Cyclops. Toe-may-toe…toe-mah-toe.
wut
But the important part is that everyone who perpetrated, saw, or conceptualized the crimegesture has been sacked.
The management regrets the poor commenting on this particular article, and wishes to inform you that those commenting on the sacking have now been sacked.
This is a class of prison guards. They are doing this in government uniform during a government function. Fuck each and every one of them. I’m glad they got fired and I’m glad the supervisor who knew and failed to report it got fired.
These dipshits would have incredible authority over people stripped of most civil rights. Leaving them on the job may have abetted bigotry. For sure it would have given the appearance of allowing. Fuck.each.one.of.them.
Can’t say I disagree. I know a prison guard.
The poor writing of the story leaves me baffled, though. Is this one of those stories where it’s just easier to hate everyone?
Yes
Normal people try to stay out of prison
The writing is less than stellar. As I understand it, the class willingly did the Seig Heil salute. If there is a gunman just outside the photo’s border then my analysis is wrong. My gut says when the supervisors, who presumably have a union, are getting fired that this is pretty much what it appears to be.
I was thinking that they may not have a union, in the commonly understood sense, but…https://www.cwa2055.org/about-cwa-local-2055
AFL-CIO. Fuck. That.
Just to bring in a bit of nuance–these cadets are most likely new to the profession, most likely went through a rectal exam of a hiring process, and, are very much into the group-think/make sure you fit in mentality. Trainer says do it, we do it. Yeah, that makes it worse, in that they aren’t training up independent thinkers here, just order-followers. But, I don’t think the entire class was champing to do the salute as a matter of personal preference.
Plus, it looks like a couple of crackers gave the ‘black power’ fist, so…well, there’s that.
I have no doubt you are right. I have no doubt some of them thought it was a bad idea but went along with it. This is a recipe for serious problems later. See: Abu Ghraib.
Most definitely. If they had let any of them through, and, even one was later involved in an ‘incident’, hooo, boy. The discovery in that lawsuit would be interesting.
Anyone who had refused would have been in a no-win situation. Then again, they would have, mercifully, seen up front what that work culture was going to be. Maybe be convinced to do something else, which is probably not all that likely, given that it’s WV.
My Les Paul is jangly as hell tonight. The perfect combination of guitar, bourbon, and jangly intentions.
Cheers!
No work tomorrow?
Maybe a little. Technically I’m on vacation. But I’ve got a conference call on Friday, and some other stuff I’m supervising remotely on Friday. I’ll have to look at e-mail and do a smidge of work tomorrow.
What particular type of Les Paul do you have?
Epiphone Les Paul Special II. It was cheap, made in China, whatever. But it sounds great and stays in tune.
I love this guitar. It rings and rings.
More Swedish policing videos
Those weren’t the hot bikini chicks I was told about…
Good morning to any lurking Glibbies!
Good morning.
Lurking? No.
Monitoring?
I’m wandering in and out. And for some reason I’m stressed out. I can’t figure out about what, since it’s a generalized feeling.
Do your job duties make year end any more demanding than other times? In my job, this is when month-end, quarter-end, and year-end tasks all converge, so it’s my crazy season.
Nope. We don’t have business cycles, just patch cycles, which are shorter and not that stressful.
I seem to recall you mentioning you’d participated in a potential new-hire interview. How did that go?
Well… we’ve interviewed four people, none of which even meet the bare minimum qualifications for the job, despite claiming they did on their application.
I mean, can’t even articulate how they’d approach troubleshooting, or read unix commands minimum qualifications.
We’re looking to get different candidates.
Good morning, GT. Today is back to school from Christmas break, so I’m a bit frazzled making lunches, wrangling rucksacks, etc.
Does it help to cling to the thought that soon they’ll be back out of the house for a while? : )
Good morning GT!
Me? I’m just waiting for my US counterparts to get back in the office so maybe I can find out what they have scheduled for me this month. I am expecting more travel – which is good for the pay.
If so, I hope your travel is safe and trouble-free. At my old job – twenty years ago – I booked a lot of international travel for our engineers and managers. There was nothing like travel troubles to bring out my inner Mama Bear and demand that my folks be taken care of.
Travel these days is a different world. Flights can be booked at almost the last minute, in my industry the hotel is the client so rooms are provided. I often end up booking my own flights as availability and price change faster than I can type up my preferences and send an e-mail. I guess my biggest issue in this go-round is getting the home office to let me get their sooner to get things set up – giving me a day before starting the project – rather than trying to do that on the fly.
https://local21news.com/news/local/group-booted-from-philadelphia-parade-after-members-wear-blackface-to-celebrate-mascot
::facepalm::
People are not bright.
-1 talcum X.
BTW, Sean – I still think you could do well taking a day of morning links. You seem to have a knack for finding good ones, and I suspect the usual AM linker (it’s usually Sloopy, isn’t it? I’m busy at work, so I can rarely participate) might be glad of a day off.
I wish you the day of your choosing, gentlemen!
I was hoping for a vacation day – but I’m in the office.
Oh, well – can’t win ’em all.