“That ain’t shit.”
-Bill Laimbeer

Kansas-Kansas State ended in a brawl. Antonio Brown experiences the hardships of dealing with a moving company. A Coco-Osaka showdown is coming. And the NFL Draft will be held in a fountain.

Bournemouth stopped the bleeding against Brighton. Villa beat Watford. Southampton topped Palace. Everton drew with Newcastle (disproving my projection). Man City squeaked by Sheffield. And Chelski drew with Arsenal. More matches on tap today, and I hope Norwich continues the trend of bottom-dwellers having a good set of midweek fixtures. Ditto that for Burnley.

Philly personified.

Boston, NYI, Carolina, Philly, and Florida all won on the ice. Fortunately for fans in Minnesoooda and Detroit, their teams didn’t play. Because things aren’t looking too good there right now.

Sir Francis Bacon was born on this day.  He shares it with Grand Prince of Moscow and Russia, Ivan The Great, legendary pirate William Kidd, romantic poet Lord Byron, infamous film director D.W. Griffith, bluesman Blind Willie Johnson, “the inventor of soul” Sam Cooke, TV’s Bill Bixby, underrated actor John Hurt, punk pioneer Malcolm McLaren, Steeeeeeve Perry, wrestler Tully Blanchard, NHL player Mike Bossy, Australian music legend Michael Hutchence, actress Diane Lane, (shouldn’t have been a) Bond girl Olivia D’Abo, and rap sidekick Jazzy Jeff.

Brain Busters assemble!

And with that out of the way, we move on to…the links!

After a marathon session, the Senate passes rules for the Trump impeachment circus trial. Cocaine Mitch gets what he wanted, the media decries that the House will have to proceed with only the evidence they once called “overwhelming and compelling”, and nobody involved gets a good night’s sleep.

“Fuck Adam Chiff and fuck the fucking Diaz brothers!”

Just in case you’re against the death penalty in all cases. I hope they cook this fucker. Sorry if you find that distasteful.

The US Supreme Court agrees to take a pretty important First Amendment case. Unfortunately the chance they will rule that no money should be spent by the state or federal government on education is nonexistent. But a man can dream, can’t he?

That Target manager some asshole tried to shame on social media is cashing in. I just hope that dickhead doing the “shaming” gets that non-working toothbrush display he wanted so badly.

“Trust us, it was an honest mistake”. Seriously, they’re just dunking on us now. They already let every person buried in a local cemetery cast a ballot. Or rather, they let someone cast a ballot on their behalf for whatever Dem happens to be on the ballot. This is totally unnecessary piling-on.

“Whistleblower”

I always wondered why Schiff was so keen on protecting the identity of the “whistleblower” when whistleblowers aren’t necessarily given anonymity. Perhaps this has something to do with it. I’m sure it was just a hypothetical intellectual exercise and there’s nothing to see here. Yeah, that’s it. That’s the ticket.

The South will apparently not rise again. In fact, it doesn’t look like they’ll even get off the couch. I wonder what the methodology used to determine this was.  Actually, I don’t. But I do wonder what the fuck the CDC is doing wasting taxpayer money on this kind of crap.

Just go ahead and put this on everything, California.

I’m curious how they’ll manage to print a Prop 65 warning on every single pill. I’m just kidding. They’ll probably just have it pulled off the shelves in the face of mounting contradictory evidence. But hey, “if it saves just one life”, right? (Hint: it will not save one life.)

See if you can make heads or tails of his story. If I’m reading this correctly, it sounds like the only person who didn’t fuck up here is the only one who ended up dead.

GRRRRRRRRRRL POWER!!!

Go have a great day, friends. It’s raining here, so I’m homebound. But that’s fine by me. My back is killing me. Thank God I live in Texas and not California. I can take a Percocet. Or three.

(BREAKING NEWS AS I FINISH: Monty Python’s Terry Jones has died.  Shit, that sucks.)