Laws of The Animalverse
These are fundamental laws, like the three laws of thermodynamics, or the speed of light and the rate of radioactive decay. Over the years I have identified these fundamental laws of the universe, some by experience, some by example, some by research. These shall henceforth be known as Animalversal Laws, and I have put them forth here for the edification of all Glibs. So, by category:
Animal’s Law of Campfires: The ideal spot for a camp chair will always be downwind from the campfire.
- Rat’s Corollary to Animal’s Law of Campfires: The availability of suitable places for a camp chair is causally related to the smokiness of the campfire. Smokier fire = fewer places to place a chair.
- Animal’s Law of Big Game: When hunting, while in the hunting grounds, you will see every imaginable species and sex of big game except the one you have a license to hunt.
- Rat’s Corollary to Animal’s Law of Big Game: When hunting, any of the species and sex of big game you have a license to hunt will be sighted on private land and therefore off-limits.
- Animal’s First Law of Fishing: The spot six feet down the bank from where you are located on a crowded river is always where the fish are biting.
- Animal’s Second Law of Fishing: Fishhooks will always become embedded in your flesh in a place that is impossible to reach on your own and embarrassing to ask for help with.
- Animal’s Law of Skunks: The chances of one encountering an angry skunk while on an outing are directly related to the chances that one is wearing a new coat.
- Animal’s Law of Porcupines: The aggressiveness of a hunting dog towards small mammals is directly related to the likelihood of said dog’s encountering a porcupine.
- Animal’s Law of Snakes: Rattlesnakes are always encountered at the worst possible moment.
- Animal’s Law of Weather: Any weather condition inconvenient for one’s planned activity will occur during that activity.
Vehicles and Driving
- Animal’s Law of Inverse Bumper Sticker Intelligence: The number of bumper stickers on a car is directly related to the odds of the driver being a complete imbecile. The content of the bumper stickers is irrelevant to the functioning of the Law. More bumper stickers = greater odds of the driver being a drooling moron.
- Animal’s Law of Rush Hour: The amount of time you have to reach a destination is inversely related to the number of red lights you will hit. Less time = more red lights.
- Animal’s Law of Left Lane Vigilantes: On any multi-lane highway, the number of people driving at five miles per hour under the speed limit in the left lane rises as the square of the total number of vehicles on the road.
- Animal’s First Law of Four-Wheel-Drive: A good, honest 4×4 wears its rock chips and branch scrapes with pride. Shiny, unmarked 4x4s, unless brand new and still on the showroom floor, are unnatural.
- Animal’s Second Law of Four-Wheel-Drive: On icy streets, you may be able to get going a little faster, but you can’t stop any faster.
- Animal’s First Law of Off-Roading: If you think you might high-center your truck, you will.
- Animal’s Second Law of Off-Roading: The farther you are from the highway when you blow a tire, the greater the probability of your spare being flat.
Society and Behavior
- Animal’s Law of Public Cellular Phone Stupidity: Stupid people talk on their cellular phones in public places at an average of three times the decibel level of normal people. This phenomenon also scales up in a logarithmic acceleration: The stupider the phone user, the louder they talk.
- Animal’s Law of Supermarket Aisles: The likelihood of a person completely blocking an entire supermarket aisle for more than ten minutes is directly proportional to their weight.
- Animal’s First Law of Public Restrooms: The morning after a dinner of extremely hot Mexican food will be the same morning when the only available public restroom runs out of paper.
- Animal’s Second Law of Public Restrooms: If the Animal’s First Law of Public Restrooms does not apply, the last available stall in a public restroom will always be the one next to the person who had a dinner of extremely hot Mexican food the night before.
- Animal’s Third Law of Public Restrooms: In the case of Animal’s Second Law of Public Restrooms, the person in the next stall’s disbelief in the necessity of courtesy flushes is directly proportional to the vileness of the excretions emitted.
- Animal’s Fourth Law of Public Restrooms: The reason women go to the restroom in groups is so they can talk about men. The reason men go to the restroom alone is so they don’t have to talk.
- Animal’s Laws of Urinal Use: When approaching a bank of urinals, one should always select the one farthest away from any other users. When approaching a bank of three unused urinals, one should never select the middle urinal in case another user appears. When performing micturition at the urinal, one shall not make eye contact with any other users.
- Portnoy’s Corollary to the Laws of Urinal Use: If you shake it more than twice, you’re jerking off.
- Animal’s Second Law of Conversation: Women should be advised that when asked what he is thinking about, a man replies “nothing,” he is telling the truth. Men should be advised that when asked what she is thinking about, a woman replies “nothing,” he is already in trouble.
- Animal’s Law of Humor: Any joke worth telling is worth telling badly.
- Animal’s First Law of Internet Histrionics: Whenever anyone sends you something that is announced to be a “must-read,” it’s going to be a piece of utter crap. Even more so if the MUST-READ is announced in all caps.
- Animal’s Second Law of Internet Histrionics: Any communication written in all-caps can be safely disregarded as irrelevant and probably stupid.
- Animal’s Law of Excessive Use of Annoying Acronyms: Anyone who, in an email, comment, forum post or any other internet communication, ends at least half of their sentences with “LOL” should be beaten to death with their keyboards.
- Animal’s First Law of Stupidity Avoidance: Never read the comments. (Except here at Glibertarians, of course.)
- Animal’s Second Law of Stupidity Avoidance: Facebook. Don’t. Just don’t.
- Animal’s Law of Altered States: Any internet content worth reading, is worth reading drunk.
- Animal’s Law of Assertion: In any online forum (except for Glibertarians, of course) any assertion of fact unsupported by evidence can be safely disregarded as an example of the breathtaking abandon with which people just make shit up.
Media and Entertainment
- Animal’s First Law of Television Advertising: In advertisements for car dealerships, the loudness of the announcer’s voice is directly proportional to the stupidity of their targeted demographic.
- Animal’s Second Law of Television Advertising: Whenever a television ad states, “Experts agree,” they don’t.
- Animal’s Third Law of Television Advertising: Whenever a television ad states, “This is HUGE,” it isn’t.
- Animal’s First Law of Programming: Despite the three Laws of Television Advertising, the most entertaining, well-made, and thoughtful programming in American television is usually the commercials.
- Animal’s Second Law of Programming: Reality television isn’t.
- Animal’s First Law of Celebrity: A person who is talented and attractive is not necessarily intelligent.
- Animal’s Second Law of Celebrity: The least intelligent celebrities are the most vocal.
From Other Sources:
- Travis’s Law of Conversation: Old men will always talk about the weather. Old women will always talk about old men.
- Martin’s Law of Inebriation: If you can lie on the floor without holding on, you’re not drunk.
Animal’s Law of Campfires: The ideal spot for a camp chair will always be downwind from the campfire.
And, no matter where you move that chair, the wind will shift so the smoke follows you.
“Animal’s Second Law of Conversation: Women should be advised that when asked what he is thinking about, a man replies “nothing,” he is telling the truth. Men should be advised that when asked what she is thinking about, a woman replies “nothing,” he is already in trouble.”
I have, in one brief moment, had my wife utter “you truly aren’t thinking about anything are you?”
Pro Tip: “I am thinking about how much I love you,” only works while you are dating.
I had to explain to my wife that men are capable of of literally having no thoughts going through their heads, which she had a hard time accepting because women can’t actually think about nothing.
Smoke follows beauty, as they say.
“Where there’s smoke, there’s a Hottie.”
I just sit opposite of my wife as the smoke tends to follow her, thus taking OBJ’s observation and making it a universal law.
I have an heuristic something like this. When planning to spend a summer evening outdoors, there are certain people I prefer to invite, because mosquitos are more attracted to them than to me.
When I was a wee Frankelson Boy Scout, I made the mistake of walking behind a line of other Boy Scouts casting out into a lake. Being inexperienced with casting a line one kid hit the reel release on their back-swing early and their hook came back and nicked my eyelid. I didn’t notice until someone pointed out that my eye was bleeding. One of several times I nearly lost my vision in one or both eyes as a youth.
Lesson One for all my boys was what to do if you hook yourself or your brothers and what not to do. They each all carry a multi-tool when they go fishing and one of the primary uses is to loose that hook from an arm/hand/finger if need be without asking for my help.
Sound like a good policy. Did you teach them to disinfect the wound with whiskey? 😉
After they rub some dirt in it and make there way back to camp…maybe.
Yes, I understand there are numerous ways for a young man to do something too often and go blind.
Well if I were to count those times, the number would go up by several orders of magnitude.
Good list, Animal. This is a MUST READ article, for sure.
Well fuckity. Missed my eye exam this morning (totally my fault, but for the amount of time I wait in reception, then for the technician, and then for the optometrist, it’s somewhat irritating). Anyways, now have my FSA balance to use up by Friday or it turns into a pumpkin. How many first aid kits do I really need?
Looks up at Animal’s laws…you need a lot.
How many first aid kits do I really need?
How many are you willing to supply to the ‘street medics’ for the Portland protestors. [ducks, runs, zigs and zags, runs some more, finds cover and peeks back]
How many first aid kits
do I really needcan I resell in the original packaging for only a nominal markdown?
Hence why you should never, EVER, attempt to go skiing the same place I am skiing. It will rain. Guaranteed. One year in VT, there was a tropical downpour with high winds, thunder, & lightning. In January.
Or camping with me. June in California at Big Bear, rain/hail and 40 degree temps on our three-day “summer” camping trip
There was some article online about how France has ordered all ski lifts closed to stop the ‘vid. But the resorts are still open, and apparently have skiers.
There’s a saying in the Marine Corps – if it ain’t raining, we ain’t training.
Stayed up late, got up late. Now it’s time for my nap. Then I shall amble over to the pool and hot tub to read and soak. Then this evening I shall draw and paint while watching TV. Vacations are awesome. Tomorrow, lunch and shopping.
Tulip, can you post another pic of that painting you did during Straff’s challenge? The one with the lady sunbathing?
The most finished is here https://photos.app.goo.gl/4dZDMggorywg9hqM9
That is excellent Tulip!
Meant this https://photos.app.goo.gl/nGpAVLpUhbH8v8G3A
That’s gorgeous and I am envious of your skill.
Not envious enough, obviously, though. If I practiced more…
Rule Britannia, Britannia something something
“When push came to shove, despite the legal, moral and political strength of our case, fishing was sacrificed,” Deas lamented in a St Stephen’s Day interview reacting to news that Johnson’s deal included a further five-and-a-half year “transition” for EU trawlers — on top of the almost four years they have already had since the 2016 vote to leave the EU — to plunder British fisheries, with promises of full sovereignty after this period looking increasingly shaky.
“[T]he EU made the whole trade deal contingent on a UK surrender on fisheries,” the fishing industry leader continued.
“In the end-game, the Prime Minister made the call and caved in on fish, despite the rhetoric and assurances that he would not do what Ted Heath did in 1973,” he added.
Exibhit 1342948294 against Democracy: EU is held up as a triumph of democracy.
Cod Wars II: Britain’s (second) Darkest Hour
Suck it, Kamaulya, you poseur
At 32, four years younger than Jong Un, Kim Yo Jong has made her presence known through shockingly tough statements that he had to have endorsed but she clearly wrote and recommended.
Undoubtedly her most famous—and most effective—blast was her denunciation in June of North Korean defectors for firing off balloons from South Korea laden with leaflets criticizing the North Korean regime.
They were “human scum hardly worth their value as human beings,” “little short of wild animals who betrayed their own homeland,” she raged. It was “time to bring their owners to account” and ask “south (sic) Korean authorities if they are ready to take care of the consequences of evil conduct by the rubbish-like mongrel dogs who took no scruple to slander us while faulting the ‘nuclear issue’ in the meanest way at the most untimely time.”
Kim Yo Jong’s colorful rhetoric—more extreme than anything her brother has put out publicly since taking the reins after the death of their father, Kim Jong Il, nine years ago—struck a responsive chord here. South Korea’s national assembly, dominated by the ruling party of President Moon Jae-in, this month made it illegal to fire off not only leaflets but also candy bars and dollar bills and USB devices bringing traces of the good life south of the demilitarized zone to the hunger- and poverty-stricken North.
That’s how you do Identifies-as-female-dictator-of-color.
Remember when the media lost their collective minds over her at the Olympics. She was so beautiful. And a Powerful woman!
Well to be honest, I think the media is reading what she wrote and sayin “she ain’t wrong”.
Media: We can carry that water!
That’s the MSM for you. Fetishizing an Asian woman. They should all be canceled.
She seems nice.
Yep. Imagine her with her hands on the reins.
Toobin was before his time if that were to happen.
He had his hands on the vein.
I’d like a second opinion.
Very disturbing news: YouTube has pulled an episode of the Ron Paul Liberty Report and issued a “warning” that any more violations will result in our not being able to put up more programs. The episode was a news report on a Trump rally – they said it is “medical misinformation.”
How long do we have before declaring that a small government proponent is presumed sane would be considered “medical misinformation”?
About 10 months ago…
Well, it isn’t like Ron Paul is a DOCTOR or anything like our First Lady Elect is.
I still don’t understand what these leftist cuntes are so upset about.
Fuck that. I want blood
They’re still pissy that Herself will never be president.
“Fuck that. I want blood”
Me too motherfucker.
These are excellent. They brought to mind something an old cowboy said as we were touring a large ranch with some really good fishing holes. Delivered deadpan, of course, as we drove past a small stream rumored to have cutthroat trout (which are increasingly hard to find). After we asked if the stream was worth fishing, he said “Well, fish are attracted to water.”
In HVAC settings, I’m fond of pointing out (when supplies of service parts that I forecast five years before are not ready for spring) that April comes about this time most years.
Alex Chilton’s birthday today. He would’ve been 70. But he blew his liver out. Speaking of which, I’m drinking a beer cause I’m on vacation, baby!
I’m too drunk for philosophy. But not too drunk to wait before I went off topic. I don’t know if this has been discussed recently, my schedule has been messed up recently.
Coming to America 2 is coming to Amazon Prime. I like the barbershop tag at the end.
Does Amazon do gratuitous nudity?
Will they be okay with a girl barking like a dog hoping on one foot from the great nation of Wakanda?
Zamunda! Cmon, man!
Wait, there’s such a thing as “gratuitous” nudity?
That’s what restaurants mean when they say ‘gratuity accepted’, they want you to get nekkid.
You say that, but the minute I took off my shirt and shoes they kicked me out!
The shoes was the problem, gotta leave them on, and the mask.
(Several folks at work have masks with a picture of a zipper on it, like a gimp mask, I’m not quite sure if they know this is the reference they are making)
TV comedy Action
A line he had when someone complained about gratuitous nudity was “his nude scenes were completely… tuitous”.
Remember, white faced as a stereotypical Jew is A-OKAY. Though I don’t believe Eddie or Arseno really care about that noise.
I doubt it. The woke mob has come for Eddie for jokes about gays in his old standup movies.
Part of the joke is when the barbers tell that kid he went too far, politically incorrect, and then make another ‘racist’ joke. Comedy.
Also, Wesley Snipes in a kilt, and Arsenio seems to be playing ‘red-face’ in one of the quick shots.
Oh I am all for it, Eddie knows how to do it.
If This and My Name is Dolemite mean a resurgence of great Eddy Murphy, all the hardship of 2020 will have been worth it?
Excellent. My brother sneaked me into the theater to see Raw, after lying to my parents that we were going to see Crocodile Dundee or something like that. Sister was running the ticket booth and allowed this fragile mind in to hear such vile and filth. Later that evening I learned what a bar of soap tasted like.
I remember being 12 or so, and with 3 friends. We went to the dollar theater to see Trading Places. The ticket seller looked at us, talked to the manager, who shrugged, and we got to see an “R” rated movie.
That it was a really good one was a bonus.
I’m a bit younger, I watched it on beta with my parents. They didn’t care about ‘ratings’, the only things we weren’t allowed to watch until we were older…like 6, were movies with excessive gore.
We used to just buy a ticket for some PG movie and then go to whichever theater we wanted.
until about 15 years ago all the local theaters had ushers still checking tickets before you could get into the individual theater.
I remember, Robin Hood Men In Tights was the first movie I went to without an adult. It was rated PG-13. I would have been 11, I went with my older brother who would have been 12. I think my aunt bought the tickets for us and then bought tickets for her and my uncle to see a different movie. (HAHA, reading that has to make most of you feel old)
I remember Annie being the film for which our local upped the ticket price from $3 to $4.50. My parents were pissed.
Given the current zeitgeist in Hollywood, this is likely going to be neutered of all the bits that made if funny to begin with.
I see my wife has been in communication with you.
Animal’s Second Law of Internet Histrionics: Any communication written in all-caps can be safely disregarded as irrelevant and probably stupid.
STEVE SMITH FIND HURTFUL!
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, FRIEND STEVE SMITH, AND AGREES!
SEA SMITH THINK COUSIN STEVE SMITH RIGHT.
Animal’s Laws of Urinal Use: When approaching a bank of urinals, one should always select the one farthest away from any other users.
Back in the early days of the intertubes, there was an online game/survey which had a long bank of urinals. Different scenarios, with different numbers of people using different urinals, were presented, with the question always being “which one do you pock”?
Men always gave the same answer, the complex calculation of maximum space from other users being instinctive. Women basically just picked one at random.
These are excellent, Animal. A lifetime of wisdom distilled.
Dr. Chipping Pioneer’s Law of California Daytime Television Commercials:
There are two types of commercials on California daytime television: one is for discount auto insurance; the other is for lawyers to sue your discount auto insurance company.
It is wonderful to behold a fully functioning eco-system.
“Scouts honor” is out the window.
Lawyers for the Girl Scouts claim the Boy Scouts of America have been stealing potential members over the past two years — while engaging in a “highly damaging” recruitment war, according to papers filed in Manhattan federal court.
The bad blood between the organizations started when the Cub Scouts announced it would accept girls beginning in 2018. It intensified last year when the Boy Scouts also began welcoming girls into their program, causing the Girl Scouts to sue the organization over its move to rebrand as the gender-neutral Scouts BSA.
Last month, lawyers for Scouts BSA asked a judge to dismiss the trademark infringement lawsuit, calling it “utterly meritless.”
I am just going to chuckle at you assholes. Have fun destroying what is left of your organizations.
baaaahahahahahahaha…..you called down the thunder, well now you’ve got it!
This sort of thing was completely unforeseeable.
Prediction; settlement, followed by merger and lavish payoffs for everyone.
Well, maybe you wouldn’t have to sue if the Girl Scouts weren’t skin-suited by leftists bent on turning it into Planned Parenthood for Little Girls.
It’s nothing but a pyramid scheme for cookies, which is why my daughter was never interested and does Y-Princesses instead, which requires no fundraising sales.
My son’s scout troop sells a lot of stuff – popcorn, Brunswick stew, wreaths at Christmas – but they use that money to fund their activities, of which there are many. They do a camping trip every month.
Troops in Cali I think never did the camping thing, but the boy was quite young, so cub scout maybe. Once we moved to Nevada, full on camping trips which were great. We just didn’t like the scout master as he was a wannabe Marine Drill Sergeant that was never in the military but treated his troop as if they were.
One of the things I like best about my son’s troop is that they truly have the boys take responsibility. The scoutmaster helps them plan their trips, but the patrol leaders run the trips. The adults who go along to supervise do so from a distance, setting up their own separate camp. The boys set up their own camp, cook their own meals, and so on. They do a Philmont trip every year, too, and a two week Grand Canyon trip every four years.
That is great. Our former troop did that. They had to learn how to prioritize their backpacks, decide what was worth it to bring, what wasn’t. Cook, clean, all that jazz. Unfortunately he did miss out on the Philmont trip, but plenty of trouncing around Southern Nevada mountains.
Glad you have a good troop that is teaching what needs to be taught.
It was long enough ago when I was in that the patrols were not only allowed but encouraged to operate independently from the troop. The troop would have monthly campouts with adults present, but the patrols also had campouts that were completly undocumented. This depended completely on the initiative of the boys involved, so there were some patrols that never did anything on their own.
Meh. I can support a girl’s division of the Boy Scouts, based around the same programs. BSA had (has?) outdoor living as a prime feature of the program. The GSA… not so much. I camped more in my first six months than my sister did in her entire GS expeience.
That doesn’t even include the specialty events like Philmont, Sea Base, Okpik, etc… AFAIK, GSA doesn’t have any of those.
They teach girls how to sell cookies…
Last I heard…..there are no girls in my son’s troop yet, but the Cub pack connected to his troop has a boys den and a girls den for each level. If/when the older scouts start getting girls, it’s going to be the same way (at least that’s what they told us), the girls will have their own patrol.
My niece was trying to get Eagle before she turned 18 this year. It was not a good year to try and slam that out. Oh well, saved me the expense of having to buy her one of these
You did not buy that for your niece? What is wrong with you?
*I bought my niece a Winchester 94 in 30-30 and a Smith and Wesson 586 with a 4″ barrel.
If a young woman wants a gun, get ‘er a gun!
I’m only buying her an Eagle Scout rifle if/when she earns Eagle.
It’s funny, but 30 odd years ago, Drucker’s book on entrepreneurship lavished praise on the Girl Scouts for modifications that made it relevant (to the day) and when Boy Scouts was a declining institution. His point was that entrepreneurship will evolve versus clinging to an obsolete formula.
My brother used to at the Charles Sommers canoe base, and later ran the base in Bissett Manitoba
Used to work
BSA had (has?) outdoor living as a prime feature of the program
Outdoors is one of the Scouting Methods, but it’s abundantly moot. FWIW, its purpose is not to teach pioneering or survival or ways of living several decades of technology behind the contemporary; the point was to create a safe and remote space where kids could experience independence and manage themselves . . . that is: operate in a microcosm of society that causes them to think through and plan and execute in ways that create genuine life skills.
The fantasy of howarewegoingtokeepcellphonesfromruiningthatremoteness has given on to theresnowaytodothatnowthateveryoneisjustnavigatingandproblemsolvingbycellphone now. The skillset of coping, learning, planning, and problem-solving are not readily and genuinely experienced in hardly any units any more, and to the extent that they are in isolated units, those experiences are not unique to Scouting.
So this Eagle Scout (with Silver Palm), father of an Eagle Scout, sees little unique value in the Program such as it remains. I write this with no particular objection to the changes in membership eligibility in the past decade.
Outside formal structures in some organizations, I see what I think is a decay in the ability of average boys to manage themselves and simple projects. There is no substitute in the personal zone for the experience of having tried to plan something and found ways to overcome problems in execution; it is easy to tell who has thought through that cycle and those who have not
But I could be wrong: maybe learning how to do everything at the last second by figuring out which guy on YouTube actually knows what he is talking about might be a perfectly viable way to live and to manage.
I don’t know if this will be doable after SHTF, but for now, it’s an efficient way to get shit done without having to be a jack of all trades, master of none.
I learned about Sharkbites from YouTube and I wanted to kiss that plumber daily throughout that project.
Only one sliver palm?
The unique thing about the Scouts and other outdoors/nature-facing programs it is one of the few instances where people can deal with reality-reality. While there is an immense bit of social skills development involved, you can’t explain/deny/pout your way out of a leaky tent, a fire that doesn’t burn or your next food drop being on the other side of a mountain.
A failed project can be explained away by so many things — market forces, supply chain issues, chaging customer requirements, etc that no matter how shitty of a project manager you are you can escape the consequences of your poor performance if you have a sufficiently high bullshitting skill. Social skills >> all other skills for a certain, culturally dominant part of society. The Scouts is one of the few places where that dominance isn’t.
Is that like rape-rape?
JK, I agree. I was in some sketchy situations as a Scout and had to figure it out. Open-ocean sailing is of the same nature. Nobody is coming to help you when you’re 900 miles offshore in a 57 foot boat, or when you’re flying an airplane.
When I was at Sea Base, I got to encounter the stereotypical “midnight storm at sea” in a 25.5′ sloop. I was so proud that our boat was the only one undamaged.
Oh man, Sea Base would have been a blast. I wish I had done that.
Instead, I did week long hiking trips in the Appalachian early springtime. Cold, muddy, and generally shitty all-around.
Is Sea Base anything like the year we are about to enter, Sea Lab 2021?
I’m not arguing your points; they certainly agree with the traditions and methods to the extent they work.
But I’ll give an example of cellphone scouting. In the before times, a campout was the first time away from home overnight for about half the boys. Summer camps were where many a useless 11-year-old cried himself out by the second night of summer camp and started walking on his own two feet.
Now half the program is constantly adjudicated by not-so-remote mommies including a percentage of come-get-me that was never possible before cellphones. So I must say that a fraction of Scout failures today can indeed be explained away, excused, and escaped.
Not that I necessarily think that it’s bad for people who aren’t cut out for it to get out. I always said there were more people who needed scouting than were in scouting . . . and not a few in scouting who should get punted for the betterment of the unit. I broke all ties with my son’s unit before it was functionally destroyed in a lawsuit brought by parents of a kid who should have been dismissed years before; it was all pointless overhead and ended in theater of the sort that dilutes the value of awards those of us who actually earned must now share with, shall we simply say, others.
I have a buddy who just went with his son’s troop on a two-week canoeing expedition in Canada, where there are no cell towers.
They get a single sat-phone for emergencies and carry everything they need to get from point A to point B.
That’s what Scouting should be about.
I scouted in the before-times.
However, even if we had cell phones (and were allowed to use them) I can’t imagine mommies who wouldn’t have scolded/shamed boys who tried to bail out.
I encountered it a couple of times in the 80’s.
We were ruthless in our shaming of those kids. Ruthless.
Even woke BSA > Girl Scoutd
No. Girl scouts do a lot and have always been very different from boy scouts. When my sister was a troop leader they did flying and canoeing. It was never meant to be boy scouts for girls. I think it’s always been a better organization, and it’s never had all the rapey stuff that has plagued boy scouts.
it’s always been a better organization
A chief difference is that BSA doesn’t own and control everything like GS does. Councils are chartered, but they are not owned by National. Units (troops, packs, etc) are owned entirely by their Chartering Organization (historically dominated by but certainly not limited to congregations in the Methodist and LDS movements); those entities own the rights, approve the managing Committees, and are liable for the losses accruing to those Units.
As such, the Program as it is executed varies immeasurably in BSA; the worst BSA units will be almost unrecognizable to even average units.
When I was in the scouts our local was run out of the local LDS church.
My son’s District was about half LDS. I inferred that their programs sincerely implemented the Patrol Method and had less social advancement than the Troops chartered outside of LDS.
I am angry that the church divorced itself from BSA. One reason (and I am shameless about this) is that it subsidized it quite heavily. I was shocked how much it costs to be in a regular troop.
Another reason is that the church promised to put a program in its place. It did not. There has never EVER been a leader of our church who said “X will be done” but didn’t get done–until now. And I think it was deliberate.
Our church does and always had had a summer girl’s camp with its own system of badges for different wilderness living skills. I did it and loved it. My kid didn’t because she was going to summer school to get ahead on her credits.
She would have liked to be a part of BSA because she was envious of the activities XY got to do all year round, which he loved.
Yes we were very thankful in our young adult lives when we had one in the BSA and how much the LDS supported not only the Troop itself, but individual members (like us who couldn’t buy the $150 nice backpack and everything that needed to go with it) get their kids what was needed to participate.
In turn we donated our time and what we could back to LDS in whatever capacity they allowed us to.
the worst BSA units will be almost unrecognizable to even average units.
You mean not all troops were heavy on arts and crafts projects designed by the troop moms?
I’ve detailed my experience in the past, but I got placed in the wrong freaking troop and it made all the difference. Turns out that the people who would become my friends in high school were in the other troop in town. My troop was probably a good troop, but I washed out after a year or two because I didn’t like the other kids and I hated making tchotchkes. The older kids seemed to be doing really interesting stuff, but 11 year old me didn’t have the patience to wait out the kiddy stuff that came with getting through second class and first class, nor the determination to bear the twig gnawing stupidity of the kids in my patrol.
I regretted not sticking with it, or at least not asking my dad to switch me to the other troop. I knew by the time I was in high school that I would’ve excelled in that other troop, and I almost rejoined to make a late push for Eagle. However, I decided it wouldn’t be the same to do it in a rush.
I understand how it works. My sil used to work for them (married to brother who worked for BSA). Local councils still have a lot of power and it was a big benefit to my nieces. One got into robotics through GSA. Local councils still set the agendas (robotics instead of camping etc)
Even now when it has become a junior adjunct of Planned Parenthood?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, after all most criminals of every type are men.
Would we know if it did? After all, “If it was rape, it was a good rape,” was a line for a reason.
And then again, the total numbers of people involved and the types of activites involved undobtedly mean that more boys were diddled than girls.
How many “tick checks” did your typical girl scout undergo?
Oh gawd, that play. If it’s lesbian rape, it’s kewl!
Yeah, my daughters won’t be getting anywhere near GSA. I’m trying to raise well-adjusted women, not third wave feminists.
There is only proper organization for young ladies – <a href="https://galacticgirlguides.com/2020/04/01/page-1/" title=""The truth… as far as it goes.“” target=”_blank” >”It’s a tough galaxy, but somebody’s gotta live in it! It might as well be you! Join the Galactic Girl Guides!“
Oh, that looks like fun!
I was discussing this with a GSA leader a couple years ago. I said:
30 years of being labeled as sexist for not “letting girls in so they could earn Eagle”.
Now BSA is being labeled as sexist for “stealing girls from girl scouts”.
My boss scheduled a meeting about a new section on our web site, and now he’s just expounding on public information, analytics, content clearances. The lady we’re talking to hasn’t even asked a question.
“Loyal sidekick Rat tends a fire.”
I like how he maintains a firm grip on the beer bottle.
“Animal’s First Law of Fishing: The spot six feet down the bank from where you are located on a crowded river is always where the fish are biting.”
Most fond memory of fishing with my dad fits this. Brother and I, being young and full of it, proclaimed we could catch more fish than dad. Dad sauntered on down stream about a 100 yards or so while we put up shop at the base of a babbling brook. About an hour latter, dad comes up with half-dozen trout strung up, cigarette in mouth, muttering to us “fish are biting down there”. We hastily picked up shop and went to his spot.
Another hour later, after fishing our ‘bare’ spot he comes down to where we are, at his old fishing spot with another half-dozen trout added to his catch.
Your dad sounds like an asshole. I like him.
BTW, the best part about Alec Baldwin’s wife and her fake Spanish – there’s a clip of her doing a cooking spot on some morning talk show where she pretends to have to mentally search for the word cucumber – “We have, how you say, cucumber?”
If it weren’t for the fact that these people deserve nothing but scorn, I’d feel sorry for her that she feels like her actual life and identity wasn’t good enough. It’s like the phony valor guys. A lot of them are actual vets, they just weren’t war hero Green Berets and SEALs. They aren’t satisfied with saying “Yeah, I was comms corporal in the air wing”, they have to turn themselves into Audie Murphy.
Being really hot just wasn’t good enough, she had to fake an origin story.
I mentioned him before, but they all want to do as Andy Kaufman did, but without the effort for the long con.
“How could I ever get anywhere if I was just a cute white girl from Massachusetts???”
If I were going to make up a fake origin story it would not involve Spain or Mallorca. There are more backward hicks in Europe than Appalatchia could dream of.
My hunch is that she thought being Latina of some kind was too dangerous because there are just too many Americans who are either recent immigrants from those places or have traveled there frequently who would easily be able to see through her. Not a lot of Spaniards in this country, though.
Saw a movie (a bad one) once where I guy pretended to be from New Zealand because he figured that was one of the few accents he could get away with.
Wow…I find Aus/NZ accents to be really difficult to imitate, no matter how much Ozzy Man I watch.
(despite not being able to imitate them, though, I can differentiate an Aus from a NZ accent pretty easily due to a vowel shift on the part of NZers)
The point behind the New Zealand one was he figured, unlike Australian, few people know what it sounds like. It was a bad movie, but it’s the same thought process.
I watch so much Aussie Rules I can probably construct a passing accent by now.
New Zealand is trickier and more subtle than Aussie to my ears – but you can get some clues from Lucy Lawless or that dude from Amazing Race.
I have a really hard time with the Australian O’s. I just can’t get that kind of rounded, lilting sound. I watch a guy on Youtube that cuts opals, and I can’t same the word “opal” like he does.
+1 I kick ass for the lord!
My cousins are Aussies (well, born to American’s in Aussieland) and loved their accents.
that dude from Amazing Race.
I thought he was from Boston at first. Eventually in one of the seasons, he mentioned that he was from NZ and it blew my mind.
I can differentiate an Aus from a NZ accent pretty easily due to a vowel shift on the part of NZers
And the NZers’ idiosyncratic use of the word heaps.
The boyfriend school
I thought the movie was pretty good but that could have been just the girl I was with distracting me throughout it.
Reminds me of a 20/20 srtory about a guy who would romance and then scam girls out of money. He pretended to be a pro athlete. He chose Kay Whitmore, because he was in Hartford and Whitmore was the backup goalie for the Whalers at the time. He figured, a lot of people don’t know what the goalie looks like because of the mask, and so hardly anyone would know what the backup goalie would look like.
Yeah, but without actually doing what Murphy did.
Audie on What’s My Line? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P9birUWKO7Q
Good to see they were wearing masks, safety first.
Alec Baldwin showing Donald Trump what an ass he is.
I don’t much care, I mean whatever that’s why the word “pretentious” exists.
But these people spend so much time telling us how educated and sophisticated and cultured and compassionate they are, and then engage in sixth grade level make-believe and expect us to continue to view them as some higher level of human.
I didn’t care about this woman before and don’t care about her now, but apparently people do and they have considerable influence on huge chunks of society. And since as of 2020 “we’re all in this together,” she theoretically has considerable influence on my life as well as a result.
It’s like taking Wolf Blitzer’s questions on CNN seriously after his performance on Jeopardy. How do people ignore the obvious fact that they are being ‘led’ by lack wits dumber than they are?
Wolf Blitzer was on Jeopardy? I’ll bet that was the shitshow to end all shitshows…
It wasn’t all that long ago, that being a journalist required a very high degree of literacy and cultural knowledge. You didn’t have to be a rocket scientist, but you did have to be the kind of person who does the NYT crossword with a reasonable amount of success.
I don’t know exactly what changed, but something definitely did.
Editors and producers don’t want talking heads that think for themselves.
They stopped reading, for one thing.
One of my nieces has headed off to Uni (such as the experience is nowadays) to become A Journalist, but reading anything that hasn’t been directly assigned by her profs doesn’t seem to even enter her (otherwise quite intelligent) mind. It’s all Google and Wikipedia, if that.
He played against Andy Richter and Dana Delaney. Richter finished with $39,000, Wolf finished with -$4,600.
Well, Celebrity Jeopardy anyway, and he bombed. Andy Richter of all fucking people dominated him.
To be fair, most of those screw-ups were at least reasonable guesses. And I might have said “Julia Childs”, too.
Should have told Trebek that he would rue the day he crossed him.
“‘Rue the day’? Who talks like that?”
Guys who like Jell-o
Sean Connery for one.
That said. I’m reminded of the immortal words of Socrates when he said. “I drank what?”.
I love you people.
A river runs past me. Of fishing I remember only getting my fly caught in the bushes (I was pretty young).
Much great wisdom otherwise; prost!
the dangers of young love.
In the morning lynx thread I mentioned the neighbors who spray Amazon packages. Thanks to Zillow, I know that they bought their townhouse for $1.2M a couple of years ago. The severity of psychosis clearly increases with income and education.
Bless their hearts.
You do you, but we know that they think all their neighbors should be forced to spray their packages also.
I think Acosta needs to read his own network’s report on China jailing journalist before whining about Trump’s treatment of the media members.
He’s also got causation reversed.
Someone should tell that cunte about Barry’s use of the espionage act or *gasp* Lincoln’s treatment of unfavorable press.
Don’t for one second think that they believe what they say. He knows damn well they are under no greater threat, but it plays to the Trump is a poopy-head that says means things.
Random Christmas Country Polka…
What the shit, WordPress?
Why do I keep having to log in to Glibs every time I refresh it?
The NSA tap on your internet keeps telling WP that you’re a new user.
Nice list Animal.
Martin’s Law of Inebriation: If you can lie on the floor without holding on, you’re not drunk.
I used to spin badly when laying down after even comparatively light drinking. Even if I hadn’t drunk that much and felt relatively sober, the room would start spinning as soon as I laid down and this often lead to getting sick. I’ve never gotten seasick, but imagine it’s a similar experience.
Then I found leaving the television on took away the spins. Don’t know why but my guess is it gives my auditory something to anchor on to. I rarely spin now, even after a night of heavier drinking, but leaving the tv on instantly works if it does come back.
I haven’t suffered from the spins in quite a long time. Even when stumbling drunk, as still occasionally happens.
If I had to guess, I think they quit showing up when my migraines went away. My migraines featured brutal vertigo (as in, I would literally fall to the ground) which is pretty much the same as the spins. Come to think of it, I haven’t puked from drinking since my migraines, either. Puking was the other charming feature of my migraine attacks.
What stopped the migraines?
Migraines can come and go. I don’t know what the underlying causes are. I started getting migraines when I was 18 and they continued until I was about 28. Then they stopped. Maybe hormones? Or some environmental conditions? All I know is they are gone thank fucking jesus.
Mine stopped when I got my wisdom teeth removed. Also, no more spring and fall ear infections.
I only had the wisdom teeth removed from my left side; now the wisdom teeth on my right side are coming out 5 years later and being a bitch.
What stopped the migraines?
They were controlled for a couple years(?) with brutal doses of beta blockers. I got tired of being a functional zombie, and quit taking them and, voila, no migraines since. Functional zombie was preferable to borderline suicidal, so I had that going for me. The beta blockers were plan B. Plan A was some drug that I was supposed to take to stop them as soon as I felt one coming on. It worked a couple of times, and then my migraines figured it out and stopped giving me any warning. As in, I would be walking along and WHAM I’d be on the ground puking. The migraines also knew not to attack when I was driving; I had a couple of attacks as soon as I got out of the car. No way I could have kept a car on the road, so yay?
I strongly suspect they were stress-induced, as I had them when (a) I was still in law firms and (b) my first marriage was failing.
I’ve had one tunnel vision migraine, that was enough. Most involved my teeth hurting. Thankfully, I’ve never had the nausea.
I used to get very bad migraines too. No vertigo, but they started with auras that completely blur my vision for 30-40 minutes. From my teens to my late 20s, the aura were followed by intense pain for ~5 hours, and released with vomiting plus sleep. Residual pain lasted about two days. I used to take two percocets to try and blunt the pain a little but it didn’t do much.
I still get the auras and then some relatively slight pain, but it’s light enough that I take 4 ibuprofen + dayquil and push through work or whatever. The auras are mostly inconvenient.
Yeah. As soon as you get that “ feeling” take 3 ibuprofen. Don’t hesitate.
A reporter talking about the AT&T rapid expansion event: “it looked like the aftermath of a car bombing.”
You have to be smart to get into Columbia.
Some additional rules of the road:
Prius drivers are incapable of driving at or above the speed limit and will always drive 10 mph less than the posted limit.
Ram drivers will ride your ass even if you’re going over the speed limit.
Bicyclists believe the best time to go for a ride down main street is during rush hour.
I’ve seen some exceptions to the Prius rule.
Used to work with a guy who had a first generation Honda Insight. He drove that thing like he stole it and still got over 60 mpg.
Can confirm. /Ram driver
Can refute. /Also Ram driver
I heard it said once that men who get sports cars drive them like grannies afraid of every little scratch, and women who drive pickups drive them like Sherman tanks.
/Sherman tank driver
*looks over at wife* yep.
ride your ass even if you’re going over the speed limit.
That really grinds my gears.
Sounds like bad tranny fluidity.
I am in the use-it-or-lose-it conundrum on the HSA thing too. Have about $770.
I tried to use it on Amazon to get a backup battery for my CPAP and nebulizer but Amazon automatically rejected it. Somehow it knows it’s an HSA and wouldn’t take it.
I’m going to look elsewhere because I really would have to go to urgent or emergency care if I had an asthma attack and no nebulizer.
Otherwise I guess I can get some prescription sunglasses and OTC drugs for the year.
I even considered an AED, but then there’s annual battery maintenance etc. We have a fire station less than a mile from the house, so that’s probably good enough.
Can you pay for it yourself and get reimbursed? That’s the way I use mine, but mine is a “true” HSA and not a flex spending account that goes away at the end of the year.
I am in awe of you people with funds left over on your FSA/HSA. We use ours up before June.
I got so pissed off this week. My insurance from work finally kicked in around October. (the covid temporary lay-offs postponed when it started) The insurance company wants me to use a mail order pharmacy, but I’ve stuck with the same one I’ve used for 20yrs. Insurance decided I’d used up my allotment at that pharmacy and wouldn’t re-fill there anymore. The med I’m trying to refill is the only one I get withdrawals from (and it’s not the opioid I get) if I miss a dose. I’ve got 4 days worth left. I asked the pharmacist about me just paying for it without the insurance. Apparently that is illegal here. WHAT THE FUCK!
If you like your pharmacy, you can keep your pharmacy.
Every nudge turns into an iron fist if you don’t comply. Fuck Cass Sunstrein and his foreign national wife.
Speaking of which, an even more contradiction in terms than left libertarianism:
Hmmm… AED sounds good but would still need to pay new money for the difference from the FSA balance.
I read a book once (Blue Highways by William Least Heat-Moon) that postulated that the quality of a greasy spoon restaurant is directly related to the number of calendars on its walls.
That author was a commentator in Ken Burns’ Lewis & Clark documentary
WTF wrote above:
I had to explain to my wife that men are capable of literally having no thoughts going through their heads, which she had a hard time accepting because women can’t actually think about nothing.
I’ve explained it to my Spousal Unit as follows: “Men take Zen vacations. Our minds become truly empty and we become one with existence, or we’re staring at a wall and thinking about its colour, like ‘blue.’ Sometimes this is the only vacation — and the only spiritual experience — we get for years or even decades. Surprisingly, we can even have Zen vacations whilst coincidentally staring at a woman’s bosom, which you would think would be impossible for us because ‘d00ds,’ but it’s true.”
Her: “Are you having another one of your Zen vacations?”
Me: “Bluuue . . . “
In her “ah ha!” moment in understanding that when I say “nothing” it means “nothing of importance”, as you said, blue. There is no significance, deeper thought process, why is it blue, I wonder what shade of blue….its just blue.
Typically my “nothing” thoughts are boxes. I am not putting anything in them, just boxes.
Animal’s Law of Skunks: The chances of one encountering an angry skunk while on an outing are directly related to the chances that one is wearing a new coat.
Alternative theory: skunks are especially sensitive/reactive to New Car Smell-type scents.
Proposed test: park a new car near a skunk lodge, leave parked with doors open, see if skunks attack.
Any of you outdoorsy types ever go “spotlighting” for skunks?
Skunks can’t spray you if they’re running, so the idea is you drive your 4 wheeler through the field/pasture/whatever with s buddy on back wielding a flashlight (if there’s not a spotlight built in to the 4 wheeler).
Flush out a skunk who then tries to run away. Pursue skunk by 4 wheeler, with flashlight buddy in place. Do NOT slow down or stop, or the skunk will spray. Wherever that crazy skunk goes, you must follow, regardless of ditches, obstacles, cow pats, etc.
Good times. Good times.
Yet another reason to live on Svalbard – life is completely normal there. Isolation has a lot of benefits.
Hot Norwegian woman for the win?!
Get your hands off my women
Hot Norwegian men, 6’8″ with rock-hard arms & legs.
6’8? Hard pressed given their average height is only slightly more than American males…
LOL I put that on purpose because I know how height-conscious you men are.
Not “height”, exactly . . . .
Well, sure, lying down.
Dude, about that beer gut . . . .
If they’re like the Danes, half are 5’8″ and half are 6’8″. Not much in between. Or at least that was my observation working for them at Maersk. One of my Danish friends was nicknamed Midge. Because he was a tiny guy who would drink his own weight in beer.
who said she wanted average?
NewWife is mostly Norwegian and has shrunk a bit, not quite six foot anymore: not remotely average in any tribe.
The Scandanavian distribution is a solid inch taller than the American one, for what that’s worth: one inch. At only 6-2, I’m taller than three fourths of the once Viking population (because, probably, of all of my own Viking blood, but nevermind).
Like Brett noted, most of Scandinavian descent seem to fall into two piles; 5’8 and below or you are 6’2 and up.
but not because it’s true
Are you sure you’re talking about “arms and legs” here? ;-)
“Appendages. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”
If your physical shape & fitness affects your ability to perform all but a couple sexy times activities, then yeah, strong arms & legs are important.
You forgot the comma between 6′ and 8″. ?
Now that got a LOL
I had no idea Santa was Norwegian.
You never saw Santa Claus: The Movie ?
I was waiting for Krampus.
Have you tried to put a cloth mask on a panzerbjorn?
Isn’t that the place Fortitude was based on?
A Google review of a restaurant. I just might go there.
Great atmosphere but they have no restrictions for COVID whatsoever. Very uncomfortable as folks came in and sat wherever at the bar. Our bartender, however, was awesome, as she was polite and extremely attentive. Can’t beat the prices or the wings, but COVID protocols are non existent.
In another year of this, we will have 330 million hypochondriacs that are afraid of every sniffle, cough, or watery eyes.
It’s not illogical; who wants to be forced into a covid test that could yield a false positive after a sniffle?
I want to go there.
I conclude that they stayed despite their mortal peril. Those must be some good wings.
Let me stay and face the peril!
No. In Florida. I’m flying there tomorrow.
Ah, figures. Mobs of marauding Karens would descend on any such place around here.
Emo bands deservedly have a terrible reputation, but the first Sunny Day Real Estate album is actually pretty good.
Emo has a bad reputation because so many of them are shitty copies of Sunny Day Real Estate.
I had no idea Sunny Day Real Estate was considered emo. They came out like 12 years before I ever hear that word.
Really? Rites of Spring was called “emo” like ten years before Sunny Day Real Estate came along.
No love for MBV ?
I love MBV but I’ve never heard them referred to as “emo”.
Animal, that’s a good list.
Good list. Very Dave Barry-esque.
The worst Boy Scout camping trip I went on was supposed to be a sleep under the stars thing. When we got word that it was going to rain hard, we shrugged and all built shelters with our tarps. A few guys combined their tarps to make a kind of redneck Xanadu. I tied a rope between 2 trees and then made a tube out of my tarp. My brother kept arguing with my dad to just pack up and go, so when the rain started, they just hastily spread out a big tarp and their sleeping bags and threw the free end over themselves. So they became the meat in a plastic cut roll sandwich. Well, it rained like in the days of Noah for 2 hours and then it stopped. My dad got out to answer the call of nature and when he returned, decided he did not want to lie down in a puddle til the sun came up. They quietly packed up while I was warm, dry, and asleep and went home. They were both covered in worms.
I woke up a bit early, warmed up a bit in the scoutmaster’s car, and finished the fence building project our troop had come for. This was also the trip where my dad scared a park ranger by attempting to jump our Dodge caravan over a ditch Evel Knievel style because the entrance gate appeared to be locked.
I had a good time overall in the BSA. Made to Eagle at 17 and earned some of the harder merit badges, including archery and life-saving. I’m not a big guy, but I became a strong swimmer and brought heavy weights to the surface from 12 feet of murky water. Did the mile swim a few times too.
Badon Powell started the scouting movement because he was worried about boys not being tough enough in 1900. It’s a good thing he isn’t around to see what happened to his organization. Even though his hobby was dressing up like women and performing in musical theater. Really:
No joke: Baden-Powell was a deeply odd man. For one thing, he was terrified both of women—whom he divided into either “Hags” or “Heifers”—and the effect of women on young boys. The original edition of Scouting for Boys has whole pages devoted to teaching adolescents how to repress their lust, including advice on periodically dipping your “racial organ” in ice-cold water.
In person, Powell was no less obsessive. He frequently urged his Scouts to avoid “girlitis” and do their best to repress “the animal instinct.” When he finally got married at the age of 55, the simple act of sharing a bed with a woman gave him blinding headaches, and he quickly took to sleeping alone on his balcony, even in the winter. The only time he ever seemed comfortable around women was when he was playing one: During his time in the army, Powell became famous for cross-dressing on stage to entertain his troops.
Scouting gained popularity during the turn of the century anti-masturbation craze.
That is rather odd indeed about the gender thing.
Well, the organization he started helped many a young lad back in its prime. Toughening up the young, of even teaching basic outdoors skills would be very helpful right about now.
My dad used to credit BSA and his particular scout leader for getting him out of the ghetto and teaching him there was more to life than menial labor and drinking your paycheck before you got home from work.
He also credited a neighbor he had who was more of a mother to him than his own mother, AND the church.
Many hunter-gatherer tribes have age sets. The age sets for the Masai are boy, junior warrior, senior warrior, junior elder, senior elder.
The central unit of Maasai society is the age-set. Young boys are sent out with the calves and lambs as soon as they can toddle, but childhood for boys is mostly playtime, with the exception of ritual beatings to test courage and endurance. Girls are responsible for chores such as cooking and milking, skills which they learn from their mothers at an early age. Every 15 years or so, a new and individually named generation of Morans or Il-murran (warriors) will be initiated. This involves most boys between 12 and 25, who have reached puberty and are not part of the previous age-set. One rite of passage from boyhood to the status of junior warrior is a circumcision ceremony performed without anaesthetic. In modern times, boys living close to towns with doctors may endure the ceremony in safer conditions, but still without anaesthetic because they must endure the pain that will lead them to manhood. This ritual is typically performed by the elders, who use a sharpened knife and makeshift cattle hide bandages for the procedure. The Maa word for circumcision is emorata. The boy must endure the operation in silence. Expressions of pain bring dishonor, albeit temporarily. Any exclamations can cause a mistake in the delicate and tedious process, which can result in lifelong scarring, dysfunction, and pain. The healing process will take 3–4 months, during which urination is painful and nearly impossible at times, and boys must remain in black clothes for a period of 4–8 months.
Late-male circumcision is a common practice in sub-Saharan Africa. I was friends with a boy who came of age while I was there. One day, I saw him in a skirt-like garment instead of pants. I asked him what happened and he said “I was circumcised” in Swahili and made finger scissors when I didn’t recognize the word “circumcised” right away.
Where are you going?
I am going home.
I learned some Masai while I was there. My Masai name was Ole Suppuk, which I think means Mr Beard or Father Beard. I had a big beard at the time.
One of the highlights of my scouting career:
We had an election for top dog among the scouts- the coveted position of senior patrol leader.
We had a debate. My opponent went first and gave a long speech. When it was my turn, I stood, cleared my throat, pointed my thumb at my opponent, and said “I’m not him.”
I won the election.
Mikie’s law of 4-wheel drive.
4WD lets you get stuck deeper and further from help than 2WD.
It is known.
I assume everyone saw this bit of off-roading?
Does Rat consider himself a sidekick? Or, if asked, would he describe you as “my sidekick, Animal”?
Has Rat embraced “Rat” or is he just resigned to it?
Just noticed Yusuf’s loss. Poor Bella. It was you 2 against the world.
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
Shit, really? Damn.