MILWAUKEE – “Parents will surely rejoice now that they have a safe, affordable in-person learning option for their children” said the chain’s Senior Vice President Joanna Gambolputty. “The concert area has been remodeled as the principal’s office, as many children have a negative reaction to Munch’s Make Believe Band” added Gambolputty.

Enrichment activities include air hockey and skee ball, which provide low-impact aerobic exercise in addition to building hand-eye coordination. “Players, I mean students, will receive tickets according to how well they play the game. The tickets may then be exchanged for various prizes, including a high school diploma.

The most coveted prize, however, is a perfect SAT score. To gain this prize, the students must win the notoriously challenging claw machine game. The SAT score sheet is attached to a plastic lobster-shaped harmonica. The rest of the prizes are small stuffed animals and miniature sports balls.”

Randi Weingarten, head of the United Federation of Teachers, has announced a boycott of Chuck E. Charter until the chain hires a least one teacher per franchise. Chuck E. Charter offered a pizza party for the union, but Weingarten refused, citing a lack of variety in toppings.