PITTSBURGH – Although black keys account for over a third of the keys on pianos, they are played less often than white keys according to a new study. Al Sharpton was quick to call for Affirmative Composing in order to increase the number of sharp and flat notes being played. Others, such as Ta-Nehisi Coates, have called for piano pieces to be re-written such that black keys are played as often as white keys.

Other prominent Democrats also weighed in. In a rally that boasted a crowd in the double digits, President Joe Biden said that “black keys are just as smart as white keys.” Biden also promised to appoint a member of Black Keys Matter to a senior cabinet position. Pete Buttigieg suggested painting the white keys black and vice versa. This was condemned by Jesse Jackson for “perpetuating the hateful legacy of blackface.”

Leading Hollywood composer Hans Zimmer has promised to only use black keys in future scores, a move which was lauded by the NAACP. Across the nation, many pianos have been vandalized by Antifa mobs who were unable to find statues of Confederates.