As they approached the meeting room for the private summit, Dr. Jill Biden EdD herded her husband down the hallway, pulling or pushing his arm as he drifted back and forth down the hallway. Vlad and Jen and some ex-Spenatz and Secret Service and their translators all walked slowly with him, Vlad fighting the stiff legs of his Parkinson’s and the ex-Spenatz smirking at them both.
Vlad burbled something and his translator said, “Mr. President once again asks how private this meeting will be?”
“As private as you want it to be, Buster!” Joe said definitely. “I-I-I’ll fight you right here in the hallway, you bananapants hornswoggler!
Vlad used a trembling hand to wave away his security and translator.
“Will you be able to survive without your women?” Vlad asked in English, his accent the sort of Dracula-sexy that made Jen squirm.
“I should come with you,” Dr. Jill Biden whispered.
“Let’s go, Jack!’ Joe said, shuffling into the meeting room.
Jen pulled Dr. Jill Biden away, and the translators followed them down the hallway. The four bodyguards pulled the doors of the meeting room shut and secured them.
“Is nice, yes?” Vlad asked, craning his stiff neck to look around the room.
“Yeah, yeah,” Joe said. “Russia is pretty in the Spring.
“We are in Geneva, Joe,” Vlad said, lowering himself into a chair.
“I don’t care what part of Russia it is,” Joe said absently, swaying back and forth.
“Maybe you should sit down,” Vlad murmured.
“I can stand up to you!” Joe said, balling his crooked fingers in a fist.
“Not everything is fight, Joe,” Vlad said. “We can be friends. Donald and I were great friends. Why, I even took his hat out drinking one night. Filled it with vodka. It demanded many hookers.”
“I’m not Donald, dammit. You can’t push me around.”
“Joe, sit. I am KGB. A fight would not go so well. Just tell me what you want.”
“I want your hackers to stop with the codes and the ransoms on the emails,” Joe said, warily sitting.
“They are criminals,” Vlad said. “Do you have total control over your criminals? 2020 was all riots we watch on TV.”
“That doesn’t matter, tuff gui,” Joe said.
“You do not seem ready to talk,” Vlad murmured. “Maybe you should have sent your negrityanka instead. She seems to like the spotlight.”
“You leave whatshername out of this,” Joe said. “You’re dealing with me!”
“Then why do we not just wait out our time?” Vlad said. “Do you play chess?”
“What’s chess?” Joe asked.
The two sat in silence for a while, Vlad using his trembling hands to peel an apple that he eventually let drop on the floor.
“We might as well go,” Vlad said. “We stay in here too long and your press will say we are in love.”
They both heard the thump against the door as they approached it.
“What is it?” Joe asked.
“We may be in danger,” Vlad said.
They both listened at the door, grunts and thumping, chuffs of exertion.
“Our security teams may be fighting one another,” Vlad said.
“So your boys attacked the Secret Service? They better not have any counterfeit bills on them!”
Vlad opened the meeting room door open just a crack and sighed.
“Everything is fine, you are just having the fucking,” he said, swinging the door open to a writhing mound of exposed security flesh licking and fucking and sucking and slurping and rimming and ball-gargling.
“This happens all the time since we cut their hooker budget,” Joe mumbled. “Do you have anyone that can bring us a spray bottle of cold water? It’s the only thing that breaks them up.”