I know how much you all love it when I review a seltzer.  So lets go ahead and have a white boy summer?

Wait, would that apply in this case?

This is my review of Topo Chico hard seltzer:

I was surprised when I found out these guys got in on the spiked fizzy water game because they are actually owned by the Coca-Cola Company who as far as I am aware, doesn’t typically do alcohol.

Topo Chico is Mexican mineral water brand that bottles water from a naturally carbonated source located at the ominous looking Cerro Del Silla mountains outside of Monterrey, Mexico.  Sort of like San Pellegrino.  They’ve been doing it since 1895.  Only in this most screwed universe would it be marketable for a company based in the US to import bottled water from Mexico, and sell it at a premium.  Yay, capitalism!

It has a slightly higher salinity than brands you might be more familiar with, but its still quite refreshing if you are one of those people that drink a ton of water and get bored with water really easily.  Yes, I realize its still water.  For the most part, I’ve always been able to get it where I live, but its recently taken a new life of its own since Austin, TX became the new Pyongyang (which was the new Milan until recently).  Which means its turned into some kind of Instagram thing where people post pictures of it along with their puffy tacos.

Where it really takes a life of its own is when its used in cocktails.  In which case I will leave you with this recipe below for “ranch water,” which I neither endorse or condemn.  Ask Sloopy.

  • Topo Chico, chilled
  • Fresh lime wedge for garnish

Using a highball glass—really, whatever glass you have on hand—fill with ice. Add tequila and fresh lime juice. Top with Topo Chico. Add fresh lime wedge to the rim of the glass. Enjoy!

The amounts of tequila and lime juice can be halved to fit a smaller cocktail glass or to be less boozy in general. Just use a ratio of two parts tequila, one part fresh lime juice.

It seems like a low calorie cocktail.

 

So does their version of seltzer stand up to the above recipe?  Pfft.  No.  This is only 4.7% alcohol, it doesn’t even stand up to White Claw, let alone the fortified White Claw Surge at a healthy 8%.  I guess if were that lazy or couldn’t find a lime wedge anywhere it would be a good substitute. Otherwise its a nice refresco if you are wandering around Las Vegas in August at 1030 and need to stay hydrated while being drunk.

Not beer, therefore there will be no score.