OAKLAND – “What a lot of people are saying is that a zebra looks like a bunch of Oreos turned sideways, and that’s problematic” said Joanna Gambolputty, associate professor of African American Studies of African Americans at The African American University of California. “Furthermore, the word ‘zebra’ is ultimately from the Latin word for ‘wild horse’. Once again we see that what is European is automatically normal and good while what is African is exotic and dangerous. It’s no coincidence that old-fashioned prisoner uniforms had a pattern of black and white stripes. In the words of the great philosopher Matt Damon, this is intrinsically paternalistic” added Gambolputty.

Other prominent black academics weighed in on the controversy of whether zebras are black. Former Princeton professor Cornell West stated that “we must unconditionally love all our four-legged friends, even if they are in fact horses of one or more different colors. To paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I have a dream of a nation where equines are judged not by the hue of their hides, but their win-loss record at the track.”

Elsewhere, zoos have added plaques to zebra exhibits to inform visitors that the stripe pattern is natural and not a racist conspiracy as suggested by Louis Farrakhan. According to Farrakhan, “our greatest scientist Yakub first bred the zebra to be the strongest and blackest horse ever, but the evil white man blasted the herd with a whiteness ray gun. Fortunately, the blackness of the zebras was so strong that they only turned half white. White people became so angry that they stopped riding his zebras and started riding horses instead, and they’ve been doing that ever since. Meanwhile our glorious African zebras are wild and free. Allah be praised.”

The controversy has caused the Black Lives Matter Movement to split into the Zebras Are Black Enough and Darker Than a Paper Bag Lives Matter factions, as well as the much smaller Why Are We Talking About Zebras faction. At the same time, the KKK has announced it will merge with the remainder of the unaligned Black Lives Matter movement to form Team Zebra. According to Alabama KKK Majestic Cyclops Cletus Spuckler “what we’ve realized is that deep down, we just want attention and the best way to get that is to show whites and blacks working together and getting along. It really blows people’s minds.”