We’re starting our mad preparations for Thanksgiving. This year, we’re doing a dinner for 25, including people with every possible food sensitivity ever fretted about in People magazine. Looking at the various Venn diagrams of the restrictions, we think we may be able to serve water. Maybe. Vegans, nut allergies, fungus allergies, lactose intolerance, gluten intolerance… this is one damaged group of people.

Speaking of which, an item in the news has most of our staff in a lather. “I’m just not able to COPE today, this is so upsetting!” Again, proof that the world is filled with assault, oppression, discrimination! Doubly upsetting was that our snowiest snowflake knows the accused assaulter. “Look, it’s important to me that when people come forward with accusations, we listen to them and believe them… but she is so awesome, and that’s making it really difficult. I just don’t know what to think!” followed by uncontrollable sobbing. I nodded sympathetically so I don’t find myself without a staff and a café being picketed. Cynical bastards like SP and me immediately think, cui bono? Follow the money to get to the truth. And consider plausibility. Not to mention where this sort of thing falls on the Major Damage To My Life scale.

These kids cannot. My greatest hope is that a couple of them will eventually get it. Eventually.

And eventually, there’s birthdays. Today’s include a guy who saved and destroyed a sport; a purveyor of good vibes; a politician who was way ahead of his time; a guy who Bernie Sanders could only wish to be; a guy who understood the consequences of a recession; the inventor of the Apple watch; a deeply weird guy who taught us how to speak; an interesting actress who birthed one of the hottest daughters in history; a candidate for the most evil and damaging politician in US history; an example of what happens when a prosecutor goes a little funny in the head; the subject of the absolutely geekiest joke I know; the reason I still have some respect and regard for Palestinians; a guy who’s kissed more old ladies than Max Bialystock; a guy who endeared himself to Nixon; a guy who makes Chauncy Gardener look like Christopher Hitchens;  one of the Alou Brothers of comedy; not just a one hit wonder, a one riff wonder; a guy whose bike you don’t want to ride in the back; the best character on The Drew Carey Show; the best character on The Hat And The Hair; and the archetype of “hot and crazy”.

Let’s do Links.

 

This is a good thing, but remember, the actual murderers were immunized because Back The Blue. And their union. This is why I never mourn when a SWAT guy gets killed.

 

AG might have a future working at our shop.

 

This might be the single dumbest thing I’ve seen all week.

 

I have a better idea: get rid of Federal land.

 

Oh, the vicissitudes of being thicc!

 

So we finally have the technology that lets me go into girls’ locker rooms unnoticed?

 

Guess it’s not an optimum time for me to visit Vienna again?

 

Old Guy Music is the one hit one riff wonder from my youth by one of today’s Birthday Celebs. I have to admit, it was a fun tune.