Retarded Customer: “How much is a bowl of soup?”WebDom: “$7 and it comes with pita”Retarded Customer: “How much is a bowl of soup?”WebDom: “$7”Retarded Customer: “No. HOW MUCH?”WebDom: “The size?”Retarded Customer: “Yes.”WebDom: “It’s a bowl, so about 24...
Freshman, I mean "First Year," Orientation this week. Regardless of major, they're required to sign up for Progressive Indoctrination during their first two semesters (not a joke, they just call it something more anodyne). And a classical music festival has begun,...
Yes, more stories of retardation. Retarded Waitress: Our sparkling water, is it carbonated? Retarded Waitress: The customer wants a hamburger but with the peppers on the side.Me: The hamburgers don't come with peppers. I think they likely said pickles.Retarded...
In the way she does best, Prime hit me up with a seemingly simple but profound question. I tell her stories of the people here, like this doozy from the café yesterday: "Is there dairy in the cream of asparagus soup?"“Yes, there is dairy in it. I’m so sorry, I’ll make...
One of the few things he was wrong about. He WAS a great man. I have nothing to say, because the greatest President in the history of this country already said it, and said it better than any of his successors ever could. Herewith, some excerpts from that marvelous...
The week has been too long, and dealing with tards makes it even longer. One small ray of hope- we just hired a new waitress whom we might be able to ease into the Tard Waitress's hours. She scored major points with me during her training on wine when she asked, "How...
Our retarded staff continues to provide me with material. After our waitress's insistence that she understands everything there is to know about every wine and beer on our list, she's now confident on giving recommendations. Confidence, unfortunately, is not the same...
Heading up to the Great White North for a couple days at Prime's beach cottage on Lake Erie. She has, without any expectation of success, begged me to be polite, not ask people why they have beady eyes and floppy heads, how they feel about becoming America's 52nd...
As much as I complain about the rather dimwitted and entitled customer base we have, I can't say much better for our staff. We do have some excellent people, but we also have... to be generous, tards. Except actual Downs tards are generally super nice, kind, cheerful,...
We have come through the worst of Alumni Reunion Weekend in more or less one piece. I can't speak for our customers- wine sales were amazing. I have to restock nearly everything. We have the last remnants coming through today, but then we pick up all the pieces, sweep...
All the old time Progs are descending on our little village this weekend for the Reunion. It started for me last night with a table full of affluent women in their late 30s demanding to know if the wine we had was organic. And if it had sulfites. And if we maintained...
Falafel is one of those Middle Eastern dishes that everyone claims, everyone has their own version, and everyone uses to demonize the Jews. And it's the equivalent of hamburgers to Israelis, an everyday meal available on every street corner. The Israeli version uses...
Prime texted me, "I have a really good friend you haven't met yet, another doc. We're having drinks and I told her about you. Can you make it to dinner on the 6th?" And then a few quotes which led me to believe that her friend was an Actual Jew and one with a sense of...
I had an old friend come through town this week. We used to frequently travel together in Europe, go camping in California, and hang out in his compound (he did very well in financial engineering) in the great town of Nederland. I even got to see the infamous Dead Guy...
So much fun being on our village Planning Board. To put it into context, they basically act as an HOA for the village, and like most HOAs, they're populated by old biddies with deep busybody instincts. I am the youngest person on the board. Anyway, we had our monthly...
It's been an illuminating experience running a food establishment in the Gulch. Despite the highly educated population who style themselves as worldly and sophisticated, the general food tastes here run close to that of an eight year old boy raised on junk food....
The downside of us changing our business model from a coffee/breakfast café to a dinner/wine bar venue is that my working days are now extended to 12-13 hours. Mostly on my aging feet. Well, that's what the customers seem to want, and twenty bucks is twenty bucks. I'm...
SP when we first met. Nothing humorous from me today. WebDom and I are marking the 4th anniversary of the passing of the finest human she and I have ever known, the mind behind this site and the creator of our community. Life has gone on, WebDom married and bore a...
We had an election in our little town, which encompasses both our village and the surrounding areas. Our village is, of course, Bluer than Blue, the surrounding areas Redder than Red. It involved a school board seat and the inevitable tax increase "for the children."...
"Meet me in 10 Forward." Here in Oberlin East, graduation day yesterday was replete with unintentionally funny-looking costumes, along with the usual virtue-signaling accessories. The weed shop next door reported that their business was down for the day; "Kids are...
After four years of rigorous college (YOU try finishing a chemistry and physics double major), I then spent six years in graduate school, then another two years as a post-doc. Twelve years of higher education. And my career arc has led me to the pinnacle- I now spend...
Everyone is going to restaurants on one of the two very worst days to go to a restaurant (the other being Valentine's Day) Kitchens are slammed, lines are long, the food is rubberized from sitting under heat lamps. Coincidentally these are both Hallmark holidays....
I'm making up for last week by doing three Links in a row. I had one more hilarious reminder of my kavorka in the form of a local crazy lady who buttonholed me, kept trying to invite herself over, and wouldn't let me politely exit. Fortunately, one of our baristas...
With our wine license in hand and a deep stock of delicious bottles behind the bar, we're ready for old ladies getting sloshed and starting bar fights. My list has stereotypical female pleasers like Prosecco and pink Champagne. Prime remains a steadfast dry red wine...
I had a whole story ready to go about a giant (6'7", 380 lb) tard nicknamed Smokey that I was tasked with bouncing from the café. Including the artwork, which I won't waste. But I'm not in the mood to tell my tale, given the loss of a woman who was a friend IRL and...