SEA SMITH GLAD SEE FUNNY GLIBERTARIAN LAND HOOMANS. HE HAVE LONG WEEK RAPE SHIPS WAIT PORT IN CALIFORNIA. NEED REST. SO HE GIVE GOOD ADVICE ON MANNERS. SEA SMITH HAVE BEST MANNERS. HE SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU EACH TIME RAPE SHIP. AND CREW. AND CARGO. AND NEARBY WHALES.
NOW GET GOODEST ADVICE FROM SEA SMITH!
Q: How do I politely tell my friends and family I do not want to socialize online? I love them, but I don’t have much in common with them since the pandemic started.
We have often been the targets of frustrated customers who did not want to wear masks or were angry that they couldn’t stay beyond 30 minutes. To top it off, we were not eligible to receive the vaccine until after many people in “work from home” professions were given priority.
I have found myself unable to enjoy online social gatherings because those in my social circle have been working from home for over a year. The jokes about wearing sweatpants all day and statements such as “Now that we’re all venturing out again …” are getting old.
We are not all “venturing out again.” Some of us have been out this entire time, working and hoping not to die.
I have many friends who are now embarking on wonderful vacations, even though they have still not set foot back in their offices. Meanwhile, I have a hard time getting vacation days because the library is open seven days a week, and we are always stretched thin on staff.
How should I politely decline online and other social requests when the truth is I just can’t stand the assumptions that we’ve all been staying at home for a year or more?
A: BOO HOO! SEA SMITH CRY FOR BOOK HOOMAN. TRY HAVING NO CRUISE SHIP FOR YEAR! SEA SMITH STUCK RAPING OIL TANKER AND CARGO SHIP. BORING!
SEA SMITH TELL YOU GO AHEAD, TELL “FRIENDS” YOU ANGRY THEM. THEN YOU LOSE FRENS AND CAN BE ALONE, BITTER.
NO BE SUCH A DOWNER!
Q: When female friends and family members come to visit, they almost always put their purses on my kitchen counter. I find this horrifying, given that few things (except maybe the soles of shoes) are filthier than purses — having been on floors and other unclean surfaces everywhere, and having never been cleaned or disinfected.
How can I politely get across the sentiment, “Please don’t put that filthy (or another ‘F’ word) thing on the surface where I prepare food”?
A: SEA SMITH HAVE TWO IDEA YOU TRY. FIRST, SCREAM, WAVE ARMS, YELL SWEAR WORD WHEN PURSE PUT ON COUNTER. THAT SCARE OTHERS TO NOT DO SAME. IF THAT NO WORK, JUST FALL BACK ON BEST SOLUTION – RAPE ALL GUEST WHO PUT THING ON COUNTER. YOU WELCOM FOR BEST ADVICE.
COME ON IN, WATER IS FINE!