Spent a delightful New Year’s Day with WebDom and Spud down at the café. The students are coming back, and man they were hung over. So were we, but we have to adult.

Speaking of which, another Tales From The Woke, but a funny-ish one. Our Snowflake has a little dog, Chihuahua-sized but not a Chihuahua, who she carries around in a little chest carrier that she wears. Though I’m not often fond of rat dogs, Rex is a sweetie and I always make sure to give him skritches. So when Snowflake came in for our morning shift a few days ago, she looked furious.

“You know that little dog YOU think is so cute?”

“Rex? Yeah, he’s delightful.”

“Do you know what that ‘delightful’ dog did????”

“Ummm, shit in the house?”

“No, that little fucker CHEWED UP MY VIBRATOR!”

I resisted the temptation to respond, “Oh, he likes seafood,” and instead tried to look concerned and said something anodyne like, “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” But I’m beginning to think that we have a generation that has no personal boundaries. This is a pity, because personal boundaries are the only thing that keeps me from going on a mass murder spree.

Speaking of mass murders, I absolutely fucked up yesterday. My birthday list should have been January 1 (like the biggest piece of shit of my lifetime,  the guy on Page 2 of Great Jewish Athletes, a literary one hit wonder; a guy whom I bet was a massively great croquet player; a guy so terrible that Chris Christie looked like a good alternative; a guy who had the best approach to foreign policy of any presidential candidate except maybe Tulsi Gabbard) but I used the wrong list and put up January 2 birthdays. So if you want to know who was born on this day, look at yesterday’s Links.

Well, that confession confessed, let’s look at Links.

 

I honestly don’t understand why being a gaping asshole can constitutionally be a crime. (had to open in porn mode)

 

When you scroll down, you find out that the poll methodology is hilariously bullshit, but I want to believe that it’s true.

 

If you can’t waterboard your own kids, you have no business being a parent.

 

Wait, what???

 

“Go ‘way, baitin’!”

 

And once more, you have to go all the way to the end to find out it’s bullshit.

 

Don’t laugh, this will be here this year.

 

The nutpunch at the end is worth the journey.

 

Old Guy Music is a terrific cover of a sadly true song that always makes me think of Dennis Miller when he used to be funny.