I opted to get up early today. You will reap the benefits of my benevolence if you’re also an early riser.

Second (Wembley) verse, same as the first.

Liverpool won the FA Cup to pull off the domestic double. Man City almost dragged them back into the EPL race, but got their shit together in the second half to manage a draw and come close to locking it up. It was a crazy game though. More craziness will ensue this week and on Sunday as the season finishes up for everybody in England…except Liverpool. Since, you know, they made the UCL finals and City didn’t. On this side of the pond, the Astros got back to their winning ways after dropping one Saturday. The Pens are out of the playoffs in round 1. Sadly, it means the Rangers get to advance.  Calgary won as well. Ans if Round 2 is anything like the opening set of matchups, we’re in for a doozy. This has been the best opening playoff round I can remember. And that’s sports.

It ain’t just pizza. (Not that that slop they sell at Dominos and Pizza Hut should count as pizza, but that’s a different topic for a different time.) It’s all entry-level positions where young people can earn a few extra bucks for their college or to buy a car or for whatever other reason they want. Well, this is the consequence of telling people they should sit on their ass for two years while the government gives them free shit. Sadly, we have to wallow in it.

Shady as fuck coup plotter

The Sussmann trial begins today. If you want to be disappointed in the system, then tune in. Because knowing what the real crimes were and how they’re not being prosecuted should get you irritated, to say the least.

Pennsylvania’s Senate race is a case study in weirdness. From head-scratching endorsements of celebrity jackasses to a meteoric rise of an unknown to a dude on the other side announcing he was recovering from a stroke (which his campaign had hidden from the public for a while). It’s a shitshow to say the least.

And speaking of strokes. You know, in a civilized country where elected officials cared about their constituents, this guy would resign so that someone capable could represent the state until the upcoming election.  But I assure you this guy will hang on, will likely get reelected, and will do a shit job of being engaged.

Thanks, teachers unions.

And here is the biggest crime of the pandemic. All those shitheads who supported lockdowns and keeping kids out of school for more than a year (yes, I’m looking at you Randi Weingarten) should be strung up for the crows.

The same fate should befall this guy. He’s desecrating the greatness that is the jamocha shake. He needs to pay.

This is the graft Chicago has been missing for a while. Sure, the alderman have managed their little kingdoms, but this is the brass ring of taxpayer money. And I can assure you those cretins are gonna steal every penny of it they can.

What a jerk. No wait…what a dick!  Or is it “what, a dick?” or “What? A dick!” How is this a misdemeanor, btw?

Good! We need to treat children with mental illness, not aid them in self-mutilation. They can do that when they’re an adult.

Here’s a nice, upbeat song. I hope you enjoy it. Same for this one. I assume some of you were expecting the follow-up.  Well, there it is.

That’s it, friends. Go get out there and have a great day.