“You really let us down, Amber,” Kamala purred into the phone. “This was a loss for all women. Amber, Amber, stop crying. It just is.”

“Who is she talking to?” Kaylieburrow asked, taking out a lollipop the size of a baby fist out of her mouth to speak. A thin line of red spit trailed out.

“Amber Heard,” Seresto replied, thumbs flying over her phone keyboard.

“The actress?” Kaylieburrow asked excitedly, “Star of… of… wait, what was she in?”

“Johnny Depp’s wife,” Astrid said. “There was a big trial?” she prompted.

“Oh, yeah,” Kayliehburrow said.

“Ex-wife,” Seresto said, “He abused her. He’s a wife-beater. #believewomen.”

“I thought he was too famous to be a wife-beater,” Kaylieburrow said.

“She’s crazy, she’s nuts,” Astrid said.

“You used to be a man, so of course you side with him,” Seresto shot back.

“I dressed as a man, I was never a man,” Astrid said.

“You had man-breasts and a male vagina, you were a man,” Seresto said. “Just like Elliot Page and Gordon Ramsey.”

“Gordon Ramsey does not have a vagina!’ Astrid shouted. Kamala withered her with a glare and she held her hands up to apologize.

“It’s a holocaust for women,” Kamala said. “An orgy of misogyny.”

“If Gordon Ramsey doesn’t have a vagina,” Seresto angrily whispered, “Then why does he always act like he’s on the fucking rag?”

“Who’s Gordon Ramsey?” Kaylieburrow asked.

“Yes, Amber, you’re Hitler in this analogy, literally Hitler,” Kamala said.

“Amber is not nuts,” Seresto said. “She was victimized by social media!”

“She shit in their bed, literally shit in her own bed,” Astrid said. “Cuckoo-bananas.”

“Sometimes women are so oppressed being married to abusive men, shitting on furniture is the only avenue of protest left to them,” Seresto smugged.

“Homeless women often don’t even have a bed to shit in,” Kaylieburrow said, nodding at her own thoughtfulness.

“Well, I’m sorry, Amber. I could have probably worked out some money if you had won. You betrayed all women everywhere for all time.”

“He threw her down a flight of stairs,” Seresto said.

“No, he didn’t. Did you even watch the trial? You need to get off TikTok.”

Seresto’s face turned pink and red, and then purplish, and she stomped out of the room.

“I am on the goddamn phone, ya know!” Kamala screamed.