A few years ago, I tried online dating. While I was doing it, I tried to keep a sense of humor, but it was not a fun experience, and I won’t do it again. I’m not going to talk about specific dates but will explain why I found it awful.
It was unsuccessful, unpleasant, and sometimes scary.
The initial messages I received mostly alternated between “Wanna Fud” or “Let’s get married.” When I didn’t respond to such charming overtures, they often resorted to “Answer Me Bitch!” Now, you may ask, why didn’t I immediately block men who sent those messages? Well, this was prior to the pandemic when I was going to the office five days a week. I didn’t check for online dating messages at work, but these men would send them during the workday. When I didn’t respond, within the workday, they would lose it (the record was 35 minutes). “All you bitches think you’re too good for guys like me” etc. Yikes! The level of entitlement and vitriol was actually frightening.
Then, of course, were the men that messaged me just to insult my looks. Now, that *only* happened three times, but when you are putting yourself out there on a dating site, it is pretty painful.
And when I actually found a man that didn’t think a proposal or proposition was an appropriate opening line, then I was generally asked (and in so many words) “you’ve never been married? What’s wrong with you?” Quite the question to a stranger. Gosh, I can’t understand why a guy like you has been divorced three times.
Even if you get beyond the above, they may be an asshole. I met one guy for coffee and he spent the time negging me. First, when he arrived, he informed me that I looked older than my picture (strike one), then he told me I was a total nerd – and not in a ‘I love nerds’ way (strike two), then he said I should exercise more (strike three). I said, “I’m done” and left. Before I was able to block him, he sent me texts telling me that I was incredibly rude.
But even if you get past the assholes, online dating is still awful. Think about how nervous and awkward you feel on a date with someone you met through some kind of activity. Even though it’s awkward, there’s still a little element of anticipation and it’s a little fun. You kinda like this person and it’s a chance to get to know them. In online dating, the element of anticipation is not the same. You have probably exchanged a few texts, maybe a phone call or two, and now you are meeting this person for the first time in order to evaluate whether or not they are worthy of a second date. It is nothing but awkward.
I don’t think my experience was especially awful compared to other women I have talked to. I didn’t get tons of dick pics. I also know women who had a better experience. But I won’t do this again. My life as a single woman is actually pretty good and online dating is so awful that I won’t do it again.