“The pandemic is over,” Joe said sadly.
“I know, Mr. President,” Karine said. “But you weren’t actually supposed to say that.”
“I’m the President,” Joe replied.
“But we prepared your remarks so carefully and they were right there on the Teleprompter,” she said. “We were all really disappointed.”
“Would you just leave him alone?” Finnegan asked. “He’s tired. The flight back from England has him all worn out.”
“I was on TV,” Joe said. “I’m the President. How do you–listen here, Jack.”
“Who’s Jack, Grandpa?”
“Jack. Jack. He’s Jack, goddammit,” Joe said, the dry skin around his eyes flaking as he squinted.
Karine looked at Finnegan and sighed loudly.
“Did I just go to a funeral?” Joe asked querulously.
“Yes, for the Queen of England,” Finnegan said.
“The Queen of England died?” Joe asked.
“You just went to her funeral,” Karine said.
“I’m focused,” Joe asserted. “Mentally focused. I’m all there up in the head. The proof is in the eating of the pudding a man once said and I want to honor him today.”
“Don’t get agitated, Grandpa,” Finnegan said.
“Agitated? Who’s agitated, dammit?” he demanded, his voice rising. “I was on oxygen on the plane and I feel great.”
“This happens when he flies,” Finnegan said.
“I HAD TO FLY, dammit!” Joe said. “Damn dammit damn! Damn, damn, damn.”
“How about I draw you a nice bath?” Finnegan asked. “Do you want a bath? Nice warm bath?”
“The Queen died,” Joe said. “I had to go to her funeral.”
“Of course you did,” Karine agreed.
“I’m the President. Me.”
“Yes, sir.”
“No one else is the President,” Joe insisted. “That’s why the pandemic is over. I won.”
“Not officially, sir,” Karine mumbled.
“I called off the pandemic,” Joe said. “I am science.”
“Dr. Fauci is science, sir,” Karine said. “There can’t be two sciences.”
Joe arghed like a comic strip protagonist and collapsed.
“I guess I’m just happy I got a chance to say goodbye.”
One last sniff.
Beauty! Enlightenment!
Didn’t Pearl Jam write that song? “Last Sniff?”
I had thought that was a cover? Even Pearl Jam couldn’t write something that insipid…
So embarrassed that I used to like them. Talk about not passing the test of time.
No kidding. Definitely fifth out of the big five grunge acts.
AiC is about the only one that held up. Maybe Screaming Trees.
I remember that the guys in Soul Asylum found it hilarious when reporters asked them if they were “grunge'” Since, you know, they’d then been doing it since the early ’80s! And clearly never made that kind of music.
No love for Soundgarden? They still sound great to my ears.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbckIuT_YDc
You do have to get past the hundreds of times you have heard the song since it was released.
Early Soundgarden is great.
Post-Superunknown Soundgarden is pretty crap, but it hasn’t really aged badly. It was crap in 1995 as well.
It just never resonated with me. No denying the talent, though.
I just listened to the b-side of Badmotorfinger again for the first time in probably 15 years after posting the first comment. Wow, I need to do that more often. Some great music that won’t be a hit fest you might be sick of.
Ten is a phenomenal album. Solid top to bottom. Finishing returns after that. But PJ was fantastic grunge in its day.
Yeah, it isn’t something I mention a lot.
Although, 20 years ago I worked with a woman who was very proud of her collection of Pearl Jam bootleg CD’s. She had a whole disc binder full of them. It was weird, to say the least.
Nah, it was The Misfits
Sniff
Winner.
I loved that song!
Lady Sniff?
Is that bottom photo doctored or did they actually have that much makeup on the old cryptkeeper?
I like the look on Charles’ face.
It is real as far as I could find.
As lifelike as Madame Tussauds.
You know the Bee used the same photo – now I am terribly confused that it wasn’t manufactured as satire.
I saw it on Twitter but not connected to the Bee. Now I don’t know.
“But we prepared your remarks so carefully and they were right there on the Teleprompter,” she said. “We were all really disappointed.”
Beautiful.
“There can’t be two sciences.”
“There can’t be two sciences.”
That certainly seems to be the prevailing consensus. SCIENCE! was handed down to us on tablets of stone.
At least until the next set is delivered two weeks later.
Yep, truer words were never written.
“That is not very scientific!”
The Science is like Highlander.
There can be only one Highlander movie?
Unfortunately it appears the one we got stuck with was “The Source”
Joe arghed like a comic strip protagonist and collapsed.
Gold.
That pic, though.
I’ve got fifty bucks in my pocket. I wonder if that’s enough to get a haircut and buy a gallon of milk.
only at the non-happy ending haircut places.
Well, $80 (including tips) got me a massage and a haircut yesterday, but heaven forbid I go to the grocery store and walk out with $80 worth of decent groceries.
I tried a new barbershop last week, not realizing that the $20 men’s haircut comes with a five minute neck and shoulder massage. Ooooohhhh. They almost had to pour me out of the chair. I like this new trend.
I would gladly pay more to have them Not touch me.
Flowbees are still a thing
Generally speaking, I love being touched (ASMR), but I love it more when they don’t talk to me. My life has improved dramatically, so I was extra-chatty yesterday.
Unless they wear gloves? How much would you pay then?
Yes, she gave me a scalp massage when she washed my hair, and I asked her to use cold water to get to my very hot scalp, which I cannot do in the shower.
I’d already had a massage, so the scalp massage was a bonus.
“and” should be replaced with “or”. Can’t have both, Brooks, not today
Better check downtown first.
Karine is doubleplussungood goodthinker.
You are the President sir, not Science. You can’t be both President and Science.
I liked it. Thought about sharing this one out.
I keep thinking of putting some of these on FB to see my liberal family flip their lid. I can tell stories at the FEMA camp ending with, “harlotries ensued.”
LOL, do we really need an edit fairy?
…nah.
harlotries ensued
*perks up*
“The pandemic is over,” Joe said sadly.
Tell that to the bitter clinger at my gym and the bitter clingers in the Boston Swing dance scene.
The proof is in the eating of the pudding a man once said and I want to honor him today.
Heh.
OT: I received the latest pro-Chris Pappas ad. I didn’t look to see who paid for it.
Did you know that Chris Pappas is for funding the police? and firefighters too! He’s endorsed by the NH Professional Firefighters association. The ad also has a picture of NH’s first black sheriff who endorses Pappas.
I have much disappoint that that picture of NH’s first black sheriff was not Cleavon Little. And he’s a MASKED man at that.
I’m not surprised by the mask. Strafford County is hugely Democrat.
the bitter clingers in the Boston Swing dance scene.
This place is wild.
Isn’t that where you go to swap partners?
At the “serious” club’s 9/11 charity shoot, I RO’d a guy who was, as we used to say “none too swooft.” After he was done, he put a campaign flyer into my hand.
I will not be voting for him.
Did you inform him of the fact and return the flyer?
That would be rude.
We’ve got him this time!!11
Donald Trump, His Company Sued by New York Attorney General on Fraud Allegations
“Ms James, how do you respond to Andy’s charges of Ethics violations by you and your office?” – Asked by no reporter at her press conference
Why are states allowed to bring civil actions against citizens?
I would say that only in the limited circumstance where the citizen has directly committed a tort against the state, such as contract violations, there is grounds for the state to bring a civil action. If the state is not a part to the purported tort, they have no standing and the AG should be held personally liable for court costs, the cost of her agency’s time, and defendant’s attorney’s fees for brining such an action.
Because “nothing outside the state”?
Just gonna take a stab in the dark: FYTW?
Maybe she’ll have more success than Stormy Daniels?
Wait. Wouldn’t inflated estimates cause his insurance premiums to go up? And were any of the loans from banks not repaid?
How does the state have any standing at all in this made-up bs case?
And if the IRS determines it’s a holding company, it’s a tax liability. This is such a bullshit case.
For surety work inflated statements would be grounds for recission.
Sure – I guess if you are inflating your collateral that would be bad. Maybe bad enough for the insurance company (not the state) to rescind the policy or even to sue.
That’s the best she could come up with after two and a half years? You know she has been at it non-stop. Wow.
Donald Trump is the first person in history to inflate the value of the stuff he is offering as collateral for a loan.
He must be stopped at all costs…at least, all costs borne by the taxpayers.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaa….
The burden rests squarely on the lender to make the determination of value. Now if he falsely attested to ownership of assets, that’s a different story, but I doubt he did that.
Not OT?
“He was walking around!! At a car show!
You can’t hold him to account for what he says, bigots!”
It would be funny if I wasn’t gonna die in a nuclear holocaust.
It would be funny if I wasn’t gonna die
in a nuclear holocaustfreezing, hungry, and in the dark.Potato, potahto.
You can’t expect the man to walk and talk at the same time! Just be glad he wasn’t chewing gum, or something really bad might have happened.
Holy shit, did you scroll down to Wall Street Silver?
That’s gold.
*hurk*
There are lots of famous quotes from presidents out there. For Biden, they will all have a strikethrough, and then “that’s not what he meant to say.”
Grandpa gets distracted and forgets things.
The Chocolate Covered Strawberry is an Election Denier!!111111!!!
For Swiss
*smooches*
Saucy.
That’s a saucy meme.
Missed it by that much…
That goes into the joke bank!
OK, dad. *teen eye roll*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QrU7vwlGRg
I have already had that one plaguing me…
*narrows gaze*
Bravo!
My life has improved dramatically, so I was extra-chatty yesterday.
*toots horn, throws confetti*
Better than Bulgaria but not as nice as Cuba: how did the US become such an awful place to live?
Arwa Mahdawi
Arwa Mahdawi
The land of the free is heading for ‘developing country’ status, based on a UN index that ranks quality of life. The UK’s not doing much better
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/sep/21/us-un-living-standards-sustainable-development-goals
US is bellow Ukraine and way bellow Romania. That is funny i dont feel that rich.
But anyway take that loosers. Also france must be happy to be above them dn swiss
https://dashboards.sdgindex.org/rankings
Fuck Sustainable Development Goals.
The US is the Land of Consumption. It’s what makes the country great.
I can tell you the affordable part of the “affordable and clean” energy goal is not going great for Europe
You just don’t understand what is in your own interests!
Yeah… “The UN says”? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxzXL3hwUp8
US is below Ukraine
Fuck off. Not all of America is West Baltimore.
It feels good to be Twice as high as Singapore though I could probably not afford to live there
US is bellow Ukraine
Funny, I don’t remember having to dodge bombs.
So you ain’t on the West Side of Chicago then?
Funny enough…
Ken Griffin moved Citadel out of Chicago after colleague was robbed at gunpoint: report
South Side – yeah, it’s rough. They kill ya.
West Side – They kill ya, then do shit to yo’ body after you dead…
/IDOC parole officer, late 1990s
I thought the bombs were in Philadelphia. West and South Side is small arms fire for now.
But…they’re sustainable bombs.
Strange that so many people are trying to immigrate here. Maybe we should send them on to Cuba.
Really – you’ll be happier there. Don’t take our word for it!
That is the easiest best measure of country rank: Net migration.
Never change, The Guardian.
So our red ratings are:
SDG2: Zero hunger (just walk around and marvel at all the emaciated people)
SDG10: Reduced inequalities (some people making more money is bad)
SDG12: Responsible consumption and production (how dare you spend that money you make)
SDG13: Climate action (lol)
SDG15: Life on land (what does this even mean?)
SDG16: Peace, justice and strong institutions (fine, I’ll give you this one)
SDG17: Partnerships for the goals (fuck off)
Yet another “our model produces the exact results we were looking for”.
Too bad it is not only Guardian readers who are stupid enough to buy this BS.
Federal Reserve raises interest rates by 75 basis points for third straight month
Have to keep going until spending slows down and energy prices drop.
This depression is gonna be fun 🙄
I love the chart. Particularly that rate ceiling in 2007.
For Sugarfree
*smooches*
I wonder what comes out of that crotch nozzle…
See the afternoon links for more clowning around!
“Soap”
I think that’s the shower lever.
Help Kinko out and get a shower, kids!
Thats Golden, Jerry!
Golden!
Dangnabbit! Too slow.
That’s golden, man….
Oh. OH.
Ew.
I’d guess that is a valve handle for the shower nozzle in the nose.
Is that what they’re installing in the new middle school locker rooms?
Apparently, you get two knobs in Canada.
So, dragging along the national conservative, the economic fallacies…
I don’t give a rat’s ass about mercantilism compared to globalism except that I do believe keeping certain domestic capacity for production is vital for national defense. Screw the perfection of the market — like Germany relying on all its fuel from Russia (or us for medical supplies from China… remember that coming out in 2020?), there is a serious argument to be made for self-sufficiency for a nation.
Or in other words, sometimes there are other factors than pure economics.
Oh, I also believe playing fields must be level. Do I begrudge India competing with us relatively fairly for tech jobs? No. Do I begrudge China getting manufacturing by stealing IP and using slave labor? Hell yes. (Setting aside the environmental regulations that make us noncompetitive with non-Western nations, which is a whole different discussion).
So yeah, I’m really not convinced the “national conservatives” are that crazy on this front, sorry.
Oh, and thanks to Pat for the link to their speaker list / website, so now I know that there are actually some trying to call themselves that. 🙂
I share many of the same concerns. But as always, it’s difficult in practice to separate actual national interests from rent seeking.
sometimes there are other factors than pure short-term economics
The manic pursuit of quarterly profits at the expense of long-term, I’ll say it, sustainability is at the root of many of our problems. Global supply chains are all well and good, for non-essentials (defined as you please). But just as individuals need some level of self-sufficiency, so do communities.
I think you are calling out stupid govt policy viz Germany rather than some market failure (or ideal).
Lol.
Apparently some of the plaintiffs against the horrible forced relocation by DeSanits are Yanet Doe, Pablo Doe, and Jesus Doe.
That’s because it’s not one of the actual Illegal Aliens doing the suing, but an activist group. I doubt they’ve even talked to any of the illegals.
I think the Left has already proven they don’t actually give a flying fuck about the illegals, only their utility to the cause.
Don’t fuck with the Jesus!
The Babylon Bee documents another method of retribution they’re using to get DeSantis.
At publishing time, DeSantis confirmed the Karens had been apprehended by the Florida National Guard and were on their way to Gitmo.